Birthday Blues

Hi everyone,

This is my first post, and I apologise that it isn't more upbeat.

It's my 53rd birthday today. I am extremely fortunate to have a loving family and precious friends who still want to help celebrate my birthday. But all I want to do is climb back into bed. I don't want to go out (have had agoraphobia for about 18 months following a car accident), and I don't want to socialise (depression and anxiety). I have nothing to talk about except what my body is doing or not doing, or what my last GP appointment was like. I get bored of myself talking about which bits hurt the most today. I get frustrated when the Fibrofog kicks in and I can't remember basic words and can no string a sentence together. (It has taken me about half an hour to write this).

I twitch and jerk and spill my precious coffee (yes I know caffeine is probably best left alone, but it's one of the few pleasures I have left), I am self conscious because I have gained so much weight (since taking Gabapentin). I'm prone to tripping and falling over without warning (being investigated). My lovely husband bought me a walking stick, but it feels like I have given in. I'm not sure I feel ready to accept that I need help to get to the bathroom on some days. That I can no longer go up and down the stairs without fear of falling, or getting stuck after a few steps because my legs have decided they don't want to tackle the rest of the steps. And I can't even talk about showering :'(.

So this is my Fibro birthday.

22 Replies

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  • Hi judyq, I can relate you everything you have said and I understand & sympathise with you 100%. Keep positive & welcome to this great site, wishing you well, Mags x

  • Thank you Mags. It really helps just knowing that people not only understand the ramblings, but why I'm rambling in the first place lol. xx

  • There is always a listening ear here Judy. I'm going through yet another flare up, but even without the flare up, I am always in pain, the flares only intensifies the aches and pains both physically and mentally. I turned 52 in March and I find as I am getting older my symptoms are getting worse, more severe and again both physically and mentally. We all need s good rant so you have found a place to do so with being judged or misunderstood. Xx

  • (Without be judged & misunder) I meant lol

  • (Misunderstood) haha.... I give up lol

  • Perfect example of me trying to talk were so sweet. But you made me laugh to Amy

  • PS.... Happy birthday xxx

  • Thanks for listening and for your birthday wishes Mags x

  • Hi Judyq

    I too can totally relate to everything you've said in your post.

    First off - Welcome 😊. You've found a wonderful place where you can vent and rant without being judged.

    I was 54 in January and I didn't want to celebrate either. I've recently bought myself a stick and use it on seriously bad days. Don't think of it as giving in. Think of it as an aid that will help you get about.

    Have you tried decaffeinated coffee? Just a thought if you don't think coffee is helping. If you don't want to/can't get out, could you have a very small celebration at home and give everyone a leaving time so you can recover afterwards.

    It probably doesn't help much, but I truly get how you are feeling.

    Happy Birthday

    Gentle hugs

    Lu xx

  • Thank you. It really does help not feeling alone. I do sometimes feel like I'm losing the plot as people around me, with the best of intentions, really don't understand. You're right about putting a time limit on things, so thank you for that one, and I will do just that. Xx

  • Thanks so much for replying 😊. It's lovely to "meet" you.

    This invisible illness is such a harsh condition to have. I often get told how well I look but I wish that even just for a day they could walk (actually hobble 😊) in my shoes and then tell me.

    Putting a finish time on events mean you don't have to sit longing for the last person to leave so you can take some meds or a hot bath.

    Sometimes easier said than done, but it can be said nicely.

    Hope your day is going ok and look forward to chatting to you again xx

  • Btw. Sorry forgot to say. Next time you Post there's an opportunity for you to click "Community" at the bottom. This locks your Post to this site so that anything you write remains secure to this forum.

    Hope I explained that properly 😳


  • First of all Happy Birthday πŸ’. I do hope you managed to get out with your family and enjoy it as best you could, I'm nearing my three score and ten ( 70) lol so you are just a babe πŸ˜ƒ. It's so hard isn't it, I've had a really bad two days with family problems giving me stress which makes me feel so down, I keep forgetting things and like you sometimes the words just won't come out the way I want, what can you do? Just keep smiling πŸ˜ƒ

  • Many Happy Returns Judyq & welcome. xxx :-) .

  • Hi Judy

    Happy Birthday to you. I hope you managed to enjoy your day in the best way for you. I had my 55th in March. It's difficult trying to please everyone so just do what's good for you. Those who love you will still love you tmrw. I've not been on here long but have found a very supportive site and some good people to 'share' with. Hope to hear from you again. Mx

  • I am so sorry to read this, and I want to genuinely wish you all the best of luck and a belated happy birthday.

    All my hopes and dreams for you


  • first of all happy birthday to youI know exactly how you feel everyday because I to have fibromyalgia and have endure this pain for the past for years now I can no longer work take care of my son or even drive and I am only 39 years old I felt as if I was just hitting the peak of my career when I came down with fibromyalgia I have heard once you accept it and move and try to move forward it gets betterwe will see what happens I try to take things minute by minute

  • Welcome to the site and a Very Happy Birthday I am sending you a piece of virtual cake and a large bunch of tulips. Just to make you smile.

    Dont forget we are here to help each other

    Ginsing we have coffee and chats soon

    Take care Keep smiling

  • Morning judyq. I fully understand and sympathies with you on how you feel 100%. But keep positive, I was where you are a year ago but with support from my family, friends and of cause my gp. Life is much better not totally pain free but manageable. So welcome. This is a great site with great support from people who really understand how your feeling.

    I wish you many happy returns for the day , big hugs Deb x

  • Hope that you enjoy some of your birthday and that you feel a bit better soon, happy birthday x

  • Happy Birthday Judyq I hope you have a nice day with your family and friends. Reading your story sounded just like me apart from the falling bit and twitching.Ive not been on this site long either but I find myself clicking on quite a bit these days it helps me pass the time of day and evening,especially the wee dark hours, it's great to see your not alone,someone is always floating around if you need to talk.the only thing about me is when I submit reply I don't know if it's going to where I intend it to go and find it very hard to find my posts my memory is that bad. I hope you find you really don't have to be upbeat if your hurtin, your hurtin you can say whatever on here (within reason) RANT if you fell like having a good old rant. This is your space and best of all you will always find someone here.πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‚πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰ HAPPY BITHDAY 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍧🍧🍧🍧xx

  • Happy birthday stay positive and save the celebrating for one of your good days. I'm 55 but sometimes I feel 85! Hope you enjoy your birthday x

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