This is my first post, and I apologise that it isn't more upbeat.
It's my 53rd birthday today. I am extremely fortunate to have a loving family and precious friends who still want to help celebrate my birthday. But all I want to do is climb back into bed. I don't want to go out (have had agoraphobia for about 18 months following a car accident), and I don't want to socialise (depression and anxiety). I have nothing to talk about except what my body is doing or not doing, or what my last GP appointment was like. I get bored of myself talking about which bits hurt the most today. I get frustrated when the Fibrofog kicks in and I can't remember basic words and can no string a sentence together. (It has taken me about half an hour to write this).
I twitch and jerk and spill my precious coffee (yes I know caffeine is probably best left alone, but it's one of the few pleasures I have left), I am self conscious because I have gained so much weight (since taking Gabapentin). I'm prone to tripping and falling over without warning (being investigated). My lovely husband bought me a walking stick, but it feels like I have given in. I'm not sure I feel ready to accept that I need help to get to the bathroom on some days. That I can no longer go up and down the stairs without fear of falling, or getting stuck after a few steps because my legs have decided they don't want to tackle the rest of the steps. And I can't even talk about showering :'(.
So this is my Fibro birthday.