Hi all

I apologise if this sounds pitiful but i am feeling so low at the moment my partner of 3 and a half years dumped me back in july we had moved into a bungalow with my daughter and her fiancé and he changed and went from being the gentle man that always held my hand or gave me cuddles etc. stopped doing this little things he was more interested i his new group of friend from his school days when he was 7 who had created a group on Facebook. I had no problem with him going on Facebook but it came to he would come home from work i would give him his dinner and then he was straight on Facebook and was gradually pushing me away so i started to build up a wall to stop myself from being hurt as he has bolted a couple of times when something comes along he can't deal with he goes. I found out i had to have hand surgery the same day he dumped me. The problem is i deleted him from Facebook from my phone etc. But i still love him and it is so hard i am now in a ground floor flat which i had been on the council waiting list so i was lucky to get it but i hate it here. There are some quite rough people around which makes me nervous but the hardest part is the loneliness my mental health has deteriorated dramatically where i feel worthless and useless and just don't want to be here anymore i am waiting to see a psychiatrist as i have attempted suicide back in 2007/8 but i promised my children i would never do it again and that is literally the only thing stopping me. But he turned up at my front door on sunday as he had paid for carpets for me here as well as cooker and washing machine as she we all decided to live together i sold all my stuff but moving into council property you have to have your own things. H e said he did it out of guilt it messed my daughter and her fiancé up as well she also has fybro and they have had to move into his parents as they can't afford to rent on their own as its so expensive down here. He had laid the lounge and bedroom carpet but hadn't done the hallway and had purchased a large piece of carpet when the hallway is L shaped. The reason he called round on sunday was to say if i found a carpet fitter he would pay for it to be done. He had problems with his internet so came round to tell me which he had texted my daughter because i had emailed hi a couple of times and he let her know he could read emails but for some reason he couldn't reply. He is deaf and has a form or agoraphobia where he can't travel far its almost a radius of 10 miles from where he lives would be the max that he can drive so i accepted that from the word go and have never tried to force him to do anything he isn't comfortable doing. But seeing him has set em back a bit as i was trying to move on but how do you do that when you love someone so much i have been married twice and divorced twice and never had feelings like this and he is no oil painting. I don't know whether it is the fact that it has left me alone or the fact that i really do love him so much because at times even i was having doubts because there are things that we disagree on but we never really argued except once in the bungalow and he says that that was what changed things but i thought we had got over it but he couldn't. I am just back to crying all the time and missing him or even company so much it is so difficult i have 4 children 3 of which have moved to Leicester which is ironic as thats where i spent the first 17 years of my life until my parents decided to move to Bournemouth and now my daughter is talking of moving there after her wedding in may which i will find even harder as she is my only daughter and we are such good friends. Everyone keeps saying it will get easier but when you are stuck in four walls and can't walk far and there is nothing near where you live i just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who i am anymore i have lost me again. I really hate life and the constant pain i wake up in the middle of the night with my knees and back and struggle to get up to go to the bathroom. I only sleep if i take a high dose of amytryptiline even then because my body is so used to drugs it doesn't keep me asleep or the pain at bay. I just don't know the answer anymore i try and take it one day at a time half the time i don't know what day it is.

Sorry to go on just needed to write it down i think to people who i hope understand this.


7 Replies

  • hi Jackie, please don't apologise, you are entitled to your feelings.

    it's bound to unsettle and upset you seeing him again, it's only been a few months and probably still all too raw.

    You are right to try and take it one day at a time, even one hour at a time. don't be too hard on yourself.

    maybe go and talk to your gp about your pain med's.


    hamble :)

  • Hi Hamble

    i went to see my new dr last week and he has referred me to see a psychiatrist because of my mental health. I already take MST and oromorph along with a list of other things i even have a new bed as we thought it was the bed that was hurting my hip, knee and back and as i said my right shoulder as well.

    I will go back and see them but was waiting for the hand to heal a bit more,at the moment i cannot drive so i am relying on my daughter total me to appointments etc.

    Thanks again for your comment and the same to fibrokaren


  • hi

    I an sorry that you are feeling so down, it is when we are feeling at our most vulnerable that the pain really seems to up it's game as though we didn't have enough to be getting on with.

    I think you are doing amazingly well after the break up of your relationship and having to move into a new flat they are among the most stressful things that can happen to us.

    I have been divorced over 14 years now and there are still days when I miss being part of a couple, I don't miss him just having someone to share things with at the end of the day, and who will make you a hot drink and give you a gentle hug when you are feeling down. so a couple of months is nothing be kind to yourself and give yourself time to move on to the next stage of your life.

    Do you have a Fibro support group near you ? where you could meet others in the same situation.

    Or do any of the local churches run coffee mornings you could go along to?

    Our local community centre runs drop in sessions for ANYONE who id feeling a bit low and lonely twice a week.

    So if you Google your area something should come up and you always have your "friends" here who all know just how hard living with Fibro is and will understand how you are feeling.

    So gentle hugs from Me in a very wet and windy Cornwall


  • Thanks for your message because i walk with crutches and currently can't drive owing to the surgery. I am not keen on the area i am loving it is little rough.At the moment there is no one in the flat above which i am glad about as it seems there is no soundproofing i found out the day after my surgery when the person up stairs was evicted i could hear everything which is one reason i hate flats but you can't really be fussy..At this current time i am unable to walk far at all and it is very windy here in Bournemouth too. I just wish the nights were better i wake up in the middle of the night severe pain in my knee and hips and back, now my shoulder has decided to jump in. I haven't had affair up like this in a long time.I am also worried about my daughter two of my sons have fybro one is 25 the other 26 and they have both had it for a number of years. My daughter has been complaining about her hip for years but in the last few months it has really escalated so she has just been seen by a consultant rheumatologist. as she is planning to get married in may next year she said she wanted to walk down with aisle without a stick as she had an MRI scan in 2013 he didn't really want her to go for another one but he sent her and the result shows a tear of something that goes around the bones of her hip and she is getting some bone on bone. The consultant was quite shocked as he had confirmed she has fybro but didn't expect to see any change on the MRI he also asked if she has been talked to about bone disease. so its quite a worry at the moment. This is just something else for me to worry about. I have just spent the evening in tears again because i am so lonely i can go days and not see anyone normally i focus on my cross stitch but as my hand is bad i can't do it that is the one thing that keeps me going.

    jackie x

  • Thank you Karen, I think there is a group which meets up but until i am able to drive again i am a little stuck i will try and find out more but with my daughter having my car and running me to do shopping and physic and everything. Then to top it off someone cloned my bank card and it was blocked as they tried to get £800 out for something they had already taken all the money i had and spent it which was £189 it was only by accident i found out as i went to pay a bill and my card was declined and i knew how much was in my bank as i had checked the day before. when they said a transaction for £189 i said What in utter disbelief. I was also then told that it was the £800 that had made my card get blocked because i don't have £800 i have now got to wait for anew card and new pin number. Like they say it never rains but it pours. I do try and think positive but the other thing was i went out with my daughter briefly yesterday and when we got there were armed police at the flats across the road for me. I hate living here but i have no choice it is what the council have given me I have previously rented privately but am to allowed anywhere near the amount of rent that properties down here go for. I needed ground floor and i am not old enough to bid on bungalows as you have to be 60+ and even most of the properties i bid on all said 55+ and i am 52 it seems i am never old enough for things at the moment and then it will be i am too old. I have my cross stitch although its difficult at the moment with a brace on my left hand as i can't thread the needle or do anything with the thumb as that is where i had the surgery.

    Take care


  • jackie first of all you take your mind back before you got married and the day you got married and you left the nest how do you think how your mother felt. in away your precious daughter now leaves the nest. This goes into the thousands each week around the world. Yes it will be hard but that is so natural but as time goes on time will heal. Our daughter has been and still in hospital with schizophrenia over 2000 cuts both arms and it goes on. We cant see our own child because she s so ill and she is protected from her 2 yr marriage. We kept visiting us bruised all over she had ailments like yourself with health conditions and we know what you are going through and that is very sincere but our daughter will be going to a unknown place when she gets better and for the divorce we are only to glad he was a women beater and we did not know. We felt we let our daughter down. As you see your daughter is ready to start a new life but it is not that you will not see her again because you will. and like .our selves with our daughter. I t is very good to talk because it releases your emotions. You have friends who are in the same boat and it is good to talk I will speak again to you very soon for a bit more of a chat. I hope you don't think I am harsh because I know

    with similar experiences GOD BLESSfor now.

  • Hi Geoff

    Thank you for sharing your story I am so sorry you have had to deal with that i know i would find that very hard to deal with. When i married my first husband we lived together first of all and he threw me down a flight of stairs and he hit me etc. I told my parents the wedding was off and they asked to see us both so we went back to my parents and i was talked into going ahead with the marriage as the invites had all gone out. He wasn't always violent but it was there. I had our son when i was 21 and he then told me on boxing day that whilst i was working nights at a nursing home during my pregnancy he had met someone he knew and had sex with her and the gist of it was she had had a child and everyone at his work knew about it and he was worried someone would tell me. But once he had told me he expected things to go back to normal and one day he hit me and i went to the dr's and i went to a solicitor who then took me to the court and i had to swear on the bible etc in front of a table full of people looking at me. I was given a police protection order and he was to stay away from me. He was angry about that the house went on the market as my solicitor didn't think the mortgage would be paid but back then it would have been. I decided to see about moving back to London with him for the sake of our son. we found a house we liked and was going to go ahead and buy it but he turned violent on me at his dads place so when he left for work i picked up my 5 month old son and everything i had with me got a taxi to therein station and went home. He saw his son once a month initially. My parents didn't go to the court or anything with me I went through it all alone but i managed and when my divorce came through i was so happy it was a weight off of my mind my sons father then married my hairdresser and from what i can gather he didn't change and one time my son was there they had a blazing row and the police were called. This happened frequently not when my son was there because he didn't even bother about his son he had 4 more children with his second wife then she left him with two boys and took the girls with her. The ironic things my son had nothing from his father for 28 years but when he got married last year and now he won't speak to me but sees his dad and half brothers and sisters from his dads side but doesn't bother much unless he wants something from my other children. He hated that i had to use my crutches for the wedding he wanted me to leave them behind and he didn't want me on the top table but i was put there at one end and he put his father at the other end. But i went and sat and talked to his dad. He didn't invite my second husband the man who had actually brought him up and had paid for everything he had. Which i found very difficult even though that marriage had broken up.

    I know my children will leave the nest i am lucky in that i am very close to my daughter she did go through a phase of self harming but that was possibly down to me and her father splitting up when she was 14 and me attempting suicide didn't help but i didn't know any other way out. I have spent over half my life being a mum and a wife and then thefts 3 and a half years with a man i love to be told he never loved me but just settled for me and pitied me and thats what hurts so much is that i still love him and no one understands why because he is no oil painting he is deaf and has a form of agoraphobia but i dealt with that. I just hate the loneliness that comes with a break up and because of the feelings that i have for him makes it worse. I just want to with those feelings off.

    I hope your daughter will be safe God Bless you for sharing and i don't find you harsh at all just thank you.



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