this is such a long story but i had to share it with you all ,my fibro friends
me and my ex husband have been apert 12 yrs
i have always encouraged my daughters to try and stay close with him
but gradually it became apparent he was only interested when he wanted to
be ,and as long as it didnt interfeer with his life
i dont know how many times ive sat there with 2 little girls with their face pressed against the glass wauting for their daddy to come only fo him not to bother
then trying to make excuses for him so as to not upset them much ,
when they were about 5 and 7 he moved to india with his new wife ,
so thats how life was for them seeing him once maybe twice a yr
then about 2 and half yrs ago he moved back saying he had to move back as he couldnt stand to be away from his girls anymore !
so anyway thats when my girls started to see his true colours
they were older then so he couldnt hide behind presents or materialistic things
thats when they started to notice how nasty he could be
he would say to my younger daughter
"you wont ammount to nothing ! you will turn out like your mum just popping babies out all the time !"
and in the same breath say to my older daughter
" its a good job you take after me with your looks ,courtney takes after her mum she will never get a boyfriend ! "
anyway he has said and done some awful things ,i think you get the jist
so after saying he was back cause he couldnt live without his girls ,he high tailed it back to india cause he dosnt like english weather apparently
so sorry its such a long story lol
he came back last november ,hadnt seen the girls for nearly a year !
so you would think he would come straight to see them ,
NOOOO the first time he saw them was march !!!!!!!!!
anyway my eldest wasnt going to put up with his rubbish anymore !
they have seen him twice this year and he knows he is losing them both
so instead of trying to mend things he was just more and more nasty like a child
so both my daughters got together they asked me what i thought but i thought this should be their decission
so they decided to tell him they didnt want to see him anymore !
iam so proud of them !
he was gob smacked !
he has done it to himself though
how grown up are they ,like i say iam so proud ,its such a big decision
im here for them and they know that ,
i just had to share this ,
he has been a cause of many a flare up lol
thank you for reading xxxxxxx
Written by
lynz
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You've behaved with dignity Lynz ( must have been tempting to slag him off sometimes when you could see your daughter's hurting ) and it's paid off big time.
What these dads forget is that their kids grow up, and then they can see what they're really like.
Well done to your daughters for making a grown up decision and to you for biting your tongue over the years !
thank you helen ,it was very hard not to slag him off lol ,but it had to be their decision ,so i just had to be patient , xxx
hi blessthem my 2nd husband done some odd things and he was only really interested in his new lifw and his new wife he told alot of lies in the beginning i kept a diary whic they are all in my loft my daughter sees her dad now in fact as i type he has picked her up for tea But she knows he has tols lies before and i have got about 12 diaries with events that have happened over the years ans when she is old enough well she is now at 19m i will let her read hem so she knows then why i sometimes made desisions i made ,
one of the nicest things though that happened was a few tears ago my 1sy husband said thankyou to me he said you have bought our daughter up on your own and you have done really well she would not be half the person she was if it wasnt fo you , you are a fantastic mum so i thought that was nice and actually even mt 2nd husband in the last 2 years has said that to me too so i thought that was really nice mind you he said it when his wife was no where to be seen ha ha they cant upset them can they
but dont get me started on her i would be here all night ha ha mind you wpuld prob send you all to sleep lol
but yes you were so right to let your girls make up there own minds it is so easy to run down x partners but i find it best to stand back and let your kid make their own minds up they will see them for what they are in the end you are right to be proud and dont you dare let those awful comments about you upset you as you are a wonderful person and he is the only one who sees that so we are not all wrong about you he is the sad one to let your kids walk away without a fight that is so wrong i would ie for my kids
Hi Lynz. You should be extremely proud of your daughters for making such a difficult decision. Talking from experience (I stopped talking to both my parents when I was in my early 20s cause they didnt like decisions I had made in my life) they will run into their dads supporters who dont think that he has done any wrong but they will have to stay strong and remember why they made the decision. x
I went through a similar situation myself 16 years ago lynz, in the end my girls told me they did not want the father around just when it suited him. at ages 6 and 4, my girls went to the front door and told him to stay away...he blamed me and said I'd coached them! I never put him down in any way...they saw with their own eyes what he was like and they told him so. Afterwards, each week I would ask the girls if they wanted me to contact him - both were adamant they did not and a few months from then, I asked them again, only to be told that if they want me to be hated as much as they hated him, then I was to ask the question again - I never did! Then over time and I was diagnosed with the Fibro and PTSD, and with no help, and barely functioning, life went on but I did not see the storm that was brewing ahead with my eldest daughter.And suddenly, 3 years ago, aged 20, she blew up at me...Nasty things were said to me which hurt, but not as much as my girl phoning her father and telling him she's "had enough of living with this b***h, come and get me." Until that moment I had no idea she was in touch with him! I was so gobsmacked, I just stood silently as she packed and left when he smugly came to collect her. She blamed me for "ruining" her life, and that I should have striven to make hers and her sister's lives BETTER than mine! And not wallow in self pitying depression! She had it very easy...and in no way was her life worse than mine!...That upset my youngest, as she knows how easy they had it, even if I couldn't afford designer gear etc., they were well cared for in every way. And all with NO financial help from their father. I won't bore you with the details of how horrific a life I had, but it was really bad and is the main contributing factor to the PTSD and Fibro I suffer today as well as other illnesses. I've not seen or heard from my eldest since she went and I spent 2 years grieving for her as though she'd died. Since then my illnesses have worsened - but I will NOT let her make me feel anymore the failure...I did my best at all times with no help from ANYONE.
It beggars belief what so called "loving fathers" get away with. My eldest is so smitten with him - Ironic how SHE was the one to be keen to tell him to keep away and stay away all those years ago eh?
Gentle hugs to you lynz, I pray your girls stay strong! x
Its true what they say Lynz anyone can make a baby but not everyone can be a Dad to them. Sounds like your girls are a true credit to you, well done xx
i brought my son up by my sen,i left his dad wen e was 4...best fing i ever did.iv never bad mouthd him t my son,i didnt after.he never botherd wi my son and all tho i feel thet my son must av fort bout him,he certainally hasnt missd out on owt.kyle my son has grown in t a lvly young man...sumat his dad isnt....i must say tho that not all fathers who dnt live wi their kids r bad,i no a few who r devoted t their kids...im appy that ur daughters made the best choice 4 themselves n even more appy that they av a lvin mum lv fm me xx
good for your son yes i agree it is not always the man i know women who ave been plain evil but i too have nevr bad mouthed my kids dads in front of them and certainly never ripped them off via money or ever stopped them from seeing their dads what ever has happened betwween us is nothingm to do with them but in lynz case i think she has done thr right thing kept out of it all nd the kids are now seeing for themselves and made their own minds up good for them in few years time their dad will regret letting his kids walk out of his life they had no chice when they were young to let him go they didnt have a voice then but they have now so glad your son hug inthere and his kids mus be so proud of their dad as you must it is hard to see tour kids hurtin love to you diddle x
well done to ur girls... bet there still hurting inside but im sure u will be there for them.. its when grandchildren come along. u want to show them off to ur mum and dad... but if they keep strong, im sure they will be fine... some people dont deseve to be parents.. i watch morning tv show to much lol.. good on them though xx
well done on doing a fab job of raising 2 daughters on your own for 1.
Secondly he sounds like a right rat and best thing hes done is leaving you all alone and let you lead a life with your girls and be happy.
I hope he suffers every day and he WILL regret not seeing his children grow up,as for his verbal mental cruelty,he needs a good kick in the B----S,i had a ex like that,my 1st hubby,thinking he could come and go when he liked and not play with kids,so i had to tell him to get the hell out of my house and take his attitude with him LOl,i felt great after that he he .
Keep smiling hun,and every day will get better and you will meet someone one day who appreciates you for who you are and what you are.
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How am I meant to cope?
Good morning all my fibro friends :)
sad loss of brother in law
