feeling physically and emotionally wrecked, I thought I had found the one man who loved me for me and could cope with the Fibro, Ok I had to wait a while as he is currently living in NZ but he WAS happy to come back to the UK. I got a from message from him today basically telling me he doesn't want me because of the fibro. Because I wont relocate to somewhere I cannot afford the healthcare and medication, that I wouldn't sell my house to go the otherside of the world when I only knew him, while he has hundreds of friends here from when he left 6 years ago. He doesn't understand that an 11 hour flight to spend 2 days in thailand and his sisters wedding would make me ill, if it was a short haul flight i would have been happy to go, but I am just not well enough to manage that flight. I have just been told our relationship wont work because of the effect of fibro on my ability to just up and go at a moments notice.
I feel so horrible, i don't know whether the pain in my chest is costochondritis, or just a symptom of crying.
How many people have found love post fibro, can we find love when our bodies are such a wreck? Do I have to be alone? All I want is someone who understands and loves me to settle down and have a family with.
Sorry for the moan, I would have done this on facebook but don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt,
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SapphireStanton
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hi
I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time i hope you find support on this sight from the wonderful members ..
I have been marred for 18 months so it does happen
I am sure you will find love and happyness as soon as you love yourself .. I would recomend counselling to help you can get if from your Gp I would also say check out your pain ..
( i would say i am a counsellor i have worked well with people with FMS and have it myself)
Hello SaphireStanton, I am so sorry to read of your sad news. Clearly your man didn't really understand the nature of this horrid illness that we share as his expectations were way to high for you. As Lexie says in her wise advice, some counselling might help you to find your self esteem again. Perhaps it is better that you found out the true nature of your partner before you settled down with him.
There is someone special for you out there somewhere and they will be worth ten of this guy. Just don't give up the search.
I wish I could find the right words to help but I can't. I COULD say that perhaps it's better that you find out now what sort of strength this man can offer your relationship, that his lack of understanding & compassion for your situation is better discovered before you ripped your existing life to shreds but feel that you know this already... I cannot imagine how difficult building a new relationship must be with this awful illness as it truly does destroy your confidence AND ability to do things that other people just take for granted but think you are being extremely sensible in looking after yourself in the way you have.
It seems to me that you gave as much as anyone could have done have done to this relationship & that I feel the loss is HIS at the end of the day... You sound a very special lady & I sincerely wish you better days ahead.
Only thing I can say Saphire is that I agree with everything Celticmoon has said.
And having gone to the other side of the world myself once and being exstremly lonely for a long time ( you can be with someone and still be lonely) that all I can say is that as hard as it is now,you will come to see that pehaps he was not worth it, doing this to you.
I read your blog and just had to answer your question.
I am really sorry for your pain, I don't want to give you any cliches but things will get better.
I was in a bad relationship for far too many years, no violence but abusive all the same, he turned to drink for solve his problems (and he had problems or would create problems every weekend) I was suffering from depression and trying to cope with fibro and wasn't strong enough to deal with him. he was constantly telling me to stop faking my illness, i put it on when it suited me, and I had no reason to be depressed so what am I moaning about? (but delivered a bit more harshly.)
Rationally i knew it wasn't good but I was depressed and wasn't thinking rationally and started thinking who else would want me with this illness?
But when i started to seek help (counselling and hypnotherapy and anti-depressants) i started to get stronger I decided I would rather be happy single than with someone that made me unhappy and finally got rid of his sorry arse.
then my daughter moved out and for the 1st time in years all I had to do was think about myself and my needs. and I started doing things that i wanted to do, made me happy etc and built up my confidence and thats when I met the best boyfriend ever. I was hesitant to start a relationship and gave him several reason why we shouldn't (being ill and what that brings, I didn't want to have to think about anyone but me at the moment, and he was the brother of a friend I have known from high school and I didn't want it to cause any problems.
he told me he knows about the illness and accepts me for me and he will deal with it together, we made a deal (well I did) that for 6 months he has a get out clause if he can't cope with fibro. (i figured in that time he will be able to see how good and bad it can get.)
we are still together after 18 months and I have never been happier, more supported and most of all loved. He makes me laugh everyday (of which I am thankful)
so I just want to give you hope that you can find love and happiness post fibro.
But what I have found is that you have to be happy with who you are and love yourself so if you are not happy please seek help and remember you are the most important person in your life and you can make yourself happy
I had to reply to this and see that renrobin has said exactly what I wanted to. Wishing you love and happiness in your new life for years and years to come. Fi xx
thank irene, may i ask how did you and your partner meet? I know I need to get myself together before I consider allowing someone in again, I just don't know how to find new people, I'm so fatigued all the time I dont go anywhere to meet people.
I was like you once and I hibernated for far to long (it is so much easier) but when I had dealt with the grieve of both the illness and the failed relationship and was ready to move on I made a plan to improve my life and 1 of the things in my plan was to start saying yes to social events (not every invitation though its all about pacing yourself)
I met him at a 40th Birthday party. I have found that although I may be in a lot of pain the next day (or 2 or 3 or 4) that at least I had some fun/laughed/caught up with friends etc and it gives you something to look forward to (something I have found to be important) and anyway I could be in more pain for those days even if I hadn't gone out.
when the time is right you will find the strength and when you are ready you can make the changes you want to.
i agree with all that has been said and im really sorry that this has happened to you, but as someone said at the end of the day it is his loss and you will find someone so much better than him and you deserve to be happy....as does everyone. i have been with my partner for 6 yrs now and i have i have just been diagnosed with having fm but havent been well for sometime now and it has been put down to ther conditions that i have. i havent spoke to him about fm but i have told him how i am feeling but i sometimes think that he isnt bothered! he has gone from being tentitive to making me feel that he doesnt give a toss. i know that he loves me and i do love him but i need his support not his ....cant really think of a word to describe it but im sure you will know what i mean!
take care and sending you lots of hugs we are here for you if needed xx
A tough time for you but rather know what kind of man he is now then when you could've made a lifetime change. You would've been much worse off moving to him because he sounds very selfish. You deserve better, keep your chin up because you are worth it!!
im really really sorry for your breaking heart right now.but at least you found out wot he was like now rather than fly all that way and he say it then.
doesnt help i no but counselling and time will make things better i promise.
ive just found true true love a year and half ago with a man who started off as my best friend and who has c.f.s and fybro and i met him through forum on f.b.
and we now live together and planning our wedding when we can set a date.
never went looking for it,never expected it or even wanted it ever again,but it found me.
i truly believe this wasnt the right man or right time and love does exsist and it will be your time soon with someone who truly loves you for you and that includes fybro.
give it time hun and it will happen.your too good for him anyhow.
I'm so sorry to hear of your heart break SapphireStanton, I really do feel for you (after 2 broken marriages I really have been there).
Yes it is most definately possible to find love again. I'll be honest, since BF isn't on here, one of my top criteria for meeting a man 3rd time around was that he had to be sympathetic to invisible illnesses ... my wonderful Dave was born with curvature of the spine and never has a day without neck and back pain. Dave has never had anyone who understood his pain either (his parents prefered to ignore it as much as possible). I'd do anything to take his pain away from him BUT there is an upside selfishly for me ... he understands that I really suffer invisibly, and sometimes in silence! He is also a first aidder. That must sound very calculating and selfish of me, but I knew a reationship with an unsympathetic man was just a no starter. I do love him with all my heart, and I'm pleased to say the feeling is mutual.
Time will heal your broken heart, and you'll realise that for all that you loved this guy you actually had a lucky escape - I'd been married for 15 months before hubby #2 decided he couldn't cope and was leaving me and divorces, even the most amicable of ones, are a seriously unpleasant business. You have escaped lots of bad feeling, rows, arguements over the nature and severity of your illness and accusations over him being uncaring and you being over sensitive - too many of us have been there I am sad to say.
Sorry you are suffering physically & emotionally so badly. You may not want to hear this right now but from the bit of info on your post it sounds as if he wasn't particularly understanding of Fibro & was expecting an awful lot of someone who is suffering. Maybe this is fate, & you're just not meant to be with him????
I was on my own for years & have found a lovely man in the last year who DOES APPEAR to love me for who I am, including the Fibro..........i think there is always going to be a niggly doubt there on my part that he will get fed up with the illness. I know i do!!!!!!!!
I hope your heart soon mends & that you find someone who is worthy of you x
Sapphire, so sorry to hear of your heartache. You will literally be hurting at the moment, it's a physical ache when feeling like this. Make sure you get enough rest so your body can recover and cope with your Fibro too.
I met my hubby when I was well and we only had a few years together when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, CFS/ME and RLS, so the poor guy has had more years of me ill than well. I think it depends on the person because he's been wonderful and made a real point of learning about those conditions and he goes out of his way to help and support me. He also made sure the children understood too. So in answer to your question, yes it is possible to find love with Fibromyalgia and after.
Give yourself time, look after yourself and I am sure when you least expect it, you will be happy again. Here's a gentle hug for you.
I agree with the above it is better to find out sooner rather than later, just think how bad you would feel if you had moved in together, married, had children and then he decided he couldn't cope xx
My fond regards Saphire, everyone has already answered your questions so well , all I can send you in a gentle hug and kisses xxxxx so sorry for you xxxxxxx
Hi Sapphire, First of all soft hugs to you hun, i know exactly how you feel, my 20yr relationship broke down because of my illness, basically i couldnt run around doing everything for him like he wanted!!! I agree with what everyone above says, it may not seem it now but it is better to have found out now then like me years down the line. It will hurt, you feel that your world has ended, but there is hope hun beleive me, i wont go into detail about my problems as this is about you, but i never thought anyone would understand or give me the support I needed, even my own family did not understand, but i met up with an old friend through face book of all places and now we are a couple and i practically does everything, he is the total opposite of the person i wasted my life on......So dont give up hun, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and its not an on comming train....lol sorry bad joke ....Blessings love and light to you....willow xxx
if a person doesn't want you because you are you (that is including fibro) then i am sorry sweetie but he is not loving you unconditionally and has put his own needs first so i know you are hurting at the mo in your heart about this ,but don't beat yourself up about it at the end of the day it is his problem not yours,he doesn't deserve a lovely person like you ,hopefully the next person he finds will break his heart so he will feel something you are at mo, but there is no reason to feel you will be unloveable for the rest of your life because you have fibro,love can come to you when you least expect it so chin up , put it down to the fact he is weak and best to find out now i feel than later,there is someone for you somewhere as my dear old nan ,used to say ...for every saucepan there is a lid!!!....
He so did not deserve you. I went to your profile to see if I could how old you are and any info. Nothing.
I did see that even though you are suffering that you have passed lovely and helpfull coments on others blogs.
He needed to be out of your life so the space he leaves can be filled with someone worthy of making a future with you A caring loving lady. As you have read from so many above. Yes love is there for fibro lads and lasses. May God bringyou and your new man together when the time is right. Blessings xx
sorry to hear about your situation hun big hugs to you there are plenty of guys and gals out there for everyone its just finding the one we are meant to be with but i have hope that there is someone out ther for easch and everyone of us sometimes we have to kiss alot of frogs to find our prince or princess charming n it will happen when you least expect it too xxxxx chin up hun and keep smiling xxx
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