I have been asking my family for 4 weeks now to please Hoover the grotty carpet on the stairs as they are the first thing you see when you open the door, it is a mess.
I insisted my 19 year old Daughter bring down the Hoover from upstairs as that is the only area in the house that still has carpet, as people who have a Dyson know it is a heavy beast!
She did get off her but and dumped it at the foot of the stairs for me to do them, so that hint didn't work. :/
I did do the stairs, please bear in mind I have been off work 4 months with a very bad fibro flare, I did the stairs one at a time, swearing, stopping when it really hurt, carried on and finished in tears, I KNEW this is gonna hurt foe a few days at least.
O asked her to take it. Back and snapped when she didn't acknowledge when I asked her so she did it but in a huff!
I was so tired & in pain also VERY frustrated by then that I went to my bed room put my face in a pillow and cried or should I say sobbed.
In comes my daughter hugging me saying I'm sorry, but I was so angry & upset with myself for getting caught that I couldn't talk.
What am I supposed to do next time? Throw a noose ofer the hand rail to let people know I'm gonna suffer if I do this! (I wouldn't do it honestly) Drastic I know but I'm so emotional & unable to vent it anywhere else.
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Walnutwhip2
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25 Replies
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What do you do for your family.... Cook... Washing ... Are your family always on the Internet...
Mine learned very quickly if they cannot do a simple job to help me which would take them 5 minutes I refuse to the things I can do for my family until they have helped me. My OH refused to come of the Internet once when the shopping arrived .... I pulled the Internet connection out of the wall .... Son doesn't tidy his room .... His clothes don't get washed.... It's very effective if you are consistent ... They soon get the message.... I don't ask them for much... But what I do need help with now gets done by them automatically
VG the dictator
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I like your tactics will have to give it a go with my lot! x
Great idea, she's home from uni at mo but I will make the most the guilt trip now. Xx
Hi
Have you considered getting smaller lighter hoover, I used to clean professionally and I used Dysons for my clients, to be honest even when I was at full health I found them clumsy, heavy and cumbersome (and not all that impressive either if I am honest). There are loads of really lightweight hoovers on the market that are much easier to use. I would invest in one if I were you.
Also I think your family need a good talking to, it should not fall on you to do the housework all the time, if people are sharing a home than in my view they should all pitch in. Don't hint my dear, ask outright, you can ignore hints but an outright request is much harder to avoid. Either that or set up a rota. if they don't co-operate then refuse to do anything in return, harsh but effective.
I have been asking & telling for the past 4 weeks but the answer was yeah in a bit. I just got fed up with the mess, the Dyson has a pull out arm that I normally find easy to use, it's the fact there are so many steps that's the problem. Thanks for taking the time to comment, appreciate it.x
Without taking this the wrong way, I have posted down below all the rest f the posts on here, maybe show your daughter my post, no offence to you but your daughter should be ashamed of herself.
here is no excuse for her not helping. As others have suggested, you do need to talk to her and get her to understand if she wants to live at home she has to do her fair share.
my mum passed away when i was younger than your daughter..... She should give you far more consideration ((((hugs))))) xxx
It's definitely best to be firm with the family - if they don't help you - you don't do stuff for them - simples!
Or you could have a daughter like mine - she lives in a flat downstairs from me, and visits most days. She has OCD and can't bear to see dust or bits, so she almost always gets the vacuum out and gives me a quick 'do'.
I can't tell you how grateful I am, but I do make sure that she and her OH have a hot meal waiting for them at the end of a long working day, so we both have a good deal going!
I agree with the comments abo ve but I would suggest you sit your family down and explain to them what you are about to do.
I do get lower dla (at the moment) I use some of it to pay for someone to come in once a week and do what I cannot, all floors, inside windows,bending/stretching, ironing and the stairs. She is wonderful and worth every pound I spend paying her.
I live alone so know how difficult 'daily living' can be.
I actually say to my kids that Different activities hyrt me and I'll pay for it later too. They are pretty good, I'm lucky. I do talk to them about fibro quite a lot (must be fairly clued up in it by now lol). Will your daughter listen to you when you talk about fibro etc?
You shouldn't have to put up with selfish behaviour like that. I've talked to my 2 about fibro so much as they don't relate to subtle hints ( something to do with the teenage brain I think). You do so much for them after all and I can't imagine that you huff and puff when you do the things round the house that you need to! You don't need to be dealing with thoughtlessness when you're living with fibro.
I'll stop now I'm rambling. I hope you're daughter will be more thoughtful in future. Hugs, Becky xx
I sat my family down a few years ago to explain fibro & things I will need help with in the future & now. My daughter understood but is still a lazy sod! They all understand but still think I look capable but just let it stay a mess if I don't do it. I think this time after a good cry & she heard me she may do more, I know she has told her Dad of my melt down, hopefully they will think twice when I ask for help in the future.xx
You can buy light weight dyson's now, however the bin is much smaller but they are perfect for those who don't have much carpet. if you have wood or laminate floors you find that dust collects in corners etc so it isn't so bad for those floors either. saying all that I find it a struggle just to move even this dyson, I very rarely use it, but I struggle moving anything really!
I only have my husband to help me and he works full time, so what he doesn't have time to do just doesn't get done. He needs a rest too...... This may sound really harsh on those of you that have kids at home, I'm not talking about small children, but even they can help with things like dusting, but teenagers and above should be doing their fair share of housework. If they want a roof over their heads it's a small price to pay for them to clean the whole house for you, or with you, helping with laundry and the dishes etc.
When I were a teenager my mum passed away, she was ill for many years, we had no choice, my dad although poorly himself had to work full time otherwise there was no money coming in. So along with school we did everything else, we had no washing machine so it was a walk to the launderette, dad helped by going late evening shopping..... There was no 24hr shopping back then. I think the supermarkets stayed open until,about 8pm
I was born with a physical disability, but still had to do all these things at home along with two brothers. I did most of the cooking back then and it was a struggle for me.
Please don't jump down my throat for saying any of this, but if you have kids at home, there is no excuse whatsoever for them not fully helping you around the house.
I wasn't asked to do what I did, it was if we didn't do it who was going to?
We had no outside help, no benefits, no social services, but whilst we watched my mum fade away we had to continue our life and this coming Monday it will be 33 years since she passed away and I look back as if it were yesterday.
So please 'train' your kids, it could be them one day in that same position, would they want to have to ask their children for help, wouldn't it be nice if they could just do it without the arguments or the why should I's?????
I have lived in pain all my life, I don't have anyone apart from my husband, but I know if I had children, they would have grown up knowing that mummy can't do all these things and they need to learn to help.
It is possible
Like I say, please don't shout at me for speaking out, but even being born with a physical disability it didn't stop me, although i cant do things now, so why should your kids be expecting you to do everything. It's in my head at the moment as it's close to the anniversary of losing my mum so that is the reason for saying what I have and nothing else xxx (((((hugs))))))
Hi Fibro, huge fairy (((HUGS))) to you, I too lost my Mum 22 years ago and it will be the anniversary next week. Of cause I won't jump down your throat for saying anything it is your right, I also agree with what your saying, we shouldn't have to ask for help, I too helped with my Mum & became a carer for my Dad who passed away last year.
My kids should know better, I asked my husband, son & daughter when she got home from uni (term finished) to do one thing as none of them liked hoovering the stairs ignored me, THAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN! I will tell them they are doing it as they also use the stairs.
(((((Hugs)))) it's always hard to know how someone else reads what you type.
It's sad but maybe getting them to read some posts on this or similar forums may make them understand.
Not being a parent, I won't judge how anyone brings up their children, but when those children are adults or near adults they really need to learn themselves to be more considerate. It would hit them very hard if God forbid anything were to suddenly happen to them any they needed help.....the Boot is on the other foot then, and that's what they need to understand.
For me I was born with problems so it was inevitable I were going to end up with more as I got older, but there are many on this site who have been struck down in pain suddenly and no one knows the reason for it.
I can blame my fibro onto other problems, but i know very well that's not the case for most on here.
This may be a silly idea, but tomorrow is Father's Day........ When my dad needed care I wasn't in a fit state myself to care for him before he went, but how about all families, even those with young children draw up a Family Charter and stress on each part how much each of you will help and support each other. It doesn't matter in which form it is, even the smallest of jobs can make a young child feel really Important and make them feel they are part of that big family team..... I think this comes from seeing my Sister In Law and my nephew when he was small, he would love doing the dusting lol
It's something to think about, and whilst thinking of this sort of thing it helps take our mines off the pain for a while xxx ((((hugs))))
HiI I also find hovers heavy so I learned early on that I needed Two one is kept upstairs and one down Now the one down stairs is the Dyson roller ball which is so easy to move and gives no restriction I also have a small rechargeable that I use on the stairs I am very lucky that my two boys have always helped Unfortunately they don't live with me ,but will come and I have a list of things for them to do .like Siverstar I was firm with them when young toys not picked up in the bin clothes left in the bin not cleaning up after them no dinner In saying that they know that I have moved heaven and earth for them when needed Even if it put me in bed for a few days I do hope that they start. Helpin you as this goes a long way to you helping them take care
sometimes you have to forget hinting, or even asking nicely,, just tell them,, somewhere inside them, even teenagers!, is the bit off them that remembers being told what to do,, one of my friends, who has three teenagers to deal with has some interesting coping mechanisms,, if they don't won't tidy, hoover, etc, then she won't cook,,, and if they leave stuff lying around the house she tells them once to put it in their room,,if it doesn't happen she puts in a in a box she keeps in the kitchen and they are "fined" to get it back,, then they get the option,, pay a cash fine, (which unbeknownst to them goes towards trips out etc,), or pay a "chore fine",, they very often choose a "chore fine", , if a teenager "needs " their fave t shirt back they'll do all manner of chores, and quickly too it works very well!
I have the same trouble with vacuuming so I invested in one of the new Dyson cordless vacuum cleaners. It was expensive but it's the best thing I have ever bought. It's soooo light and easy to empty, although I still have to sit down and vacuum my living room. Everyone who has seen it and had a go has gone and bought one themselves!!! XX
It sure is walnut! It's the Dyson cordless!! Cost me £200 but well worth every penny!! Good attachments too, very light to manoeuvre and swivel head too. Goes from carpet to flooring with no change to head, nice small canister that empties like a dream. The filter only has to be run under the tap once a month and left to dry!! Most places sell them now, but some of the larger supermarkets sell them a bit cheaper. Got mine from ASDA!! Good luck!! Oh, I forgot, charges easily too!! XXX
Yes, that's the one on the advert! It's great for the stairs! The crevice tool comes with it and you just take the handle off and attach the crevice tool and away you go. On one charge I can do the whole of upstairs, incl the stairs, and it's great for the car too!! There is a turbo button if you want really, really powerful suction, but I've never had to use it. It says you get about 30 mins on one charge but I get more than that! XX
Hi
There are lots of cordless cleaners on the market for around £50, Dysons are always far more expensive than other brands although I don't know why, the performance is not all that great. I have been watching the swivel sweeper ads on tv and am sorely tempted as I would like a lightweight cleaner for our downstairs hard floors. That is less than £50.
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