Help needed with kids and fibro

[haribo36]

Hi to everyone.I have severe fibro and Iam a single parent with two boys,a 4 year old and a 10 year old.My fm is quite bad at the moment and I spend most of my days stuck at home and in and out of bed a lot,and not being able to take care of myself as my energy is used up taking care of my kids needs.Yesturday was a tough day as the week-ends often are.When my fm is bad as it often is most days now and I need to rest in my bed,my eldest son plays me up by fighting with his brother where there is a lot of shouting and screaming from my youngest.When it gets bad I intervene dependant on how bad energy levels are and my son gets sent to his room for a while.There are also times where my eldest constantly winds up his brother and sneaks food from the cupboard when Iam ill.I have had to ground him again as he also buys songs and games on the iPad and his phone behind my back and he urinated in the bath in front of my youngest son as he thought it was funny.Iam at my wits end with him as I don't know what else to do and the thing that hurts the most is that he dosent really care or have any respect for me,especially as Iam ill.There is so much more I can tell you of the things he has done,and when I tried to speak to him about my condition and asked how he felt about it he said he is not interested.This really hurts me and I told him that,he dosent seem to have any respect for me or anyone else.I have now said that he is grounded again and he is not even allowed to watch t.v now.This is making me feel so stressed and is adding to the symptoms that I already have.Please has anyone got any ideas or suggestions?x

[Aisha]

Hello haribo36, You say you are single have you any friends or family close buy that could take the children out or look after them? You don't mention about them going to school? And who takes them? I think you could do with some help from somewhere! Love Aisha x

[haribo36]

I do not see my family very often and they don't live close by,also I don't have any friends who can look after them.However I do have someone who is my personal assistant who gets paid by social services for helping me.But Iam not getting all the help I need as she dosent do all of my allocated hours I need and she is not as good as she used to be so Iam looking for someone else.I have contacted social services to ask for a re-assessment as my fibro is getting bad again and I need more help.

[suffolklass]

It's hard being on your own with 2 children and no family nearby. I think you're wise to speak with social services for more help. They can maybe do something for your oldest, it sounds as if he needs a bit of help somewhere. Would you be able to keep them in separate rooms with a DVD or something they like? Or maybe to go round to a school friend for an hour or two, to let you recharge.

Is there a support group near you, maybe they can help?

Try to rest as much as you can when they're at school.

I'm on my own with 2 with a similar age gap and know what it is like when they play up. It really does not help the Fibro.

I'd keep the I-pad away or make sure your son can't get access to your purse to buy things on it, or change the password for your account.

I hope you feel better soon, take care.

[Hidden]

Hi,

It sounds like you're having a really tough time with them... My only suggestion (which has worked with my partners 10 years old boy - mine are grown up now) is to give him a little responsibility. This could be something simple like collecting/sorting the post for you or feeding a pet perhaps. When they have a lot of energy it needs to be channeled... And I bet it's not true that he doesn't care... More like he doesn't want to think about it because its scary! Does he know that you're not gonna die or have to leave him in some way? Anyway, responsibility can bring out the best in high-energy kids, especially boys - but it has to be something you are willing to trust him purely on his own with. If you can get past that one little job you might find his mind turns to thinking about how much more he could do.

I wish you the very best of luck!

Kind regards

Gary

[Catsrule]

Hi, I haven't been on here for a while but your blog really touched me. Do you think that your son has too much responsibility? Put yourself in his shoes - his mummy is in bed a lot poorly, that can't do his confidence any good. I am a mum to a 6 year old and although he knows I have fibro I try to hide it from him as much as I can. I never spend any time in bed and always make sure the house is tidy and he has all his meals. Other than that, we spend a lot of quality time together after school and at weekends. I know when sometimes I am really poorly I can't do some of the things that my son wants me to do and you do feel guilty about it. Unintentionally, I think we show and tell children too much and they have no idea how to process this information due to their young ages. Perhaps doing something regularly with them both as a family, even if it is sat down reading a book or something else that you can all focus on will give them something to look forward to. All our children want is their mum's, but without the fibro! He may possibly say he doesn't care as he has some anger and is not sure where or how to chanel it. He may also be crying out for attention and any attention, even if it is negative, is better than none at all. I really hope things improve for you and I would ask for additional help from Social Services to help the situation. Fairy hugs

[shellf]

Omg your life sounds exactly the same as mine! Except my daughter is 8 and son is 10. All I do is clean,shout and cry, hate myself sometimes and what's become of me. My heart goes our to you, I feel yr pain hun, keep strong x

[mandajane]

If you feel your children are young carers which they probably are having a Mum with this dreadful ilness then you can request an assessment with your local council adult care team. You will also have a children's centre near you they have family support workers. Schools also have parent liaison support. Alternatively you could apply for housing related support. To Get the help you need will take lots of energy and determination so good luck.

[Elizahl]

Hi this may be difficult to achieve but I did some parenting classes in my local resource centre my public health nurse referred me when I was struggling I found it great. I met other like minded parents and spoke freely with them as they did me we helped each other with tips and got some from staff but just meeting others feeling the same helped. I went because of my post natal depression and I found it difficult to deal with my son who was having difficulties starting school. I put down a hell of a year his first year. I changed his school the 2nd year and did a lot of work with him and he is a different child now but it all started with those classes as bad as I felt I made myself go. I know this is not easy believe me but it will help classes probably won't be back until kids go back to school though.