Flare

[paula1967]

Morning all. After 4 days in a flare and getting diazapram off doctor, i finally hope iam coming out of my flare. This is the worst one in 7 years my back felt as tho it had been kicked by a few horses. At 4am i was seriously thinking of phoning an ambulance it was that bad. Ive just been n made my self a drink n the mess in the kitchen just wanted to make me cry. I have a 21y son still at home and hes the most lazy pesron ive ever met and selfish. Wen he came in yesterday i asked him to empty bin n take recycling out, ha no its still there and dishes are over flowing. The last thing he said last night was "god mam you look ill" not that ill for him to move n wash his stuff. So fed up. Hope everyone has a pain free day xx

[Sorebones]

Your son needs a swift kick up the bottom. Get him told!! 

I know, it's easier said than done. Our son is now in his 30s and he was just as bad at that age!! The world was his oyster.

 When your son is having one of those rare moments when he is the boy you remember sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. You and I both know that screaming and shouting gets us nowhere except getting us more stressed. When it dawns on him that you are in so much pain that you need help it might get through. Or write him a letter and leave it on his pillow. Somehow it gets through more to a man (apologies to all men reading this, not meaning to be sexist) if they read it rather than hear it. Or that's been my experience. 

Either way I hope you continue to improve. Strength vibes coming at you 😊🐸

[paula1967 in reply to Sorebones]

Hi. Ive had loads of talks with him nothing works.... Thats the only thing i have asked him to do is to clean up after himself. Ive never none any one more selfish. Xx

[Sorebones in reply to paula1967]

I feel for you, but it's very difficult to give advice on matters like these. I know what I'd do, but it may not be what you would do. Giving advice could offend as he is your son and you love him. 

Please remember that he is 21 and an adult, not a child. He is under your roof by your grace. 🐸

[Greenpeace]

Hi Paula,

I'm so sorry that you're having such awful pain and struggling to cope.  

I think you may have to have a frank talk with your son about his lack of concern for you.  If he has reached the age of 21 and is so selfish that he cannot even wash or clean up after himself, then it's time to let him know "it stops now".  Sit him down and tell him what he needs to do in order to give you a chance to rest .

Be specific, don't just say "help with this, or that" draw up a list and make sure he sticks to it.  If he doesn't, withdraw all of Mums services, .......cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. until he does.  If that doesn't work them tell him to find his own place.  You deserve to be treated better.  I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you do deserve better.

I don't know if you have visited our mother site: fmauk.org there is lots of info on there to help you manage your Fibro.  Also there are fact sheets that you can print out.  You could give one to your son to read, and maybe he might be a bit more sympathetic to your needs.

In the meantime, look after yourself.  Try to rest when possible, and think only of yourself.  When you feel a bit stronger, then tackle your son.

I truly hope that things improve for you, and please come on site and keep us posted as to how things are going.

Kind Regards.

GP. 😊

[paula1967]

Ive told him he has to leave if he keeps going, but even that doesnt work. He asked this morning if he could borrow sum money tonight, i had said yes but after the mess i saw this morning ~ ive just texted him saying hes not getting it now. Ive put in for a bungalow ( iam only 48😢) and ive told him he wont be moving in wen i get one... Probs get a nasty text now ive said no to money xx

[peck]

Sorry to hear this.If I had a 21 year old living in my home and I was in your way they would help with cleaning, bills (unless in school and not working) and follow my house rules or find some where else to live.Call his bluff you will see results! !! Take care of yourself before you lose it. Peck

[paula1967 in reply to peck]

If i was reading my comment i wud say exactly the same as you. Wen i was well he wudnt dare carry on the way he is. He thinks everyone owes him something. But i am going to have a good talk with him n lay the law down once and for all. Ty for replying xx

[peck in reply to paula1967]

No problem the young adults of today have a lot to learn but they think they have all the answers. I wish you the very best my friend.Im here if you need an ear you may send pm.I will be glad to listen.I am 5 hours behind you in US ok? ? Have a blessed day .Peck🌹🌹🌹

[TheAuthor]

Hi paula1967

I am so genuinely sorry to read of how much you have been suffering and struggling with your Fibro, and I sincerely hope that you feel better soon.

It isn't easy with young adults is it? I was going to suggest what they others have already written, so I am so genuinely sorry that I do have any fresh ideas for you? I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck with finding the answers that you need, and please take care of yourself.

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken

[Janet28]

My advise would be, remove all dishes, pots, pans, utensils and put them in a big box in your room. Replace with paper plates & cups & a bin bag & no pots, no cooking because he won't wash them.

Everything he leaves laying around the house just pop into bin bag & put in garden. Tell him you can not and will not clean up his mess anymore and this is how things are being run from now on.

When he begs for pot to cook something, tell him if he doesn't wash & put away, you will remove again.

If he's gona act like a child, tell him your gona treat him like one.

Trust me, he will do it, if not, pack his stuff & kick him out. 

Sorry if a bit cruel but you got to be cruel to be kind.

Peace, luv light.

Jan xx

[Nothernsoul]

Your son is 21 he is all the man he will ever be you should sit him down and make him read the what firbo does to you try and make him under stand that you need his help when u feel unwell

[Dumfries]

I feel really down does your son believe that you’re in severe chronic pain? I have 2 sons aged 34 and 31they told me Sunday just gone that they think “it’s all in my head and that if I did more with my life I would feel so much better, just go out with friends go dancing, the gym, have a few drinks, chill out we think the ‘PAIN’ would go because your thinking about something else” WHATEVER I’ve been tearful since Sunday 😔

[paula1967 in reply to Dumfries]

Aww bless you Dumfies. It's not all in your head, we feel real pain. Just wish they cud feel this for one day then they wud know wot we go thro. I was tearful last week, having a good cry sometimes helps.

Gentle hugs xxx