Well ,, all my fibro friends I really need you all. My guy left asked for a break, now dumped me. I'm not surprised he found it hard living with me being poorly,,but didn't rekon on the fact he would dump me to go live with another woman on DLA pay next to nothing a month and be her carer . I have been really ill. But still did his washing cleaned the house and got up earlier than him in a morning. He left to go stay with a friend now living with another woman. He came over a week ago made love to me and said we gonna be okay. Great isn't it ..I've been totally heartbroken and on meds for emotional shock.
I've been fighting this illness and trying really hard not to do his head in.
Trying to stay strong ,,hoping that the stress isn't going to flare up my fibro ,,,
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jjojay
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34 Replies
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Get shot of this one!!
Start loving yourself a bit more JJojay and all will become clear.
Believe me sounds like he is very shallow for kick off.
What a slime ball. To pop back for sex and then left to look after someone else. Maybe it is time you made the break completely. Be strong it doesnt always mean you will have a flare when something goes wrong. So try and look at it like a problem that requires sorting I realise it hurts but that will dissapear over time. You have my sympathy and here is a hug (()) xgins
Thanks I need then hugs,, he dumped me on Friday ,, do its a clean break he couldn't even turn his mobile phone on so couldn't tex him anyways. He left a month ago and I was still helping him . Thought weird end up bk living together he have me the impression that's what he wanted. The shock was horrific ,, I didn't exspecses this at all x
Sorry for spelling errors , I'm filling up whist I'm typing , my doctors treating me for emotional shock , but I'm still not sleeping well. I'm trying sooo hard not to think about it all . X
Worst of it was he moved in with me August last year but could only find a job for 80 a week so I was feeding and clothing him, he got a better job in April but didn't get paid till he left a month ago so I had to give him money for living exspecses , I lost one of my jobs that really was good money in January that left a massive hole in my pocket in January so I've been crippled financially , the financial state really effected my illness and I think it made it worse so I've been trying to be mom the provider and cope with my illness which he didn't want to talk about . He left a month ago , hardly seen him we been on a break and he has been riding round in my car. I find out last night looking on history on my laptop I was just looking to find a website on Hypomibilty I was looking on in March. I see he has been looking on live Cam , girls . I was so upset the more I looked the more I got really upset . I feel completely used. Especially because I've been so . I was so ill I couldn't actually move after 5pm I started to pick up now , funny enough when he left in April we have still been seeing each other n last Friday he came over we made love and he said I think we're gonna be ok, yo know patch things up. I got all hopeful . I completely feel used , I found out two days later he was moving in with this disabled lady who still works so I dunno how you get a Carers allowance if you work , I don't know anything about DLA n stuff so I'm not up to date but he said he is going to be her carer and Do things for her and it wont cost any money to live there. so i kindof played up felt hurt,, he dumped me on friday wouldnt give me my cat back till he moved in with her. i cant drive my cat because of my fits.. I've been that ill I can't work most if the time . I have one self employed job. I've been on sick now for three months he stopped doing things round the house, or coming up to bed to be with me. I was fine when I met him felt tired but then I did do sleep over 24hour shifts mentally disabled are hard to take care of . My illness started with fits,, like siezures ,, so I felt drained the next day when I had one. He saw them too,, I am really devistated .
Because I had all the words from him like, I will get a full time job look after you , I really love you ect ,, just feel flattened and used all round. The disabled lady that he is moving in with , knows how ill I've been because she gave him her number to get intouch with me when he mentioned his girlfriends condition. She has been texting me in and off since. I've never met her in person . He works in a mobility shop he started there in March, that's where he met her , Feel pretty crap x
You did do need that hug How strange that she has been checking that you are all right!
Now do you need your car back?
It sounds as if you need a carer to help you Do you have the siezures often? Is this a new part of your illness and does your doctor know about them? Sorry to ask questions but I am trying to build a picture of you up in my mind.
It is ghastly when you feel crap at the start of day I do hope that eases off gradually.
Have you any friend or family who could come and see be with you?
I do need help, I have hardly been able to walk, I thought it better to wait till the specialist diagnosed my hypomobility, my GP thinks I have it. Also still waiting for CFS clinic . My doctor is sure that's what I have besides the fibro which has been diagnosed by the specialist . I still managed to get up and do some work but last three months it's been impossible . I couldn't go out at one point for fear I would dislocate my knees the just wont stay in one place. My fits seem to be the start if everything still havnt had any input on them from specialist my MRI was fine have a follow up in July I will know more then. It kicked off bad in Novembet that's when I had to stay in bed 3 weeks because every time I got up I just thought I was going to fall over . I've never been this sick in my life I actually thought I had MS . Turns out fibro ,
I got my car back in Tuesday I actually had to ring his ex wife to contact him to get a message thro as he just dropped me and cleared off in my car . Brought my cat back on Tuesday and actually asked if he could still be friends . The whole thing was incredibly shocking . I'm if a sensitive nature and take this sort if thing badly . I don't know why he couldn't of finished things before it got to that state. He never really did anything in the house anyways . So it's not like he stayed with me cos he felt sorry for me or anything , as ill as I was I actually did still do all housework . . He was good whist I was bed ridden , he did feed me. That's pretty much it tho. The house was discusting , my daughter did some things.
It's all shook me. Think it's cos if you saw him butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
It does spring to mind about the fact the lady gave him her number to pass to me.
She didn't allways answer my text. I actually stopped texing as I felt it wasn't real .
I'm not used to this sort of thing so I've taken it all very badly . My friends and family are helping and they feel he has completly taken full advantage of me financially . Used me in every sense if the word and then dropped me. I even paid for his mobile contract to help him . My daughter found him the job that he is doing now. I'm sorry to go on, I'm a bit emotional . Been treat for shock .
hi jjojay, so sorry this has happened to you, similar happened to me from my ex-wife, get rid of this bloke and get your car back, you seem a lot nicer than that, don't let him use you, gentle hugs to you, be strong and stay safe, x
Oh Jjojay, I really feel for you. Al though it doesn't feel like it now, you will be much better off without him. I know exactly where you are at. I am going through something similar. I helped partner go through training which cost me all my DLA backpay after long drawn out appeals process thinking it was an investment in our future. Supported him in getting job. Moved to the other side of the country leaving my family and friends behind, and he started undermining my already low self confidence and self esteem, saying there was nothing wrong wth me and I am just lazy. Mental and physical health in downward spiral, but financially trapped in same house.
Feel so sorry for you what a rat bag he was, now you have to be strong and look after yourself i know easier said than done, i am sure there are loads of us out there that dont know what to say but we all send lots of soft hugs to get you through this and you can xxxx
I hi there you are well rid of him no matter how bad you feel now you can move on and get stronger , having him hanging round our neck will only be a burden you don't need.... You can claim Dla even if you work .. It's there to help you be able to work so get an application in for that or PIP if that has started in your area....
I'm sure a lot of us who have been through destructive/abusive relationships will empathise with your situation. The shock of a breakup can be horrific and paralysing but eventually you will start to recover. You will need to be very gentle with yourself in order to begin building up your battered self-esteem begin by doing things which make you feel good, visit positive friends, go for walks outside to get in touch with nature, get a massage/beauty treatment your logal college should have trainee students who do these at a reduced rate in order to build up their skills and complete their portfolios, take warm baths scented with relaxing oils, read books, watch feel good movies, engage in a hobby you enjoy, take up a course of education. In short pamper and distract yourself while you are recovering and healing and rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. Do not have any contact/communication with this guy or his new partner unless it is strictly necessary; he will continue to exploit your feelings and use you for sex which will reignite your hope for a reunion and encourage you to hang on in a situation which will ultimately hurt you emotionally and leave you feeling degraded and used whilst prolonging your unhappiness and preventing you from finding a partner who is right for you.
It is time to take back control of your heart you are worth so much more than this waster and as hurtful as it may sound at the minute he clearly does not love you in the way you deserve to be loved true love includes respect and fidelity, neither of which this guy is giving you at the minute. End all contact claw back your dignity and pride your a beautiful strong woman a warrior who has lived with and endured a debilitating health condition you have survived one of the hardest challanges life can throw at us in the form of fibro so you can and will overcome this challange. Let him go move forward dont look back and set yourself free to learn the valuable lesson this situation is teaching you and in time when you are stronger you will attract the Happiness you deserve. Remember after the darkness comes the light!
I am so pleased your family are supporting you that is just what the doctor ordered. I understand your very emotional at the moment but soon you need to put this into perspective and then life will be easier as you gently learn to move on. We are here for you xgins
Why are there so many people like this out there? Ive had similar happen to me bout 5years ago and I know how devastating it is. My way through it was to just focus on myself for once as also had bad time with ex husband before I became ill. You sound bit like I was, give everything you have to another person. Only thing is, when its over theres nothing of you left! It wont be an easy time, but you need the space now to find yourself again. In the long run, focussing on youtime will make you stronger and you will probably find out some ineresting things you never knew bout yourself, or forgot about. I have rediscovered my love of art and craft and dont mind my own company anymore. Look at this as a new start rather than as an end. Sounds easy, but I know it isnt! Just be good to yourself. Its nothing you did wrong, its not your fault, remember that. Think we should get these scumbags in a room and blow it up and stop them doing this to others. Dont be surprised to find out later down the line, that he has done the same thing to this other lady. If so, DONT TAKE HIM BACK! Gentle hugs, snowbellxx
Well he sounds like a total and absolute USER and I am so glad you are free of him. One day you will see that too - he is using his job to contact and then prey on vulnerable women - look at how much you gave him physically, practically and emotionally................you are so so much better than he will ever be..........I feel only pity for the women he has gone to live with, because do you know what...............she is his next victim, but it doesn't mean she will be his last victim. Once he has all he can get he will probably move on again.
Mourn the loss of the love it could have been - but not the parasite that has moved on. Stand tall and proud. You are a fighter - you have to be to live with fibro - at least you can get rid of a man-pain!!
I did actually think about the lady , so the Thursday evening I texed her , just to send her a link , break the Ice maybe , she was forthcoming . I left it at that till the next day I was hoping to perhaps text her again , only to find out that he had slept in her sofa , that night I was texting her. No word to say that he was there , I was hoping she would say about Him moving in. I decided after finding out he left me to go straight there , I was wasting my time
..what a self centred person he is!!... you do not need to feel guilty that you are ill,it doesn't mean that just because he is a total idiot that you don't deserve better, I know you must be hurting badly (emotionally ) which won't help you physically, but I strongly believe that further down the line you will meet a man with a back-bone (not a spineless one like the one who has just left you,but to leave you to be someone elses carer seems very weird) but a while further down the track when your in a better place emotionally ,it is possible you will find someone special who is the right one for you ( not a spineless wonder!!) ..I hope if things go wrong with his "new" relationship which I think will happen ,I hope you don't take him back as with someone like that it will keep re-curring, not all men are weak so don't judge them all by this one relationship, but if you meet someone further down the track and you explain your illness ,I am sure if they are decent and have feelings for you they won't run for the hills...
And always remember the illness chose you not the other way around,it isn't like you went to the supermarket and picked up fibro off the shelf!!!
....also don't put yourself down thinking any of this is your fault for being ill ,it isn't you are a good person,no not a good ,a GREAT person!!! and don't forget this site is great albeit vi!I have found a great bunch of people on here , and it is nice to be able to come here to talk to friends, so don't feel alone.. .
you poor thing well all i can say is your better off without him but it does hit your confidence doesnt it, Never mind love you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince and I am sure a lovely girl like you will eventually be happy with someone who deserves you.
Dont let this set you back if you can help it i do understand though because my daughter is just going through a break up after 8 years with someone she trusted implicitly and he had been cheating on her for a long time before she found out and she is still upset a few months on but she is fighting back and she is unwell with recently diagnosed epelepcy and all of a sudden cant drive and has no partner so chin up your time will come xxx
Hi jjojay,
I don't comment much on here but I feel compelled to say something to you as a very open and honest man - all of the above people are right - you ARE better than that cold, uncompassionate, selfish man who is heading for his own punishment for sure.
I would say his next move would be right back to you, if he can't get what he wants in the new situation - PLEASE ignore and disassociate yourself from this man - keep your distance. You are obviously very strong... you might not feel or think that right now but you are... you have the courage and honesty to share something so personal with others and what you really need now is to remember that you can only be a truly compassionate person if you are compassionate towards yourself. You DESERVE to be kind to yourself... even if that means a quiet sit down somewhere nice and peaceful (feed the ducks?), just to reconnect to the world around you and feel free - no longer in a controlling situation, with the power inside yourself to lift your head and heart up in the knowledge that none of his behaviour is because of you - it is because of him - and whatever excuses he can cook up to justify his actions to himself at the time. Karma is as certain as the sun and the rain
Take care of yourself honey...
Gary x
PS You are a very beautiful woman! Love the nose ring
I am keeping away , I felt so devastated when he dropped the car off , I could see he was all ready to chat , I almost lost control and started to blubber. But then the lady he moved in with texed to offer him a meal that evening to celebrate ,, that's what he actually told me . I soon got my back bone bk. he still insisted he wanted to be friends but think the message from his house mate kicked me into touch x
Joanne
Sounds like this guy is preying on the vulnerable to give himself a free ride. That's pretty low. You deserve so much more than this. Now you know what he is I really hope you can find it easier to shut your door on him....and feel in charge of your future from this point x
I'm really sorry you've had to go through it x Time to be really gentle and kind to yourself x
I know you're feeling bad, who wouldn't - but get real! A nice girl like you doesn't need a scumbag like him sponging on you for ever - you have enough to fight without having to support that conniving waste of space.
Thank your lucky stars you are shot of him,and don't for one moment weaken and let him back. He was adding NOTHING to your life apart from a vague feeling of having someone, plus a lot of stress and hard work.
Well, there's plenty of 'someones' out there, and many of them will be far more deserving of your affections than that sonofabitch.
I'm sure his new lady friend is much more his type - she sounds like a conniving user, as well - good luck to 'em!
Make yourself a strong cuppa and raise a toast to your new freedom. Give yourself a week or two to settle, then get out there and play the field - take your time before you get serious with anyone else, and make sure they're worth it.
Don't think sad and shocked - think angry, proud and FREE! And don't forget to tell all your mutual friends that YOU kicked HIM out because of his continual whingeing!
Stay strong. It doesn't sound like this guy was very good for you. *hugs*
If you feel you need help at home, I would suggest contacting your local Social Services for an assessment. They may or may not be able to help you, but it's worth getting "on their books" even if they can't help you now as it could speed things up if you get worse at any point. I hated having to ask SS for help years ago when I was really sick, but they were actually brilliant and helped us through a very dark time. They can also help signpost you to other services - e.g. some volunteer bureaus will have volunteers willing to help with housework, gardening or driving for local disabled people.
I rang them around Xmas te when I was at my worst, they said no. Maybes it's because I didn't have a diagnosis till January . I was extremely bad at the time . I couldn't do much after 1pm . All I could do was lay propped up to stop the pain. But if it happens again I will be sure to do so. Thankyou soo much for your words of support , this is helping a lot .
Joanne x
Come on Jjojay.
We are all behind you on this one.
He was just a waste of space.
He hasn't got any sense of decency whatsoever.
Feel relieved that he shipped out.
Now he can sink into the depths of his own nastiness.
Believe me you are better off without this sponger.
But if you feel like you are faltering, you know we are here to give you all
The support you need to move on and start to embrace a new life.
Good things WILL come to you if you start to believe in yourself.
Look in the mirror and say I am worth so much more.
I deserve much more.
And now I will starting living a better life.
Today Is the first day of a new life I so richly deserve.
I agree with Gary..don't let him back. Itbuts difficult to realise just how much of ourselves we can invest in another..and what we thought was a loving experience becomes a feeling of being used..and taken for granted. There are many men looking for commitment and love..sometimes it takes time to meet them..but you will find one. All of us have our ups and downs..that is life..whether you have a disability or not..i am sure this guy would have moved on to the next vulnerable woman..you are worth a lot more...a lot more..its hard readjusting and dealing with the anger and hurt..but perhaps the blessing is that you have people around who you can turn to...disabilty doesnt stop someone loving you..not if they truely love you..but what it can attract is parasites and maybe you picked one up on the way..its good that this parasite has leapt to the next host [unfortunately for her]..From your picture you look extremely attractive and have lovely happy eyes...i am sure there`s someone waiting for you..who appreciates the kind of love that makes for a health..mutual respectful relationship...
Gentle hugs. You are worth far more than this fella. You deserve someone who will love you for you, whatever your health issues. He's not worth your tears sweetheart.
Thankyou everyone , I just keep clicking on this page and I have to say its been the best therapy ever.. I've looked at it all day long ,, kept reading all your posts every time I got down and I felt better. My mom after tea , and I can tell in her voice she feels more settled because I sounded better and happier . I told her about all the support on here and it's so good your all out there . Getting emotional now , but in a relived way , I have all these new friends . What a tower of support , this site is, because its made up of all you fantastic people . I think I may get some sleep tonight . This will be my 7th night , I don't know where I have been its been almost a blur of emotion . I've eaten today a real meal and I feel better . Thanks again guys your the best . I will keep popping on this page in moments of weakness .
Kind words and good advice from outside your situation is all that you need to sort things out in your head. It comforts and reminds you of who you really are under your health problems. You do not need someone who drags you down, even if you did not realise this at the time. Hope you see the relationship (and him) for what it was. He seems drawn to situations where he is looked after, a bit like having a free ride all the way. He gives so little and gets so much. Take care. Sit back and think about all the kind words and advice. It will take you to a better place in the end.
What a horrible pig! You are worth more than he ever will be. Anyway, he'll have his work cut out if he thinks he will be ok working and being a carer! Good luck to him with that.
Try and be strong, it does get easier and you have lots and lots of supprt here. I went through a similar thing and whilst it broke me in the beginning, it gave me an inner strength I didnt know I had. You'll find that too I promise. Take care of yourself. Mina xx
Count yourself lucky that you have got rid of him. You met him when you had a good job and money coming in so he knew you could support him. Now you are no longer able to support him financially he moves on to the next target. When she can no longer afford to support him he will find someone who can.
I have known several of these low lifes in my life and believe me they are not worth upsetting yourself over. Next time you feel yourself getting upset just think about how much money you have wasted on him which hopefully will make you feel angry and getting over anger is a lot quicker than getting over a broken heart.
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xgins
Looking after my Disabled Brother
Feeling pretty poorly and in need of cheering up
heartbroken and now flaring. :(
