It seemed like such a good idea

As a lot of you have I too have a lot of problems with my hips and back and at times now I find I can not make the stairs so I thought I would be better off in a house with both a downstairs toilet and a unpstairs bathroom so I arranged and moved last week in to a lovely house which has the downstairs toilet and a bonus upstairs in the bathroom there is a walk in shower as I can't always get in or out of a bath. I thought I would by now be feeling that I was in heaven but no.

The pains have got worse, I used to think at times I was in a bad way but now the pain in my joints is completely unbearable even after taking loads of pain killers. I know the move was hard work and I still have not been able to finish sorting things out but I feel like I have hit a brick wall. Instead of loving my. New house it just doesn't feel like home to me and I can bearley ( I don't think that is spelt right ) move and all my days are just full or pain which in turn has made my depression worse. At the moment I can not for the life of me see away forward, it was meant to make my life better but it hasn't helped at all at the moment and I regret moving.

Has anyone else moved and then felt worse, ( I did not really have any help with the move, one daughter at uni and the other one at school) and regret moving. I really wanted this house to help me but I feel so tired and down and I can't sleep for move than a couple of hours due to the pain.

The whole house is to me a mess ( I used to be so tidy, ) my washing machine got broke in the move. I really don't know where to go or what to do.

Please does anyone have any advice I feel so alone, I can't get the younger daughter to help out anymore than she already does as she is about to start her AS exams so its down to me.

Caroline xx

7 Replies

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  • Sounds like the move, which lets face it is one of the most stressfull events in our lives after a death and divorce, has completely wiped you out. It's all too much. I think I would work on one room at a time, write lists and as you go cross them out, you get a sense of achievement. You really must not beat yourself up. You have your own limitations, only so much you can do at any one time. If necessary, one small job at a time, sit and take a rest. Then again, spend a day or so writing lists if you feel unable to tackle any of it now. I think I know how you feel, untidy house, untidy mind.

    One step at a time, you'll get there. All the best. Tulip xx

  • Hi, thanks for the advice, I will try to write some lists today and make another start on it all tomorrow. I think the thing I hate so much about this condition is how much it limits me.

    If I had moved two years ago, everything would be done, the would be house spotless ,all while working at 50 hour week.

    Now it's hard to find homes for the contents of 1 box.

    But I will be back on it tomorrow as you say one step at a time

    Thanks Caroline

  • OK now Caroline - tough love coming up. You need to stop and take a reality check! You've just accomplished something that would leave a fit fine and healthy person knackered so of course you're feeling awful. You're suffering from what I call the holiday arrival syndrome - you know the one where you travel for hours and arrive feeling dusty, tired and grumpy, take a look round and decide the place is a dump and you made the wrong choice. However, after a meal, a glass or two of something and a good night sleep, you wake up to the sunshine and feel relaxed and happy. I'm sure you'll feel that about the new home if you just give yourself the equivalent of the meal, drink and sleep. So take a few days out and do your planning of just what you'd like to eventually do to make your house a home. Think of it as a mini camping holiday. You've go a bed a cooker and shelter so you don't need anything else. If you feel like pottering and sorting the odd thing on your way to the kettle then fine but if you don't then sod it - it's not going anywhere is it? What's more, your daughter will also benefit from a more laid-back mum while she's revising for the dreaded AS exams. Set a definite time limit for this camping trip so you don't start stressing you're malingering (you can tell I've done the whole been there done that thing as, I suspect, have most fibromites). It's human to look back at what you used to achieve before you got ill and feel sorrow from time to time but you know it's not helpful. Everyone's life mores forward and they adapt. It's just some of us have to adapt a bit more or earlier than others and we always focus on the negative parts of the change. We don't suddenly start stressing and bemoaning the fact that we're no longer hormonal and acne-ridden! Being silly I know but you get the gist. Sorry about the sermon but it's only because I see myself in everything you say and know I could do with someone to give me a big kick up the a**e sometimes. You need to give yourself a break before you have one of those mornings where you open your eyes and find your brain has decided it's not playing any more and completely pulls the plug. Enjoy your camping trip xxx

  • Well said misstymeana! we all have times like that with Fibro! Your not alone but you also need to ask for help, if you have friendly neighbours or family to give you a hand opening boxes from your move, or at weekends make it a mom & daughter thing to get through a few boxes at a time & treat yourselves to a takeaway, but not until you know your not gonna over do this! I have been off work for 10 weeks now with a flare up, no idea why but at least you have A VERY GOOD reason, I do things when I know I can cope or it's one step forward & 10 steps back. Your house move will e worth it but its never paradise without work, you have many years to do this, stop trying to be perfect, nobody is but we feel we should be, your setting yourself up for a fall. Enjoy your family & you will not care where or what state the place is. Good luck, take it easy.xxx

  • Yup I moved from a three storey 5 bed two bathroom to a 2 bed bungalow with a loft conversion so my son had his music room still ... It's was everything I wanted I had the bathroom totally redone and I hated the house for a good 6 months .... I was too tired to enjoy it and it bought home the fact I was getting worse and am only in my 40s I have no idea what goes on up in the loft room as I do t do stairs anymore. Now another year on I love it ... It's made things so much easier and social services have given and fitted some aids.. So give yourself plenty of time to adjust .... Moving is stressful and add that to the fact you have had to move to make life easier because of your health is a reaction you don't expect to kick in and make you feel worse

    It will pass you will feel better but give yourself time.... If it doesn't then go back to your GP as the move may have just coincided with you having a flare and not being able to shake it

    VG x

  • I would say it's a flare up! Lots of work, stress and readjustment... Just give yourself some time!

  • Thank you for all your comments and I do know deep down you are right but I am still finding it so hard to have this wrong with me. It was only just a year ago I could run 10 miles, I would walk at least 5 miles aday and run a house and be around to help everyone else, be it with doing there ironing to dropping round food to friend who fell ill. I would not even take paracetamol a year ago and look at me now.

    I wonder how long other people took to come to terms with the limitations and change of lifestyle needed with this condition.

    All. I can see is what I used to be able to do instead of what I am now able to do. I hate the fact that everything I read about this condition is that no one sees to ever get better.

    So I guess I need to learn to accept this and make the most of it

    On another note, I want to take my daughter on holiday this year to somewhere warm, does anyone know if it is a problem taking MST and oramoph to,another country?

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