Fibromyalgia Action UK
39,228 members51,367 posts

So fed up!

Well five more days to my scan! Terrified is not the word. I have been feeling terrible for the last few days which is not helped by the lack of help from hubby. I think I would feel less lonely if he was not here but he is always asleep. The house is getting worse and I have just cleaned the bathroom and feel dead on my feet. The pain killers (nefopan) are not helping much but doc wants me to week off them as well. The antidepressants mertazipan just make me feel awful an more depressed. Does anybody else take these?

I have just received the forms for dla so really worried that I word it right. We were made bankrupt six months ago so really struggling at the moment. I have . Applied for it about six months ago but it was, refused but I am much worse now anyway.

Does anybody else live in the Scottish Borders or Edinburgh area? It would really help to get together with other people in a similar situation.

Sorry for moaning but it just feels like a tsunami coming at me and nowhere to go.

Loads of love from me and Snowdrop (the lamb!)

Jane xxx

11 Replies

I can really empathize with the housework.I am in a similar situation in that it is too difficult to do most housework and I can't do the rest fast enough to clear the mess.I am also having to register with a debt management agency to get some support in paying of my overdraft... which wouldn't have happened if I had been granted DLA. It's good fun being ill isn't it?! (not)


It's like a viscous circle isn't it! The worry makes you ill and the illness gives you the worry! Many days just getting out of bed takes too much energy. All those people who have no understanding need to try and live like us for a day.

Gentle hugs, Jane xxx


Well I'm with you on the husband thing, Only difference is my hubby thinks he's the only one that does anything in the house. HE'S NOT. I dont think he has ever been on his hands and knees cleaning the bathroom, Toilet, Shower...

He does do more than most men, he will hoover and dust all day... you know the easier jobs, he also does washing, hangs it out ect. But god do we know about it. My problem is he does not believe im bad enough to not go through the houe on a daily basis, walk the dog, do the shopping, sort bills out, all the crappy jobs. The only decition I'm allowed to make in the house is what im making for tea!!! which infuriates me to back and beyond. He is one hell of a matar....

He ignores the fact im taking pain killers till they come out my AR** I told him id applied for the DLA forms a few weeks ago, he asked me why so i told him, I only want to work part time his answer to that was "Well I cant believe you just said that" And frowned at me.

So yes I too have a selfish, up his own AR** husband. So i sympathise with you on that one. With regards to the DLA forms, we have a charity called DIAL is south yorkshire and they do home visits and come and fill in the forms for you. Or maybe you have a charity called, MIND they also do the same thing...

Keep fighting, if they turn you down appeal, I cant stress enough how important it is to appeal, and appeal again if you have to.

Good luck xx shelley

ps my hubby is always napping, in fact im sat in our spare room at the moment because his snoring WILL send me over the edge if i have to listen to it a moment longer lol


Hi Jane I am so sorry things are getting on top of you, if you are getting no help around the house I think you are justified in being upset and depressed .. I personally haven't tried the antidepressant you mention but I did have to try 3 before I found the one that suits me perfectly and leaves me with no side effects at all. A trip to your GP would be a good idea to discuss a different antidepressant if you feel that would help as there are lots of choices.

As to the DLA forms fill in everything you can about yourself add extra notes if you need to by the time my dla form is filled in its thicker than when it came and I tell them to contact everyone I see, GP hospital etc.. If you have any diagnosis letters copy those and add them in . I personally think they get so bored by reading mine they give up half way and award it to me.. I can waffle for England

Fingers crossed for your scan



I'm so glad there I someone else who just can't stand the snoring! What amazes me is that they don't wake themselves up. The biggest thing with mine is when he just stands there watching and then says "I could have done that". Cook all the dinner then faced with all the dishes to do as everyone has gone or else they stand there do two days. They have no idea what a cloth is or a.mop and when some water got spilt the floor was left with a clean patch. Quick dogs, put some muddy paw prints down before so notices!

No, dusters and polish don't come into my hubby `s vocabulary. My son will and he will also use the Hoover for me but he is moving out next week which is another reason for the tears.

As I said the other day V G, my doctor is not very helpful at all and was so condescending about me having "mental health" issues. She is enough to make anyone through themselves under a bus.

Love Jane xxx


Hmm sounds like a new GP is required as well as a med review though I never condone violence if your GP "fell" under a bus you would get a new GP immediately as the practice would have to reassign you one.. My GP was very unsympathetic until I wrote him a letter describing how he made me feel etc and he was on the phone the afternoon he received it apologising and has been fantastic ever since... So never give up on getting a different response form your GP or changing.... I know its hard when depression grabs us I have been there , but it was advice on here when I first joined that gave me the idea to write that letter and that started the ball rolling.


No, no Jane, throw the doctor under the bus - followed by your husband if possible!

I understand about useless husbands - my first husband once said to me "Why struggle so much putting the bins out - can't you put a bit of effort into it for once?"

He really did say that, I kid you not! He was also violent - and he snored.

I guess that's why he's my ex!

I'm sorry you feel so bad, Jane - if I were you, I'd make myself a snack, rinse my own dish, and let the husband fend for himself. Sometimes we make a rod for our own back by assuming that we are responsible for everyone's comfort.

Do they pay us the same courtesy? They do NOT!

It's difficult to realise this, when you're in the depths of depression, but sometimes, taking back just a little control is all it takes to get you on the first rung of the ladder to recovery!

Moffy x


I think I may just arrange for that bus for that doctor tomorrow! Thanks Moffy for your support. It really does help having someone there and on my side.

Love Jane xxx


Hi Jane, you poor love, i echo everything that has already been said by our caring people. Yes, I took the same antidepressant as you, tho it was under the name of Zispin and to be honest it did practically nothing for me at all. I agree with moffy that it should be your GP under the bus not you maybe a change of dr would be in order from what you have said here and in other posts.

It must be so hard having people around you who are not prepared to acknowledge your need for help in the house, granted they do more than some, but obviously not enough. I think my terriers with dusters strapped to their feet to a better job !!! On a serious note I don't have anyone to help, but then there is no expectation for there to be so in effect the problem doesn't arise.

I hate that you feel so deeply depressed, I know it won't make any difference to you but this time last month I was in just the same position, circumstances had pushed me so low that I was having thoughts than no one should ever have, I don't know what changed, perhaps it was coming here and finding caring people who truly understood what I was saying, maybe it was something else, but hold on to the fact that it WILL get better, when who knows, but it will.

I am sending you bucket loads of gentle healing and sympathetic hugs, Give Snowdrop a big snuggle from me sweeeeee, but most importantly understanding and an ear here whenever you need one.

Muchly foggy x


Ps oh golly what a numpty I am, I went to the CAB for help with filling in my forms for DLA, forms normally for me and it was really really helpful having their input and knowledge of how to phrase thingamajig I can't recommend them highly enough,

Foggy x


This info on benefits may help:

Do email for the Benefits & Work guides if you don't have them. They're really good.

This group may be able to help you find someone locally:

Or check the Directory - I believe you can get it to show you if any other members have put in their location as being close to you (this only works with members who have set their location obviously!).


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