Trigger warning. MMC - need support

[SMBCnewbie]

I am feeling in total shock and devastated today. I had a failed fresh transfer and then a successful natural FET in Sept. I had a perfect viability scan at 6+6 and another reassurance scan at 9+2. Everything was perfect. Growth on point and heartbeat strong. My symptoms lessened and I got backache yesterday. I started bleeding today at 12+3 and had scan at EPU. No heart beat and my baby stopped growing just after 9 weeks. I have been sent home to think about options. I'm grieving so much, the loss is so intense. I'm scared my parents won't ever see their grandchild and I might never be a mum. I only have 1 more chance with my last frostie unless I try IUI (donor sperm, solo, age 38. AMH was 16). How do you all keep going? I can't imagine how I'll cope. It's like a nightmare.

[ki50]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Honestly the grief really is so intense, it really will take time to process and deal with it. I didn't do this myself but I wish I had - Tommy's have miscarriage support groups that you can join and once you're ready, it could be helpful to get some counseling to help deal with your loss. I hope you've got some support around you to help you through this as well, it's so horribly heartbreaking. Thinking of you and sending love x

[SMBCnewbie in reply to ki50]

Thank you. It feels like a nightmare. The EPU gave me info on Tommy's and the Miscarriage Association. I am just trying to make the memory of my baby something I can cherish and be part of my future as much as possible.

[CassieJ]

I really feel for you. The pain of miscarriage especially when it’s not been an easy trip to becoming pregnant is so utterly devastating. I’ve had a few but two particularly hard losses-and in my experience I just had to live through the pain. It really really hurt-physically crushed and hollowed out with grief. It’s emotionally shocking and scary as exactly like you I worried I wouldn’t be able to be a mum. My best advice is to allow yourself to feel what you can/need and to talk about it as much or as little as you want. The pain does pass but it can be a really tough journey. Xx

[Doodlebug23]

I couldn’t just scroll on by without responding. I can’t really relate as only had a mmc at 9weeks+4 natural conception. So sorry for what you are going through. Take care of yourself x