A whole host of 'issues'...

[Wheels_01]

Hi, I'm new here and feeling pretty desperate for a boost...

As I'm sure you all know nothing is ever simple so I'll try and be as simplistic as I can to summarise my story so far! My husband and I have been TTC for 5 years. I'm type 1 diabetic and have an underactive thyroid. After a few years of TTC we had the usual tests and I was diagnosed with PCOS and my husband with low (but not disasterous) sperm count and motility. We had two rounds of IVF (including ICSI, endometrial scratch, hysteroscopy and intralipids) all of which failed. We were about to launch ourselves in to our third IVF when we fell pregnant, miraculously naturally. The pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 13 and a half weeks. I have never been so devastated in my life. The day I miscarriaged (Jan 2016) I fell horribly ill and this has got worse to the point where I've been unable to work since September 2016. After several weeks in hospital, a year of tests, 2.5 stone in lost weight and a lot of tears, I was finally diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis and I'm having excision surgery and a bowel resection at the end of May, which will hopefully set me straight again.

Yesterday my sister announced she was pregnant after TTC for literally a few days.

I'm lost. I'm so sick of people telling me that 'my time will come' and at the same time I'm desperate for stories of hope. I feel so utterly isolated and very, very low. Being so unwell is not helping my emotional resilience but I genuinely feel at breaking point.

I'm not 100% sure what I'm after on here... just a friend. Another person that understands even just a tiny bit how I'm feeling. A glimmer of hope and some reassurance that I'm not alone?

Thank you

[_MrsC]

Hello. Firstly, you're definitely not alone. We're all here to support each other. Secondly, I'm so sorry to hear what a tough ride you've had so far. No wonder you're finding it hard -anyone would. I'm sure hearing pregnancy news was the last straw at the moment hey? We've all had those situations too. Days where you're just about getting through and then someone drops that bombshell and it just tips you over the edge. The whole, really is that fair? question goes whizzing round your brain and then you feel guilty because you actually care about the people whose news it is. It's totally normal Hun. Feel the pain. It's not that you're not happy for them. It's just that you've been waiting a really long time, doing all of your work to make sure you've got the best shot and it hurts it's still not happened. x

[Hidden]

Oh wheels, what a rough time you have been having.

I can't begin to imagine both the physical and emotional pain you have been going through but my best friend has severe endometriosis and struggles every month. She has also been through ICSI and has two gorgeous sons now. It has been an absolute godsend for me to have someone who understands what I'm going through to talk to, as has this site. She doesn't just think "our time will come" and understands the physical and emotional struggle we all go through with fertility issues.

What I'm trying to say is that there is such a fabulous group of people on this site, all of whom have been through their own struggle so all understand a little bit of what you're going through and will hopefully be able to provide advice, but will definitely be able to provide support. Be kind to yourself, and we're all here if you need to talk. X

[CountryCat]

Hi there, welcome to the site. You have definitely come to the right place...the ladies (and a few gents) on here are super-amazing, compassionate and more than anything, understanding. Every story is different but each person on here knows firsthand what this process feels like and how devastating and isolating it can be.

In the meantime, take it one day at a time. You will get through this. I wish you all the best with your surgery in a few weeks time. I hope it is a new beginning for you and will make you feel better xx

[Jojo1986]

Hi Wheels, I too have stage 4 endometriosis (was diagnosed 6 years ago) but have been incredibly poorly the past 5 months, in and out of hospital, and have been told there is no way out of this now than surgery, very big surgery. Removal of blocked tube, ovary, massive abscess & a bowel resection. In one way I'm absolutely dreading it but in another I know I can't go on like this, I have no quality of life, so need it done. I just wanted to say you are not alone, i know it is such a lonely horrible disease but this website has helped me incredibly, there are always people to talk to. Have they said whether the excision of endo could help with your fertility? xx

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to hear that pregnancy news with what you're currently going through. I'm so sorry you're in that situation. All I can say is just try and take it easy on yourself & do whatever you need to do to get through it

If you ever want to talk about the endo or the surgery it seems we're both going to be going through around the same time, feel free to drop me a message - I can't help on much else, but stage 4 endo I know all too well!

Take care, lots of love, Jo xxx

[Wheels_01]

Thank you so much all of you for your replies, it's made me feel better just knowing that there are people out there that have taken the time to read my post and understand how awful I feel. I feel very sorry for my sister as she is my best friend and I don't want to ruin her special moment with my pain. At the same time I'm really struggling to keep my emotions in check and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the family excitement surrounding her pregnancy. I just feel very lost and alone in my sadness. Thank you again to all of you for listening XXX