who is with me?

Last week I have made the most important decision of my life, we have signed with the clinic. I am not going to undergo any type of procedures; it is all lying on the shoulders of my egg donor and my surrogate mother. Yes, it is surrogacy. And not just a simple surrogacy. We went abroad. I am not going to write about it a lot, but I think it is worth being stated that it is all due to my uterus cancer i was diagnosed with it 5 years ago and went from chemotherapy to hysterectomy in a flash. Now, I neither can bear a baby nor can get through ovarian stimulation without risking that cancer might come back and spread all over my body.

So it is all up to my husband now.

I feel fine so don’t worry I have been through a lot, so opting for surrogacy was nothing especially after I read so many posts about women with conditions similar to mine who went for surrogacy.

I haven't seen any surrogacy related posts here, so I doubt that there are a lot of us who are opting for it, but I thought I might just try.

thank you for your attention! Good luck!

36 Replies

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  • Here to wish you luck!

    Hopefully your treatment goes well! xx

  • Thank you very much. I wish you the best of luck too.

    Are you also opting for surrogacy?

  • yes, but I am doing egg donor ivf, I am on my endo stimulation right now, they have found a donor already she is starting her stimulation right now, I suppose she will be on her short protocol. I obviously don't know her but I know what and how she looks like.

    in two weeks or something I am flying to do my ET and I am really afraid of it

    PS I really think that you are going to have a baby without any doubts. xx

  • Thank you again, you are so sure that everything will went well for me haha I am not that sure myself haha

    Really? You are too going abroad? That's nice, I am really surprised, I didn't think that I would find someone who's in the same situation as I am now. it is very surprising though.

    PS I didn't choose my surrogate mother too. it is so unfortunate, I was a bit upset but then I thought that it is not that important, at least we were able to choose the donor.

    how is your stimulation going?

  • we had too many options to consider before the current one. all of them were not perfect either but when choosing between them we decided to stick with the cheapest one. and I wasn’t even opting to choose the donor, the contract that we concluded was the economy one I think although i don't know about how their ivf contracts are being labeled, but I was sent it privately by an email. so i think that it is some kind of an economy contract, it is more expensive than for 1 att though. anyways, it is not my business though, because i don't know that much about their contracts at all.

    the stimulations had a rough start, I was worried about me cycle not starting in the first five days, but now everything is great.

  • but how is your contract price related to choosing the surrogate mother? I don't think that there is any connection. the reasoning behind not allowing us intended parents to see and choose the surrogate mother is that that in some countries she is not genetically connected to the baby.

    But now I hope everything is going fine?

  • Yes, as I know I have been having the same symptoms as everyone else had. so the stimulation is going fine, in a week i will be doing my scan I think.

    really? i thought that it was all due to the price of the contract, it was like 9 thousands or something..

    where are you getting your kid?

  • That’s really great.

    My clinic is inn Ukraine, as I have found out it is the only country left with more flexible surrogate law in the world, because in other countries the surrogacy is either altruistic or forbidden on every level. In Ukraine it is only gestational surrogacy that is allowed so the surrogate mother doesn’t have any connection to the baby and it is much easier to perform documents in the ends than in any other clinic. You have two options to choose – donor’s eggs or your own eggs.

    But in the end the baby will be your husband’s because in Ukraine as I know when they are performing the dna tests they will only take father’s swabs (and kid’s too obviously).

    But our contract’s price is 50k, it is vip one, we just wanted to make sure that our kid gets all of the medical support they can offer.

  • yeah, that was a right decision, because you definitely need to make sure that your baby is treated well, i mean, like as for me it is going to be my first child and i obviously have had no experience whatsoever with taking care of one, so it is necessary to get some help for the first time. i am reading a lot of books right now like 10 at the same time, i don't work, my hubby said that i should stay at home so i don't get a lot of stress, because you know how stress and other negative emotions influence your pregnancy and even fertility.

    i hope that my kid also receives all of the med support he can (PS I am getting my tx done in Ukraine too).

  • but why wouldn't your kid receive all of the possible medical support? I mean, it is obvious that the clinic will make sure to help you take care of your newborn.

    same here, everything is so new, I don't know even what to think anymore, trying to remember what to do in every single situation that is cited in all of the books or web-sites.

    me too, Ukraine was also the right variant for me.

  • I think so, but you know, another country another culture and traditions. I actually didn't particularly like my hotel, it was too dark for example, i mean i like light rooms with a lot of space, it wasn't like that, but i am glad that it is located almost in the clinic (5 mins from it). so you see i was hoping to get a better hotel you know

    i know, but we can't be prepared for everything you know, we need to understand that there can be n unfamiliar to us situation.

    where are you getting your tx?

  • but why couldn’t you just ask your manager to change the hotel for you? you know, i was told that if i don't like the place we were staying at i can just call my manager and she will see if it is possible to find us a new apartment. but even if there was none, we could've go to another hotel, of course we would have to pay with our own money but it was okay.

    fortunately you know when you opt for something that important as having a baby you won't think that much about the conditions you are in.

    but you can’t be prepared for everything you know

    in Ukraine, in Kiev to be more precise.

  • Good luck hun and I hope it all works out for you. Xx

  • Thank you so much! You kind of never know but I really think that I am worrying over nothing. But with all of your words of support I think I might calm down a bit haha

  • Your welcome hun, you got to do what eva it takes to get your little bundle of joy. Good luck hun xx

  • Thank you! You are right, and I know that I would fly to Mars if I had to xx

  • I wish you the very best of luck and n your journey.... I'm sure it was the right choice for you

  • Thank you so much!

    You know surprisingly even though I am worried about everything I have gotten used to the thought of using surrogacy motherhood really quickly, I guess it is all due to that I didn't have any other option.

    xx

  • Good luck honey!!

    My surrogate mother has recently gotten pregnant and in two months we will meet her! Now it is waiting time, we need to make sure that she is definitely pregnant; we will be receiving her hcg levels and us pictures soon.

    I am sure that everyone will be okay! And it seems that you are not that worried about the program, I can't imagine myself being that calm after all of that you have been through.

    xxx

  • Congratulations honey!! I am sure that you will receive only good news!!

    You haven't met her yet? and why only in 2 months? My clinic says that it is only after 12 week that we can meet our surros.

    Not that I am not nervous but I just chose to keep calm and do whatever I need to do in order to have kids, anyways here I responsible for nothing. so xx

  • because she is already like month pregnant I think, they say that the beginning of the pregnancy is like when the embryo is fertilized, so if everything goes well, if her hcg levels will continue to grow that would mean that all is well. she has already had her first hcg level measured and it showed 300 or something, so it is definitely a sign of pregnancy!!! so it is in two months, but it'll be her 12 weeks and it would be our first time we meet each other. so it is the same for me.

  • That's good! Do you know how she is doing? And you ahve been using donor's eggs too right? Have you received any information on how many eggs were actually collected and how many of them were fertilized?

    wishing you luck!!

    Ps i know that the counting system is a bit peculiar if we are talking about pregnancy

  • no, actually I have only been told that my donor had like 14 eggs collected, but then I have received only an embryo protocol with all of them fertilized and showing their rating. almost all of them were AA+ quality (which was predictable). But I think that it is a great result.

  • I was interested in egg donation treatment in the past, there's just something that surprises me a bit, because as far as I know in most of the clinics (at least in mine) women after they have had their ovarian stimulation they produce up to 15 eggs (as your donor did), but I have heard that in US donor's produce more than 40. How's that possible at all?

  • i think that it is possible because those donors are really healthy and have a high number of follies (although as for me, i would be really apprehensive with stimulating those woman, because there is a huge chance of overstimulating). but the thing is that in ovarian stimulation the most important thing is quantity not quality, so I don't know whether it is good or bad.

  • you know i agree with you, because as far as I know in my clinics they are very happy to retrieve like 15 eggs, my manager has told me that it is for sure one of the best results with donors, they stimulate them in order to have like 3 aa quality eggs (which with donors is a thing often easily achieved).

  • I m glad that you are fine now n won the cancer...also I m pleased to know you chose a perfect decision for you and your husband....wish you good luck.

  • thank you! the decision was alright it is not perfect at all, but you have to make compromises, like for example we had to give up on our desire to have kids in US (because their surro programs were and are really popular), and we are going to a small country on the east of Europe, because it is cheaper and surrogate mothers are easier to find my husband although does not care at all about it. :)

    thank you so so much!!

  • Just wanted to wish you all the very best for your journey. You sound so strong and positive about the treatment and making your dreams come true. Good luck and keep us posted! 🍀 X

  • Thank you! Oh I wish I was like that, it's just there is no need to be sad and to think about how it could’ve been the other way, I have decided to stop being depressing and to start doing something, those thoughts are no help, on the contrary they even do harm to you and your activities I don't know.

    Oh I will post, and a lot haha I like to share with everyone my happiness

    thank you again you are so nice xx

  • Wishing you all the best!! We've decided to opt for adoption as only way forward for us was egg donation just decided adoption was our best bet. If we d had more money behind might have considered surrogacy xx

  • Good luck with that, hun!

    But I thought that adoption was also pricey.. But I totally understand you, surrogacy is way more expensive than other fertility treatment, it's just we didn't want anything but trying to have our own kids (at least the baby will be connected to my husband, honestly, I am really satisfied with that. but looking for the clinic is very hard but rewarding at some point, like we might've just give up when we saw US prices but we didn't and we have found more affordable option. it's just when the clinic sends you the price lists and the prices ranges are from 85 thousand to 120k you just don’t know how to deal with it, so in my clinic we made sure that we are going to pay one sum for everything. it cost us about 50k of euros but it is like a type of insurance contract, like it covers everything.

    so, maybe if you look harder you could opt for surrogacy.

    but no matter what you choose I wish you the best of luck!!!

  • Good luck with your journeys! Just dropped in to share.

    A good resource is also surroparents.org (eviternity.org previously). They offer free consultations in London with the patient coordinator. Also some of the advantages others don't have. For those doing research it's just perfect for no money ;) We signed the contract with our clinic through it which resulted in a fast and smooth treatment process.

    We're nursing our baby boy now! X

  • Hi! Thank you for sharing! I have heard of like agencies that work for foreign clinics, isn't it one of those or I am confusing something? Because there are in London some kind of conferences that are made to present international fertility centers and I think that someone was advising to me to go there and meet like either russian or ukrainian clinic's representative. unfortunately or fortunately i have been contacting my clinic already so i didn't come.

    congrats on having your kid!!! amazing, what’s his name if not a secret? xx

  • I wish you all the luck in the world on your journey x

  • Thank you so much, I will definitely need it! xx

    PS waiting for something that important like your surrogate mother is such an awful thing, I would like to be matched in an hour and to know that she is already pregnant and everything. it is just very overwhelming I guess, all of the thoughts about the future..

    with all of your wishes!! I think I have high chances on getting my baby out of the first try! xx

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