Is it okay?

[morningstarfer1]

Hello everyone I was thinking about this possibility, I do not know if it is achievable or not, but. I have been opting for this one clinic where the tx is cheap and really affordable for our couple. And over there we would have to choose the donor, the managers have said that they will provide us with the password for the donor’s database and everything. It is good and everything but I am opting for surrogacy on de and I was really upset when I was told that we won’t have a chance to choose the surro mom. More so we will have to wait for 3 months to see her. I know that they will find us the best surrogate mother out of all because we paid for the vip contract but I can’t stop worrying. This inability to see the surro may lead to lots of misunderstandings and I am worrying about what could happen when I actually meet her at the 12 weeks. My managers told me that this is totally okay and we do not even have to meet the surrogate if we feel like we do not want to. I mean what if the surrogate mother will not be on her best state, even though we had this opportunity to have the surro with previous positive experience, but the risks are always there. I can’t calm down… at all.. there are so many what ifs..

[katebakin8]

Honey, do not worry that much! I must congratulate you with your tx, are you already in the program or those thoughts stop you from continuing on? If so, please stop, I am sure that there is a way to know or to control your surrogate mother. The clinic in my opinion do nothing in vain, it is all reasonable. If you can’t meet your surro that that could probably mean that there is an explanation to it.. not getting the chance to contact her indeed doesn’t sound good to me, but you were already lucky to have chosen your donor as a lot of clinics do not provide even with this option.

[morningstarfer1 in reply to katebakin8]

I am about to sign the contract, I mean we haven’t been there for the initial consultation yet but we are planning to go there and to see what’s the clinic about. And after that we will decide if it is what we want or not. Also we have been looking for other options maybe.. I do not know..

Yes, they say that there is the reason for all of those as for the intended parents it will be hard to focus on the surrogate features only and not on the looks because as every single person in the world we tend to choose someone whom we consider beautiful but she may not be suitable for us. I do not know, maybe they are right..

[katebakin8 in reply to morningstarfer1]

That’s great that you are planning to visit other clinics because that allows you to see the whole range of the clinics and to compare all of them and when you see something in real life it is whole different thing that just being explained what it is by mails.

[morningstarfer1]

They told us that they will be choosing the surrogate mother based only her ability to carry the baby that there is no place for us in this process because we will be slowing the matching process if we would be allowed to choose. That’s what I got from them, like they are only choosing the container and that the surrogate won’t have anything in common with the baby. also they said that we will have the right to meet the mother only at her 12 weeks screening and the reason for this they have decided to tell us that it is a risky period up to 12 weeks so in order to not pressure the surrogate we will have to wait.

[michaelgorik]

Maybe it’ll be better to change the clinic or it is not that easy?

[morningstarfer1 in reply to michaelgorik]

Not to say that it is impossible but yeah it is just not easy to do because I have been looking for the clinic for years and when we finally found the perfect option it has paid us with this. I was so happy to read in their contracts about all of those cool things like pgd, surrogate with the previous positive experience, our private pediatrician and even the fact that we can choose the donor was like the best news we could’ve gotten. And we thought that we surrogacy it is the same thing like we can choose her looking through the some kind of the database. But unfortunately we were told like no, that’s impossible. And the only person that can choose her for us is the doctor. I mean we didn’t sign the contract yet but my dh had said that he doesn’t see anything bad with this.

[michaelgorik in reply to morningstarfer1]

I am sorry but where are you getting the treatment? I mean what is this clinic that you do not want to change and will like to not get to choose the surrogate and to stay over there. I am sure that there are a lot of clinics that will provide you with the same quality tx.

[morningstarfer1]

Yeah sure that would be nice of you! Please, I would like to see what the clinic looks like just by photos so I can understand whether I like it or not.

[michaelgorik]

But how can you be so sure that you will get the baby over there? I mean there is no guarantee at all.

[morningstarfer1 in reply to michaelgorik]

But there is a guarantee, the thing is another reason why we chose this clinic is that all of their contracts are with unlimited attempts so in case of a failure we will continue the tx with no additional payment, also in our type of the contract the clinic covers all of the additional expenses. So we will be paying not only for the treatment but for the ability to not worry that much.

[michaelgorik in reply to morningstarfer1]

But you still won’t be able to choose the surrogate. Maybe it is worth to pay only 50k for that but not being able to choose the surrogate is what would make me personally to revisit all of my decisions. And if you worry about it that much.. I do not know..