Is it okay?

Hello everyone I was thinking about this possibility, I do not know if it is achievable or not, but. I have been opting for this one clinic where the tx is cheap and really affordable for our couple. And over there we would have to choose the donor, the managers have said that they will provide us with the password for the donor’s database and everything. It is good and everything but I am opting for surrogacy on de and I was really upset when I was told that we won’t have a chance to choose the surro mom. More so we will have to wait for 3 months to see her. I know that they will find us the best surrogate mother out of all because we paid for the vip contract but I can’t stop worrying. This inability to see the surro may lead to lots of misunderstandings and I am worrying about what could happen when I actually meet her at the 12 weeks. My managers told me that this is totally okay and we do not even have to meet the surrogate if we feel like we do not want to. I mean what if the surrogate mother will not be on her best state, even though we had this opportunity to have the surro with previous positive experience, but the risks are always there. I can’t calm down… at all.. there are so many what ifs..

17 Replies

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  • Honey, do not worry that much! I must congratulate you with your tx, are you already in the program or those thoughts stop you from continuing on? If so, please stop, I am sure that there is a way to know or to control your surrogate mother. The clinic in my opinion do nothing in vain, it is all reasonable. If you can’t meet your surro that that could probably mean that there is an explanation to it.. not getting the chance to contact her indeed doesn’t sound good to me, but you were already lucky to have chosen your donor as a lot of clinics do not provide even with this option.

  • I am about to sign the contract, I mean we haven’t been there for the initial consultation yet but we are planning to go there and to see what’s the clinic about. And after that we will decide if it is what we want or not. Also we have been looking for other options maybe.. I do not know..

    Yes, they say that there is the reason for all of those as for the intended parents it will be hard to focus on the surrogate features only and not on the looks because as every single person in the world we tend to choose someone whom we consider beautiful but she may not be suitable for us. I do not know, maybe they are right..

  • That’s great that you are planning to visit other clinics because that allows you to see the whole range of the clinics and to compare all of them and when you see something in real life it is whole different thing that just being explained what it is by mails.

  • There are actually photos and videos about biotex clinic, they have their own instagram and you can not only see the photos of the clinic but also you can see what’s inside the building, the doctors and the nurses. If you want I can pv you with the links.

  • Yeah sure that would be nice of you! Please, I would like to see what the clinic looks like just by photos so I can understand whether I like it or not.

  • Sweetheart. I get you on this. Did you express your concerns to the manager directly? If you did what did they tell you? Maybe they have the reason for this that will explain everything? But I must agree with the previous commentator that they must have the explanation to it.

  • They told us that they will be choosing the surrogate mother based only her ability to carry the baby that there is no place for us in this process because we will be slowing the matching process if we would be allowed to choose. That’s what I got from them, like they are only choosing the container and that the surrogate won’t have anything in common with the baby. also they said that we will have the right to meet the mother only at her 12 weeks screening and the reason for this they have decided to tell us that it is a risky period up to 12 weeks so in order to not pressure the surrogate we will have to wait.

  • So as you can see they have the reasonable explanation for everything and I personally think that you do not have to worry about anything as the doctors and the clinic know what to do. just trust them.

  • Maybe it’ll be better to change the clinic or it is not that easy?

  • Not to say that it is impossible but yeah it is just not easy to do because I have been looking for the clinic for years and when we finally found the perfect option it has paid us with this. I was so happy to read in their contracts about all of those cool things like pgd, surrogate with the previous positive experience, our private pediatrician and even the fact that we can choose the donor was like the best news we could’ve gotten. And we thought that we surrogacy it is the same thing like we can choose her looking through the some kind of the database. But unfortunately we were told like no, that’s impossible. And the only person that can choose her for us is the doctor. I mean we didn’t sign the contract yet but my dh had said that he doesn’t see anything bad with this.

  • I am sorry but where are you getting the treatment? I mean what is this clinic that you do not want to change and will like to not get to choose the surrogate and to stay over there. I am sure that there are a lot of clinics that will provide you with the same quality tx.

  • I am getting my treatment, although I wouldn’t call it like that, I am just in the program in Ukrainian clinic biotex. And there the surrogacy program costs like 50k. and this is just an amazing price for us, because even though we are not poor we wouldn’t like to spend thousands on something that would have chances to not work out.

  • But how can you be so sure that you will get the baby over there? I mean there is no guarantee at all.

  • But there is a guarantee, the thing is another reason why we chose this clinic is that all of their contracts are with unlimited attempts so in case of a failure we will continue the tx with no additional payment, also in our type of the contract the clinic covers all of the additional expenses. So we will be paying not only for the treatment but for the ability to not worry that much.

  • But you still won’t be able to choose the surrogate. Maybe it is worth to pay only 50k for that but not being able to choose the surrogate is what would make me personally to revisit all of my decisions. And if you worry about it that much.. I do not know..

  • It is not like in every other clinic I other country you will have the 100% chance to choose your surrogate. In biotex it is the gestational surrogacy only, because the traditional is forbidden over there and as I know in this kind of a tx you won’t need to even meet your surrogate because apart from her body state and the treatment of her health she has nothing to do with the kid. You can find on this forum or other ones the thread where this thing is explained. But if we talk about biotex, you have to trust your doctor because he is the only one who has the eye of the professional and he will look for the best match for you, what do you know about the surrogates that makes you want to look for her by yourself. You may also quit getting into the program in Ukraine and find the woman you like that will agree to carry your baby for you. but will you be sure that she will do her job right? I mean, the clinic chooses the surrogates not only judging by their physical state but also the drs are checking the psychological state of the women. I do not see any reason to be worried.

  • I have also been to biotex but for donation. And I was also surprised when we found out that we could choose the donor. I was also happy and all but they do have their own rules like I could choose the donor but I wasn’t able to meet her at all. We wanted to see more photos of her but unfortunately the donor became unavailable for us. And we had to look for another, thankfully they have had like a 100 of them so we spend some time watching videos and looking through photos but eventually we were lucky to find the best out of them. We were told though to choose like 5 or so. And the doctor was so kind to advise us our donor. But we didn’t worry at all and that’s what I think you should do. The treatment went well and if you are afraid that something can go wrong please relax and trust the professionals.