cancer and pregnancy

Hi, I’m new here and want to share my story. I’m 31 years old. Have a husband and lovely job but I have a big problem in my life. Being young and stupid, I got married and was thinking only about myself and wealth status. My husband and I were traveling a lot, lived in the moment. I didn’t care about my health, but my careless attitude caused a great damage me. Over time I found menstrual disorders, the length of my period decreased, so I came to the doctor. He made the medical examination and diagnosed a cervial cancer. I had a lot of diagnostics but this didn’t help, the doctor suggested me to make trachelectomy but as the affected cancer area was large he cut a lot of it. That’s why I can’t have my own children. The doctor said that I’m in the risk of cancer relapse. I’m exhausted, disappointed and losing my hope to become a mother. My husband is trying to support me. You know when the woman loses her faith in everything it is just awful. I’m too young for it, I don’t want to lose my husband. Of course, he loves me but everything has the end. I’m really afraid of it. One time we thought about adoption, but I really want to have my own full-blooded child. My husband is trying to support me. He even suggested me a surrogacy as an option. Before we go any further we read a lot about surrogacy but there is a risk. Naturally, there are different countries, views and advantages but we need to choose something. I will really appreciate if someone who had or have such problems can share it with me. Thank you in advance.

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  • Hello, my dear! Your story is so familiar to me! It was carefree and easy time. My first husband and I have visited many countries, a lot of interesting places. We believed that the disease was not about us. We’ve discovered our family values too late. We started thinking about the need to have children only after we were 35. But before that I have gone through the tragedy. We had the human papilloma virus. There were so many progressive warts. I've always been afraid of doctors and hospitals. I was very foolish. We delayed the treatment. My ex-husband has recovered relatively quickly. My situation was different. Analysis revealed cancer. I was preparing for the worst consequences. A short time later I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. An aggressive form of cancer. All the money has been spent on treatment, and all that was associated with it.

    Then there was an operation. I had great limitations on the chemotherapy. During the operation, hysterectomies was performed. Sometimes it is necessary to make the removal of the lymph nodes of small pelvis. Due to complications, doctors had to remove my ovaries. A complete set of dysfunction. I had a year to recover. We were back to the question of having children. Unfortunately, my husband’s semen analysis has shown a severe male factor of infertility. It was real chain of misfortunes. In this case, surrogate program did not have a place to be. Option of adoption has not been considered. He started drinking a lot. He drank in the morning and in the evening I saw him dead asleep. Our marriage collapsed. We have not coped with the trouble. I met my new love three years ago. He is a very serious man with beautiful views to the future. His care and support are my sources of life. We are married. He did not have children from a previous marriage, but he has got good sperm samples. We had no hesitations about the procedure. We chose options of surrogate programs in Eastern Europe. Our options are Georgia or Ukraine. We read a lot about them and heard fine recommendations. So it is very good value for money and the law. We want to learn more about the practice of surrogacy in these countries to finally make a decision. You have a very difficult situation. But you must hold on. Be brave and strong, dear! There are many options of assistance to such couples as ours in the world. Do you think anything of this? Maybe what directions did you consider?

  • thank you. I despise such people. He has been living a long time with you. What made him change his mind? Why didn't he want to countinue your journey. If his love was strong why would he broke up with you? Did you ask him?

    Thanks God you met another man who loves you. His support will make a little miracle.

    Btw, why don't you want to adopt a baby? Think it's a good option too. We were thinking about it, because of my mother's words. And defined a lot of pros there, where are you from? Maybe you should consider this or you strongly desided to do surrogacy?

    haha, I'm taking like I have already adopted child and didn't face fertility issues. Sorry

  • Of course we are not against the adoption. We have just made our decision. We’re ready to take part in the surrogate program. After then we’ve lived through this experience, possibly we would be ready foradoption. The readiness plays an important role here. We lived in the United States. But now most of our time we’re in Europe. My husband has work in Arizona. But we do not want to consider the United States as an option.

  • I don’t want to say anything wrong, American medicine actually has one of the most progressive and advanced technology among the world. They can almost do everything. But we were frequently told about bad reputation of their surrogates. That’s just news but It has influenced us, changed our mind. We also haven’t enough money to pay them for service. We know about the eastern medicine that is improved and making its client base wider. We think so.

  • I'm not going to visit the USA or have any kind of treatment there. We are from Europe and i think we should find a clinic here.

    Only fly tickets will be like whole cost of program. And it is very expensive for us. I don't think we can afford it.

    My husband is for surrogacy and frankly speaking, I don't support that idea. To my mind adoption is better.

  • Good day!

    I want to notice that you can get good service and treatment not only in the US. I would say it is important, because we’ve found our joy in Kiev. And it's not about the money. We have enough money to fly to California or Michigan. But we have not chosen them. Because of the reasons. And we do not regret. Now we are fully satisfied. More than that, I want to say that our daughter was born last week. Everything went well. Of course she is not an American citizen, but it does not matter. The main thing is that she is healthy and happy.

    We are provided with everything necessary here. All expenses were covered by the contract. Our clinic has not yet violated any of the item in the contract. And we appreciate it. If you do not have bags of money and the desire to fly across the ocean, you can always find a proper program in Ukraine. Be happy.

  • In Ukraine? It's close to us but I have never think about doing surrogacy there. Honestly, my mother suggested surrogacy is to be a sacrilege. She said that woman has to bear baby by herself, kind of destiny like it was said in the Bible.

    I partly agree with her but still have dubious feelings. Pregnancy is rather unreal deal for me. My mind and body tell I won't care a baby so the last chance is to take the help of the reproductive medicine.

    Of course, adoption is also good but .. I don't know. Tell me more about Ukraine, please.

  • As a rule, those are the first thoughts that come to mind when the situation forces you to use the reproductive techniques. I was the same. We went through a huge amount of scandals and disputes. This option works, here's what I can finally tell.

    It brings joy. Now I feel completely like a woman. My little baby, my baby girl is in my arms. I feel her warmth. I do not allow myself having a thought that we are strangers. This is heresy.

    I waited for her for so long, my desire has become a decisive factor of her birth. Do you see?

    You have a choice. You can stay in the surrounding of prejudice or having our child in the arms.

    What do you exactly want to find out about Ukraine?

  • My mother has died due to cancer. It's all very tragic. I wish you strength in your struggle. I do not suffer from cancers, but because of diabetes I also cannot give birth to a healthy baby. Previous comment was about the beautiful clinic. We’re using their services. In fact, we are in Kiev right now. A few days ago our baby was discharged from the hospital. This probably sounds like a fairy tale or fiction for women's forum. But if you look at my story, you'll understand that this is actually happening to me. I just want to say that nothing is lost. All of you have a good chance to become a mom. Sometimes bad things happen to us, sometimes we are weak. But happiness that waits for us behind the corner will suddenly meet us and clean our wrong past away. Good luck!

    xxx

  • thank you, your words mean a lot to me. Sorry your mother died. By virtue of God, I could recover, he gave me another life. Beautful and full of happy moments, a chance to have a completed familly. I'm praying all days and nights. Wish he would listen to my invocations.

    In Kiev? I see a lot of people had an experience there. Why it is so good? What is special there? amm, how can I find it? can you tell me the name? Thank you in advance

  • Hi, sorry to hear it. Wish you all the best. and everything is gonna be good. my fingers crossed xxx

  • thank you very much

  • Keep hope it's so important and one day it will happen for you however that might be xx

  • I wish I would happen very soon, my hope is strong

  • Thank you for sharing your journey up till now. We all go through phases in our lives that will change our futures. I can honestly say I wish you and your husband all the very best in what ever you decide. This forum group is awesome, and you'll get all the support you will seek.

  • thank you very much. I'm glad for being a member of this community. No one else can give me a support I got here.

    to my big surpsise, all people here are nice and kind and everyone wants to help me. I really appreciate your words, they are pregnant with meaning, haha sounds ridiculous

    sorry

  • I'm sorry hon you faced this. Indeed it's a great grief..Hope you're doing well. I don't know what is better for you but if I got it right, your options are not only surrogacy but adoption too? Well, this is a hard decision and I know sometimes people refuse to make any choice and just take their childless life as if they don't have any other options. Everyone has a right to choose the best way.

    If you think about surrogacy then pay attention to legal part of the question. You already know that it's not legal everywhere but conditions in countries and clinics differ. I advise you to make a list of the most important criteria. It would be helpful when choosing a clinic because there are lots of them. You should know that the cost of services may vary greatly and you need to ask waht is included. It's a common thing when you see one price on internet and then you'll have a list of additional payments.

    Wish you luck!

  • Thank you for support but I don't think I'm ready to adopt a baby. First of all, there is no insurance, we will have a baby who is under 1 year, because as I know, not many people want to adopt teenagers. Next, it could take more time than surrogacy process. Because of different reasons, what if some relatives wants to take a custody of this baby? What should I do i this case?

    And yes, you are right, the country with flexible legislation wuold be better for us. PRICE is also important.

  • Adoption involves some risks, but from another point of view you give a chance to a little person who needs to be rescued. I'm sorry for such comparison, but it's like choosing an animal from a shelter or to buy it right after birth. Most of people choose the second option, but from the other point of view it's better to take those who need care and a new home. I know it's not the same but this opinion happens to be.

    If you are ready for surrogacy then what are your ideas? Did you choose something? I haven't been through this, but I've got some information from real couples and I could share their impressions.

  • I know. it's a big risk for all us. We won't know about a child and his parents. What if they have some health problems, I mean genetic and our baby will have the serious promlems in the future life. I'm devastated and don't know what to do.

    We also think about surrogacy and found out that Ukraine could be a good option for us. As far as I know, they have good legislation and cheap prices. And all we need is saving our money and good result. Do you know something about clinics in Ukraine? I will be happy if you share the information with me

  • As far as i know you'll never know what to expect from adopted child's parents. It's alright if you knnow who they are, but some kids don't know biological mother or father and it's a risk, you're right.

    yes, Russia, Ukraine, Georgia...they all provide infertile couples with welcoming laws in relation to surrogacy. I've been to Ukraine and had DE IVF there. Well, I can't say anything bad about a clinic I've chosen. Maybe some organizational issues but it's not the point. you may look through contracts on clinics' websites or ask additional questions by email.

  • I know, my distant relative adopted two babies. One was 1 year and the second one is 5. But he had no problems with them. They were very calm and good girls. I don't know why but I feel like these children need me, need the family, of course I want to have my blood and bones but I have no chance to do this why should I avoid an adoption?

    Dubious feelings, I can't it explain by words. The one thing I know is we want to be parents. Other stuffs have no sense to me. I've read about Ukraine and found that there are some clinics. All have very good success rate.

    You told you de treatment in ukraine? in what city?

  • I'm happy about your relative's experience...it's really great deed! You're right, and they are in need of all this. And you are free to choose what fits you best, so you shouldn't ignore this option, I'd say. Anyways, you don't have to listen to me.

    There are only few cities in Ukraine where you can find good clinics...mine was in Kiew. It's called Biotexcom, you can find lots of information about it on the web

  • I don't avoid this, just a little fear is inside me. what if something goes wrong? The next fault is unacceptable. I don't want to be mistaken but as far as I know I can't be stimulated so that means a surrogate will be the mother of my baby? What if she decides to take a baby with her? What if my husband who is health will stay with he?

  • try not to think of different "what ifs", really...only positive thinking. I know it's easy to say...What did your doctor said? he is the one to decide whether you could be stimulated or not. it's very important.

    maybe, you think about traditional srrogacy? it's not so widespread now. gestational surrogacy guarantees that a surrogate mother won't take a baby and she couldn't be a biological mother at all. and how on earth could your husband stay with her?

  • I'm not a big expert in this sphere. My knowledge is poor, all I know is i want to have a baby and no matter how it will happen. Truly, I have one good ovary and I'm not sure if the second one is good and can produce qualitative eggs. Do I need to consult my gynecologist?

    I don't know how, what if he meets her and falls in love? gosh, I think I'me done with stupid questions ..

  • of course you need a consultation of a specialist fist of all! If you could be stimulated then one ovary is enough...but in your case i think it would be dangerous to try ivf, although i'm not a doctor. visit your gp, oncologist or obgyn and try to find out about possible options and your chances. only then you will be able to make this decision.

    i think you're going crazy a bit because of all this ambiguity..nobody's insured against falling in love with a stranger. however, SMs are often married and they have to have at least one child of theirs, maybe it can pacify you?

  • yes, a bit. honestly, I don't know what to do. My mind is really going crazy. My husband is clear-headed but me not. An emotion is my second name.

    Thanks for the advice, I will see my doc as soon as he could. I'll keep you updated

  • it's natural hun! don't be upset and rely on your dh. maybe he knows better what is best for you. try to discuss your preferences with him and let him know what concerns you most. anyway, all this only after you visit your dr.

    thank you! let me know what you decided.

  • hi, I've been absent fro a long time here. I decided to think about my next steps.

    we decided to do surrogacy in ukraine. i know it's crazy but we have already visited this country. Our consultation has been passed well, we had an opportunity to see the clinic, met the manager with doctors. also we did a set of tests and now we are waiting for the surrogate, because we were told it would take up to 2 months.

    PS, we signed the standard contract, sorry I forgot, did you have any treatment before? sorry

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