So, I've got my HCG test result!

[Petricker]

Girls, I'm so silly... I had my beta day yesterday morning, at least it was booked for morning, and I slept right through my alarm...However I pulled myself together and went to a hospital. Anyways, I took my blood but was told that I would receive results only today. So, I've got them...BFN ! and I proclaim that I'm starting surrogacy process. It's sad and painful, but honestly I feel kind of relief. It's not a misacrriage anyway and it's not the end of life. I've met many women who are going through surrogacy and they are happy about this. Thy can do whatever they want and basically enjoy their lives. Now I'm with them. Still didn't tell my husband..I'll make a dinner and have some wine at last!

I'm very grateful to all of you who supported me through this, I'm thinking of you and pray for your positive outcome. Lots of love to you!!! xxx

[Hidden]

You sound positive. Hope all goes well.

[Petricker in reply to Hidden]

Yep, it's the most positive BFN in my life

[Alice_W123]

Why do you find this "sad and painful"?

Someone will carry your baby for you.

So, if you can`t do it for yourself than you should be grateful that somebody will do this for you.

This is just my opinion.

[Petricker in reply to Alice_W123]

Sad and painful is not surrogacy itself but the fact that my last attempt just failed. I dreamed of carrying a baby one day but it's all over. On the other hand, it's a new beginning of a new life. you are right, I appreciate that there are women who are ready to help others to find out what it's like to be a parent. Looking forward to get some news from the clinic so far.

[Alice_W123 in reply to Petricker]

Sorry, misunderstood your post.

I hope that all will be fine in your journey (to have a child).

[bfrida]

Feel sorry for you girl .

Hope next time will work for you

best wishes

[Petricker in reply to bfrida]

There won't be next time, only new roads. Thanks xx

[bfrida in reply to Petricker]

What's wrong? Are you tired from all these?

[Hidden]

Maybe petricker is disappointed that she won't carry her own child- see her babys heartbeat and have that excited moment of seeing her baby during the scans, feel him or her kick and move around inside her and have that wonderful moment where you give birth to your child and meet him or her for the first time. I think it's perfectly understandable to feel disappointed.

At no point did she express any ungratefulness towards surrogacy- in fact I found her positive attitude towards it inspirational. And she seems very at peace with her decision.

I didn't think there was any need for unkind comments. This is just my opinion.

[Petricker in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, Jess! You get me totally right. I knew that one day it might happen and here it is. I've been through what I've been, to change my attitude to many different things and surrogacy is one of them. Looking back to my first post here, I did have another thoughts of surrogacy..it was kind of unpleasant experience and a tough trial. Yes, it's difficult but I know that it's also filled with so much joy and this experience is the one that any woman should be proud of. Thank you for being so attentive to my words xxx

[Hidden in reply to Petricker]

No problem.i can understand it can't have been an easy decision to make. I want to wish you the very best with it all and I truly hope that it brings you happiness. xoxo

[Petricker in reply to Hidden]

yes, it hasn't been easy at all. thank you!

Get well Jess! You've been through enough so maybe sometthing good is around the corner. xoxox

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear this Petricker.

I know how disappointing these BFNs are.

Wishing you all the luck in the world for your surrogacy journey xx

[Petricker in reply to Hidden]

Thank you LBM! I hope you'll get your positive this time and forget all your previous disappointments xxx

[romaluna2015]

Sorry to hear this . The negatives are the most heart breaking and hardest part of the whole lot of this journey xx

[Petricker in reply to romaluna2015]

Thank you!

Yeh,it's definitely heartbreaking. But as for me, the most difficult was to see first BFP ever after many years of trying but to lose your baby few days before you were supposed to hear its heartbeat. I think this experience is the reason for my current relief. I know for sure that I won't lose my baby again and it's a positive part of it, for sure. Good luck to you xxx

[romaluna2015 in reply to Petricker]

Thank you. All the very best to you and your journey xx

[Tugsgirl]

Sorry for your bfn. Good luck with your future journey xx

[Petricker in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you!!xx

[_MrsC]

So sorry for your outcome but so pleased for you that you have found an alternative route and are excited to be exploring it. I'm sure it will take time to come to terms with your grief about carrying your child yourself but what better way than to make a new plan. I found your post inspiring and motivational. I wish you the very best of luck as you explore surrogacy. x

[Petricker in reply to _MrsC]

Thank you so much for such lovely reply. You've found great words to describe what I feel. I'm excited in a good way and can't wait to move on. I used to grieving and I guess I'm done and it's time to have fun. Sounds weird in my situation but Im not going to cry out few months again. If my experience could be inspiring and motivate someone, it will be amazing.

Xoxo

[_MrsC in reply to Petricker]

I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds your outlook inspirational. You'll have to keep us posted as to your progress. It will give many of us hope. x

[Fredaflintstone]

Hi Petricker so sorry to hear you didn't get the result you were hoping for but wishing you all the very best of luck for the next part of your journey. Big hugs xx

[Petricker in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Thank you so much Fredaflintstone! Everything depends on our future surrogate mother, donor eggs, embryologists and of our luck. But I tend to believe that young ladies who will do this for us have much higher chances for success.

I hope your 2ww will bring you only positive result. Take care and don't let your concerns change your positive energy. Fibgers crossed for you xx

[Hidden]

So sorry on your bfn but your outlook is incredible. Good luck you truly deserve to be happy xx

[Petricker in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Button! I'll try to do my best and not to lose this outlook while going through this new stage. We all deserve to be happy! I wish you'll hear 2 heartbeats soon and will no longer bleed so that your baby(s) will be save and sound. Sending you lots of love these days xx

[Lou290901]

Hi there.

Thought I'd send you a msg to say I'm sorry and understand completely. I'm currently doing surrogacy for my sister. She grieved for a long time about the loss of pregnancy so I totally get that and you are aloud to feel that! Not sure where you are but there are some great surrogacy organisations in the U.K. Msg me anytime and I will help with any info I can.

Good luck x x

[Petricker in reply to Lou290901]

Thank you!!! You'are incredible, what you do is amazing and I hope you are proud to be a surrogate for her. I think it damn tough to carry a baby for a person you love. I think it would be difficult to part with the baby...It's so complicated though wonderful at the same time. Unfortunately, I'm not in the UK but I hope I can find someting at my place. At what stage are you now? Wish you nothing but luck xxx

[Rainbow_86]

Just wanted to say how strong you are..... I want to wish you the best on the next step of your journey.... your doing so well to look at the positives and look forward to your new chapter...... you deserve this. Good luck xxxxx

[Petricker in reply to Rainbow_86]

Thank you for these lovely words! I even feel I'm stronger than I was before and this new experience is so exciting that I'm like a child on a Xmas eve. I need to study so much and to do so much in order to prepare for new "adventure".

I hope you'll be fine as well. Sorry that you have those issues.. good luck to you! take care xx

[Rainbow_86 in reply to Petricker]

Aww I love your positivity I am so chuffed how you are keeping everything so positive....

Thank you... we are about to start our IVF journey.... feeling both excited and scared.... I could certainly do with some of your positivity!

Take care xxx

[Petricker in reply to Rainbow_86]

haha, thanks! I can imagine your feelings, I was the same. Keep hoping for the best and don't lose positive thoughts throughout the process. It's not that scaring. And if you have someone close to you to support you during this journey, you may enjoy all this. Fingers crossed for your positive result xx

[minerva17]

sorry to hear about your negative Pet, but you're doing really incredible. I remember how hard it was for you to pass through misfortunes but now it's different. I'm very happy to hear this! Take care and don't forget that positive thinking is very important!

As far as I understand you contacted the clinic and what did they say? how much time do you need to spend waiting for beginning of the program? xx

[Petricker in reply to minerva17]

thank you Minerva! I remember the start of all this half year ago..everything was different. I find it kind of funny and sad at the same time, that I thought about surrogacy 2 cycles ago. I know I had to try at least once again and to fail to start surrogacy but you know, I din't regret I did all these cycles. I'm sure that recent experience helped me to be more positive about surrogacy.

I was told that waiting time could be up to 2 months. Basically I'm okay with this..sooner is better but I'm trying to be patient. How are you and your boys? I hope everything is alright..

[minerva17 in reply to Petricker]

I believe that all the things we are going through changes us and our point of view somehow. I knew nothing about IVF and was embarassed to ask too many questions. As for you, good for you that you don't regret. I'm sure you had to try to know that you've done everything. Now you won't think that you could try again with all those what ifs. I wish you nothing but the best with this new step. lots of luck honey!

We all are okay, enjoying amazing time with them inside kicking me every noe and then.

[emu2016]

big hugs x

[Petricker in reply to emu2016]

thanky xxx

[CountryCat]

BFN's never get any easier, but I think it's very admirable that you are looking to the future with a plan in mind. You haven't allowed the sadness to swallow you, you're fighting back and there is every chance of a successful pregnancy with a surrogate. It will be a different experience, but no less lovely, exciting or fulfilling. Wishing you all the best for your next journey xx

[Petricker in reply to CountryCat]

you're right, it is extremely unpleasant experience but you may focus on future instead..like I managed to do this time. It was a long time coming and I don't want to suffer again...at least not that much as I used to. I agree with you, a surrogate must have higher chances for success than I can expect for myself. I will love a child she can help me to have as if it's totally mine. I'm so glad that my hubby's genes will be in my child, he is my precious man and I want my baby to be as more like him as it's possible.

I hope you are doing well. My congrats on your bfp! Have you done your first scan yet?

[CountryCat in reply to Petricker]

Thank you!

We go tomorrow morning for my first scan (7 weeks)...I am terrified as everything I have read says that weeks 5-8 are when things can go awry, so will be living on my nerves until after our appointment!

xx