introduction post, sharing our stories

[fellycia]

Hello! This is going to be my introduction post but we also can share together our fertility journey stories! I believe that it is really helpful to share with each other what we’ve been through, just to support other women and even to get the support from them.

My name is Felicia, but you can refer to me as Fel. I am 55 years old. You may think that I am too old for it, but I will have to disagree with you. I have been in my menopause for a decade already. Accept for my age I suppose that I haven’t had any fertility problems, but to be quite honest I haven’t had a chance to check if I was healthy or not. I got married only 5 years ago, for the first time. Before being in the relationship was like a game, I was playing, joking around, I didn’t want to have kids from anyone of them. I was looking for someone, who would make me feel complete and from whom I would want to have million babies. And I have found Brad, but it was too late. My story is that I don’t quite feel guilty of not creating the family with my previous guys, but I feel really upset that it didn’t went quite well as I wanted. Why did I meet him at my 50? Why couldn’t I meet him when I was fertile?

For almost 7 years we were enjoying our happy life together and I tried to not think about kids, but he was really blatant about it, he said that he wants to have kids with me. I hope that you can imagine how hard it was for me to look him in the eyes and tell how happy I would be to give him a baby but I can’t, it is too late. But his response was really surprising to me, he said that we can use the help of fertility specialists.

Now, I knew about the existence of fertility centers and treatment, but I thought that women like me can’t have kids on their own. It is not like those centers will create a baby using my dna or something, I suppose that for us it will be a surrogacy treatment or something. Because I am already too old and I don’t know if it is safe for me to even try to carry the baby….

I have googled it. There are plenty if things like iui, ivf and icsi. I don’t really know the difference between them except for what is written on the wiki page. I am 55, my husband is 56, and we both are old. I just wanted to ask you if there is any hope for us.

PS he says that he will find out about what can be done, but I don’t want to develop the false hope..

[johannashr]

HI! It is so lovely that you have found your love even at that age! I suppose that you think that you are too old for ivf treatment or something?

PS no, they obviously won’t create an embryo using your dna, but what they usually do at those fertility centers is that they take an egg cell and fertilize it with a sperm. The thing is that if a woman is healthy and has her own ovaries full of follicles the fertility specialists would use her own eggs, but if it is your situation they would use donor’s eggs.

[fellycia in reply to johannashr]

so, this is basically it, I have no other option as to use donor's eggs? That means that my baby can turn out looking really different to me?

i don’t think that there are any other issues with my body except for menopause..

[johannashr in reply to fellycia]

Oh no, it can't even if your clinic won’t allow you to choose the donor they will still match her according to your phenotype so the baby will resemble you even if there will not be any genetic connection whatsoever.

and of you are healthy I don't see any problem to go for ivf treatment. most of the people do so at your age

[fellycia in reply to johannashr]

You know it is what I have been hearing for too long. I guess that you all know better because you have had some experience in this field but I haven’t had any. I am having my appointment very soon, so I guess on this consultation I will ask my gyno whether it is fine to go through this or not, especially for me. I still cannot believe that some women go through fertility treatment in their 60s or even 70s, but if you say so.

Plus, you say that some clinics won’t allow me to choose the donor, but it is still possible to choose the donor in some other places, right? Because I don’t want to go blindly and want to know who my donor is and I need to like the girl, you know? Is it strange? Because I feel like it is.

My husband even though he says that he is fine with everything he expressed some concerns due to this inability to choose donors in the past, when I have told him that. So I am pretty much sure that we will be looking for the place where such thing is possible if my gyno says that I can carry a child and that it is very okay.

But I am not the one who will give up like this, you gave some nice advice so I will make sure I do everything to see if this is possible or not for me. Thank you.

PS but isn’t it like very dangerous in terms of m/c for women my age? I mean, my organism, my body can’t endure such pressure, and all of the vitamins, my body doesn’t produce any hormones that are good for the reproductive system that I don’t have either. So I don’t know how it works.

[johannashr in reply to fellycia]

but that's true that women of that age manage to carry a baby , I am not young either but not that age so I can't tell, but numerous proves keep tell us that it is okay and possible, you will just need to undergo a full examination that will tell if you can carry, and if not then surrogacy. but don't get upset too early!

I am undergoing my stimulation and after egg retrieval it will be all done for me, my surrogate will carry my baby, but so you understand the baby is mine biologically, so..

the tests will show if you can endure carrying a baby or not, what’s the point of thinking about it right now

[fellycia]

thank you for a great advice, but I just really want to know what is possible for me, because I don't want to waste our time. Brad says that he is pretty sure that he is right and having a baby is something that is pretty achievable for a couple like ours. but I think that I have no chances..

i know that i am infertile and I don't produce eggs for a long time already.

[kateferdinn]

Oh my god I can understand you so well, I am 60 years old and I have given up on having kids, because there are zero chances of me having kids that are genetically connected to me. Even though you are wrong about that you only have chances to get kids through surrogacy, because if you are healthy it will be totally okay for you to carry a baby. but the thing that made me quit trying was that i don’t get to choose the donor, plus in the most of the countries for women who are older than 50 years old, fertility treatment is forbidden, there are countries who are closed for us. I don’t want to upset you, but your husband lives in the illusory world. Although you can opt for the treatment in USA but their prices…

[fellycia in reply to kateferdinn]

Really?? There is an age limit on such things? Why?? I knew that there are no chances left for me, but still I was hoping.. And what about surrogacy? Is that also will be forbidden for me??

so what to do...

Adoption?

[kateferdinn in reply to fellycia]

yes, I was looking at some of the most popular options and none of the clinics was offering to choose the donor. how is that possible, i don't know though.. surrogacy i think is like open for women of all ages but the thing is that it is mostly altruistic, in some countries surrogacy is even forbidden so i don't know, maybe there are some clinics that I don’t know of.

adoption is I think our only way, surrogacy is expensive and unachievable the same is for ivf treatment. so..

[Hidden]

Lovely to hear you find your mr right-I'm sure he is worth the wait😊

I would advise you to have an appointment with your GP-they will be able to explain what all options are that are suitable for you both. Alternatively most private clinic offer free opening evening you and Brad can attend together and the consultants would also be able to give you all the options available.

Fertility treatment has come a long way - it is possible for you to have a baby.

My mums friend at twins - a boy and girl naturally at 50 (after trying for 10 years) Women can substain a pregnancy in their 50s.

With using donor eggs your blood passes through them-there is DNA linked to you and that child. Don't forget you will be the one carrying that child and giving birth to that child- you will be his/her mother. Ive seen women on here use donor eggs and as soon that test is positive it feels like their baby 👶🏻😍 It maybe not be right for everyone-before having donor eggs you would undergo counselling to be certain it is what you want. -that is a standard procedure when considering donor eggs/sperm.

Finally I want to wish you all the very best with everything-I hope your dreams come true 🌈

[fellycia in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, you are very sweet! I will be having my appointment very soon so I will definitely ask if I am suitable for the treatment or not. Plus as I was told my health state is important also, so I might have some hope. I don’t mind using a donor you see, at least now, I know that if I am able to choose one I can choose the girl who looks very similar to me and it wouldn’t be that noticeable that we had a child by using the reproductive technologies. I am just a bit surprised that it is okay that women my age carry babies, are pregnant, because I thought that after having menopause it is basically the end of your reproductive system and you won’t be able not only to produce eggs but also to carry a baby. but all of you seem to be sure that it is just fine and it makes my heart melt, so Brad was right when he said that it is possible.

Huge congratulations to your mum’s friend!! It is unbelievable! (but how is that possible to have kids naturally at her age? I am just very surprised by it! She is very healthy, isn’t she?)

Oh, I wish I could get pregnant naturally but.. what can I do.. it would be great it science found out how to create artificial ovulation or something like that.

Thank you for reassuring me! It is the most I have been asking for, just to get some support and a piece of advice, I don’t want to give up, not yet.

Love xx

PS there are it turns out a lot of cases when women bear the child when they are 60-70 yo. and some clinic do provide the tx for them. wow amazing

[Karinyaa]

Hello, dear! Well, first of all your age is not that sort of an obstacle which knocks you down. There are so many options nowadays! So I'd like share my story. It's not connected to surrogacy but I'm sure you'll feel more confident with your coming decisions

We've got the long history and our fertility journey was not the shortest one.

We experienced IUI and ICSI rounds home - got nothing but failures and broken hearts. I'm pretty ripe age and have not so much time left. The decision of moving onto egg donation wasn't smooth and fast as well. The idea of using another woman's eggs was weird at the beginning of our new route. And all those conversations about biological relation of the baby were torturing me. Furthermore I faced all that with our so to say family's proven fertility! (All the women in my family were/are fertile except ME!) But talking to more people in the similar position and investigation on the net really helped us much. This way we found eviternity.org specializing on egg donation and surrogacy. We had our free consultation with the patient coordinator Josephine in London. She was going through the same thing that time so we were absolutely understood and supported. In a couple of weeks we went to Ukraine, Biotexcom clinic and signed contract with them. It was the program of 5 shots for 9900 euro. All meds for the protocol included into the package price. Also selective reduction; housing, transportation and other minor issues. The most attractive about the program was that in case of 5 failures they refund all money paid.

With our previous history of failures we thought that guarantee was great luck because were so much tired of paying extra and almost out of the pocket. Fresh gave us more chance to try simply because you get more eggs. We Biotexcom clinic that fortunately had plenty of women for us to choose from. We selected a donor that is cute, tall, very athletic, had higher scores than me, dog lover like we are and many other things we liked about her. Plus, she is 25 years old! Over all my ICSI and IUI I never got more than 3 eggs and never past day 3-4. I always say it's a big difference from being 38 and 25 when it comes to fertility!

This process gave us hope and a possibility at having a pregnancy and a child. Moreover the place we went with doesn't have age limits, only health ones. So I believe more research will definitely help!

Wish you all luck in the world! And keep us updated

[AmyC71 in reply to Karinyaa]

As I was browsing internet, searching for clinics. I've stumblet upon biotexcom, can you give me more detailed info about it? It seems to have a lot of good reviews but im still quite sceptical about situation in Ukraine

[mannamay in reply to AmyC71]

Haha. you sound just like me few years ago when i was chosing a clinic somewhere in Europe and was advised to try biotexcom. Well, i read news at first and I decided not to think about going there. It was turbulent time for Ukraine indeed. Then I started to read reviews on websites and I began to think about it again...gosh, I hesitated for so long. Finally we agreed at least to make our first visit. It wasn't expencive, we could buy cheap tickets to Boryspil (an airport near Kiev), and the other exspenses, transfer from the airport, accomodation, food you know all the things which make our life comfortable, were covered by a clinic. And we didn't even signed a contract! We were trusted. After the virst appointment we became their clients. You know you just can't say no, i don't know why but I felt like they can really change my life. So they did. It was my third ivf and the first in Ukraine. It was successful! You see? I believed them and they made my very very very happy! I still chat with some women I met in a clinic some of them are from ukraine in particular..As far as I undrstand the situation is ok there, but something still happens on the eastern pfrt of the country. Viev is in the center, so you'll be safe.

[fellycia]

You say that in 60 years some women can carry a bay and it is totally normal? But how, I can’t seem to understand there are so many issues that stop me from pursuing this route but when I share them with my husband he says that it is okay, that you can resolve all of them with the proper treatment. He said that not me. Basically if we are 55 and 56 both will that be okay morally to have kids, I mean I don’t want my children to suffer from having old parents, I am sure that I can give them a proper education, can provide them with great life conditions but will they be grateful if their parents die before they turn 20?

Plus, my body is old, even though it does not look like that, I mean everyone keeps saying that I look like I am 30 years old or something. Which is a lie I know, but still. But that does not mean that I am suitable for the egg donation ivf or icsi treatment. Don’t you think?

Maybe you have some articles that will prove that I am 100 per cent suitable for this and surrogacy can only be pursued if I fail.

As you can see I still haven’t decided on this matter, I am very unsure what to do, although, my dh is certain that I am going to be a great mother and he will be helping me with everything he can. But the thing is that on top of that we would have to use fertility treatment we don’t know what clinic to choose, there are so many of them. We know as I have mentioned that we will use international fertility center but which one.. I don’t know.

[kateferdinn]

yes, I don't say that i am sure that it is all the end for us, but as far as I know most of the clinic don't accept into the treatment women older than 50 years old. what is that country you are talking about? for example Cyprus and Greece I know that they are closed for women after 50 years old. and they also do not allow you to choose the donor.

I hear that for the first time that you can choose the donor. because as far as I know most of the clinic won’t allow you that (except for usa of course)

[TeapartyAlice]

So sorry to hear that! But it has already happened, neither of you can change what happened, a lot of people all around the worlf have to deal with infertility and even couple of miscarriages, dont blame that on yourself ok? A lot of clinics nowdays give chance for having kids to women. They are all around the world: US,UK, Greece Ukraine etc. Dont give up on your dreams!!