I feel so broken. Me and love of my life broke up last year. I would always argue, I was unhappy, IVF didn't work on 1st attempt and I was loosing my job at the same time.
I moved to another city thinking I need to start again. He moved on very quickly...she is 3 months pregnant now.
I couldn't give him a baby and 10 years of relationship didn't really mean anything to him.
I'm in relationship now.Not in love,dont want a baby with him and I just don't believe I can love again. We are probably together because I'm scared to be on my own...
Trying for a baby was everything to me... I feel like I'm so old and life isn't great at the moment. I will be 35 in 5 months time... I lost hope I will meet my other half and have a baby.I feel like it's too late for me and it makes me really upset.Dont really know how to cope anymore... got new job which I really enjoy. Still didn't make any close friends since I moved to another city last year so feels very lonely at times.
Knowing he will have a baby broke my heart.Im very happy for him but feel sorry for myself. I never stopped loving him...but also never learned how to let go...
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Pauleenka86
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I’m sorry you’re going through this Pauleenka86, it must be so hard to be in your situation, to start all over but you are strong and brave. Obviously I don’t know your situation but it sounds like you’re blaming yourself when it really takes 2 to make a relationship work.
It hurts that he’s moved on but that doesn’t mean you won’t either. It just take time and healing. You’re still young and have time to try again, as you only tried once with ivf.
It sounds like the person you’re with maybe a rebound or the news of your ex has hit you hard and you’re living in “what ifs”? Which is understandable. You will build yourself up again and you will find the love you are looking for again maybe with your current partner or somebody new or you decide to be happy on your own... only you can know that much but don’t lose hope xxx Put time into you to build yourself up again, time into making yourself happy, focus on you, be kind to yourself - it’s sounds like a cliche but it really is true!! I remember feeling destroyed and had very dark thoughts after a 13 year relationship was ended in a phone call!! 😡 I thought he was the love of my life and no one else would love me... he did me a favour looking back 😉 but it is hard and it is painful but you can do it xx
Your ex is the past and you will never know what he thought... ivf is hard and can be destructive to relationships, confidence, emotions and physical well being. People often underestimate the pressure it puts on you. So be kind, heal and find yourself again and you will bounce back and be better than before. Good luck sweetheart and don’t be lonely, you can always dm me or talk to the other wonderful women on this site who are so supportive and caring in this community 🌺💖✨ xx
You’re more than welcome, hopefully the responses have helped with how you’re feeling and brought you some clarity / support! It’s hard now but you’ll get there. Sending you a big hug 🌺 xx
For what it’s worth, I met my lovely husband (online) at 40 and am so glad I waited to meet someone I laugh with everyday. Yes, we’ve had to do IVF but that unfortunately was on the sperm rather than egg side, at least initially! My doctor has said that she “can get women pregnant” for a year after menopause using donor eggs, so I’m still not feeling all is lost yet at 44!
It must be so hard to know that your former partner has moved on and even harder to know that his new girlfriend is pregnant. In my experience men aren’t as good as women at being on their own after a breakup and tend to move on first! You are allowed to grieve over the baby you thought you would have with him. Take some time for yourself to do this.
But.... you weren’t happy and it wasn’t a good sign that you were always arguing. It shouldn’t be that hard. You have been so brave to move to a new city and Covid is making things extra lonely just now. It won’t always be like this.
In any case, it’s not their baby you want, it’s your own baby! We tend to idolise people when they are gone (especially ex-boyfriends...)
Maybe by ending things with a guy you aren’t in love with you could feel like you are moving forward in your life. There is a lot of online dating going on at the moment (anyone single’s online now, apparently!) It’s just a v hard time with Covid to make new friends and life sure can suck sometimes 😟 Could you meet up for an outdoor coffee or a walk with someone from work?
Would you think about chatting to a counsellor to help you process everything that’s happened? Just a few sessions can make a big difference and a lot of counsellors are online at the moment.
Thank you for your comment and support. Definitely covid made it more difficult, I spent 5 months on furlough, my position wasn't available anymore so I applied for another job at the same company but different city.In a mean time I had other interviews so changed my job again 5 weeks ago.So my head was all over the place.You are right,I need to make some friends and go out for a coffee. Sometimes that's all we need,someone to talk to.
Wow, you have had so much to adjust to. It is so hard being furloughed without knowing how/ when it's going to end. You also don't have as much money to enjoy your free time! I think you should be really proud of yourself just for keeping going. I think it takes about a year to settle in somewhere new and make friends. Really hope you can start to enjoy your new life very soon. xxx
I read your post and really felt for you. It’s so difficult and scary being in a position where you have no control over certain elements of your life, but it’s also scary feeling unable to do something about the parts that you can control through fear of being alone.
First of all, it sounds like you were unhappy with your ex and had many reason for wanting to separate at the time. We sometimes look back at chapters in our lives through rose tinted glasses. We do this especially when we make a decision hoping for better or for progress only to not quite achieve our version of that in the timeframe that we hoped for. When this happens we can tend to feel lonely and lost and may crave past familiarity as this becomes comforting against a present which isn’t living up to expectation and an unknown future. We remember happier times and start to convince ourselves that we didn’t appreciate those moments or understand what we had, or think we could have behaved differently, but it’s just those glasses painting a tainted and distorted picture of the truth as we knew it. The truth is that when you’ve been at it for 10 years you’ve probably done every version of everything you could have done. In all honesty I think the fact that your ex boyfriend has moved on and is having a baby (something you both were unfortunately unable to do) has made you vulnerable and rocked you to your emotional core. It’s also reminded you of what you don’t have, but that doesn’t mean you never will become a mother. You also sound like you can no longer feel confident in your ex’s feeling for you during your time together when actually his current relationship neither adds or distracts from your time together...it was what it was. His now is simply decisions made AFTER you separated which has led to his current situation whether intended by him or not. Both relationships hold different value which you can’t convert against the other. I think it would help if you thought about what you need to change in your present and not in your past. It’s hard to anticipate happiness from a vantage point that feels like hell so change the context that surrounds your life. I can’t tell you whether or not to end your current relationship, but it clearly isn’t a source of joy for you and may prevent you from being more proactive when it comes to living the life u want. When a long term relationship ends it can take a while to find yourself again but the journey doesn’t have to be sad or lonely and neither does the ending. 34 is still young and so much can change very quickly (as your ex has proven). Don’t put pressure on yourself to have it all figured and don’t lose hope just because you’re not where u want to be right now. Life is fluid and ever changing which is why your today doesn’t speak for your tomorrow. Not everyone has kids at 25 or 33,34 etc. For many it happens later. For some of us it has to be later. Perhaps your future partner is right now moving cities, or going through a break up which has to happen before you meet. Perhaps your new best friend is someone you bump into on the tube two weeks from now. Perhaps your most enlightening moments of self development comes from a book you choose to buy next month...who knows, but there’s so much opportunity for you to build new and fulfilling relationships and to use your time to make yourself happier. There’s so much living to be done in your story yet....x
I think this is it,10 years and I'm more then sure i tried absolutely everything to make it work so you are right.Life can change very quickly. Next year will be a fresh start,I have new job so I'm on the right way to move on with my life and make some changes. I think all these comments help me a lot.Thank you so much for taking time and respond to me. It means a lot.❤
I had IVF on my own with donor sperm and my own eggs. It worked first time. I was going to go down the IVF with my ex partner, it probably wouldnt worked with him anyway because I have low AMH and he had a very sperm count. We split up before we started IVF. I had my son at 39. To be honest I always knew I would be doing this on my own from mid twenties. The thing is you have got time at 35 to meet someone else and have a baby with. My mum had a baby with her second husband at 46 and he didn't even want a baby and chainsmoked. You just never know what surprises life throws at you. If you are someone who gets long term partners easy you probably will meet someone to have a child with. If you are not then you find other ways to adapt to life circumstances.
Wow,you are so amazing! Well done.It actually made me think I should go to GP beginning of next year and freeze my eggs so if I wont meet right man I will just do it on my own. I will work hard to save up and make sure I'm in the right position to do it.I did sign up for sperm donors website last year.Did you pay for sperm donor?What clinic or website did you use for spern donor if you don't mind me asking?How much did it cost ?xxx
I paid about roughly at the end of 2018 about £5000 all together. I chose a British donor it was more affordable than having a foreign sperm imported into UK. I don't know about private sperm banks but I was told the testing is vigorous and only accept a small amount of donors from all of the applicants. But, less British born donors I had to wait on a waiting list with other NHS patients as I chose to have my IVF privately at Birmingham Women's Hospital. I did not mind waiting because I wanted to lose weight and get fitter. But, I have heard private companies its only a couple of months wait. My son will be able to contact his birth father at 18 years of age if he chooses do so. I did try the website prideangel before going down IVF. Never met anyone off it. But, the donors I liked lived too far away. Some seemed genuine and some not. Just thought it would be safer in a clinic as well.
I had my IVF in Birmingham Fertility Clinic too 😀 however I moved to Doncaster last year.I will need to book appointment and see how it works but you are right it safer to do it through NHS. Thank you for your advice xx
Just a thought is something I wish I would of thought of now is freeze your eggs till the time and person is right for you ,I have met the love of my life 3 years ago but sadly now we are trying so hard to start a family ,sadly my age is against me hence the reason for ivf ,I will give everything a go, you hold your head up high and at some point you will achieve what you want ,let the misery go then that way you can focus on you and move forward and live your life how you want to .
Yes I was thinking to look into freezing my eggs next year as it's best to do it now then think its too late.I only had 1 good embryo 2 years ago so I guess my eggs are not the best quality already.
You too don't wait freeze them now if you can ,especially if they was poor quality last year ,good luck and stay strong you have got this you are stronger than what you think , find that inner strength and fight back so you can be happy and content again xx
So sorry to hear your sad news. You're not so old. I had my first bay at 42 and am 20wks pregnant at 45. Although I would recommend having a baby before my age you still have time to turn things around. Be positive create a 5yr plan of where you want to be with goals for each yr. You could think about freezing your eggs and then if you don't meet the right person by 40 you have the option of going it alone. Positivity and determination can turn things around. If the love of your life can move on so can you!! He is put you and your relationship behind you and you need to do the same and build a new life and be postive you will get your happy ending
Yes,you are so right. I will definitely set it as a goal for next year to have my eggs frozen.It will make me more secure and happy to know I have plan B.
Thank you for your support. All the best to you xxx
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