crash of world

Hi, I’m new here and I just wanted to share my story. Even don’t know what to start with. ok, i'm not a young girl it's better to say experienced woman haha and I'm married 5 years and it seems like I have pretty happy life but there is a problem. Due to violation of my uterus I can’t bear the baby, you’ll say that’s not a problem and im not gree with you. We tied several tomes to get pregnant, I had miscarriages and that crushed my world

my doc says i have an psychological infertility and he's right, i'm afraid now of bearing a baby and dont know what to do with myself

Btw my hubby was married and he’s got a son from first wife who took his son abroad and he even diidnt have a chance too see him.

His parents totally against me and I don’t know what to do, he offered me to try another way of having baby I don’t know what to say.. hope someone here can share good advices I really really will be happy

I lost my hope and don’t want to lose my hubby he is the only joy in my life

Thank you for reading

28 Replies

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  • Hello knudsenan. i'm very sorry you're in this situation, don't know if i can advise you something, it's your life and only you can feel what is better in this case. it's a pity your husband's parents are against you but what is the reason? maybe it's possible to change it somehow? would you be much happier if they love you with all their heart? still your dh offers you to try something else, so he is not going to leave you or so, right? if you can't deliver a baby on your own, then you can think of adoption or surrogacy. it depends on your expectations and abilities: how much time are you ready to spend waiting for a baby, is it necessary for your kid to be related to you, i mean genes, how much you're ready to spend on this procedure. anyway, keep calm and hope for the best x

  • thank you very much for support. That's awful, i don't know the reason but they weren't love me at first glance. I never behaved bad, didn't drink and smoke, i really don't know why. Of course, if they love me I will feel thier support and probably all this will be easier. the only joy is my husband supports me and I feel his love and care everyday. Thanks god I have him. I feel like I don't want to adopt any baby i just want to have mine. probably surrogacy would be better but we are not millioners haha, that's why there is a small problem. If we want to try surrogacy we should find something not so expensive

  • oh i see no one wants to pay too much however ivf and surrogacy is not that thing everybody can afford. but you know there are some clinics where it's not that expensive to have tratment of course i mean in comparison to others coz it's always expensive i guess. it costs 30-50k in the clinic i've been. i heard in some other clinics it may be even 100+, but not sure

  • that's obvious haha, I'm trying to smile but only my lips do it. It like an tsunami inside me. my mind is far awy me and it scares.

    30 k? wow, that is cheaper that I found, where is it? was it good?

  • you need time and support from your family and your hubby...you need to share your feelings with someone not keeping them inside coz it hurts. didn't you think about any other therapy? you could visit psychologist, try yoga, massage, accupuncture and all that stuff helping to comfy you

    i don't know actually, i've been through ivf but i met couples there and everything was ok as far as i know. can't tell you more about surro results but in comparison to other clinics' prices maybe it's a reason to have a closer look. what did you find?

  • It's not so easy to get support from my family. They are against my desicion. They consider it's immoral. and how can I leave in such family?

    I found one clinic in georgia but I have some doubts about it. It's not so expensive but the only problem that is needed to pay some exta money for examinations, different medicine for surrogate moms, all expences in case of maternity house, food at long last. Our hotel. if we estimated all position it will be pretty sum. I'm not talking about money for doctors. I'm a bit disappoined

  • you know what? I still don't get it, how the closest people especially parents could be so selfish and ignorant...i can't find right words to name such an attitude. immoral it's to act like that while your child suffers.

    oh i get it, it's a common problem everyone faces when it comes to choose a place to have treatment. it's like planning your holidays abroad..you can go to any travel agency and buy all inclusive tour or book tickets, hotels and look for places to eat on your own. in the second case you defo meet some extra expenses because it's hard to predict everything. Anyway it's not a big problem if you're ready to spend money.

    I was tired after 2 cycles and didn't want to do loads of 'booking things' again and fortunately I've found a cliinic which provided me and my dh with everything we needed. maybe it was not the cheapest treatment but as it contains transfer, meds, meals and accommodation it seems to be super comfy

  • really? contains transfer meds and other stuff? you surprised me a bit. it seems like we need to pay only for fly tickets and interpreter. Because I'm not sure whether they understand English or other languge. hope it won't be a problem for you to travel there? or how will you deal with it? did you found any translator agencies?

  • it does! you don't need to look for interpreter because the clinic will provide you with one. it was surprising but many young people can talk to you in english, if you want to go to any cafe you may ask whether the have english menu or if there any waitress who knows the language...very often you can count on it.

    I'm not going to travel there, I've already been there for my tx. but i'm going to have holidays there next year when my sweetie is 5.

  • amazing!!

    That means I have no need to apply for any interpreter. I'm glad baecause I didn't want to spend more money for that, of course we have another way in this situation.

    Online translators haha

    and one more question, what if we came on midnight would the driver met us at the airport. how could we find him, would he have some sign or something like that?

  • right. even if you arrive at modnight you can count on transfer. you will find a booth with the clinic's name and there must be someone who will provide you with a taxi.

  • do that people know English?

    and one more question, if the driver met us at the airport would we go to the clinic or to hotel room? because we will have our luggage and it would be better to leave it somewhere

    don't you know, if there is allowed to take pets? we have a cat and she is afraid of being alone at home and our friends can't take her for a couple of days. we want to fly with her, is it possible?

  • well, I don't know about their knowledge..I'm sure you need to go to your room at first. We arrived 2 days before meeting, so there was no haste.

    The rooms they provide are not meant for people with pets. At least it was so few years ago

  • hurtfully, I thought I could come with my Mr Whitie. but anyway, thank you for information.

    how do you think should I contact them today? or it's better to keep searching for another clinics?

  • dear, it's your decision and I'm not an adviser in such questions. I just shared my experience and it's up to you to decide whether you need this or not. You may found out more from other people's opinions on this matter. The only thing I can advise you is to choose what you like and to go with your gut. looking forward to your update!x

  • thank you,, it's so nice from you.

    I spoke to my husband yesterday and we wrote an email.

    The consultant was friendly and asked us a lot of questions about age, health, civil condition. Also she told us about clinic's criteria for starting the program.

    They asked if we have the results of tests( karyotype, serology, spermogram and fluoro for my man) plus mammography, breast and transvaginal ultrasounds, doctor's certificate that I can be stimulated

    oh and also the results of my FSH and LH hormones.

    So, we are going to visit my GP.

    Wish me luck, I'm so excited about it.

  • You sound really traumatized. Sending lots of hugs x have you had counselling or hypnotherapy. I found hypnotherapy useful for helping me overcome some mental blocks x

  • Thank you very much. I really appreciate your words.Yes, my husband offered me to try any kind of therapy but i'm not sure about successfulness. Sorry if i hurt you but what you had?

  • I had nothing major to work through - just negativity and lack of belief in my body due to my age and history of conditions. We got further than we expected this cycle (waiting to miscarry) but I know I'll prob have some more therapy to help with positive beliefs. Please do look in to it x

  • thank you. I will. Maybe that will help me. Wish you luck and positive vibes.

  • hi, don't take it so close to heart. I know how this hurts but you should be strong. I'm hew here also and had similar problems but I changed my mind and that really helps. Try to understand it's only you who have problem, and want to deal with it. It's you who need to fight in the name of your future happiness. I've already failed 4 cycles but that's not the end. We've passed lots of hazzards, despair and many other things. But I will fight and you do so!

    Wish you luck, just to know peple here will support you

  • thank you

    I appreciate your words, I wish I could have baby right now. my husband would be over the moon.

    sorry you've passed through this too, that's all unfair. why we can't be happy, my devastation has no bound

  • hello! sorry for the situation you are in... I'd like to advise you not to wait for long and to start your treatment as soon as possible. I now on a 2ww, but I feel I'm able to do impossible things now. maybe I'm just going crazy lol. hormones..I guess. Did you decide anything? any news?

  • Yes, we decided to do surrogacy. I've heard about Ukraine and I suppose we would contact them.

    I know, times flies and I'm 45, too old I think. You said right if I stopped I would not have the sense of my life. As far as I know the level of my hormones is becoming lower so the chances to have a good ovarian reserve are bad, am I right?

    That means, the baby can be not mine, just with my husband's genes, yes? Or there is a chance?

    Probably,I should ask my doctor.

  • I don't want to upset you, but at 45 your amh must be extremely low and chances are poor. But I'm not a doctor, things may be different. I just faced this personally so...Your GP should have told you what to expect in you particular case. Anyways, chances to become pregnant with donor egg are higher. I heard of women who can't take the idea of donation itself so they may have 10 ivf cycles with own eggs. You are the one who knows better what you are ready to go through to have a child.

  • What news, knudsen? Have you visited your gp? What did he tell you? Are you still going to try oe surrogacy? What are the chances?

  • yes, I had. He told that I have good chances, my ovaries can produce good quality eggs, my amh is 1,5 and I'm 45, I suppose it's wonderful for my age. How do you think? Unfortunately, i can't bear a baby by myself.

    oe surrogacy? yes!! I'm in the mood for it!!!

    first step is to find a clinic with affordable prices for us.

  • Thank you very much. Of course, there are a lot of risk. The doctor told my chances are good but I suppose it's not enough. One more issue is treatment. What if my organism doesn't react to a stimulation. I know the risks of Down syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities increases and it can be harmful for my future baby...

    In any case, the clinic will tell me whether there is a chance to undergo the stimulation. My fingers crossed for success.

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