57 yo, ivf?

So… I was diagnosed with nothing else but my age.

Ok I know that I am old and I know I don’t have another chance… but do you think that surrogacy is my only chance? I am 57 years old and I know that my ovaries don’t function already but apart from that I am healthy I think, like I haven’t had any issues with my reproductive system before. In fact I have already had a child (but it is a long story). I know that my reproductive system is long time dead already and I don’t think that I would be able to carry a baby at my age. So I guess the surrogacy is my only way. But I am not that sure, I was thinking about other options maybe, for example adoption would be also nice, it won’t be that hard I think. I haven’t made my research on this yet, but I hope that I can pretend to adopt a newborn… I don’t know. Of course it would’ve been great if I could undergo ivf treatment. And I think this is what bothers me the most, and I would like to get advice from all of you. do you think that it can be somehow possible for me to have kids with ivf? Or I am too old for this?

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  • Hello, calmity! Your wish is natural and your age not always matters. Lately I was looking for advice here and on other sites, cause I couldn't decide what to do ivfor surrogacy. While searching for a right solution I met an article about a woman who was pragnant and delivered a baby successfully at the age of 66!! Can you imagine that!?!? That's totally incredible but it gives a hope for women like us...I guess you should at least try and have an interview with a doctor. If your health state allows you to bear a child why not to try it? If you won't achieve a success here, so then you can find a surrogacy program in your country or abroad or move to adoption because it's never too late for it.

    Wish you all the best!!

  • thank you so much! it is really surprising that there are women who gave birth at that age!! amazing, so basically it all depends on my overall health condition, right? and it does not matter whether i am old or young? because i am so desperate, ever since my boy died i was mourning for him but time flies and our depression and sadness too. and now as i feel this emptiness i can't do anything but think about having another kid, whom i would give all the love of the world.

    but do you know something about like an age limit? i know that it exists, but I suppose that not everywhere, right?

  • Oh God! I'm so so sorry for you loss...I know that no words won't give you comfort. But you have to live your life to the fullest!

    Having a child at this age still sounds like a myth for me but it's real. I'm not an expert in this area as I didn't even try to get pregnanat other than natural way. But today I did a big step and want to start my treatment. I've studied this subject deliberately and I feel like a profi now :-) I found out that some limits exist but can't tell you for sure in what countries and for which procedures.

    I wish you all the best and beg you not to give up! xxx

  • thank you you are so sweet, I can't say that my pain is in the past but for now I feel better, still memories come and go but I know that i am at least stable right now.

    I won't give up, I know that there will be a chance for me. dr told me that if i try hard enough I could get pregnant with ivf de. so I am thinking about this option seriously right now.

    xx

  • Glad to hear you're mostly ok, honey. Not to give up is the best decision, really. Good girl!

    I tried to find some information about age limits throughout Europe and if I'm not mistaken, every country which provides de ivf treatment has a limit of 45 years, in the Czech Republic it's 47 and the only country without limits i've found is Ukraine. It' s a great coincidence as I'm going to be in a clinic there on Mon for my first consultation before signing a contract on starting my own de ivf treatment. Maybe it's a high time and for you too? xoxo

  • I have been thinking about you know, travelling to another country for the treatment, as it looks it is my only chance you know, ivf de treatment.

    this is very strange because I was advised to go to Czech by someone but this is clearly not the best advice to give to a 57 yo woman, don't you think??

    and, where are you going exactly? the city, the name of the clinic, you say that they provide tz for women of all ages??

  • haha you must be an adult it is a great requirement for someone who is going to have a ivf treatment.

    so you just wrote the clinic you liked and that's it? why this clinic though?

    there are so many mentions of it on the forum, I must take a closer look at it..

  • haha, yeah

    yes, I wrote them, find out what should be done to have a treatment there, when it became clear I meet their requirements, we decided to make an appointment...and voila! I choose it because of its attractive offers. They have exactly what I need. I had few unsuccessful ivf attempts and i don't wwant to lose money in vain thus I need a clinic with some guarantees..and here we are.

    You definitely should take a closer look at it!

  • you have signed the contract??

    well, congratulations!!! judging by your commentary I see why you chose this clinic over another ones.

    for few days? why? do you need to undergo some additional testing or something?

  • Thanks!! I've made all the tests before and decided to stay here just to have a rest, you know just to walk in the park, visit historical places or simply to try their food...I heard they have a weird but delicious red soup haha.

    to be honest I feel a great relief...you know i was nervous a lot, although i still am everything seems more determined to me thus i feel comfy

  • oh i can understand that! although honestly i am not relieved at all and have like a lot information to process which is great and awful at the same time. haha

    but i am really happy for you, you have decided done like 50% of what has to be done for you to have kids!!

    oh, you have that much of free time wow!

    is Kiev a beautiful city? I mean, is there something worth seeing! I am sure there is but i have to ask haha

  • don't worry you'll definitely understand my feelings when time comes. Thank you for sweet words.

    yeah, i don't remember when it was the last time my husband and I walked the streets of a city haha. Kiev is beautiful, although it's snow and dirt everywhere, here we found lots of places worth seeing. I like churches and cathedrals here. You can google the most interesting places here.

    Sorry, I need to go. I'll write you later xx

  • how are you? how was your city seeing time? did you make some photos? were there a lot of Christmas stuff? like fairs or something like that? :)

    I have been planning to write to the clinic all yesterday evening, been doing everything to procrastinate it.. I don't really have a lot of energy and Ukraine seems too far from where I live..

  • I'm ok thanks. We are at the airport now , going home in about an hour you know. I think it's just a high time to leave Kiev although we really enjoyed beeing here. btw there is no Christmas stuff at all, people here are Christians but not catholics and they have their Christmas on Jan 7, so it's a bit early for celebrating it haha. The main holiday of the year here is New Year, nor Christmas..that's a little weird to me..

    Heey, you shouldn't be so lazy! Get up and contact them!

  • yes, definitely weird, but at least they have New Year over there, if I am coming to Ukraine it is going be this month because if i wait longer I am not sure i can even decide to continue fighting for what is very important to me.

    this is great that you are already finished and leaving Kiev, hope you have a safe flight!!

    xx

    haha i am lazy and afraid

  • remember Nike's motto? Just do it hon! If you don't do this, you will regret it till the end of your life believe me. Moreover, there is nothing to be afraid of..almost. Just kidding haha.

    In order to convince you I can pm you and send dome photos made in Kiev :-)

    P.S. You absolutely have to contact them because it's not 100% that you meet all their requuirement, so to be sure you need to write to them anyway. Wish you luck and courage. x

  • ok so I DID IT. I wrote to the clinic and they have told me that why not? if my tests show that I am suitable for carrying a child that would mean that i can go for donor eggs treatment. of course its a bit of a downer you know that i will have to go another country for it but i think that it is worth it if you think about all of the services they provide..

    so she asked me if I could send her my med history plus my drs letter. I did that yesterday now I am waiting to receive her reply about the best day to arrange the appt on

  • WOW! Well done hon! I didn't even expect you would do it so easily, i'm kind of proud of you! Yeah it's a bit annoying our countries don't offer us treatment like that but at least we can try in other places, I think it's also a fortune.

    You will know soon wheather it was worth to be made haha.

    I spent days trying to gather all that papers uuhh. I think you will receive your letter soon, if they are very busy then they contact you after weekend I suppose. Don't be afraid, everything gonna be ok. Be ready to buy tickets hehe. You don't need to worry, you'll be met by a representativeofa clinic or there will be a taxi just for you.

    Keep my fingers crossed!xxx

  • yesh, i have started taking starting pills. you know, I asked for 5 attempts contract and was told that of course I can go for it and we signed for 10k contract, it may be a bit more expensive than you'd expect but that includes 5 attempts and as it is stated in the contract I will receive a refund in case of the failure.

    my manager was quick to respond and I was surprised to receive such a full explanation of the treatment and other legal stuff.

    documents are def very hard to like have a control on but for me it is ivf and as i was told i am just going to come back home pregnant and will have nothing to worry

  • my congrats!!! i'm so happy about it.

    So, does it mean you were in Kiev uh? You must be extremelly healthy if they allowed you to sign that particular contract. I heard that it's available only for those, who has perfect health state that doctors are sure 3/5 att will work for sure.

  • yeah! have been on the medicines for a while for now, the donor will be starting her stimulation soon and i suppose that in 2-3 weeks we'll be having the ET.

    i think that it is the opposite that they offer 5 attempts contract to those who are like not that successful with the treatment... because I was kindly advised to 2 att one but I had to insist on signing the 5 att contract.

  • I guess i'm going to have ET at almost the same time! That's fun, don't you think? If so, it would be great to meet in Ukraine haha

    maybe you're right, i don't know the details. I was offered 2 att with thransfer to surrogacy because i actually was looking for it at first. you know i have already 3 failed rounds and i can't make my body suffer from my spontaneous decisions.

    I'm glad we've managed to walk the half of our way to the dream. x

  • so the beginning of the 2017 is going to be all about embryo transfers for us haha

    i hope 2017 will be better than this year was because honestly i have nothing good to say about it except for some small changes i had in my life.

    yeah, definitely, we should totally PM each other when it is the time we are going to fly to Ukraine, maybe our dates cross and we have a chance to see each other! it would so nice!!

    me too!

    ps the drs must've offered you that option because it was the best for you!

  • yea, 2017 - ET year. It's going to be the most important deed of mine during last few years...even if it won't work, although I 'm almost sure it's time to get my BFP.

    it would be nice to meet and share our impressions, moreover we have the same treatment, as far as I understand...you now have endometrium stimulation?

  • we will have our bfp very easily i am sure! this is not even a question! i mean like we have been through so much and i feel like this is it, this is time for us to get pregnant!

    haha

    yes, still, and you too?

  • I like the way you think, keep staying positive coz it inspires. we def deserve those cherished 2 lines...

    yeah, me too.

    How were your holidays?

  • oh vey busy, we were meeting all of our relatives and talking that mush I felt my tounge was numb haha and yours?

    i am still on stimulation, this is the first round and I know that after this week's us picture I might go to the et next week!

    how is your progress?

  • oh, i see, i was a little tired of all this family meetings so my hubby and I just escaped to the Alps...It was a great time, nature is so calming and relaxing that I forgot about my troubles. But a call from the clinic returned me to this world and now I can't stop being scared of my future and everything.

    Wow! It's so fast with your ET...I signed earlier but have it only in Feb.

  • so! great news, pregnancy has come and I am preggy!

    haha

    I know that my last update was 21 days ago oh my god time flies but for now I just feel like I am alone and my husband is not here he is at work all the time and I am not getting enough support like you might think that after I receive BFP, positives I will be covered in positive emotions but no, I feel really sad but I just feel like it may be hormones

    how are you? have you had your ET? yet?

  • You may want to check out fertility friends. The 'forum' board will show lots of options but this place might be a good place to start fertilityfriends.co.uk/foru...

    Very friendly women on there (and men too sometimes)

    Good luck with your research x

  • thank you so much!! I will be glad to join fertility friends community as soon as possible.

    Lots of love!

  • Hello hunny! I'm sory to hear about your loss and I can understand your desire to have a baby. We all deserve to leave a part of ourselves after we'll leave this place. You now have different options and if you're healthy you have even a chance to deliver a healthy kid! You still can go for DE IVF treatment...if there are no contraindications. Of course you need to visit your doctor and only then you'll know are there any or you can simply start your ivf. You should check your hormone level, make ultrasounds and other different tests. Besides your husband also has to make sperm test. If you have none, then you can use DS. If the results are not satisfactory, then you may try surrogacy or adoption.

    As far as I know there are still some age limits in Europe. I had IVF in the Czech Republic when I was 46 but at the age of 48 I was no longer allowed to have new attempts. Tha last attempt of ivf I made was in Ukraine, there are no maximum age requirements. If you have more questions, please feel free to ask!

    Good luck to you honey! xxx

  • at 48 you can no longer try it in Czech? wow... you know i thought at least 50 years old would be a barrier but no, they had to go further. why?? but it didn't work out for you in Czech right? why?

    and why did you decide to go to Ukraine? also because the coutry has no age limitations or something??

  • Sometimes I don't understand why such limits exist but then i think of myself as of a 60-70 yo woman having a child studying at highschool then college and I'm afraid, no I'm terrified...what if I won't see ny lovely grandchildren, ha?? And it seems a little selfish of us to leave our kids so early...But I couldn't do nothing with this desire and still don't regret it, only sometimes when i look at my Lily (3) i feel a little bitterness...That's why i think majority of countries have limits.

    InUkrine hohwever there are none. But you see there is no need to wait any longer as we are just hostages of time.

  • i am not thinking that far, like I want to have a baby and to raise him or her well, this is the only thing I desire! if there is still a chance for me to get pregnant, I will go for it without any other thought, just because this has been my dream and I can't just betray myself.

    thank God there is still a country that actually cares of older infertile women.. cause I am so tired of like finding a clinic and then I am unsuitable there.

  • I understand you, it's our nature haha..we women and if we want something so bad, then we'll do everyting and even more especially if it's about babies!

    Were you looking for a clinic? have you contacted any? If you are still trying to find one then I can advice you the one that made me a mom.

  • oh I haven't signed with any but I have been looking at ukrainian clinics, because i found out that in Ukraine there are no such thing as an age limit and I might have a chance of conceiving there, it was only like a contacting think, sending emails you know, nothing too serious like signing the contract. and of course I would love to receive an advice from you!!!

  • thank you! I have heard something about a clinic that provides their clients with everything necessary. I am very surprised, because as I thought all of the clinic put all of the expenses on their clients and customers and it makes it even harder to think about the total sum you are going to need in the future right??

  • Totally! It may seem it's not that difficult to do all that stuff by your own but infact ...pff it's ridiculous. It makes you spend too much time and lots of money. So, while contacting any clinic ask about total sum and what should you pay for.

  • I was to Czech too and we had like 2 ivf attempts there, both on my donor's eggs, even though it was a donor, they said they have collected only like 9 eggs and only one of them were fertilized BOTH TIMES. Which a nonsense!

    so both of the times were failures and they have said that there is like a chance for us to have another 3 rd round for free but we didn't want to stay there.

  • But maybe it was like male fertility factor? How did the clinic explain this? Because to be quite honest 9 is a small number for eggs collected from a donor, I know that donors can give like up to 50 eggs (ideally of course). 9 is not that great…. And like they couldn’t survive till the blastocyst stage??

  • They said that my hubby’s spermatozoid couldn’t reach the egg cell which sounds like a bullshit, because all of the tests my hubby had showed that his sperm is fine, normal. I don’t know… I was shocked and I have decided to stop all of the attempts there and change the clinic, I don’t want to stay in Czech because I didn’t have a nice experience there too.

  • Oh..so sorry to hear that! I also had DE but there were like 15 eggs and 12 fertilized but on day 5 few died and 10 were left and 4 of them were of a good quality ready to transfer. Anyway it didn't give any result and we don't know the reason

  • 4 survived till the 5 day?? wow, in Czech? I guess we definitely used different clinics but they still have some problems with impregnating their clients lol

    and you moved to another clinic, right? in Ukraine you say.. because I am thinking now where to go as the ivf treatment is either banned or too expensive, I am looking at cheaper countries for now, Ukraine of course is one of them, but i am not sure whether it is a great idea to go there..

  • wow really? strange it is.. like I mean, donors have to produce at least 15 eggs but maybe the stimulation was kind of softer than I have heard of...

    but the problem of course is with that only one was fertilized which is a mess honestly. change the clinic, i doubt that for their 3 free attempt you will be getting a bfp.

    PS how did you find their hotels and transportation services?

  • what do you mean "their hotels and transportation services"?

  • Didn’t they offer you the flat to stay in? didn’t they offer you the transportation? What about the interpreter? I know that some clinics do that and it is even stated in the contracts you sign..

    Or you paid for everything from your own pocket?

  • uhm no, why would they?

    we were there for the fertility treatment and not for some medical trip. we were staying at the hotel, not too cheap and at the same time not too expensive, we took taxis every time we were supposed to go to the clinic, those trip weren't that long and after spending some time in the county we felt pretty much like home.

  • My clinic covered all the expenses, accommodation, meals, driver, interpreter, meds and all..so there is no need to worry about anything.

  • that's what I have heard about such a thing when clinic covers all of the additional expenses except for plane tickets. but I just need to make sure, now I sent an email to a clinic I think is the best for us. they have yet replied, so I am going to wait for them to reply, I asked them about a lot of things including the accommodation and transportation thingy.

    PS all the expenses?? even food?

  • Yes! even food haha

  • I mean, how or why... but i guess you are right saying that they want to please their clients and they do it right.. because as for me, going to another country is stressful enough but on top of that you are flying there for fertility treatment and it is even more stressful. but this clinic does a lot so we feel ourselves good.

    how is it called again..??

  • what? your clinic covered all of the expenses? how's that? I mean, why would they do it?

    and like everything..?

  • i think they are trying to make their clients feel extremely comfortable so that they can remember their visits as lovely and pleasant moments withot any haste and troubles with accommodation, alimentation, transportation and language barrier. Isn't it great? who cares about their reasons to do so? haha

  • Yes, I get that but I always thought that you need to plan everything by yourself and it is so difficult like it is a different country, hotel are expensive everywhere but you do not want to stay in someone else's place because you are not familiar with another culture at all. and i opted for it. now i think i have done my research wrongly, i just went for first option on the list..

  • it's lake travelling, you know if you are a tourist, it's up to you to decide wheather you want to buy all tickets, to book all the hotels or hostels, to find a place where you can eat, to find out a schedule of a public transport on your own or you are ready to trust any travel agency and to have all this things done by someone else. The thing is that it's hard to predict your expenses if you do it yourself. it may be cheaper and it may be much more expensive as well. soo, all these services are great for those who looking for comfort without any worries.

  • 57 is may be still considered young honey!! not like I am trying to empower you over being to old or something no, it is just, have you heard the news about one indian woman who delivered a baby at the age of 72??

    so don’t think that it is impossible for you and that you are too old, nah, you are still young for ivf haha

    good luck!

    PS maybe you have some updates? what does your gyno say or maybe you have contacted a fertility center? what did they say if so?

  • 72... let me digest that.. 72 HOW???

    how is it even possible? she must be so healthy, in her 72 yo to deliver a baby...

    my gyno said that i am healthier than an average woman can be at my age, and if i try hard enough I may have high chances of getting pregnant. and I have been looking for a clinic in Ukraine as it turns out that not every country is going to support older women when it comes to their desire of being pregnant and delivering kids. terrific!

    thank you so so much!!

  • i guess she was and is very healthy, even though I am happy for her, i still think that it was a bit late for her, hopefully she will do something in order for her kids to have a bright future, so when she dies they are under the governmental or parental protection. maybe she will be with them till they are 18. I actually do not really remember how many kids she had, I think that it was either one or two.

    yeah, like in some countries egg donor fertility treatment is under the ban too. which is sad and reminds me of witch hunting times when being a women was a sin in itself.

    how are you? it's been some time, have you had any progress?

  • one or two it doesn’t really matter, I hope she takes care of them and they will be great human beings when they grow up!

    i hope that there will be an option or two for infertile women in 10 years, because reading how surrogacy is getting banned all over the world makes me depressed, because I think about all those women who have no other choice than surrogacy.. my heart brakes

    I sent an email to the clinic this morning, had a lot things to do this weekend, and now when i have some free time I can start finally solving all those fertility problems.

  • yes, it makes me upset really that we have to sit and watch how all of the governments take from us our last chances of getting pregnant. and look I am very lucky that I was born in the decade when it is still possible for me to have kid. I am opting for surrogacy with egg donation, and when you read that in Germany not only surrogacy but ivf de is banned it kind of breaks your ideology you know...

    my manager was so kind she said that it's been not enough of time for me to be matched with the surro mom, nit for me but for the donor, but I all take as it is me who is about to undergo the stimulation, I am imagining all kind of things since I fell sick 5 years ago, I can't seem to find piece.

  • i do not get that but I tend to believe that it is for the better because we for example got used to look at it from the point of view of the infertile woman who seeks for any other way out of her situation. but we have to think also about those surrogate mothers and donors, i kind of changed my mind about it lately because i always forget about others I always think only about myself and of course it is a huge problem but to be quite honest I am trying to change, my manager in the clinic told me a lot about donors and surrogate mothers in Ukraine, how they are treated and stuff and I have started understanding them a bit more than usually. to be quite honest I agree with this anonymous system that keeps donors in safety and does not allow us, IPs to contact those girls if they do not want to.

    i can only send a letter or a present to my donor and that's what I am going to do

  • but yeah, you are kind of right but authorities should've thought about it earlier, they have to understand that there are a lot of women who struggle to get pregnant and I personally am not a big fan of going to the country i have never even hears of before for the surrogacy program, it is not what I wanted from this life but i accepted it and had to sacrifice something to become able to achieve this dream of my whole life.

    i totally support those women who donate their egg cells or agree to carry someone else's baby, they are holy to me, but government needs to be more open in this question.

  • they do but given the medicine tradition in some countries it begins to sound very rational when we do not have the opportunity to have kids with the fertility help. i find it fine as long as we have the clinics like mine that help foreign couples with getting pregnant and having kids.

  • I am 52 and we have been contacting 5 clinics, out of which we have chosen 3 and are going to visit all of them in a short period of time to see which one is better. I am also opting for egg donor fertility treatment and must say that there was never a thought in my mind about my age, I just knew that we would have to look closer on eastern europe clinics because almost all of the fertility centers are closed for women older than 50 yo or even 45 or something.

    so yeah, i hope you didn't give up and still thinking about getting yourself a baby!!

    xx

  • oh! so we are kind of in the same position! How do you feel? what do you think about your chances, do you have any high hopes? what did your dr said about your desire to go for a baby? was he against this decision? or you were given a green light?

    yeah, I already know about this stupid age restriction situation in the world, I am not a fan of that either but it makes the searching process faster, dont you think.

    thank you!!

    lots of love

  • i had all kinds of appointments and as I checked everything, my health is fine and I was told that I can carry and deliver a baby, of coourse my hormones are not on their best level, but I guess that they are in the norm, especially when it comes to egg donor treatment, like I am not going to be stimulated on my ovaries, it will be just my endometrium and that's it.

    this is very stupid but we should be grateful for what we have. I am trying to appreciate everything.

    xoxox

  • that's great, I was also told that I am ok to go for ivf treatment if i want to. but of course money is the huge issue here. I want to find the clinic where they will guarantee that I would have to pay this sum without any additional expenses you know. because i can't budget such a thing..

    xx

  • my ivf treatment contract costs about 7 thousands euros. with meds, accommodation and transportation included. so there are suitable options for couples that cannot afford more expensive treatment.

    but you are concluding the contract with the clinic where all of the expenses would be stated. nothing to be surprised about, you will know about all of the things you are going or may be going to pay.

    xx

  • Hello there, I am exactly your age and I've just had IVF with donor eggs. I am now exactly 5 weeks 6 days pregnant. I have 6-year-old twins and I am also single. We are the happiest little family!

    Adoption is very difficult, I tried. And with adoption you can only adopt a newborn up to 45. Then the age of the child you are eligible to adopt is calculated at 45 plus the difference between your actual age. So, at 46, that is + 1, so it woud be a 1-year-old. At 57, the difference is 12 years, so that would be a 12-year-old.

    Look at Mick Jagger! Just because we are women doesn't mean we shouldn't reach for the stars!

    I wish you every best wish!

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