Husband refusing to accept his weekend drinking is an issue for our fertility.

[Cuppppatea]

Husband refusing to accept his weekend drinking is an issue for fertility. At the beginning of our fertility journey (Feb 2023) his results were drastic. ICSI for male factor infertility.

By August when we had ICSI they had improved but not great. Three eggs were fertilised but non reached day 5 blast. Dr said it was likely due to egg quality due to my age.

The last Dr we spoke to plan our next round said that the ‘sperm looked ‘ok’ on the last round but we don’t have a very up to date sperm diagnosis.

I’m really struggling to get my husband to stop drinking at weekends. He started off quite well but seems to have decided he’s not on board with that any more. Our next cycle is in January.

We agreed that we will both cut out booze ages ago. I’ve been more strict apart from a mini wine here and we have totally cut drink at home for the past 5 months but he will take social occasions as an opportunity to drink freely and get pissed. He does understand the effect of alcohol especially as as we watched a documentary on channel 4 (Anyone watch Celebrity Save Our Sperm?)

Ive tried to talk to him about it and even begged him not to drink before he goes out but he still does it. The last 4/5 weekends bar one he has got drunk.

He keeps making excuses like ‘my sperm fertilised the egg AND the Dr said the sperm was ok’’ or ‘’Ive given up 95% of drinking’’ ...We are by no means out of the woods?!

If he abstins during the week then over does at weekend - surely that is undoing all the good work?

It’s his birthday next weekend and with the obvious impending Christmas celebrations I don’t feel like there is going to be any let up. It makes me so anxious and rubbish I don’t know how to get through to him.

Binge drinking is more than two drinks - it has got to have an effect, right? How can I get through to him? I don't want to be a nag - nor should feel I have to.

[Tnthketnf]

So sorry you are going through this. It's hard when you're not on the same page.I think it's hard to get someone to cut down on drink/food/smoking in any case, if they are not there themselves yet, even more when there are no results with their efforts. There's not a lot you can do.

Unfortunately the science says a lot about the negative effects of it but does not explain the opposite. Which can be very frustrating.

I was always very moderate with drinking, literally 1 glass a week and not every week never smoked, ate much healthier than your average Briton and where did it get me?and countless women and men worldwide smoke drink and eat like there is no tomorrow and still have no fertility problems!

[leo1980]

Hi,

Just wanted to say we had the same issue when we started our fertility journey in 2017. I think I read somewhere, the sperm actually does the hard work in terms of cell division. So if eggs are fertilising but stops growing (dividing) it’s run out of steam. Depending on age egg health/normalcy will play a part too. Despite the urologist, the fertility team including nutritionist tell him, hubby has maintained his drinking and his lifestyle. We have ok sperm too with morphology issues, so a high % of odd shaped ones. I cried and threw tantrums, bargained and he didn’t listen. So we are still here on this journey using embryos we made at the start of our journey. (Thanks to my perseverance) He is 44 now and is feeling the pressure and stress that I did all those years ago. The only difference is that I know I did my best at the time when it mattered and I take it all in my stride. He is expecting a different result even though he didn’t put the effort in when it mattered so have said I will support even though you didn’t support me when I needed you too. I have a test day on Wednesday and I already know it’s a negative but I have been fine. I have had years to come to terms with it. Husband seems like he is just starting and at 43 its safe to say our chances are slim. So perhaps a story about hindsight might hit home.

As someone else already pointed it’s really hard to say it is diet and drinking or lack of that makes the difference. I never smoked a day in my life and am an occasional drinker. Didn’t even drink at university only started once I started working and could afford it. Quite a healthy life style compared to the lady sat next to me at work who told me she was pregnant last week as she wondered off for a smoke break. It’s better to give yourself the best chance whilst you can improve/maintain egg/sperm health as there is little to do done combat the effect of age on it.

[Twiglet2]

honestly for the sake of your own sanity and marriage just let him do what he’s going to do, you’ve gave him the facts and now it’s up to him what to do with those facts. The whole thing can be stressful and you both have to cope in the way you need to, for him if that’s drinking at nights out then that’s up to him, for you, you would rather cut it all out as that helps you feel like you are doing something positive. I’ve been in your shoes and I found the less I nagged the less they drank/smoked and the more calm I was even when they did do it. The round that worked for me I had been ‘binge’ drinking as the clinic shut with covid so I actually don’t put as much emphasise on that now (although appreciate the science) I think mental health is my priority now over that though especially birthdays/Christmas xx

[TTC0011]

Cutting out social drinking can be a struggle - I had to stop drinking many years ago due to health reasons and long before infertility but the peer pressure and ‘why you not drinking’ questions were awful for a long long time, and I found I didn’t enjoy those social events as much being sober. If hes cut out alcohol in all situations other than social events then it might be the social aspect that’s a struggle than the alcohol itself, or maybe he feels it’s the only normal part of his life still. As a different perspective, I’ve done 9 cycles and my husband did everything right - was a model patient, cut out alcohol, ate well, exercised, took all his supplements , went to a urologist and all we got was one chemical pregnancy and the others were negatives so doing everything right doesn’t always yield the result we all want.

[Choots]

Please get your husband to try proxeed plus, it's very good

[Nabsal in reply to Choots]

Yes agree but by proxeed men they have improved their formula but agree they are really good. I am also giving to my husband. As he have low morphology

[Hidden]

I really struggled with this too, my husband drinks a lot. Way over nhs recommended weekly consumption (he’s not a drunk or an alcoholic, just enjoys too much wine in the evening). He had a history of male factor too - it was the biggest cause of stress before and during ivf but it was his way of dealing with it all, his escape. I’d rather he be happy and less stressed than us at logger heads like we were.

I eventually learnt to let it go, and even with his drinking our icsi round was fairly successful. Successful in terms of blasts, but not yet a pregnancy.

Maybe you could get him to take proxeed as a compromise. This journey can be long and removing their joy or stress release could have more negative impacts over time. Everyone is different in how they deal with things. And like others have said, you can do everything perfectly and still not get the results. Good luck X

[Boo718]

hello, honestly I have friends who eat sooo unhealthily smoke and drink every weekend and they have kids no problem, in fact one of them has super swimmers 🤦‍♀️ me and the hubby rarely drink don’t smoke and eat relatively well …. No baby for us. It’s more likely to cause a problem you stressing yourself out worrying about it, can you push it back a few months if u think December will be particularly bad xxx