What happened next?

My partner and I have been trying for a long time to get pregnant, after appointments at the doctors they gave me a day 21 which they said was fine. And my partner gave his sample, when the results came back the doctor said it was a bit low but fine (he did ask if he had had a vasectomy?????) and shrugged us off. After months of asking we finally saw another doctor at the surgery and she refured us,saying we probably wouldn't get help on the NHS plus long waiting times.Which added to our panic as I'm 38 and I kept seeing the cut off point at 39.

Anyway our appointment came through within weeks, and after a sleepless night we went for our first appointment. After sitting down with the doctor he looked over my partners results- either our doctor didn't know what he was reading or he just didn't like being honest.. Either way I'm not quite sure as it turns out my partner doesn't have a low sperm count he has no sperm count..? How could the GP shrug that off and tell us to keep trying?? Anyway the hospital have said we can get ivf on the NHS and my partner has to do another semen test in the hope they find some so they can freeze it.

I also have to loose weight 2 stone, after having my scan apparently I also have huge cysts on my ovaries and tubes- again I had been asking my doctor for years for check for cysts as I've had them since I was 14.

Basically we go back in 4months enough time in which they think I can loose the 2 stone and I guess to get my day 3? Bloods and my partners bloods done.

In the whole whirlwind of finding out my partner has a no sperm count and saying that we can get help then finding out I've got cysts the size of a grapefruit I didn't think to ask what next!!! I was just so happy to know that finally after many years someone was willing to help. Has anyone been in a similar position ? If so did you have ivf with icsi?

Any info would be helpful.

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  • hi,how shocking to find out like that after so long.have you had any tests done?I think I may be in a similar situation.I found out my fsh level is high which indicates a low ovarian reserve.whilst waiting to see the nurse at the fertility clinic we have a sperm analysis done which revealed zero sperm count. what an absolute shock.the nurse hasn't said much but has led my to believe there is nothing that can be done.we have to get our tests repeated and then see the consultant. my emotions are shot!

  • It's awful when you find out isn't it.. I just feel like we have been trying for years and every month is a disappointment.. And for the doctor to say it was ok "a bit low but not to worry" to find out there was nothing there.i felt more for him when the doctor said that .. His face said it all.. They said they will repeat the test for him and they did ask if he'd had an illness or infection recently as that could contribute. Also the doctor recommended we brought some tablets called proxeed X they cost £40 but he said they do help. Maybe your clinic will do like mine and do a few samples in the hope they find some sperm then freeze it.

    I've had a day 21 test done and they said I'm ovulating well but obviously I've got the cysts. I have to do a some blood tests on day 3 of my period and my partner had some done. but I think as we were in such shock we weren't paying attention after to anything !

    It's a horrible feeling, right now we are trying to get past it but how I'm not sure. As as much as they said we start treatment in February how are they going to do that if we don't have any sperm. As if they don't find any that's our journey over as we don't want sperm donation. My partner has been reading up and he's now only drinking filtered water, (in the US apparently there's been low sperm count connected to the water????)and only organic fruit and veg and milk. Plus lost of other things . I don't know if it's going to help but if it makes him feel like it is then I'm all for it.

    I empathise with you - it's shocking I know but we can only hope that there is some type if improvement in the sperm.

    Have you only seen a nurse so far ? What astounds me people must realise how important it is- yet some can be so unhelpful whilst others actually make all the difference

  • Hi Lisa I'm going through similar things I'm 27 been with my partner 11 years never used protection,. I have been pregnant before but misscarried this was a few years back now. We went to the doctors and my doctor sent us to the gynecologist after a long year we had every test you can imagine my partners sperm count and mobility came back extremely low and told me the only way to have a baby is ivf an icsi he the refered me back to my doctor to which he then asked me what hospital I'd like to go Within 6 weeks I got an appointment with a different gynecologist at a completely different hospital the gyne was so rude and horrible he made me cry he got me to do bloods and told my partner to buy 6 different vitiamins from holland and barret tk try get his sperm count back up etc I have another appointment 16th January I don't no what his planning to do but hopefully bit closer to ivf it's so heartbreaking

  • Hiya,sorry for such a late reply, I've only just seen this!! Must be blind!! I would imagine you have had your appointment now- how did it go??

    Our doctor reccomended we take a certain vitamin. But looks like it's made some difference as my partners sperm count has risen a bit.

    The situation is so heart breaking. It's only when you get into this position do you realise just how many people are in a similar position.

    Hopefully by now you've had your appointment and know a it more about where you go from here - treatment options and such.. I wish you all the luck

  • Hi Lisa I haven't been on this site for ages so just seen your message... Thanks for the reply yes I did go to my appointment he refered me for ivf and icsi, I received my letter saying that I have been funded for this now just waiting to see when I get an appointment etc how long did this take for u and what actually happens on the 1st appointment the waiting game is so irritating.. Never knowing what's next thanks for your help and time how's things going with yourself

  • hi thanks for replying. yes have only seen the nurse far. Think the idea being is she arranged any outstanding tests etc then we see the consultant. we are waiting for repeat sperm analysis, repeat FSH and the day 2/3 AMH test.

    I think the more I read the more confused and overwhelmed I get (could be just me!). I was reading that there are tests they can do to see if there is sperm being produced in the tests (but not getting up into the sample and hence giving a zero result) - has this been mentioned to you?

    what treatment are you starting in Feb?

  • I agree, ever since the doctor did out referral I've been reading- and for the 3 weeks before our appointment reading everything and anything that I thought might help or give me an insight. I am just getting more and more confused with the more I read. It's not just you I find it mind boggling!! There's this type of treatment and that type. Originally I thought we would need IVF but I didn't realise there are other elements to it.

    I'm sure I read something along those lines and being able to go directly in with a needle to see if they can find sperm. Also reading about infection can cause a low / no result .. It hasn't been mentioned as yet like I said we were in such shock hearing "nothing"

    I think we are pretty much waiting on the same tests . They have me 3 blood sample envelops and I think all in all they are testing for 10-12 different things. I've googled those now but it was all pretty pointless in a sense as I've not had those tests yet.

    The doctor basically said it would be IVF we would have got underway with whatever happens first but they want me to loose that 2 stove first. My appointment came through for the 6th of feb so at least I've got a target date.

    I'm not completely clear and probably should have asked more question but like I said we were just stunned within the first 10 mins and never quite recovered.

    The nurses at the clinic were fantastic and I'm sure when my partner goes back for his SA he or I will ask questions. As the doctor said that some of the other tests won't be done as it won't matter as were having IVF. But I wonder if we will have the icsi as everything I've read so far points to that as it looks like they only need small amounts of sperm.

  • Excuse my grammar I'm using my phone and it's got a mind of its own!!!

  • HI I know what you mean with the phone.... good luck with the weight loss.. how are you doing so far? least with a target date you can work out weekly goals etc. sometimes they say 2 stone but would be happy with 1- 1 1/2. I think the thing which is puzzling me is if you have a zero count then barirng going in and extracting some (assuming there is some there) how can anything be done...I think until we see the consultant then I am just speculating on things.. its hard when you look around though and see all these families with children. something that for years you just assumed would be easy and come naturally when the time was right!

    are under an NHS or private clinic?

  • Arghhh I wrote you a message back and it disappeared before I could send it!!!!

    Basically I had already lost a stone and half before my GP made the referral to the hospital. However I had a crash which left me unable to exercise for 2 months. We only went to see the hospital for the first time on Wednesday so I'm only just on the start!!! But I save my target date now so I'm going to try as hard as I can.

    I agree, I'm hoping and praying when he as his repeat SA that they find something. Like I said the doctor said if they found anything they would freeze it. But it's very easy to speculate and I would assume everyone in our position has done it. But the doctor did recommend the proxeed plus tablet and we are trying to get some.

    And I think you do take it for granted that when you want it to happen it will, so it's devastating to be told otherwise.

    Our GP told us that we wouldn't get funding on the NHS. So I started looking to other clinics and prices etc. then I found out that once you got a GP refurral that the initial tests were all done on the NHS and then if you didn't fit the critiria you then have to pay. However after thinking we wouldn't get funding we were shocked and thrilled to find out we qualified.

    I don't know if you have seen this website but I found this, although it wasn't helpful for us as they didn't have our NHS hospital on there it had plenty of others and it shows you their critiria. infertilitynetworkuk.com/ni...

    Do you know when you will get to see the consultant? I know from our refurral from the GP to see the hospital was all in all about 5 weeks, which I believe is extremely quick.

  • HI Thank you for the link, im pretty useless at finding decent info! says on ours that you have been have been trying for 3 years but surely if "assistance" is needed they have to have some exceptions!!

    so you went last weds.. that spooky so did we. At our hospital, you see the nurse first who orders any outstanding/relevant tests etc so that when you see the consultant he has all the info - which makes sense. she just wasn't very helpful I don't think. Once I have my day 2/3 (AMH) blood test done and the repeat analysis, she will organise the consultant referral. so hoping its not too long.

    Have you got a date for the repeat SA? WIll be hoping for you.. we are waiting for a apt time but the nurse said should be soon. They didn't say anything about freezing any. think it is a case of just repeating it to be sure there is nothing there..

  • I just google everything and anything, I'm terrible I should be sleeping but once something is stuck in my mind that's it I have to try and find out!!

    I don't know why different places have different criteria,I think it's awfully unfair that if you live in an area with lots of restrictions you don't get the same treatment had you been living in another city with the same circumstances .

    I was expecting to see a nurse as our clinic has a website that was really helpful telling you what to expect, and that did say it would probably be someone from the nursing team. But it was the doctor who decided to repeat his SA which is when he said he would get them to freeze any sperm they found just in case it was never to be found again. Which would lead me to believe they will ask him again!! But again I may be speculating!! But no date as yet but they did say they were super busy and hoped it wouldn't be too soon.and I wish you well with yours also.

    Isnt it mad how you can talk with someone whom you don't know about sperm samples and really personal stuff.. But the nurse was right, she said from now on you will discuss things you never ever thought you could discuss with anyone!!!! Thing is noones experiences are exactly the same , similar but not the same so it's really hard as to know what to expect. Also unless you have been or going through it no one else really "gets it" I don't think

    Hopefully you won't have to wait too long, but at least you know when you do go the consultant will have all the facts,which can only be a good thing and maybe in the long run that will get things moving quicker.

  • hi

    It is mad.. the whole thing is crazy....you end up in a position you never thought you would be and you have tests which reveal things you would again never imagine.. think its also mad cos you don't get any symptoms etc..you just get told devastating news like it isn't really happening to you.. however it has really helped reading your messages so thank you. I havnt really discussed it with anyone as yet... but like you said I don't think you can understand unless it is happening to you.

    I am hoping in some ways that we get to see the consultant fairly soon after having the blood tests but in some ways im dreading the consultation as then we may have to face the final news. At the moment you can hope that the tests will come back with some good news but when we actually have the appointment that will be it... maybe I need to think a bit more positively.. just hard when you know there is double issues so double the hurdle..

    ee dear I am being miserable... anyway.. hope you are both bearing up and the "diet" is bearing up well. That must be doubly hard as you want to have some nice "comfort" food...think positive.. long term thoughts...

  • The diet sucks!! Lol I'm having a bad day today- I did 2 miles on the treadmill and a did a load of walking about in town and I back too late to eat dinner!! This is what happens when you have a personal trainer for a partner!!!! So I'm fed up and hungry!! Lol I'd love some comfort food right now, but I am making do with grapes!!

    But I think you try for so long then finally have to admit defeat and need help,and as if it wasn't ad enough you then are told its worse than you ever thought.. Then your left thinking "what next" and have so any questions you can't answer yourself! leaving you even more confused!

    It's a waiting game, and that's the hardest thing, after months or years waiting for that missed period that never seems to happen to then have to wait for appointments.. I know once I saw the consultant I did feel a little better- but was so shell shocked I didn't get to ask any questions- I'm sure by the time February comes I will have a list of questions as long as my arm!!!

    Likewise ,I think it does help a great deal to talk to someone else going through the same type of experience, as with anything it's good to know your not alone.

  • Hi Lisa Jane, just checking in to see how are you doing with everything and if you have had a date for your repeat analysis and blood tests? I hope you are bearing up....

    we have the repeat analysis on tues and i am hoping to get my bloods done next week (waiting for day 2/3 to appear!). following these results we should get an appt to see the consultant. In a way I feel at the moment because we are waiting for the test/then results then I can almost hide away from having to face anything if you get what I mean. I can hardly see the consultant having anything "good" to tell us but im really scared to hear that nothing can be done... we actually go away on holiday next week so it will be a good chance to get away for a break and hopefully chat about things...

    Anyway, I hope you are ok. Thinking of you...

  • Hiya, been meaning to reply but it's been a bit hectic, and doing nothing for my stress levels!!

    Well my partner got a call saying to go in last Friday for a SA however after he rang them back they decided that they would wait and give him another appointment so that they can give him enough time to get some more 'pre-freeze' blood tests done. So he has to call sometime later or tomorrow to arrange an appointment.

    Hope everything went to plan with your repeat analysis. I empathise with you, it's the waiting that drives you mad. I was a nervous wreck before we had our consultant appointment and that was thinking that it was just a low count. But if its any help I'm reading a really good book called zita west's guide to fertility and assisted conception. And I read something that made me think of you.that now a days only 1 in 200 couples where the male has no sperm require help from a donor. Reading that mad me feel a bit better.!!! As should we be told that we were to need a donar we have already disgusted that that would be the end of our journey. So fingers crossed they can help us both.

    It's so hard not to think about anything else isn't it, but hopefully you will be able to have some relaxation or just a different routine on your holiday. I am thinking should we go back in feb and they give us a definite date to start (assuming I can shift this weight) that I would like to go away for a week or so so we can mentally prepare. Or at least I can try!

    My partner if he's feeling the pressure he's certainly not showing it, everything is water off a ducks back to him, he's like that with everything. Positivity is a good thing, however sometimes I just don't get how he's 'not' openly worried. Since reading this book it's opened my eyes to a lot of things and that's before I've even got to the IVF part. But he says he only needs to know facts and doesn't want to know details, see for me it's all about the details, so right now talking to him about the what ifs and how's is pointless. I'm hoping come febuary he will actually start to realise the upheaval we will have to go through. And hopefully his positive attitude will keep the both of us going,??!!!!!

    Have they said how long it will be once you have done this SA and your day 3 before the results come back and you get to see the consultant? I do hope it's not to long for you.

    Well it's 3.30 and I'm tucked up in bed with my ipad for comfort, just waiting on my partner it's now officially his 40th birthday today, and he's still out with his cousin so I'm trying to stay up to wish him a happy birthday, but I reckon if he's much longer he shall find me slupped in bed dribbling over the iPad!

    Anyway I should probably go I case I nod off and end up posting loads of random letters! Lol

  • hi that last bit made me laugh...

    hope he had a nice birthday night

    we are just back from holidays now, was nice to get away and just have a different routine like you said. Its back to reality now.. and work to face tomorrow...

    I was hoping that we may have got an appt through when we got back as I emailed the nurse to let her know that we had had all our tests done and that was all she was waiting for - however no letter!

    I know what you mean about your partner. I tried to talk about it on holiday but he seems to just think we will deal with all the facts when we see the consultant and there is nothing that we can do. it is true, we cant do anything but its almost as if he isn't bothered yet im sure that he is. That's interesting to know that for most cases they can do something with the zero count - is that the surgical extraction? I think its just so much worse with my high FSH etc indicating low reserve - although am waiting to get the AMH back to know actually how bad that is

    Have you got another apt for the SA yet? will you have to wait till Feb till you get the results from that? how are you doing with the weight loss?

    Good to hear from you x

  • Hey,

    Glad to know you had a nice holiday,I'm trying to convince mine that a trip away once we have dates confirmed for the start of treatment would be good. Even if it's a couple of days to 'gather ourselves" so to speak -but as yet the jury is still out on that one!

    Well he was supposed to ring once he'd had his pre-freeze bloods done, which he did and we expected them to say they would send out an appointment.. But she said it's was going to be 5 days later.. His face looked even more horrified,(he struggles even ringing them as he gets all tongue tied when he has to say why he's ringing! :-) )

    So he went Wednesday just gone, I wasn't able to go with him, I would of liked to but couldnt due to other commitments. This time they were supposed to freeze it, well that's if they found anything. They also said they would ring in the afternoon. Which they didn't and that's the first time I've actually seen him a bit nervous. Thursday we think he missed their call and since then it's just been the machine so we are going to ring tomorrow and hope they managed to find something.

    I've actually not been on the running machine for a couple of weeks as I've been ill with a kidney infection, I'm on the mend now but had to go to the out of hours doc to get antibiotics and she was saying that there is 'always surgical route for getting sperm '. So yeah the surgical extraction.So I guess there is hope .. I need to see if I can find some videos on YouTube or somewhere on how they do it.. I've watched probably too many videos now... My partner thinks I'm becoming obsessed.. I say im not, it's simple to me really, if I'm going to put my body through this and take different drugs (especially as I don't like taking meds at the best of times) and putting my body through procedures etc I want to know everything and , any side effects, risks etc. I had problems with my heart years ago and never asked enough questions about drugs or side effects- hence I put on weight due to the steroids not to mention being miserable and moody- so I think knowledge is important. also on our first appointment we really were very unprepared and didn't really have any questions. Ok it didn't help we were gobsmaked by his SA results. But when the doctor said "any questions" we just sat there like kids confused !! So call it what you will I don't want to go into this being nieve and I think as much as the more I read the more terrified I get-at least I know. If that makes sense.

    I'm just waiting to do my day 3 bloods.. Funnily enough my period is now 2 days late!! Typical really as I'm never late, I'm regular as clockwork, probably overtly stressing now!!

    Here's hoping you will get your appointment soon- when I got the email to say you had replied I thought you were going to say you got your appointment.

    Doesn't everything seem to take soooooooooo long.?

  • hi great to hear from you.I know its not the greatest of circumstances but your emails do cheer me up. It good to know (although not good really if you get me) that someone else understands and is going through something similar..

    I am very much the same as you for reading stuff.. in fact last night I got told to stop reading stuff etc and we needed to just see what they said.. I went back into work today and didn't know if to email the nurse again (I work at the hospital). I think I will as you don't get anywhere if you don't push and the worse she can be is annoyed and I think we annoyed her anyway when we first met her by taking up too much time!

    so have you heard anything about the results? that must be agony knowing they are supposed to ring you and you don't hear anything.. I know our results are there but in some ways I don't want them as I know there is issues with us both .. however we do need to see the consultant and see what he says. Im worried that he will say that although they can have a look surgically to see if there is anything there that there is no point as my reserve/eggs are too low...

    Are you now 3 days late? have you done a test? Hope you are ok ...

  • HI I did the deed and we have an apt next weds. I know that we need to go but feel really stressed/nervous now as I know that then we will have to face the news...

    hope you are ok?

  • Hey,

    I understand totally..and I think that's why sites like this are good cos you get to meet people who are going through similar experiences is somewhat reassuring to know your not the only one.

    Well my partner hasn't rang back yet! Part of me is thinking he doesn't want to, just in case it's bad news again... I'm trying not to get annoyed cos reality is the results won't be any different if it's today or next week. so I am trying to let him do it in his own time- (grrrrrr....he better hurry up though... Lol)

    Well I came on last night , so no need for a test! Bit of a let down and I knew deep down I wasn't pregnant but still irritating every month.

    Yayyyy you have your appointment.i know exactly how your feeling, there's so many emotions - happy that you have finally got an appointment and then the fear kicks in as in what if they can't help... It's horrible I didn't sleep for 2days before we went to the hospital. In fact the night before I got myself so worked up I had to give myself a talking to. I think the fear comes from not knowing. I'm pleased for you though, as at least you will know what your facing and what can be done realistically. I'm sure you will feel so much better once you have been. Only thing I wish from my first appointment is that I wish I had taken a list of questions.cos like I said to you before I was just like "duhhhhhhh"

    As much as I can say think positive ,I know reality is its dam hard!

  • Hi

    I think I cant help but feel with the zero count plus the high FSH(not sure yet about the AMH result) and thus low ovarian reserve there is nothing that they can do. Maybe in some cases they do try the surgical extraction but maybe in this case due to my issue they will say there is no point...

    I was thinking about your situation - did you say you go back in Feb? Didn't he say they you could do IVF? After this SA will you then have to wait till Feb to see if they will do the extraction if needed? seems a long time after your intial appt.

    it really isn't nice is it. who would have thought a few years ago we would be having this conversation...

  • Hey,

    I just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow. And to let you know I will be thinking about you... And hope you manage to get some sleep tonight ...

  • I understand that I think had we known about my partners results I think I too would have found it hard.. Or should I say even harder. I really thought they were going to say they couldn't help us either.. But so far they seem to think we can get somewhere.

    Yes we go back in febuary. Yes they said our only option was IVF but we kinda thought they'd say that so were prepared for that. So yes when my partner gets up the courage to ring ( yes he's still not rang) we will just have to wait till fed. It's a long time as they have given me 2 months to loose 2 stone???!!!! Seems such a short time for so much weight!!!! But I'm trying!

    I know I said the same to my partner as I said I had been talking to you via here... It's crazy but it helps!!

  • HI just logged on to reply to you. I didn't realise you had replied yesterday - thank you for your good wishes.

    Well I have just come home now.. the appointment wasn't as bad as I thought. He was a nice man with a gentle manner. The SA was the same - no count but he did say that in view of the others tests that there was a chance they would go in and have a look if any could be extracted. This requires another referral to a city hospital (where you would also have IVF etc if it came to that). that will take a few months though so more waiting.....

    My results were slightly better. my FSH is now 6 which is normal but the AMH does show a lower ovarian reserve but he did say that I should respond to IVF if we got to that stage. It was more positive as I was expecting him to say that my results were that bad there was no point.

    So now the situation is wait for the referral - and that Is only to talk about if they would do the extraction...would have to wait again for the actual procedure..

    I am glad that there is a little hope but when I was driving home you cant help but feel angry about It too that there is all these hurdles to get over yet some people just get pregnant just like that... I suppose we cant think like that. I think it will be a case of dealing with each stage at a time. I have a feeling its going to be a tough/emotional year ahead...

    How are things with you? have you had your day 3 done? did you get the SA results?

    Its a shame that there isn't a way we could exchange emails addresses in a secure but this way is still good as I really appreciate your contact....

  • Hey,

    Well I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you thought. Was he able to offer an explanation for the zero count. They think my partners was possibly due to him getting mumps.. At least they would consider going in for possible extraction. It's just a shame you have to spend more time waiting. That's what I struggle with most.

    Glad your results came back better, that's another positive thing. Also that you feel a bit more positive so that helps. How's your partner feeling about a possible op.?

    I'm going to ring on Friday to confirm they have got them. My partner though hasn't rang for his results.. I'm not sure why - I think maybe he thinks it's bad but when I ring Friday I will ask. I guess even if they are bad we can't discuss it with a doctor till feb anyways so maybe it's a good thing. No news is good news and all that !!

    I think it's natural to feel like that in our situation I really do. There is a woman with 2 kids who lives round the corner from me somewhere and sometimes i bump into her at the shop we don't talk, but she never ceases to shock me. The way she talks to her brood of kids is unreal.granted it must be hard work looking after as many as she's got but I can't believe the way she treats them.. That really bugs me, even more so now that we are struggling. I tend to find myself noticing how mums are with their kids and wonder would they be like that had they had this fight.

    But your right I think that's the way to go, each stage at a time..but again it's the blasted waiting!!

    I know, I think you can send private messages via here,since we are both members.. But I do think as we both want the same outcome and have similar circumstances, talking is helping us both. I defiantly think for me speaking to you as a woman you understand a bit more than my partner might. Obviously my partner understands but just not from a woman's perspective..

    This is turning into another essay, I have been slowly typing since you sent your last message, I had an injection into my hand earlier as I have a trapped nerve- and it's gone from tingling and numb to throbbing!! But at least it gets me out of circuit training for a day!!

  • HI how did it go yesterday? Is your apt 6th Feb?

    How is your hand? I suffered with a trapped nerve in my arm, I woke up one day and both my hands were numb. this lasted ages till I have an operation to decompress my nerve.. and that ended up with nerve damage.. its not too bad now, I just have some limited function in it...

    I met a friend today for lunch and it was quite strange talking about it all, She has a young boy (aged 6) and had a termination when she was younger so I felt I had to be careful with that I said really. She was asking me what I would feel about adoption should it come to that. It isn't something I have processed yet.. have you had chats about any other avenues?

    I wish we had done this years ago as with all the waiting etc you are more conscious of age ticking away!!

    I am just pondering whether to meet the other half after football match (watching it not playing) for some teatime drinks. Most of me cant be bothered but then I think a few drinks maybe soothing tonight!!

    hope you are doing something nice this weekend xx

  • Hiya, hope you had a lovely Christmas, it's been a bit hectic here.. But I'm just winding down and gearing up to going back to training as I'm conscious that I've got about a month left.

    The injection has kicked in although the top of my hand still has the pins and needles it's no where near as bad as they were. However since the injection I've got some weird pain in my thumb???!!!

    I wasn't able to get through to the clinic, well not to the person I needed to speak to so I guess I've got to wait till the new year.

    We have discussed other options and we both feel that should the ivf not work that we won't persue other options.. But on another note I'm actually adopted myself so for me I see adoption as a good thing- however it's not something my partner is wanting to do. But you know what though, I think maybe if we were to have to face other options maybe he would rethink.

    Did you meet your partner for drinks- I tell ya right now I could do with some- but chance would be a fine thing!!! But I'm sure when I reach my target my partner will calm down.. Although bless him he does the food shopping every week- always has done but now he has 2 shopping lists!! His and visitors and family have and mine !! But last 2 weeks he's lightened a lil and I've had some weightwatchers chocolate ice cream- I never ate ice cream before however I can't tell you how much I'm now in love- lol oh how I've missed chocolate!! Christmas is making it that much harder too- we've not really told family and friends yet about our impending journey, I've told a couple of my girlfriends. one of which has 5 kids and is very fertile and she's not been very supportive at all .But it's difficult as he's very private, where as I feel we should be telling family even if it's just for support,or realise why I might be in a strange mood..

    When you think about it.its not just a physical thing you have to go through but it's the emotional side I think that's harder- and weare only at the starting block.!!! There's so many things you don't expect...

  • hi

    How was your Christmas/new year? I hope that it wasn't too emotional for you..

    Im still off till Monday and now have to start getting back into a more normal routine with some healthy living...

    I have had a letter - well questionnaire really from St Marys (Manchester) where we have been referred. We have to send that back (with photos attached) within 14days or they assume you don't want the appt.. did you have to send in anything like that for your hospital?

    Anyway.. happy new year to you.. I think we will have some tough emotional times to ahead but lets hope that its a good and happy year at the end....

  • Hiya,

    Didn't realised you had replied.. Christmas was spent at my partners mums and new year were spent with his dad and lots of other family members. Which always brings up comments etc- not being helped that my partner is so god with kids- it's a bloody minefield!!

    And being on a strict diet,which Sargent major (aka that partner of mine!) made sure every one knew About ment I wasn't able to indulge in anything nice!!

    . But other than that and can barely walk from the regime he's putting me through, I'm coming down with the flu and I'm feeling decidedly annoyed that no 1 my partner is a personal trainer and is showing nooooo mercy!! and 2 .. That I feel like I'm suffering for his problems.. I know that sounds selfish as we both want the same outcome. However I think I'm just feeling so tired from swimming circuit training plus now he's got me doing light weights and running 2 miles a day I'm completely exhausted... The fact I feel I need to talk to him yet he's not really up for discussing it is also bugging me..

    For some reason he was watching the kardashians and Kim kardashian had decided that she was going to freeze her eggs- long story short it was showing her trying to inject her meds into her tummy- I told him these are the things I will have to be doing. He looked at me horrified- I was like errrr yes that's only the start!!! I know he doesn't want to know what's going to happen- but personally I don't think he should be so nieve. I think as we now only have a month left I'm getting irritable at his unwillingness to want to know things- yes we have gone through so much as a couple this is going to be tough. Maybe it's just my control freak side coming out, but his 'so laid back he's horizontal". Approach is starting to grate a little!!!

    In answer to your question is no, we had to fill in loads of forms etc consents, history on how long we've been together and stuff like that.. But not any photos though. But I guess different hospitals have different ways.. Maybe they will ask, who knows.. Going by what I've read so far everything for everyone is so different .

    Did they say how long it would be from you sent back you photos etc??

    How was your Christmas and new year??

  • Hi good to hear from you... I so understand how you are feeling etc...I was also saying to mine that if they find any sperm and we go through the IVF then it will involve lots of blood tests and injections.. all he could say was that he couldn't do that etc.. I don't think he has any idea of what is involved especially from an emotional point of view.. I was trying to say to him that not only is there the emotional stress of whether it will work/taking each hurdle one step at a time you also have the added emotional upset of all the hormone injections which from what I have read is not a ride in the park...

    each hospital probably is a little different. My original blood tests and scan was ordered via the GP. we were then referred to the local hospital where the initial apt was with a nurse who repeated all the blood tests (for both) and the SA. we then saw the local consultant and as we need IVF etc we have been referred to the tertiary centre which from here is in Manchester. I guess if we lived in Manchester then you would go directly there.

    I asked the consultant we saw locally how long you wait and he said it wasn't that long - "a couple of months".. that will be the first apt in Manchester though where I am assuming they will formulate a plan. I am assuming the first step will be to see if they can extract any sperm as without that there wouldn't be a next stage..what the wait between is though I don't know and like you said in your orginal email I am aware of age ticking on so you don't want to be waiting too long.

    I actually sent the form off (did I also add that it didn't come with any covering letter which was very odd!) recorded delivery.. so I am planning on called up in a week or so to check that they have it. I am also going to ask if they have any idea of the wait.. I am bothered about not getting enough notice about the apt and sorting things out at work ( I have not said anything to my boss yet about it)...

    I find it all so flustrating that its all waiting and everything is out of your hands and you cant do anything about it...

    Does your hospital actually offer the IVF there? did you say that they did mention the sperm extraction/retrieval to you?

    Sounds very impressive all the excerise but it also sounds too much.. you want to take care of yourself too especially if you are starting to become ill.. its hard and unpleasant times ahead so I feel we need all the strength we can have...

    Hope you feel better soon x

  • Hiya,

    I'm feeling much better, I've had a few days off from exercising so feel a little better, and we have spent the day in bed today just relaxing which I think That I needed.

    We were the same our initial tests were ordered by our doctors and that was my day 21 and his SA, we saw 3 other doctors at our surgery one said not to worry keep trying and the other just told my partner not to focus on his semen and to just get his back better first. I'm so glad I decided not to listen and went straight to the best doctor and she did refer us straight away. I don't remember waiting very long at all for the letter to come through, then we had to book our appointment - first appointment available was 3 week later.

    I would ring them next week and double check too, at least then your mind is at rest that they have it. I think a lot of people are worried about the work situation,at the moment I'm ok and my partner works for himself so at the moment that's not an issue for us.but I can see how it could be in the future.

    My partner was saying the same about the waiting thing, he's as impatient as me!!

    In Coventry we only have one hospital, university hospital and they actually have their own fertility unit and website I fact. The website was really good when I was looking for info on IVF. They look like they do everything there including ICSI they also do private IVF too.

    The doctor didn't mentioned about the sperm extraction, it was a nurse there. I know they spoke to my partner separately which I wasn't happy about. When we got there they had us fill in lots of forms, then I had to go have my weight and height checked, then sat back in the waiting room. They then called us in to see the doctor, where we were then floored by his results. He said that being as that my partner had mumps as a child that may be the cause of this SA but that he would give him another just to check. He said our only option would be ivf and that I needed to lose weight first. He said that they might not to anything about my cysts and do detailed investigations on me as the ivf would bypass certain things. Still confused on that.they then sat us in the waiting room and asked us to fill in a whole lot more forms. They called my partner in for his blood tests- whilst he was having them they called me to have my scan and swabs. I was a bit annoyed that they said my partner would join me but he wasn't told what was happening. For me I feel that it's important he's with me through every step- if not to support me but also for him to understand the process.

    And In fact just earlier we were talking about our impending appointment and I told him that under no circumstances is he allowed to leave me!! I'm petrified of hospitals at the best of times!!! So now he knows good luck to people who try separate us!! He's not one for keeping quiet- I just hope we get through this process without him biting anyone at the hospitals head off!

    I agree with you, I was so physically tired I was starting to feel run down. But to his credit last couple of days he's calmed down as he's seen I've lost more weight and he even gave me a chocolate cake yesterday- haha I thought it was a test to see if I ate it and sat with it it my had for 20 mins! I don't eat cakes but it was chocolate and had chocolate icing so I figured any which way to get in chocolate!,,but oh my god it tasted so nice!! Haha, but back to the grind this week, I don't mind though it's not for much longer and I am loving the fact I'm getting back my curves. Ten years ago I was on steroids being treated for heart failure, never believing id even run let alone running 2 miles-Which might not be much to some, it's a miracle for me

    I'm a firm believer in keeping positive and things happening for a reason.and that is what I'm going to keep telling myself over the coming months.

  • Gosh that was like an essay

  • Hi is was an essay but its good to hear from you and i love reading it..

    Well done that you are loosing weight - how much more have you got - are you on target? only 1 month (today if my memory is correct) to go before you can start getting somewhere.

    I suppose the difference with the clinic now is that you are in one place that does it all but with ours we had the initial apt but as it doesn't do the IVF/sperm extraction we have to wait again to get an aptt at what they call a tertiary centre which is in Manchester - that will be like your Coventry hospital.

    I know what you mean about the victory.. when I woke up with numbs hands.. the long story is it resulted with nerve damage and chronic pain. at one point I could hardly walk (it went into my spine). I started swimming and now I swim everyday. I cant tell you the difference now and to me its all done to the swimming.. however sometimes you think its one hurdle after another!!

    Have a good week

  • Haha I went on one!!

    Well I'm on target according to my partner I've got just under a stone left I think. Right now I can't really do any more so if the hospital is not happy it's tough!!! But swimming is my favourite and as soon as I'm back feeling better I will be back to swimming everyday.. But I'm with you I think swimming makes a huge difference.. I love it,always have done. I just forgot how much I enjoyed it till I started going again!

    Although I'm not sure it's helping my hand though, the doctor gave me the injection which took away most of the tingling, but I've noticed it's starting to come back again, along with pain and weakness.so not sure what they will do next.- as I'm not liking the sound of an operation. I think I'd rather struggle on for a while.

    Did you have to have an operation for your hands? I used to suffer with sciatica but it's calmed right down at the mo...I'm sure due to loosing weight and swimming.. How are your pains now...?

    I'm off to be sad.... Haha I'm going to watch my recording of big brother- just want to see who's gone in!!!

  • Hi

    very well done....you must be really chuffed..

    I have to admit that I have never watched big brother but I have started watching eastenders again so im sure that is worse!!

    Pain isn't too bad at the moment. my arm is weak but the neuropathic pain which I developed as a complication is much much better. my worse pain is in my back and touch wood I havnt had a bad flare up in a while now. I am thinking of joining a pilates course tomorrow night to strengthen up the core muscles as I know that will help. plus I know that stress/emotion can make it worse and I certainly feel there will be a lot of emotion over this year so I think it will be wise to put some protective measures in place. My main issue Is I feel shattered after work so will be a challenge to even go tomorrow but that's the plan...

    What the operation you would be facing?

    My original problem was a trapped ulna nerve so I had that surgically decompressed....

  • Hiya,

    Did you make it to Pilates?

    I agree putting protective measures in place can only be a positive thing. I have already decided that I will continue swimming regardless. It relaxes me, so carrying on with that can only be a good thing.

    Well I had a injection into my nerve in my hand ..I think if I remember rightly to try and help with swelling therefore releasing pressure on my nerve. It worked for about 80% of the tingling and numbness however that injection was 2 days before Christmas and I'm now back to pretty much pre injection state,however I've now developed pain in my thumb and a heaviness I didn't have before. The doctor did say the injection might not work and in which case it would probably be an operation on my hand to release the pressure on the nerve. At the min I can just about cope with the pain but the pins and needles are starting to grate on my last nerve.and I find myself constantly flicking it without even realising which is very annoying, and I look ridiculous!!!!

    Back pain is awful, I can empathise there. Couple years ago I had problems with my sciatic never which left me in terrible pain and spasms and in hospital on diazepam for a while. I do back strengthening exercises and since then apart from when I had the car crash I've been ok with no flare ups. Fingers crossed we both stay like that.

    I've got back into easteneders recently, so I'm just as bad, however if it gets silly again I shall not be watching. I've all but given up on big brother already, been cringing behind my cushions at the antics of these so called "celebrities"!

  • HI

    sorry for the late reply, havnt actually logged on and then spent some time with mum so didn't have access to PC.

    how is your hand this week?

    I have felt really stressed this week. I rang St Marys on Monday with the hope of getting some idea when we maybe able to be seen. However this women on the phone said that the "standard procedure" was that they send a letter back after receiving your letter (which they should have done last week but they didn't check). This letter tells you to ring the hospital on day 1 of your period.. I got really worked after the call as 1) we have already had the blood tests and SA repeated locally twice so what is the point of repeating it again to get the same result 2) where I work I cannt just ring in when my period arrives and shoot off nearly 2 hours away for blood tests without giving them notice etc 3) if you have to repeat everything its MORE time waiting to see someone when all we need to know now is if they can extract any sperm surgically. without doing that then there is no point in anything else anyway... I would really like to think that they wouldn't just ask if us do repeat tests etc but ive been on edge all week waiting for the letter - which hasn't come yet!!! I know that I need to calm down and deal with it when the letter comes but its there worrying me in the back of my mind..

    Apparently there was a programme on on weds night about adoption - we have recorded it but havnt seen it as yet

    hope your spirits are bearing up this week

    Know its taken me all week to reply but hopefully will hear from you soon x

  • Hiya,

    Hands not been to bad this week.

    Has your letter arrived yet?

    Like you I felt really stressed last week I've been putting on weight not loosing it despite everything.. After feeling miserable all week my partner has decided I need to quit the circuit training and weights as I'm getting muscles which are obviously heavier than fat!! And I'm now on a no carb diet- which is flipping hard!!

    But I get why you would feel anxious. I seem to be working myself up, I'm scared I won't have lost enough, I'm scared they will say his results weren't good and couldn't freeze anything.. And a multiple of other things.. And being over tired and feeling stressed accumulated in me being rather tearful on Friday which is so unlike me.

    Did the doctor ask your partner to try any meds- ours told us to try a very expensive one and the nurse told us to try wellman conception as it's had proven results?.. Partners on the wellman now, he's still not rang for his SA ,so I've decided not to stress ( as I tend to eat) and wait a couple of weeks till our appointment.

    I am adopted myself and really wanted to watch the program, I only got to see 40 mins and spent most of it in tears!! I want to watch the rest but haven't got round to watching it yet- but the bit I saw was heartbreaking. Defiantly made me rethink about doing fostering. I have done my training, but circumstances at the time ment I had to put it on hold.

    How's your week been? hope your feeling better than before .

  • HI good to hear from you.Im sorry you are feeling so low, its totally understandable though n hopefully it will pass. I think when we get low days we have to say that tomorrow will be better and that the feeling will pass. you need to just hold on for a couple of more weeks and then will get some answers..

    I think we have just gone back to square one now. I rang them again on Friday (St Marys) to ask what the procedure was and again she said that we would have to have the bloods/scans done on days 2-4. I questioned why when we have had all this done (twice) locally and could they not just get a copy of the results., basically the answer was no as labs use a difference way of measuring so the results wernt comparable plus they did additional tests such as hep B/HIV. This does make sense I guess but despite the fact I had all my tests done last Sept we are back to square one.. which is sooo annoying and stressful

    I got so worked up about how logistically this would be possible to ring into work and basically just not go into work with no notice ( I work in a hospital with clinics and no one to cover me without notice) and drive over an hour for tests.. I told my team leader over the phone in brief that this is what I would need to do and she was actually ok with it so at least now that is one less worry (depending on when it actually falls).

    I rang them AGAIN this morning to see where we were and basically the answer was that they are 100's to process before ours.. so I don't think day 1 call will be happening this month!!

    what concerns me is even when we have done this (and I think partner needs to do it too but im not sure if this is on the same day as I forgot to ask) we STILL havnt seen the consultant to discuss what options we have.

    They said I have to have a scan too - what sort of scan did you have? I had locally which was basically like an ultrasound with a full bladder to view my ovaries, think some sort of probe inserted I think (cannt remember what it was called)

    I was flicking through some other posts on here last week - did you say your partner already has children? Does that mean then that maybe the Zero count was a false reading if he has produced sperm before or did I read that wrong?

    We havnt watched that program yet but we may do this week

    great to hear from you - and you have now had an essays.. feels good to talk though x

  • Hiya,

    How are you this week, hope things are going well...

    Well today I'm feeling a bit more positive., I escaped and came to visit my parents alone!! it all just blew up yesterday.. I feel as I told you before totally knackered emotionally and physically right now- I'm just worried...but I've been keeping quiet as I was just trying to muddle through- I think that all blew up, but seems like I'm not the only one who's worried.. It's why he's not rang for his results... Lots came out in our argument,mainly being he's realised how much of a big deal I've made it into. I'm glad it's happened though as I know he's not worried if I don't meet my deadline- he said he'd rather me in once piece mentally!!

    I think I just need a couple of days to reflect and gather myself.. Couple days by the coast will do me good.

    I feel for you your hospital sounds like a bit of a nightmare.. I've had one set of bloods at my doctors then some at the hospital then I had more taken last month.so it's been quite a lot..

    My partner had the first bloods done at a hospital where his old doctors is and that's where he had his SA which was a nightmare as the receptionist didn't know the correct procedures. Then he finally changed to my doctors and had bloods at the fertility unit and then the repeat SA there then more bloods in dec..

    But on a more positive note since we argued he thought he better man up and for my sake he would ring for his results.. They called back today to day they found sperm, now he was so happy to hear them say that he didn't pay any attention to the rest properly.. He said he just heard "good... They got sperm and 8" he said he wasn't sure what the 8 was...but 8 was better than 0 so he don't care!!!! . But he said he's not been feeling like a man ever since we found out in October.. I never thought he'd feel like that. I felt awful

    Yes he has a 14 year old daughter and he's been devastated for months thinking she might not be his biologically as the doctor said his zero count could of happened as a result of childhood mumps.. He's even considered a paternity test, however has decided it now doesn't matter either ways as that's his daughter.

    But he's been taking wellman conception, and right now he's swearing by it.- either way we have 8 something's.. ????? We will find out in 2 weeks.

    As for my scan I've only had one and that was an internal scan..

    It's awful you haven't even been able to speak to someone about your options. I'm sure the waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. The only thing I can think is when you finally see them they have all the facts and can move swiftly

    And before I finish my "book" I'm pleased you were able to speak to work, if that makes u feel more at ease that can only be a positive thing..

    And I do agree its good to talk as finally my partner has learnt!! Here's hoping once I go back we can start talking more about this process...

  • hi good to hear from you.

    Hope you are getting some rest and some "peace" at your mums...sounds like you have had some really positive news... so pleased for you about the sperm.. sounds like you will be all set to start the IVF/ICSI process.. at least you don't need to have the surgically retrieval as you know that you "have some".. not long now till your appointment.. its good you have managed to talk more. We don't really talk much about it but its a case of him saying " we need to see what they say etc". I just find it really hard at times to believe that this is actually happening in the first place.

    I am hoping when we get the blood tests/scans done AGAIN we may find out more but then I assume if they go ahead and see if they can extract anything its more waiting for that appt. just hate the fact that time isn't on our side and its ticking away all the time...

    All we can do is wait now....

    Yes I bet that was really tough wondering about his daughter, hopefully he will feel more at peace soon xx

    thinking of you and hope you start to feel better soon, both emotionally and physically.

    talking of physical, my pain in my back and neck flared up on sat which has resulted in me not really being able to swim. Its really flustrating as things were going so well. I have had a treatment on it tonight and the lady said it could have been due to all the stress and getting so wound up the last few weeks. The whole emotion/physical side is a massive area really and amazing how it is all linked up. We really need to look after ourselves which is easier said than done.x

  • Hiya,

    I'm getting some rest but it's hard with my dad about, he's a bit of a handful! It's all restaurants and walks on the beach.. It would have been great if I wasn't on this diet, as I'm not doing carbs now!

    But yes it's positive, I don't know who was more happy, I haven't seen him grin so much since I met him, it was the biggest cheesiest grin ever. Bless him he looked so proud..

    That's what I fear the most is the time ticking away.im 39 this year and aware that's the cut off point for most hospitals well NHS wise at least.

    Sorry to hear your in pain again. Stress can play havoc both physically and mentally. And going through this experience Is going to be very challenging. There's so much anticipation on what's going to happen, if it's going to happen, how it's going to happen, when's it going to happen and if it does happen then what!! And so the cycle Carries on. That's what's freaking me out as there are no certainties ..... And as everyone's experience is individual it makes it difficult.

    Did they give you any indication when your tests will be?

    Well I'm off to ikea with dad for breakfast tomorrow. I have to keep declining food. My partner didn't want our families knowing so I haven't explained why I'm loosing weight other than for health reasons. I would like to discuss it with mum as not only is she my mum and we are close,but was told she would never have kids.(unexplained infertility)tried for over 20 years ,they adopted my bother and Then as I liked to say when I was little - god said thank you for adopting my brother and I and my mum amazingly naturally conceived.. So miracles do happen!!!

  • HI

    That's a nice story about your mum... I would talk to her especially after her experiences she will probably be really glad to share with you and you will feel better too. im close to my mum too, although we havnt discussed it in depth with her as at the moment is waiting I have chatted a bit about how I feel and I think that is important..

    Its a case of waiting for this letter to arrive and then I have to call the hospital and do the day2/3 bloods tests. I feel so annoyed though that we have done all this at the local hospital but cos it doesn't do IVF etc you need to get re referred to another tertiary centre, which is our case is St Marys in Manchester which will be about 1 1/2 - 2 hours away! (especially with the rush hour traffic). when I called on Monday the admin department just said "there are 100's to process before yours and we are going as fast as we can" not at all helpful!!

    how did you get on at ikea? I went to one near Manchester and I think you would have worked off your breakfast walking around!!

    With the age, if you get into the system before 39 then surely that counts. its my birthday next month and it must be one of the only time I don't want to acknowledge it as its nearer to 40! - I will be 37. its scary really I remember my 20's like it was almost yesterday, where on earth did all the time just fly to..

    had real trouble accessing the messages tonight, on the actual site when I scrolled down the box just kept getting smaller and smaller till it was only showing 2 lines at once. I logged into partners email as that was the address I registered it and opened your message thru there. I think cos I did that I can type. does it send an email when we reply? usually I have just checked the site and scrolled down as I didn't use my email...

    are you going back home for the weekend or staying with your parents? walks by the coast sound lovely. hes really frosty and cold here. I have the real fear of the snow so hoping none arrives in the night!!

  • Hiya, have had technical issues!! My phone broke and I decided to switch from an iphone to a samsung galaxy- you think I can use it!!!!!!! I'm Technically challenged at the moment!! So I'm back home with the comfort of my ipad, knowing exactly what I'm doing!!

    How's things with you, has anything moved forwards yet?

    So had a lovely time at my parents- I haven't spoke to her as yet as I just wanted to see what they say next week. I'm already working myself up in a panic with possible operations, not lost enough weight etc. but I'm at the point now if it's supposed to happen it will. I'm trying not to stress but I can't help. I'm sure by next week I will have worked myself into some type of panic.

    Usually I get an email when you send a reply, however sometimes I don't, I've been having a few issues myself of late where I can only read and write 2 lines at a time. Thought it was just my ipad!!!

    As it gets closer to my appointment I'm just going to get back on the treadmill and watch what I eat all this week. I'm sure they are going to want me to loose more weight but there's not much I can do now so I'm going to try not to panic there!!!! Plus try to stay busy that way I cannot have time to worry!!!

    How's your week going?

  • hi

    good to hear back from you. I hadn't checked for a few days but there had been no emails on his email (if you see what I mean)... only 5 days for you to go.. im really excited for you actually having some news and getting somewhere... I know its really easy to start guessing and saying "what ifs" but think of the positives.. they have found some swimmers and even if not then they should still offer the extraction (which is what we are waiting to discuss).. so hopefully you will be on your way with a plan come thurs...

    we actually got the letter on sat which was good timing as day 1 arrived on thurs so we go Monday for the yet again repeated tests and scans.. I managed to get one of the nurses to sort the SA for the same day (instead of going back in a month which is what they said last week when I rang) that at least saves a journey.. however she did say it would be about 12 weeks before we saw anyone which is unbelieveable as that will then take us back to where we were in dec last year.... im really trying not to stress about it all as that wont help matters but will increase my pain and make me suffer. going to try and find out more about the timescale on Monday...

    Its so stressful all the waiting and not knowing... hope to hear from you soon x

  • Hiya,

    Well today I'm fuming, we got a letter today saying they have to put back our appointment till the following week. I know it's only another 7 days but that's going to feel like forever! Disapointed is an understatement. They didn't give a reason just that they had to change it.

    I'm glad you have got your letter and that you are having it all done on the same day.. None of our tests, actually bar one of his bloods have been done on the same day. Just glad our fertility unit is only about 15 mins drive.( even if parking takes 40mins!!). So Monday you get another scan and another SA done? I can't believe you then have to wait another 12 weeks.. It seems to be a common thing waiting .. I've been seeing people have been having to wait 18 months then 3 years.. That is definitely something I need to be asking. As I defiantly don't have 3 years.

    I've had a tummy bug this week, well strangely enough I'm the only one I know with it so I'm wondering if it's stress related.. It's just exhausting wondering isn't it.. You try not to but you do. My partner and I are talking more but I hear him talking and I don't know who's going to be more upset if we don't get a result. I know we need to be positive- but i think I'm more realistic or maybe it's a coping mechanism .. Who knows.

    If I don't speak to you before Monday I do hope everything goes smoothly x

  • Hi, WARNING - (essay coming up)!!!

    that is annoying but like you said look on the positive and at least its only a week and not a month... I find I keep having to find little positives out of not much positive if you get me

    Originally my GP ordered bloods and scans in Aug (plus asked my partner to go to his GP for SA) before he would refer us to the local fertility clinic. First visit there, we saw a nurse who repeated everything in October and then we saw the actual consultant in Dec. he referred to St Marys in Manchester as that would be our nearest place for retrieval/IVF. I thought we would just have to wait and then discuss any options with a consultant there. Not go through all the tests etc again. WHen I asked a nurse on the phone about it - she said that labs used different levels in different places etc and that they need their "own" tests. She also said that hormone levels change from one month to another which then make me think after the call -if you were to have IVF in 4 months time what would be the point of your bloods then if they change ever month!!!....

    have you had lots of bloods/ scans?. I think my AMH came back on the lower side so Im bothered that these results will be even worse or that maybe they will find something wrong on my scan but I know that I cant think like that.

    Am I right in thinking that they said to you they would do IVF? did they give you any indication of when that will be? I know we have to take one step at a time and at the moment actually seeing a consultant seems a huge step but I cant help but worry about the time you would actually get any treatment after that - but again that's jumping ahead.

    I have decided that im not very patient... I just want answers as to whether anything can be done and when... I have decided that I am not very tolerant to doing these that I cant see the point to.. and also I find it very alarming that if can depend on who you speak to (which is luck of the draw) if you actually get anywhere..for example I was lucky on the phone getting that SA for Monday when the other week they said it would be at least another month!

    I don't know how my partner will be if they cant do anything.. at the moment hes been ok about the SA but I think that's cos he is hoping that there is some sort of blockage however if they say that he isn't producing any then I think that it maybe a different matter...

    Going out for lunch now and it looks like its going to lash it down.. fed up with weather too... sorry very wingy today ha ha... hope its a fast week for you x

  • Hey,

    Think your used to my essays by now!! Haha so here's another! Hope you had a nice lunch.

    I have heard different labs have different levels, which possibly could be why my partner had two different results.?

    I totally agree about the results regarding hormones. My day 21 test was the first blood tests I had and they were done about March last year. So I'm wondering if they are going to want to do those again.

    I've only had one scan so far and that was just the internal scan, that revealed quite large cysts in fact the nurse said I must be in constant pain. ( I've had cysts since I was 15 and always had pain so just seen that as normal!!) . I knew I had cysts and it was confirmed again in august when I had my car crash and had underwent an emergency cat scan. However my doctor said it won't make a difference, but fertility nurse said it would, yet the consultant said we can bypass that??!! (Not sure how) I reckon I will have to have another op :-(

    Ok, so he said our only option was ivf and he said "one must take folic acid 3 months prior to conceiving" plus he said our eligibility runs out at 39 plus so he said we must be aware of that and try do things within a time scale.so I'm taking that now so does that mean we will start soon (if I can shift this last weight?) a question I shall be asking in 2 weeks. But I understand totally the questions your asking as I'm asking them too.

    Again I can empathise I've realised I too am not very patient!! I know I'm a control freak at the best of times, I like organisation and and knowing where things and I stand. I usually ask questions about everything " just so I know" and with this I don't know what's going to happen or why, or how, or when or if or......... Think you get where I'm going with this!!!!!! There's just so much I want to know but no one to give me answers. I just said to my partner when we do go back I'm taking a list of question on a pad!!!!

    I don't know what your partners like, but mine usually is so laid back he's horizontal however as I said getting him to get the second results was like getting blood out of a stone.but he was jumping about on the stairs when he heard good and 8!! I just hope that when we go back it's positive news. As I hope 8 is not the amount of sperm they found!!!!

    I don't know so many question ,not enough info. But I do know that if they offer counselling I shall be snapping their hands off!!! At least they are trained in that field and might be able to answer questions!!!

    The weather is appalling, I'm sick of it,even my dogs are fed up. I took my little chiuawah out yesterday in his little rain coat ( yes I know!!!! But he's teeny and gets cold even in the house !!) anyway no sooner had we got out and down the road a car drove past and through a puddle, nearly drowning my little one, at which point ever drama queen he is decided that he couldn't breath.and after only 5 mins of walking he was soaked and had a nose and mouth full of dirty water and refused to walk any further!! So ment I had to pick him up,put him inside my coat ( luckily since I've lost weight my dog walking coat has lost of space) and carry on our journey stinking like a wet dog!! Luckily we didn't have to go far and came home to my partner waiting with a warm dry towel- for the dog- not me!!! Bloody cheek!! Should of taken the big dogs out instead!!

    Wishing you luck for tomorrow x

  • hI

    I do like your essays.. and the end of that one did make me laugh.. hope you are both recovered now..

    The appt etc was ok, just the blood tests and scan so was a case of in one room then another.. however the drive in etc was horrendous. St marys is in the centre of Manchester so got lost at the first hurdle. Almost stumbled across it but then couldn't park... was getting so stressed that we set off nearly 3 hours before we had to be there and I thought we were going to be late. ended up in a side street somewhere a good walk away.. apparently we now have to wait 4-5 weeks for the results to come back. its the AMH that you wait for - yet its processed in the hospitals own lab. apparently they wait for a batch of 100+ to be collected!! then we will get to see someone 12weeks later!! nothing I can do now but wait for that appt. hopefully at that apt he will refer for the sperm retrieval so at least we will know if there is anything there. and I just hope that we don't have to wait for months for that to be done. All in all it was a full day of a job by the time we got home...the strange thing was that they was someone I used to live near when I was a kid in the clinic too!!

    I didn't realise that you had your first bloods done back in march - that took a long time to get to see the consultant or was that when you started to get fobbed off my your GP?

    That sounds positive that he said you needed to get things done on a time scale - so hopefully your process with start when you see him next week. is the 39 cut off your PCT? I thougt the cut off was 40? when is your birthday? mine is 2 weeks today but like I said I want to pretend that its not happening!!

    As for the 8 maybe it means 8milllion as they seem to count things in millions... even if it was 8 assume they will have frozen them so I guess they only need to use 1 for the ICSI.. I am very concerned that if they do the retrival for us they wont find anything... however I know that I need to not think down that line and just take each step at a time and therefore we need to just see the consultant in the first instance...its just soo annoying that if we see him in May then we will be where we were when we say the local one in Nov!!

    My partner doesn't discuss how he feels about it. He just says that we need to wait and see what happens and see if they can do anything for us. I suppose this is true as we don't have the answers but the fact that we are even doing this is emotional enough when you would think it would just happen naturally - if you see what I mean

    Talking of answers and reading things. I saw a research nurse who was recruiting for a study and asking if i would have a series of extra bloods done... her opening line was that often people don't read the info that she enclosed with the letter about the blood tests/scans etc.. made me chuckle as not only had I read everything enclosed In the envelope but I know that the letter said "report to reception" yet the booklet said "dont report to reception". I mean why on earth would people not read information that you got sent especially when info isn't really forthcoming!!

    anyway hope you have a good week.. and at least a drier one... hear from you soon x

  • Hiya,

    Yes we have both recovered, however little man is not feeling great as he had to have some jabs- sensitive is the word today in my house!!!!! (And it's not just the dog) but on a more positive not I'm fine!!!! Haha

    Well glad to hear today went well despite your travel/ parking problems.

    That's what I don't understand he said cut off is 40 but need to be aware I'm 39 in September?? Again a question for my list I think.

    I can totally understand why your thinking along those lines, I would be to. After the first SA the doctor fobbed us off really, saying my partner should more concentrate on his back pain and not to be thinking about trying to concieve!!!! It was me who then decided I would insist on seeing the good lady doctor at my surgery.after speaking with her she said she would refure us,

    but didn't really give us any positives. She said it would be expensive and also we might be too old plus this and that.... But thank god she did it or we may have carried on for another how many years.. Then when we saw the consultant and learned the extent of the SA. Had we of learned from the rather rubbish doctor originally I think I would be thinking exactly how you are now. I think it's only natural , look at my partner he was dragging out ringing which is why I gave up asking him.

    We got our referral letter sent in July and got out letter to book our appointment day in September. That gave the earliest time we could be seen as 4 weeks away, so I didn't feel like we had to wait long at all. But from October till now is feeling like eternity!! I can't believe you still have to wait so long. Have they said you can get funding? Can't remember if I've asked that before. I really think regardless of waiting time they should give you leaflets or something telling you where you can go for advice/counselling or just to know what your feeling is normal. I have found out most things online and even then you can never be sure they are suitable for your actual situation.

    As for people not reading things- the booklet they gave us with price lists etc I literally know off by heart I've read it that many times!!

    I don't know, it's all too much to think about at times !! Right now I'm tucked up in bed- I'm trying to take this extra week to put in last min training and ran 4 miles on my treadmill- it's totally killed me and literally ready to sleep!! I am starting to feel like I'm training for a marathon not trying to go through IVF

    Anyway yet again another essay!!!! Hope you have a good week :)

  • HI

    hope your run made you sleep ok. How is the overall weight loss doing?

    I think we seemed to start our appts around the same time. our original one with the nurse at the local fertility clinic was in Oct, she repeated everything and we saw the consultant there just before Christmas. he said the only way forward would be to see if there was any sperm there via surgical retrieval then if there was to freeze it and do IVF.. the problem is locally they don't deal with it/IVF hence the referral to St marys in Manchester.

    Due to their protocol everyone has all their baseline bloods/SA/scan done there (AGAIN) then we see the consultant based on the unit. They said on Monday (god was that only yesterday) that you wouldn't see anyone to discuss your results for 12 weeks. That is what im so flustrated about as when we eventually see someone, I am assuming they will say actually the same as the guy locally and that we need the sperm retrieval to have any hope...but how long that will take who knows but to me this part of the proceeding is just wasting months..

    However that is the way its done at St Marys so there is nothing we can do but wait and hope the apt is sooner than 12 weeks but the staff yesterday seemed pretty sure that was the time frame.

    I cant remember him actually saying the words "you have funding".. but he was saying that our area was funding was 2 attempts (I think) but the next area to us there was no funding. I asked about going private to the local man and he gave me the impression that our PCT/area wait wasn't that long. I dont know how it all works as Manchester hospital will be taking referrals from all areas around the north west so maybe after you have had your initial consultation you then get divided into area waiting times.. I don't know...

    I almost wonder what it would cost to just see someone/do the sperm retrival private but our local man said you cant really do part private/part NHS and he would stay NHS, he is someone who does it private so you would almost have to take his word for it really..

    again so many questions and no answers... its really hard to stop thinking of all the questions etc and leave it in the hands of just waiting for your appointment...

    well, theres another essay from me.. have a nice week...

  • I think I slept well, can't remember now! Not been well again this week. I think it's a bug though as several people I know have it. Which is not good as it has left me feeling drained. However I'm starting to feel better and my appetite is now coming back.

    I have actually to my disgust put on weight AGAIN. Not much only 3 pounds but that's enough to irritate it considering I'm now running just off 4 miles a day.I'm more laid back about it now,I felt like it was starting to consume me and felt so under pressure. And after our argument and I realised I wasn't letting him down if I didn't get to my target weight for our appointment. And since then he's been much more relaxed also even brought me some chocolate and ice cream (probably where the pounds came from) If I go on Wednesday and they say no you have to loose another how much then that's fine I will just do that.I'm not going to beat myself up again. 5 months ago I was 16.6 so for me to get down to 13 stone something especially having nearly 3 months out due to my accident I'm very proud of myself.

    12 weeks seems a very long time to get results. I know when my partner had his last SA they said they would ring him either that afternoon or in the morning. And the fact you know they have to test it straight away makes you wonder why you can't at least find out that result, if not the Others? But in saying that my partner had to wait a few weeks when the results were coming through the GP on the first SA. Mind you I. Saying that I will be getting the results on wed from my bloods done in October and December.but weather I could of rang through earlier I don't know.

    I'm not sure about our waiting lists etc, however I did read some info somewhere that generally for our fertility unit the average wait before some form of treatment starts is about 18 weeks. How true that is I'm not sure and where on earth I read that I can't remember! And weather or not that was NHS or private as my clinic does both.

    We did consider going private as our GP basically said that we would never get funding. I don't know how many attempts we get on the NHS so maybe we will end up going private, however it will probably be at the same unit.

    I don't know, I'm excited and anxious all at the same time. I'm annoyed they put our appointment till next week however I'm just glad it was only a week they moved it by, as it could have been a lot longer. So roll on Wednesday so I can start with my long list of questions. Boy they are gonna hate when they see my note pad!!!!!

    Hope your having a nice weekend

  • Hi good to hear from you

    well done you to loose so much weight that is absolutely brilliant.. I was meaning to tell you. when I was there on Monday I was reading a magazine article which was on about how you shouldnt really be dieting to dramatically etc just before treatment due to the stress etc that our bodies will have to go under. I suppose it makes sense. this time is so stressful/anxious/stressful anyway with everything that is going on with not knowing all the uncertainly etc without something else to worry about. im sure that they will be really pleased with what you have achieved already...

    I am hoping that when you see the consultant on thurs you will get a better idea of what is the next stage and the time frames involved as at least then you will be able to think ahead and know a little more what is going on. what time is your appointment?

    I think with the results it the AMH that takes the time, apparently they have to send over a 100 off in a batch.. its really stupid cos my AMH took 10 days to come back and that was locally!! pretty sure it got sent to manchester too. I mean why when its there own labs do they have to collect a batch of them. apparently that is the wait. however if you don't even get an apt to discuss the results for 12 weeks then they can take as long as they like to come back.. just hope when we do finally meet someone we then go straight to options etc..

    Did you not have our bloods done before you met the consultant in Oct? how come you had more done in Oct/Dec?

    My week hasn't been too bad, seemed to have had late days with work. should have gone to my pilates class on Wednesday night but knew if be late back form work Tues/thurs and Friday so I missed it to chill.missed my swim on Friday too as I felt my neck/back may benefit form the rest. you end up feeling guilty though.

    hows the weather been down there? hope your not running your daily miles outside?

    Ive been to lunch with an old school friend and as I sit typing this its absolutely chucking it down outside. hoping to have some rest time tomorrow afternoon and maybe watch a film on DVD

    looks like I have done another essay x

  • Hiya,

    I also read that about drastically dieting and exercising before ivf treatment not being good... And I'm starting to agree. I've had a terrible weekend. Last week I was having chest pains but ignored them, however this weekend they have not gone away and after hardly any sleep for the last 2 nights I thought I better go and get checked out. And after having a heart failure scare 10 years ago I thought better safe than sorry.. I was only able to see a nurse however I'm not in any immediate danger. She thinks like I'm pushing myself to hard and my body is stressed.. However I have to see a doc tomoz and she said they would probably order an X-ray and tests just to be safe.

    But I feel guilty like you said for not working out. Especially as We are So close to our appt on Wednesday.

    Now for the weird/ amazing whatever you call it. When I was telling the walk in centre nurse why I'm loosing weight she told me her twins whom are 21 were ivf babies!. The even scarier thing is it's with the same consultant we are under!! I couldn't believe it. I came home and googled the doctor just to check and the other names and we really do have the same doctor....dr Kennedy. Apparently he's one of the people who actually set up our fertility unit in 1990. She talked me through something's but we weren't able to chat in great detail as there were other people. But her husbands sperm count was almost zero and she said what he did have had things like 2 heads.... Or not swimming properly?. Asperma something she called it couldn't remember the full word!

    It's like my partner said he cannot believe how many people need fertility help. My 2 neighbours needed help at varying degrees, an old friend went through full ivf with icsi, I guess a lot of people don't really tell people. I know my partner doesn't really want me discussing it with family or friends, I don't know if it's because he feels he's at fault. Which he's not or at least I don't see it like that.

    You asked about my bloods, I'd had my day 21 bloods and to normal bloods to check my health as I hadn't been well.so not everything, however was reading up and it was saying that these tests should have been done before we had an appointment with a consultant.

    The weather is absolutely rubbish, thankfully no flooding just it just seems to be constantly raining and I constantly seem to be floor mopping. As with two big dogs and one little midget dog you can imagine with a now waterlogged/mud pit for a garden toilet breaks are a very muddy affair! Making it worse is the biggest dog is a 7 month old 6 stone beast who loves nothing better than to chase round the garden! Then come sliding into the kitchen making my nice brand new white kitchen resemble my muddy garden.. And if your really lucky he slide into you and you end up shouting as you think your going to fall only for him to jump up and put his muddy paws all over your chest and shoulders! Ohhhh suuuccchhh fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I have been running outside but for the most part I do my 4 miles on the treadmill. However my partner did say we will be back to circuits and running outside next week.but I am hoping if they doctors are pleased with the weigtloss I can maybe get a little break from the running.swimming I love circuits are ok but the running is exhausting me.but we shall see on Wednesday. Oh and the appointment is 10am. I'm glad it's early morning haha I weight slightly less!! Just want it flipping over with..I'm already a wreck... My partner is fine, since they said there was a. Improvement he now thinks he's king of sperm or something! It's hilarious I love him dearly but if he mentions one more time how good they are I might scream. I just hope he heard right and although there was an improvement that it it's a significant improvement . Obviously we know they got enough to freeze however I'm trying to explain they will only use that if when it comes to him producing a sample on the day if that's no good they can fall back on his frozen sample. But he says everything is speculation.. Which is I guess true.

    Well I've replied to your essay with my essay! Hope you managed to rest and watch a DVD. X

  • HI

    Mine is like that he doesn't say anything about the whole thing other than we need to wait and see what they say when we eventually get an appointment... ,mine has azoospermia which basically means no sperm in the sample.. I just hope that they can find some if they go in for the surgical retrieval...

    Im really excited that they have found some for you....stupid what seems exciting isn't it... least they have some frozen too to fall back on too if needed. Its bad enough having to go through all this and the thought that IVF may not work, I wouldn't have thought we had to go through the first hurdle of finding sperm first!!

    Im really sorry to hear of your pain and having to go for the checks tomorrow. you have being doing a lot though and you have lost so much weight in a short time so maybe you need some serious rest now. Least on thurs when they say they are happy with it then you can relax off a little bit. you don't want to go through all that then fall ill when you need to be staying as strong as you can..

    Oh dear about the dogs.. the paws on nice clean tops I can just imagine. we have a cat - she doesn't go out so all we have to contend with is the mass of hairs she seems to shed. she is very naughty in the mornings though for pouncing when she wants her breakfast. however I love her to bits and shes really comforting. we ended up with her and I would never have thought of getting a cat but couldn't live without her.

    I have told a couple of friends the gist of what is going on but not really talked about it in terms of how I feel/the chances etc..maybe when I know more about it all I have speak to people. im really glad I have been able to email you about it all though

    I hope you get on ok at the doctors tomorrow. I am working late tomorrow so may not get chance to log on. Weds Im staying at mums so I wouldn't be able to email weds night. just to let you know now though that I will be thinking of you weds and Thursday morning. look forward to hearing from you x

  • Hiya,

    What a couple of days!! Doctors yesterday then We saw the consultant this morning.. I will get to that in a min...

    That's the name of it, that's what the nurse said her about her husband.

    I was planning on emailing last night but after the doctors yesterday I was too cross to sit here.. Basically as you know I have been having a few chest pains I thought I was probably doing too much but after being really ill years back and that started with chest pain I thought I better get it checked with the GP like the nurse said. Long story short 3 hours we were there juring which the doctor walked out on the consultation leaving us sat there me fuming as have a guess he said I'm getting pains due to being over weight then maybe I was getting depressed and then lastly"maybe it's acid" !!!!!!!!! I can't Flippin win- anyway after having to see a nurse for an ECG which thank god is normal 3 hours later I left the doctors feeling insulted with a prescription for antacids and pain killers!!!!! My partner was so furious, and everyone within earshot heard just how furious. So I'm now going to look for another GP!!!

    Anyway this morning was our appointment, in my panic of leaving enough time and trying to sort out other stuff I forgot my list of questions however I didn't need them as we got to see the head man today, not one of the other doctors.he was such a lovely man. We went in and he did the formalities then said that all my tests have come back positive and there's nothing to worry about. But my partner must of heard wrong on the phone.. He said it's not all bad though.. He said that a normal sample was supposed to be something like 6 million sperm in a viral and originally it was terrible but it has now improved to just under a million and he has spermthat look normal. As the pervious sperm were not swimming going backwards or something .. Basically he said its like they were high!!!!! He reccomended he continue to take the wellmans conception on the hope that brings up the numbers. Again my partner asked about how long it could be going on for and said about his daughter and he did say he couldn't be sure and asked about any taruma or operations when he was younger.

    He then said about my weight, I will come back to that.

    My partner then asked about my cysts.. Previously I thought i only had 2cysts both on either side however he said after looking on the scan I have big one cyst on either side and then a collection of multiple on one too... And then he scared me, he said at the next appointment (15th may) they will scan me again and if I still have then I will be booked in to have my tubes clipped or removed.. (I know it's not happened yet and I know that we haven't ever conceived naturally but that would be the end to any "natural miricle") but trying not to think of that now.

    He said as his numbers were still low that we will defiantly be having icsi, I was pretty sure that's what we would be having but conformation from the same doctor that will be doing our process is excellent ...

    As you know I hadn't reached my target weight however he was so pleased in fact he said he can see from my notes I've worked my backside off but I just need to get it down a lil more, especially for any anathetics I shall be needing just makes it much safer... I have to loose just a 10lbs. We go back in May which was the earliest date his calendar- however they said if I'd lost it before to keep ringing to see if there was a cancelation.

    Then I asked about wait times- basically he said had I have lost the weight today I could of seen a nurse for our briefing session within a week or so and depending had I been at the right point in my cycle I could have started straight away.. Bit gutted. However he said I was never going to loose 3 stone in 3 months(over christmas too) so he said that I've got incentive as there will be no waiting times for me unless they are to remove my tubes.. He explained to my partner that it's going to be a very tough process on my body on top of the strain my body is under now, explained about injections/ medications the egg retreval and the rest.im glad someone else told him.

    Apon leaving the dr said to us he has a good feeling about us- he said he knows I will loose the weight. He also said to keep trying naturally as miracles do happen. such a lovely man explaining everything as you and I both know just finding answers to our questions and what ifs are really important.

    I don't actually know who was more happy my partner or me.. He was jumping up and down hugging me and all sorts!! Telling me all my shouting and tears weren't in vain!!! Personally I love him, but when he's in his work mode I hate him - how people pay him to train them when they get that abuse is beyond me!!!!!

    Well I'm "allowed" to celebrate today with a custard cream or 2!!!! So after my book I'm going to sign off.. I just wanted to give you all the details!!!!

    Hope your well and speak soon. X

  • HI - book in reply coming up

    Pleased to hear your news.. I have read it twice to take it all in!! firstly I must apologise as I really thought you were today. in fact at 10.17 I stopped and hoped you were ok

    With respect to your GP what a toXXer... and how rude... indigestion pills do come in handy though, in fact I have just had one now!!

    So your appt, excellent news about your blood tests.. at least yours being ok is one less hurdle.. with your cysts and rescanning - is there a chance they will disappear??

    Great about the million sperm. I know that maybe classed medically as low but that sounds so many after thinking they were none. A question though - how can one of his tests say Zero and now one say a million? do you think the first one was a mistake?

    That must have been such a relief as unfortunantly mine has had 2 results of zero so don't think there is much chance of this last one changing. However we have bought some of the wellman vits - these were just the ones from boots but they are called wellman.

    that's also great that there is no waiting time, so in theory you could start in June?

    Am I right in thinking that you have already filled in your local funding paperwork? is that the paperwork to give you the funding/go ahead for the IVF? how long did the approval take?

    Not had the best day, just felt really weary. stayed at mums last night and didn't really sleep too well. Obviously didn't look right today and someone asked me if I was pregnant when I said how tired I was.. then to make it worse found out someone in the office is pregnant. made me feel sad really and a little angry to be honest that something so simple is almost impossible for me... plus really wanted to scream something inappropriate to the girl who asked me...

    Find it hard too as when I told my partner about it, he just said we don't know yet where we stand.. he seems to think that we need to hear whether he has any there surgically and that if there is then "everything will be ok", don't think he seems to grasp that the whole situation is a problem and the fact that you cant just do it and get a positive result is the issue in itself!!!!

    hope you had some nice treats and you are laying off the exercise for a few days x

  • Hey,

    Thank you for thinking about me. It's nice to know we can talk and I have someone I can relate too, and have a good moan at and with!!!!!

    When I was 14 I got PID and that's when they found out I had cysts and told my mum I'd never be able to have children-not that mum ever though to tell me till I was in my 30's. They removed them when I was 15 and said it was poly cystic ovaries. However I kept getting them and they decided unless I was in pain there was not much they could do, I just dealt with the pain as I thought that it was just natural for a women.ive had scans over the years and they have always remained but was told it wasn't poly cystic ovaries. Again when I had my crash they just said it was bilateral cysts. However now the consultant is wondering otherwise. So the scan will determine that .i was aware though at different times of my cycle they were different sizes. To be fair I need to start reading up on them. So he said if I still have them as I did in October I will have to have tubes either clipped or removed to give us a better chance.

    The SA was done in 2 different NHS hospitals I fact in 2 different NHS trusts and he said that they test differently and he said it was possibly the vitamins could have helped.. Also he had a problem with his back on his first sample and had been having months of spasms and not being able to work properly. We now know after having a few tests and scans etc his discs apparently he's got now fluid around them but they were messing up his nerves.he said infection and some illness can cause a very low count.He also recommends wellmans.

    As for paperwork for funding. I'm not sure to be honest we had to fill in lots of forms consents etc and I suppose we must already have it as they have frozen his sperm.unless we do that when we have the hour long apt before we get our meds. But he did say in theory we could start as soon as I've list weight depending on where I am in my cycle .. So yes June I guess unless I have to have an op.

    Ohhhhhhhh don't you just hate that. I had one friend (I say friend loosely )who asked me that literally every dam week she would say "you not pregnant yet" I felt like saying "hello if I was I would tell you just to shut you up"!! People can be so insensitive. When I moved I didn't tell her where I lived and have only seen her a handful of times in 8 years- wonderful..... My other friend has 5 kids, and still hoping to have more..... She's so fertile she comes off contraception and sometimes she doesn't even have a period and she's pregnant. And there's me not used contraception in over 16 years...then meeting my partner years ago I knew straight away he wanted children, he loves them and they love him just to make things harder.

    This is what the doctor explained to my partner that it's a huge upheaval on me, plus then the meds then the retrieval then will it wont it work as there's no guarantees.. I feel he thinks it's a guarantee. I think because you and I have looked into things we are a bit more clued up. My partner hates me looking up stuff as he says we don't know and that he thinks I'm becoming obsessed..... Haha it's not that I just feel it so important that I'm aware of what will be happening to my body...

    As for treats, well he brought me a pack of custard creams and told me it was a treat and don't get used to it..... But I've done 3miles on the treadmill today but not been swimming for a while so back to that next week.. I'm going to try and work hard so that I can get this off and give my body a lil time to recover and not train.. So I can gain strength...

    Anyway I hope you feel a little better this evening...I'm off to walk my fury friends and then watch a film with my custard creams! (And yes I will be eating the whole pack in case he takes them off me tomorrow!) :-)

  • Sorry for the late reply.. my birthday today (which I am trying to think it isn't happening and im not a year older)!! so did a few birthday type meals over the weekend.. not doing anything today though.

    Your custard creams made me laugh, not only do you need to keep them safe from your partner but also I would imagine from the furry woofers!!

    Don't know what it is with me but lately I have been really craving choc/cake etc and iv never really been a sweet tooth as such.. better curb it...

    I think the forms that you did must have been about the funding as I would think that needed to be in place before any treatment etc. Doesn't sound like your PCT/Trust has any waiting list so that is good.

    Hope your week has started well.. I know you have the 10 pounds to go (how well you have done) but are you going to take the exercise a bit easier?

    When you say about friends, I have one who over the years hasn't made any real effort with our friendships, in a moment of text madness over Christmas I said something about being referred for fertility tests so had had a lot of recent stress.. she barely acknowledged it and has NEVER even asked since. in fact I havnt heard from her since Christmas. She got in touch just before Christmas about meeting up after not seeing or really hearing much from her since March and personally I think it was cos I always buy her and her kid a present and obviously as the present wasn't happening this year I have never heard from her since.. so that is charming....

    Hope you are feeling better this week - stress/pains wise x

  • Happy belated birthday, hope you had a lovely day .. And got some choccy cake!!! I've still got a sweet tooth,although I am now just keeping it in check!

    Well we are both sick, my partner with a chest infection and man flu and me just with a cold- it's going round so unfortunaly we have been in the firing line!!!

    No it doesn't have a waiting list the consultant said that some people come for their first appointment and are told they need ivf and see the nurse for they hour long talk about meds etc and then because they are at the right time in their circle the start that week.. He said for some they don't even have time to get used to the idea... Maybe it's because our fertility unit although at the hospital it's got its own separate building with dedicated doctors and operating theaters.. Who knows

    We've decided that we aren't going to tell anyone else about the process as people just don't seem to "get it" or they ask silly questions.. Or just being plain negative. Maybe when I start meds and if they make me a lil crazy I will say something but not for now.

    This site seems to be playing up for me today got the header bar right through you last reply.. Grr

    But I'm going to sign off and climb into bed... With a custard cream and ginger and lemon tea!!! ( yes he brought me another pack)

    Hope your having a good week x

  • HI

    just checking in to see how you are.. are you back to excercising again or are you managing to take things a little easier? love the bit above about the custard creams!!

    Im not doing too bad. we had a night away in at the weekend for my birthday,. it was nice to have a wander about, a couple of drinks and a natter away from the daily grinds and stresses of work etc.. we didn't talk too much as I know that he is just waiting to see what the hospital says when we eventually get an apt but at least we mentioned it.

    Im away this sat night with some girlfriends; I know I should go as it will do me good but I get tired really easily so it feels like really hard work as it will be a day wandering around shops etc, then a night out with meal/drinks and I havnt done a "night out" in ages but it should do me good...

    Anyway keep in touch

  • Hey,

    I'm feeling much better now, think I was over pushing myself and overly stressing.. I've laid off the exercising for the last week. Have been on the treadmill once did a couple of miles and gave up!! And had a bit of a naughty week food wise too.. Nothing to drastic partner brought me a packet of midget jams. And as they say OMG did they taste fantastic..... I felt utterly sick when I'd finished the packet though! So gotta get over that fact I think he will take them off me if I leave some!

    It's hard as I know we both feel we need to talk however both our partners are feeling like "we need to see what they say" however I did have a talk with my partner this week about the possibility of going private. Basically we have been toying with the idea about moving to a different city for over a year however after looking at their ivf critiria we wouldn't qualify for NHS treatment. So we had decided not to move..however trying to be realistic we cannot simply 'not' move for that reason alone.. So we have decided to try do this one cycle and if it works fantastic if not we will start looking for a new house.

    It will probably do you good to have some girly time..but I understand the whole getting tired easily. I couldn't tell you the last time I went to bed with my partner let alone had strength for anything else!!!!!!! Barring this week I know once I'm not trying to make a deadline I will be able to slow down with the training...I'm unusually in bed for 10 these days!!! It's 1.40am and the only reason I'm still awake is i feel asleep late afternoon for ages!!! Sure I'm turning into an OAP afternoon naps and such!!

    I really should try to sleep as I've got to be up soon..

    Hope your having a good week so far...

  • Hi both, I hope you don't mind me commenting here but I've just spent the last 30 mins reading your conversation trail and have to say thank god I've found you both. I am in such a similar situation and have found it hard to find anyone to talk to on these pages as no one is in same boat - until you two ! Here's my story ....

    As with everyone else who has looked for answers and solace arriving on this forum, it has taken courage to write this post. I think because it becomes more real even after all the tears, pain and frustrations of why us?!

    My husband and I have been together 11 years and right before we got married 2.5 yrs ago we discovered he had 0 sperm or to be technical; NOA (non obstructive azoospermia). What made it worse was having these results read to us carelessly and matter of fact at the hospital. It seems the doctor who had referred us originally had mis read the results and had misinformed us my husband had a healthy count of over 25 million. Total blow! If I had to describe that moment it's best compared to how I imagine a lorry driving and reversing over us again and again. Smack in the face. To add to that time the doctors/ hospital also lost all our paper work and results. Twice. It was a lot to deal with. That was 2011. We took some time out and had a beautiful English country wedding in the summer sunshine with all our wonderful friends. Life is good.

    August 2013 we built up the courage to begin this heartbreaking journey again and have opted to go with a private yet also Nhs funded fertility unit. They seem to have slightly more awareness of male fertility than the scarce amount out there. My husband had all the tests for hormones and genetics which came back normal. However physical tests did show his testicles are underdeveloped. Confirmation semen sample provided the same 0 result so he then had an elected ssr (surgical sperm retrieval) where the chances were 80% success. they went in 5x (usually 2-3x) into each testicle and retrieved only 3 sperm from a TESE. We were the 20% non success rate. That's still 3 though ! They have frozen them and we are well aware none may survive but we have to stay positive. It only takes one right? We are now embarking our first icsi cycle (funded) after fighting hard with the doctors to not give up on us given we have less than a 10% chance. That was another shock. No one tells you they won't fund you if you don't have enough probability of success. They agreed to give us a chance of MERC and another SSR on the day of egg collection. Thankyou grandparents. Thankyou father in law. Looking out for us up there.

    We are painfully aware if no frozen survive and MERC & SSR produces 0 results it will all be abandoned....

    Yesterday I took delivery of a huge box of tablets, needles and syringes and vials. Last week I started on norethisterone for 10 days and am being trained to inject myself tomorrow 27th feb. I'm really squeamish and prone to fainting so that will be fun !

    This this is our only hope of a child. We've had 'those' conversations about sperm donor or adoption but whilst it's perfect for some it's not something we want to explore further. It's all or nothing for us. And we will have life 'A' with a child and the honour of being parents OR we will have life 'B' where we will sell up and live across Europe and adventure for a while until we learn to come to terms with the 'loss'.

    On a positive note, I am in perfect working order with a good oven. I do have more than a normal amount of eggs but with this scenario its a good thing ! I have questions though.

    I wish us ALL my most heartfelt best wishes and hope our deepest need becomes a reality x

  • Hiya,

    Glad you took the time to write, I know how hard it is, but it has been for myself at Least very therapeutic being able to talk with someone in a similar situation to myself. As you do feel alone at a time when you are desperately needing answers and reassurance.

    I'm so sorry you had to find out your SA results like that, as you probably read from my my experience finding out our results was a shocker too.. We just sat there... Since thought my partners count has gone up a little and they were able to freeze a decent amount..

    But your right it is still 3 and 3 is better than nothing and yep, it only takes one. (Ask my friend she got pregnant on her first ivf attempt) and like my partner tell me all the time you have to remain positive, even when your not. Positivity encourages positivity,! Apparently!!

    I didn't know if they didn't think you had a good enough chance they wouldn't offer a funded cycle.. That's appalling. Everyone has a right regardless what percentage it is... A chance is a chance however big or small. I'm so please that you got it though, and you have started your meds, how's it going so far.? Goodness- good luck with the needle thing... I'm defo not a fan and WILL NOT be doing that myself.. I have already told my partner that will be his job.. That's the least he can do!!!! Haha :-)

    'Those conversations' are tough aren't they.. We have also had that convo.. I'm adopted myself, and my brother is also, however adoptions not something for us. Before our better SA results we talked About sperm donation ,it isn't for us either.. As much as I really want to be pregnant have a baby etc, like you we are all or nothing..

    I'm glad though you have found the strength to come and say hello, it's really nice to know that there's someone else other than us two on here going through the same thing ( bad but good if you know what I mean) and I'm sure we can help our each other during our process, I know I get strength and just by talking to nellynel and I'm sure that she will want to ask you questions about SSR. Luckily we won't have to go through that as they managed to freeze some from his last sample.

    We are all at different stages like many of the women on the site and I'm sure that helps. Like you I have so many questions..... And the questions I've had answered I've got more questions about the answers to the questions.....and it goes on!!!!

    Again I'm sure you've seen by reading our messages that we both feel like "why us".. Something we will never know.. I think thought despite what we are going through we have to try and remain positive, as tough as it is... I guess some days will be better than others. Guess we just have to keep going..

    Anyway I'm almost falling asleep here..I'm sure I will read this back tomorrow and realise I made no sense thanks to tiredness!!! I certainly didn't mind you commenting though, Infact I'm quite glad you did thank you for sharing..

    Let us know how you get on today, I wish you the best of luck with your appointment, after hearing my friend talk about it and watching it online apparently is really not as bad as you'd think. I'm sure no comfort if your scared of needles.. But it's another step closer to getting where you need to be to potentially give you what you want.. Good luck

  • Hi Lisa-Jane, Thankyou so much for your reply it means so much. Strange how a wave of relief just came over me as finally someone understands. Thankyou.

    I was really keen to know how your husband went from 0 to 1 million- that's amazing !! My husband is really healthy takes vitamins and wellman conception but it doesn't seem to make a difference.

    So today's the day of injection training, il drop you another reply tonight to let you know how it goes.... That's if they can scrape me off the floor when I pass out haha.

    Nellynel if you also get chance to read this I'm more than happy to talk about our ssr experience if you want to know more. When are you booked in for it?

    Ok so have a positive day then ladies !!

  • Good morning...

    We too are baffled, however the test was done in 2 different NHS trusts and apparently they can differ.. He's not got as much as a million I think they said quarter and seem to be swimming better. So we must of had some originally to be swimming backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly everything but the front crawl!! My partner is also taking wellman which our main consultant recommended. However the first one recommended something else at £44 a pack for about 2 weeks supply!! However after checking out what was in it I found pretty the same ingredients in wellman conception!! And at our second app the consultant said wellman was excellent and to keep going on it,it seems to have made some difference. But I've noticed that different professionals react differently. Like the original doctor who gave the SA results just seemed to shrug it off, said not to worry about the figures, then the consultant was shocked at the hospital not half as much as us.. Then on the second SA when my partner did eventually ring they lab said his results were excellent...however at our appt couple weeks ago the consultant said they are still way below the levels but they seem to be swimming well and had a decent amount to freeze. But icsi is our only option.but he will do another Sample on the day of egg collection ...just have to get there first.. I've still gotta get my BMI down and a possibly operation before we start.

    Well I do hope everything is going ok and you've not had to be scraped off the floor..

  • HI

    Im just checking that you are ok? havnt heard from you in while now? Well, its probably only about 4-5 days but feels like ages!!

  • HI well this is the second time I have tried to reply as my PC just switched off!!

    So thank you for sharing your story and as Lisa says it really helps to be able to share and talk about how we feel, and have a good moan when there feels there is no where else to turn/talk - it really does help..

    sorry for my late reply,. I don't always check the site everyday and as I registered on my partners email I don't get any phone alerts to say I have messages so I have to find our conversations and then scroll down 66 replies... im surprised you read all our essays in 30 mins...

    I think that for me is one of the big things- "why is this happening to me".. I look around and see people with children all the time and I think why something which is considered to be so easy so out of my reach etc. in order to have any chance we have to have the SSR and hope they find something and then if they do hope I respond (as my first set of bloods showed a low AMH), then if all that works then we have to hope that the implants eggs "take" (sure that is not the correct terminology).. so im really made up for you.. you are already more than half way there. you have the frozen sperm.. you have your eggs and hopefully this is the final step (barring the 9 months of pregnancy). Its funny there are so many hurdles for us to even achieve a pregnancy I cant begin to imagine that stage...

    My next stage is getting an apt with the consultant at St Marys. as im sure you have already read.. we have already had all the bloods and SA done twice locally but our local hospital doesn't do IVF hence the referral to Manchester. we have had the day 3 bloods and SA done AGAIN but now have to wait 3 months to even see someone to discuss options,,, I am predicting that will be around May which to me will just mean we are back to where we were in Dec- knowing we need the SSR as a first stage - who knows how long we will have to wait to get that done...

    I must ask for my partner - how was the procedure? I know he is worried about that.

    SO how are you feeling today? I assume you started your injections yesterday? got to admit I don't know much about IVF as yet. Im quite scared all the hormonal changes and feeling moody/low rather than the injections.. but I feel for you if you are scared... look forward to hearing form you both...

  • Hiya,

    Didn't realise that you had replied till I actually got a notification today you'd replied... Even then I had a hell of a job trying to find the reply scrolling down.. I'm sure my ipad doesn't like this site.. But my laptop is just too much of a pain to switch on and wait ages till it's ready on its own terms!!

    But Yes I'm still here!!! Had a bit of a rough week... Well not so much me but my partners not been well at all.. Had a viral thing- chest infection tummy troubles - bit of everything really... I'm just hoping I'm pumped full of enough vitamins that if will be ok. He's been unusually emotional possibly the illness!! And although still not wanting to know much about the actual procedure ( although did watched a icsi procedure online)we have spoke a lot about his SA and why are they so low.He feels his parents should have told him sooner about the mumps. It's only been recent that his mum has said anything.. Only since we have started this process as hes asked questions.he says That he's fit,healthy watches everything he eats doesn't smoke drink etc even his job is healthy yet he's got such a low count . I understand what he's saying but it's not something you really tell your child "oh son remember you had all that problems with your testicles swelling" etc.. Guess it's something you don't mention,,, I suppose they think if they don't say anything it's better!!! Had we have both known we could have started the process years ago.

    But I think as the time is getting closer he's anxious. Right now I think his sperm or lack of it is the least of our worries... I know he's been reading in secret as every now and again he says something and I think hmm how do you know that!! Funny really as he says I'm getting obsessed with reading stuff... Hopefully he is reading up on the process as the consultant warned him the process is very tough on us as women and how much of a strain it is on our bodies. He did say once I start my meds he will be taking over at home. Which I know he will do as he does a lot anyway at home.. And if I get pregnant I know I will be literally wrapped in cotton wool!! Just gotta get to that stage.... Man I hate waiting.......

    How have you been.. Any news on an appointment?

  • HI.. good to hear from you. I think any illness can make you emotional and less able to cope etc.. hope he is feeling better soon and I hope you stay illness free

    are they saying the mumps have caused the low count? I think at least you can take some comfort that you have some frozen.. im not sure how we will deal with it if there is nothing there if they do the surgical extraction... saying that mine seemed to be very matter fact when we last spoke about it - more or less saying there is nothing we can either way but im not sure how he or I will take it if the news ends up that there is nothing there and therefore nothing we can ever do.

    He has said a few times that he can handle it better if they say he never produced any compared with the fact that its something he has done -is smoking/drinking when he was younger.

    However we are STILL waiting for the apt to discuss what can be done.. makes me really angry in a way that we were at this stage in Dec.. I don't think we will get our apt till May as they stay at the end of jan that we don't get to see anyone for 12 weeks... so very very annoying, as you just want a plan to be discussed...

    I honestly cant imagine getting to the pregnancy stage - I just feel there is so many hoops to get through first.. have to find some, get eggs collected (assuming that I have some), get that fertilised and implanted and then hope that they stay (not the correct terminology)!! seems forever away..

    when in May is your apt again? how is the weight loss going? you have done so well. have you spoke to your mum about it yet?

    Off to a conference tomorrow with work, bit nervous about it as it involves a long(ish) drive where I don't know and then a full day at the conference and then back again...I get nervous driving especially when I don't know where im going and I get tired easily so hope im ok Friday back in work..anyway nothing I can do about it..

    Anyway..fingers crossed that your partner starts to feel better and you have a good week. as im sat typing this my cat is curled up next to me (partner working), and its really comforting...

  • Hiya

    I totally get where your coming from, the waiting is horrible.. That's what I was struggling with.. But at least we have some sort plan and a kind of time scale all be it without an operation. And I think had I gave gone bk in feb and not given any clue as to what and when I would have been very disheartened. Does seem to be 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.. I also think it's unfair that each hospitals protocols and waiting lists are so different. I've heard people waiting 3 plus years and then my hospital saying some couples start within weeks of their first apt. I know after reading the info on my clinics website they like to start treatment within 18 weeks of referral.

    They said the mumps could possibly be to blame however as we were leaving he did say to keep trying naturally as miracles do happen.. Which obviously got him thinking about his daughter.

    Again I'm totally with you.. Forget pregnancy I can't even see me at the stims stage, let alone getting as far as egg transfer and certainly cannot see me pregnant.... And I think that's why I'm Struggling a bit at the min with my weightloss. I've not put any on but I've not lost any either.. I'm getting so fed up of that treadmill now it's unreal. I was planning on keeping it once I hit my target weight.. But I can honestly say I am putting it straight on eBay..as soon as I've hit my target that machine and me are getting a divorce!!!!!

    But I think I'm struggling a little because I'm feeling like I'm working my beep off for something that might not ever happen.. Yes I know I'm so much healthier, look better etc.. But in the back of my mind I can't help feeling that as far as the doctor said we get one go.. If that doesn't work I will be devastated like everyone else but doubly devastated as I've literally never sweated and cried so much in my life!!!!!!!

    I think our apt is May the 14th I will double check that.... It's going to kill my Easter as I won't be eating any eggs and defo not one of my dad's special eggs(yes I know I'm nearly 40!!!) every year since I can remember we have these big eggs each which are made out of cardboard and decorated. And inside my dad fills it up with smarties, choccy buttons and all things chocolatey..plus little personal messages . As grown as I am,I still get excited.. Then once we have eaten everything we give them back to him for next year!! Gotta love my parents.. But I shall still see them for Easter and on the 30th for mothers day which also happens to be my adoption day.

    Aww, wish my dogs would curl up next to me! Lil one does..(in secret so the others don't get jealous) He's smaller than a cat so it's easy . But the 2 big ones will trample you half to death before they will sit quietly possibly on you so you then can't move, the. You have to put up with either dribbling from the biggest one who is still a puppy or stinky 'love puffs' as we call them from the old one!!! Either way it's not at all relaxing or comforting!! Although my partner was away last night possibly tonight as well.. But I certainly feel safer with the dogs here..

    Well I hope you have a safe drive tomorrow and everything goes well.. And your not too tired...

  • This is a long message !!! :-)

    Hia nellynel, sorry also it's taken me 6 days to reply. It's been a busy week at work and I've just been shattered!

    Absolutely with you on the way you feel and my husband was the same as yours about ssr. So let me tell you about that first before I catch you both up on my week of discovering how to inject !

    Ssr is surgical sperm removal which I'm sure you know, so they give them enough anaesthetic that they don't know what's happening but not actually put them to sleep (my husband was most nervous about this as thought he might 'wake up' but of course he didn't and has no recollection!) They then go into the testicle to retrieve sperm by first going into the main area to retrieve and if they can't get any that way they can now take a sample of tissue which they can also get sperm from. Have a read of this link as it explains quite well. fertility.treatmentabroad.c...

    So in most cases we were told there is an 80% chance of success. This is mainly if its obstructive azoospermia ie there's a reason the sperm doesn't come out the usual way. In the other cases, ie my situation it can be non obstructive azoospermia which means he just doesn't produce or there's been previous damage/illness which has caused them to stop producing. My husbands case is undeveloped from birth (not that you can tell externally!) we were unsuccessful and because they tried all options to retrieve from him he was in some pain for a few weeks after. Usually they are ok within a few days- week. Hope that helps but more than happy to give more detail if you've got any more questions. The good news is he said if he had to do it again for us to have a baby he would.

    So this week I learnt how to inject myself. That's an interesting appointment then. Given I'm quite squeamish I decided to look at it as 'education' and this seemed to help a lot. You get given all the instructions and they are patient with you whilst you try to understand. Then they asked me to 'have a go!' This meant inserting the needle into my tummy (with nothing in it) so that you get used to it. Until this point I was doing ok and was calm. Then when I came to actually put it in me I hesitated!!!! Couple of count downs from 3 I did it and you know what .. It was fine ! You

    barely feel it as needles are so fine. So that was a great relief !!

    So I then took my last tablet on Friday and waited for my period to happen. Advised between 2-5 days on average.

    Day 3 and there it was ! All on track. I had to phone the clinic to advise and book in for a monitoring scan which is this Saturday and I started my injections day 2 of period. Last night!

    Well what a disaster ! Firstly I was trying to do it all perfect and my husband although calm became impatient with me and wanted to take over. When he did I felt he was rushing it so we argued and I told him I wanted to do it alone. I then messed up twice more not getting all the water solution in the syringe etc. on the 4th attempt I managed it and it was fine. But stingy for a couple mins but not really. So that's where I'm upto. Hopefully it will be a lot smoother tonight !!

    4 more days of these then add in a 2nd injection and then we are looking at wk/c 17th march for egg collection... Can't believe that's less than 2 weeks away.... Scared, nervous, excited, stressed....

    So how you guys both doing? Any further updates? Sorry for my huge essay but I guess I'm just following on your precedence :-)

    Have a lovely day both of you xxx

  • HI.. like the essay comment - yes we do send long one but its been really nice

    well done... you did really well overcoming your fear. I didn't realise you had to mix it and draw it up - I was thinking of it more like a premixed solution ready to inject - little bit like insulin... can you inject it wrong? as in "miss" getting all the solution in? (maybe a stupid question)

    So in terms of the obstructive/non obstructive ...do they do any tests before the SRR to determine which type you have or do they not know that did they go in? (so to speak)

    Am I right in thinking that they got 3 out though? do they just inject one into each egg or do 3 go into each egg?

    think I would need lots of info if we were ever to get to the IVF stage. do you start with pills then inject? how long do you take pills for? I am guessing from what you said that injections are 2 weeks. do you have daily blood tests too? that bit will be a nightmare as we love miles away from the hospital.

    where are you having your treatment (sorry if you have already said)

    no news at my end - not expecting any - they said at the end of Jan when we went for the blood tests etc we had to wait 12 weeks before an apt so not expecting anything till mid May which is so annoying as he will only say what we knew in Dec (locally). we started the original tests off in August/Sept locally. If I would have known (although would never have suspected this) I would have asked to be referred directly to St Marys to cut out the middle man.. where are you having your treatment?

    Hope your injections go well tonight...

  • Hia both,

    Nellynel I was where you were last month with lots of unknown questions so il go through your message and try to answer each one best I can as I know how overwhelming and confusing it all is.

    The solution for the injections all come delivered to you in their pre-measured vials so you don't need to worry about wrong measurements. You should have training from your nurses as to how to make up the solutions but if not there is an online video I can share with you closer to the time. You don't want to overwhelm yourself until it's all explained properly to you by hospital. I did mess it up first go but only because I'm a detail freak and I was being over cautious with the solutions so now my husband makes up the syringes every night and I just inject them. It's great this way as he feels part of it more and there's a great trust between us both.

    In terms of obstructive or non obstructive as far as I know and from our experience they only find out when the do the ssr. This is because if he is in the lucky 80% then it just means the sperms in the testicles it just doesn't come out the right way ie goes through his bladder. If it's non obstructive like our situation then they won't find any and look further into the tissue sample which is where we got our 2 sperm from.

    So when it comes to the egg collection, which is looking like next week for us now (eeeek!) then my husband will do a fresh sample in morning before we leave house, then another soon as arrive at clinic (we only

    Live 15 mins away). They will look if there's any sperm and if not then will unfreeze the 2 sperm, then do another ssr. If we get no sperm them procedures abandoned. If they do then I under go egg collection. To answer your question, In icsi it's one sperm to one egg. Think of what you see on tv everytime they talk of Ivf and show one sperm being injected into the egg. Confusing as they refer to it as Ivf but it's not that's icsi. Ivf is of course where they put the millions of sperm onto an egg and let the magic happen itself. We don't have that luxury as not enough sperm.

    So once you are ready to move forward and begin your cycle (and it can be different for each couple depending and tailored to your own circumstance) then in our case on day 18 of my period I started taking norethisterone which basically stops your period so that they can regulate the timings. After just under 2 weeks I stopped taking them and within 2-5 days you expect your period. Mine came on day 3. Day 4 which then becomes day 1 again you start with injections. Again the measurement and length is dependant on your situation. Mine was 75ml for 5 days until yesterday I've added in the 2nd stimulation injection. Now I do 2x injections per night. Yesterday I had my first scan to see how the follicles are progressing and apparently all text book which is great news. 2nd scan on Tuesday. I had a blood test done but apparently that might not need to happen again it just depends on how my body responds.

    So were are with Care which is a great clinic and have the most amazing staff. Unlike you we have been lucky to have our appointments without delay.

    Sorry you are having to wait such a long time to be seen. Is there anything you can do to speed it up? How far away do you

    Live from st Mary's? You will have to have scans on regular basis once your at this point. Positive news is that once it starts it will all happen quickly as it's on a time plan.

    How are you

    Lisa Jane? Seems like your moving a bit quicker now ! Xxx

  • Hey guys...

    I did try to respond a couple of days ago, wrote one of my essays then my ipad had a moment and I lost everything!! I just gave up!! I'm too tired for temperamental technology at the min!!! Back to training and for some reason I'm just so irritated and snappy at the min.. Which is very much unlike me.but other than that I'm fine...

    Well done magic with the injections, when we do get the that stage I will not be doing them.. I'm not really scared of needles.. I just think that if I'm going through all of that then my partner can do the injections!!!! That's if he doesn't freak out!!

    Still can't see past the waiting stage if I'm honest.. It's frustrating as I know it's just my weight that's holding us back.. I keep feeling like I should be trying harder and I know I can't go back and be told to loose more.. As not only in this state of mind am I likely to burst into tears but possibly try and rugby tackle the consultant!! But things I suppose are moving as hopefully in mid May we will know if I need an op or go straight to ivf.I know it's only 2 months away but I feel a huge amount of pressure, I think more than February's apt.

    Thanks for explaining it all.. I have read so much about how the procedure works etc, knew a bit about the meds ie short or long protocols plus scans etc.. Just wasn't sure the amounts and when's and what fors.. Just so much to take in really...

    I can't help thinking about you Nellynel as you live quite far there seems to be quite a few hospital visits.. We only live 3 miles from the hospital, but parking is a nightmare and the cost is just outrageous . And although it takes about 7 mins in the car parking can be another 45 mins of drama it's a new hospital and they didn't think it out properly when they were planning it.. The flipping place has only one way in with 2 lanes and that's also the way out, that's for staff,patients, visitors and ambulances..)0(although they have a lane to themselves)So we've said on general visits we might just catch the bus or better still walk.its a nightmare...

  • I hadn't finished but my ipad started looking like it was gonna go into a strop so I decided to press reply quick!!!

    Anyway, I know thankfully my partner and I won't have to go though the SSR but it's really good to know about the procedure. And it's good that now nellynel knows too..hopefully that will give you some insight as to what to expect..when they do start..

    It looks like we all started our journeys pretty much at the same sort of time.. Just shows how places work differently.. I know our hospital does NHS and private, magic have you been offered any counselling.?

    Well I'm glad everything is going well and your body is responding. Will this be your last scan on Tuesday or will you have another one before egg collection. I'm excited for you, I can't even imagine the emotions you must be going though..

    Nellynel how was your conference and the travelling.. Hope it didn't tire you out too much.. X

    Anyway ladies I'm totally knackered, and feel like I could sleep for years.. So I'm off to bed and will speak soon. Hope you have a good week x

  • Hia ... Having a down day... Started 2nd injection 3 days ago of cetrotide and now been injecting for 8 days overall. Today was 2nd scan and they hadn't grown hardly at all. First scan was 8-9 mm and today was 8-10mm with one 12mm. They have now upped my doseage of menopur from 2 powders to 3 to help along. (Menopur is the main injection to stimulate the follicles). After being confident I was working fine and we just needed the sperm I feel like that's just an illusion I've painted in my own head. I just hope this changes by my 3rd scan on Thursday. The nagging at the back of my mind is that the nurse keeps talking about 3 follicles but then when measuring I counted off 16 measurements. I'm confused ! 3 follicles = 3 eggs yes? So what is the 16 ? ... Anyway I'm sure as the week goes on it will be clearer. For right now, I feel like a fed up pin cushion !! Hope your days gone better. Sorry to be a downer just needed to release how I'm feeling xxxx

  • HI both...sorry only just checked the messages.. thank you for your explanations.. if I could just ask something - you said that on egg collection that your partner needs to do a sample before you leave and house and then another when you get there- why does he have to do this if they know the count is zero? and then why do you do the SRR again? Also did they test for the obstructive cause and then go into the tissues in the same procedure?

    You are doing so well with all the injections.. I cant begin to think what emotions you must be feeling about it all especially after what you said about the day of egg collection. I really struggle with dealing with how unfair the whole thing is and how some/most people don't have to worry about it...

    so your next scan is thurs? when do they do egg collection? or does this depend when they are big enough?

    How are you feeling now Lisa? I cant blame your for feeling so fed up.. maybe thinking about how far you have come and how well you have done/how much weight you have lost and that the end (or the beginning) is nearly there now.. I am thinking that maybe now the weather is getting a bit brighter and less wet that this will help lift our moods.

    St Marys is about an hour and a half away (hour with no traffic) but it was a nightmare to find and a total nightmare to park. I am thinking should we get to the stage of needing to go regular I would become more familiar of how to get there and find more parking around the side streets etc... however the thought of it all plus working fills me with dread - however need to see the bloody consultant yet to know what the plan is!!!!!

    Hope you are both ok and get in touch soon...

  • Hey...

    Must of crossed messages there.. Took me ages responding to magic as I kept having to stop to watch holby city (first time in months)

    I'm ok, just tired as I said in my message earlier... But I think your right about the weather.. Although today I got on the treadmill early as I had a free day and spent the rest of the day so tired I couldn't do anything!!! Going to bed in a mo! But it's so lovely to see no rain and I've even noticed blossom my neighbours trees... I'm thinking if the weather stays I might invest in another bike and do some bike riding.. Also trying to get my partner to come running down the canal tow paths.. However it's a busy time of year for him.. People see the good weather and want to start getting fit!!!

    Why do they make parking so awful to do at the hospitals.. Like I said mines only 3 miles away but you have to allow like 45 mins. We thought we'd be smart last time and park on a surrounding street!!! Only we couldn't as they were only for permit holders!! Apparently they have just reduced it to 2 for up to an hour!! All well and good but you have to actually find a space!! Like I said maybe bus it next time..

    Oh the things we think about on this ivf journey!!!

    Anyway I hope your week is going well so far.. X

  • Hey,

    So sorry to hear your having a down day.. But don't worry it's cool we all have them..

    I'm not really sure how big they have to be.. But I did think the follicles are what carries the eggs (once you have your trigger shot)so therefore if all the follicles were to fill with eggs then I guess that would be three .. But I'm not 100%..not sure what the 16 is.. From what I've read they need to get to a certain size before you have your trigger shot and that was 17mm.. Which is maybe what your 16 is and why they upped your meds to help grow the follicles?? ?but again this is just me guessing..

    I think it's a bit unfair though that they weren't clearer with you about how many and what sizes.. Seems at this very stressful time as it is that's adding more worry. I defo think on Thursday when you go back ask them to explain it properly... They do this every day.. Know exactly what they are doing and talking about. Where as we don't and I think sometimes they can forget that this is all new, we don't necessarily know all the medical terminology etc

    And I don't think it's an illusion I think you have to do whatever it is you have to do or think to get you through.. Our consultant tried to explain this to my partner (he's a bit blazay) it's not just taking meds getting eggs etc.. He said u gotta take it in stages,and each stage is tough.. And I honestly think it's what we have to do..

    Other than a pin cushion , have you been feeling on your meds, I know everyone is diff.. I know my friend (she only had one ivf but that worked) said she felt very emotional, and a bit bad tempered.. Don't know if it was the stress of the process or the actual meds!!!

    Like I said don't worry about having a moan... I've done it enough times as I'm sure you've read!! And I'm sure ima have plenty more before this process finishes!! I'm doing ok, but totally exhausted for some reason I've gained 3lbs., previously this wouldn't have bothered me but when I've got such a tight time frame it's worrying.. But I just gave to get on with it.. Only 2 months left to loose about a stone.. Thought it was less till I worked it out.. Grrrr

    Anyway hope your feeling a lil better for getting how you feel off your chest.. And if we don't speak till after Thursday I wish you the very best of luck and will be thinking about you.....xx

    Nellynel, hope your well and not to tired either.. Xx

  • HI good to hear from you.. how are you feeling now? Where are you in your cycle? I know when I am due I can feel even more tired than usual.. wondered if that was contributing or is there any chance a miracle could have happened? you never know...how great would that be..

    My week hasn't been too bad. Ive been teaching on a course this week at work. I enjoy doing it but its a bit nerve racking at first especially as you are getting to know everyone. its also really draining as you are with them all day (there are 2 of us delivering the course). Anyway the last session of the day today involved discussing pregnancy, there are only 2 girls on the course so the blokes left. Anyway turns out both of them have had terminations in the past (one now has a 4 year old, the termination was after the first pregnancy). I found it really hard listening to it (I wasn't doing that session) as it just smacks the reminder of how unfair this is and how people just take it all for granted without a second thought... felt sad afterwards..

    Magic - how was your scan today? how are you feeling? hope you get in touch soon and let us know how you are

    Hope to hear from you soon

  • Hiya,

    I'm still exhausted, defo no miracles here!! But I am due on.. My partner thinks I'm anemic as for some reason my periods over the last 2 months have been every 20 days and lasting about 7 days... Which is unlike me...

    I totally hear you, I'm just the same.. Some people just don't realise do they.. And to be fair even I was nieve to the amount of couples and singles who actually need help.its crazy... Last year whilst at the walkin centre I bumped into my neighbours daughter (17) coming out, I could see in her face something was wrong.. And as you do I asked her if she was ok.. And she immediately burst into tears.. Turned out shed just found out she was pregnant...... After an afternoon of her begging me not to tell her parents, I convinced her either way she would need support.. So we told her mum.. Well I did why she cried.. Her mum whom I now know conceived her daughter through taking Clomid. I think she wanted her to have the baby for the wrong reasons but wanted it never the less. But the daughter was certain she would have a termination.. They both asked me to go with them to be with the daughter as the mum couldn't face it!!! I didn't do it....couldn't.. I think it was the best choice for her no doubt.. But didn't stop me from being a bit cross and a little hurt... But what can you do...

    Do you finish your teaching course this week or are doing it next week too?

    Magic - hope your scan went well..

  • Hey both, I did reply yesterday but for some reason it didn't add so here I go again.

    Quick update on how my weeks gone. So after 2nd disappointing scan I had my powders increased to 3 (I was on 2 before) of menopause. 2 days later (yesterday) I went for a 3rd scan hoping to see a difference. The follicles were measuring 6-9 on scan 1 and similar on scan 2. They have increased a bit to 8.5-12 but still not as much as hoped so im upto 4 powers now ! 4th scan is Saturday morning. I had a v emotional day yesterday. My first in a long time since this all began as I was frustrated at having to inject myself every night and nothing happening as well as hoped. Anyway I'm ok again today.

    I did find out what the 3 and 16 were though ! I have 11 follicles they can see are growing (must have been 16 at the start) and 3 are leading. They basically monitor the largest follicle to when it gets to approx 17.5mm and that's when you do your trigger shot.

    So Monday as the big day looks like maybe tues or wed now as didn't grow as much as expected. I have a large number of follicles bordering on pcs so they started the meds cautiously in case I went hyper but that didn't happen hence the upping of doseage.

    Lisajane I feel fine actually. A bit more tired than usual but I think that's more the emotional drain rather than physical. The only physical pain is my stomach has lots of tiny pin mark on it from the injections and is a bit tender from them but nothing of note.

    How have you been getting on with your weight loss? Have you heard of the clean eating diet? It's great ! I know a lot of my friends who've done it have lost a few stone. I can put you in touch with someone to help you get into it if you like. I employ the ethos of clean eating and feel so much healthier. It's things like don't eat potatoes /pasta etc as full of complex carbs but you can have sweet potato and Swap olive oil for coconut oil. Let me know if your interested and il send you some info if you give me an email add.

    Nellynel I can completely relate to how your feeling when those girls spoke about terminations. I had a girl a few months back talk about how she was on her 5th termination as though it was nothing but an inconvenience ! I do understand girls who have to do it for a reason, I don't feel bitter towards them or anything but girls who are just careless wind me up !

    You asked about how if my husband has zero can he do MERC. Well when they test he had zero but then they spin it in the lab and they usually find 1 or 2. We are hoping this can be the case next week !

    Have a good day ladies, it's Friday !! Il update you again after scan tomorrow xxx

  • HI good to hear from you both..

    It must be really hard with all the injections and the stress of whether there are growing etc. hope your scan goes well tomorrow and counting down to the big day next year... each day is a step closer.

    Im sorry with all my questions when you have enough to contend with but what is MERC? I was wondered why he needed to do sample before leaving the house then another one when you got there and then another SRR when I though you had some frozen? If you get what I mean? appreciate your information...

    that's a good point with the anaemia... I hadn't thought of that but with all the dieting etc it would make sense. definatley worth a trip to your GPs for a blood tests. how has the "chest pain " been recently? sorry I havnt asked.

    My course I was delivered was a week.. its the same group that you deliver it too all week but that is it now. I do another one in July so back to normal working life last week. I enjoy doing them its just a little nerve racking at first. the feedback was good and they enjoyed it so that is good.. feel drained though whilst doing it!! will be another early night tonight!! although that is nothing new..

    hope you have a good weekend. Im meeting mum for lunch tomorrow as I havnt seen her for a few weeks but then hopefully having more of a relaxed day on sunday

    email soon x

  • At last a positive day ! So after the doseage being upped to 4 powders my body has finally woken up as the nurse put it. My follicles now measure at smallest 10.9 and biggest 17.6! Can't believe how much they've grown. I have 10 follicles and my lining shows 3 lines (this is what they look for) and measures 9.2 (they want anything over 8) so all good. Last scan on Monday and confirmed our 'big day' is Wednesday. I am absolutely petrified. Not of the egg collection but that they don't get any sperm from my husband and it's all abandoned. That all this has been for nothing. So so scared. Just going to have to live through it and be as positive as possible.

    Nellynel you can ask me as many questions as you like. I know I'm further ahead than you both now and so I'm more than happy to explain what's happening as I go along. I know how confused I was too !!

    MERC is multiple ejaculation. Basically when my husband has done a sample previously the results are zero however when they then 'spin it' in the lab they have found 1-3 sperm. Therefore if he does a sample before we leave the house and gives that to the lab as soon as we arrive. Then does another one. The plan is to get 2-6 healthy fresh sperm between the 2 samples. If they can find some then they will ask him to potentially do a 3rd sample. All this happens before they unfreeze the frozen sperm. We have 2 frozen sperm. Of course we have to be realistic as over 50% of frozen sperm perish so not holding much hope but even if one survives then that's one more sperm ! It only takes one as they say but they can get 10-15 eggs from me and we can get anywhere near that amount of sperm then we are onto a start. My fear is that the ssr operation was so intrusive and severe that they've damaged him further and we will get none. The standby ssr on the day is if they can't get any Sperm from the MERC and the frozen perishes. I don't know what good it will do though as they didn't get any more from ssr than he gets in MERC ... need to stop thinking this though otherwise il go mad! Positive positive positive!!!

    So how are you both? Lisajane habe you been tested for anaemia ? That might answer all kinds of questions for you if so. My friend has it and all her lips chapped and went blue but were fine a week later after iron meds.

    Xxx

  • HI

    Excellent news with your follicles etc... I meant next week not next year on my previous message I think I type faster than my brain engages at times so excuse that!! im really pleased for you... a step closer and will be thinking about you on Wednesday... do you they knock you out for that? don't imagine its the most pleasant procedure!!

    Thank you for the MERC info - that makes sense now. I assumed it was something like that with all the samples as that way they are maximising the chances of sperm. How long between your apt and them doing the SRR? our delay has been that our local hospital doesn't deal with IVF etc hence the referral and starting again at St Marys ... im just bothered we will someone in May be told what we already knew from Dec but then we will have to wait months ago before we find out if they is anything there!! How long from the SRR did you start the IVF? Where did you say you were (sorry I guess I should re read our messages)...

    When my partners was spin - it said zero found in the centrifuge (on the SA) sample so maybe that means they wouldn't find any or maybe its different when they "go in"...

    was talking to my mum earlier and trying to explain how you would never think you would be in this situation. Other than the obvious stress and anxiety of the situation, how have the injections made you feel? Im worried over the emotional changes of the hormones etc..

  • Thanks I'm definitely feeling a bit better after today's scan. It really threw me earlier in the week as I'm absolutely fine so I was shocked that it didn't go to plan so to speak. At least if it happens to you too then you can take comfort it will be ok. I haven't really thought about my procedure on Wednesday I will be really happy if we get that far as it will mean we have sperm ! If we don't it all gets abandoned and that's my greatest worry right now.

    Bit confused about your question about apt to ssr. I think you mean how long ago was ssr done from now. It was about 8 weeks ago. You then have to go off timings of your period to start the meds so it can vary. I'd literally just missed our cut off date so had to wait til the next month.

    I'm frustrated for you ! It seems crazy your having to wait so long. We are lucky as had the choice of 2. I live in Nottingham so could choose hospital (grant funded) or care (privately funded) . After both open nights it was clear the one we chose had the highest rate of success and more importantly took an interest in male infertility. We went with care and haven't struggled with any appointments it's all been quite quick. Have you got an appointment then or are you still waiting for confirmation ?

    My hormones have been fine and I haven't had any side effects except a bit of wind which I'm seeing is quite common on here !!

    Xxx

  • HI good to hear that you have been ok.. crazy moods and being emotional is my worry ( as well as everything else). do you have to have blood tests everyday? we live about an hour and half away from the hospital so don't know how I will handle that with working full time. I will take some time off but wont be able to take weeks off.

    yes we got referred locally had all blood tests/SA etc (done twice due to zero result). However as we will need SSR/IVF etc our hospital doesn't do that so we got referred into St Mary (Manchester) (NHS). this was in dec, there they ask you ask you to repeat all your blood tests/scans/SA which I find so flustrating...we had this done beginning of Feb and they said then we have to wait 12 weeks to actually see anyone to discuss the plan etc so that will bring us to May.Its so annoying as in Dec (locally) he said we would need SSR so I assume that is what St Marys will say too...

    I was meaning how long from your apt to get told about the Zero count (although I know you did know from years ago) to them actually doing the SSR? my worry is we will see him in May and he will make us wait months before the SRR and we STILL wont know if we have anything.. and all the time age is ticking on...I suppose your should be quicker with being private. I asked our local man about going private as he does private work but he actually said there wasn't much of a wait!!!!

    Hope you have had a relaxing weekend..

  • Hi guys, been mega busy which is why I haven't had time to reply..

    Bit of a drama to reach the bottom of our convos!!!! We can clearly talk for England!!! Haha

    Woohoo magic your big day is on Wednesday... I will be sending positive thoughts your way.. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, I'm sure it's a mixture of many emotions.. Glad you had no side effects on the meds, I'm with Nellynel I'm slightly worried about my moods.. My friend didn't have the best time, so I was only really up until this point working off what she said. Hopefully once nellynel and I do eventually start we don't get any side effects too.

    Nellynel, how was your mum when you guys were talking.. I tried to broach the subject with my mum and not saying it didn't go so well but it was almost like she shrugged it off. I will be travelling down to visit on my adoption day which also falls on Mother's Day this year. I might try and talk to her again.. As it would be nice to have her support.

    I've yet to go to the doctors to get a blood test and as well as my folic acid the consultant told me to take I'm on my multi vitamin and I have been going crazy on iron rich foods.. I think I might get an extra supplement. But it's so crazy magic you saying about your friends lips as mine have been so sore these last 2 weeks.. I looked it up online and it also was saying a sign was craving ice cubes- which I have been living on since I cut out squash.. I don't drink hot drinks other than a herbal ginger tea I drink in the morning. And in an extra bid to cut calories etc I cut out squash and now live on glasses of ice and water!!!!

    On a more positive note my weight is moving slow.. Everyone said the last stone would be the hardest... They weren't lying!!!! But I don't eat potatoes or pasta or stuff like that, I live with a Sargent major and I can't eat anything not approved by him!!!! I've never done the weekly shop, that's something he's always done right from we got together, he also does a lot of cooking so he's always wAtching what I eat. It can be very irritating.. But I know it's for my own good... :(

    Anyway I must go and get back on with this paperwork... Literally feel like I've not moved off this chair in days!!!! Hope you both are well .. And magic let me know how your final scan went x

  • Great news Lisajane that you are making progress with your weight and getting iron deficiency under control. Well done. Keep going!

    Last scan was yesterday, I now have 17 follicles with the biggest at 20.5 and smallest at 9.5 ... 7 of them are over 17 which is good news. My endo is now 11.2 which is also great. They like anything over 7. They've moved my EC to Thursday now to give the smaller follicles an extra day. It actually has worked out better (even though it's another day of waiting!) as I've got a new starter in my team on Wednesday so it means I can sort all that out before taking couple days off. Also my husband had abstained since last Thursday morning when we thought original EC day was Monday. By yesterday he would have been 7 days absteined by time we got to thurs so the nurses told him to hurry home as fresh is better haha. That was definately an amusing moment that he was upstairs whilst I was making lunch downstairs ;-) anyway it now means he will be the ideal 3.5 days absteined by thurs.

    It's funny you both talk about your mums, I'm having a weird time with mine too. Both my parents are laid back and we are very close but my mum and I are so opposite that our relationship hasn't been always that good. I want to involve her with this but when I tell her I just get 'ok darling' and no proper interaction or questions really. Kind of a relief you both are having similar experiences.

    My emotions have been ok and I did think I would suffer too. I've had a shorter temper and things have made me angrier slightly plus couple of days of tears but not in an extreme way. I have to say though I am quite a tough cookie who just gets on with it but I have to admit this has taken more of an emotional toll than I expected and I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this site ! It's like a dear diary that helps get it off your chest plus relate to you guys and know others are going through it too.

    Nellynel you usually have just one blood test at same time as scan at the beginning however they had to monitor me closely so I was having them each time. My body gave up on the sat and I passed out ! Told you I'm squeamish.

    After false results of being told he was above average, We got told he had zero initially about 4 years ago after another test then the hospital lost all the results and we had to do them again. When we signed up to care (we are Nhs funded too by the way) we had to do all again so they had the results but they were done quickly and this was about 6 months ago. His ssr was about 2-3 months ago. But it is all quick at that point it just goes off your timing then.

    So I get my call this afternoon to tell me when to take my hgc injection . Has to be at a specific time in line with the EC op. Then the big day.... Super super nervous . Not about my op but whether we can get sperm on the day. Scared isn't the word that this could have all been for nothing. Here's hoping ! Il keep you both updated ... Wish me luck xxxx

  • Hey,

    Wow so your doing great..20.5 I'm so pleased for you..it really does sound like it's worked in your favour for you, and after waiting this long what's another day when it could give you the best chance... Although I'm sure the extra day will give you am extra day of worry.. But you have to turn it into a positive.. I know what your saying about the sample thing... My partners had to give 3 now and I know he will have to be doing more before we get anywhere near where you guys are in the process.. At first I wasn't sure how to deal with it, sounds really silly.. Our hospital seem to prefer you do it at the hospital and are quite happy for the other partner to be there.. I don't know what it is but I know I'm quite glad I've been busy when he's had to go!!!! Sounds so ridiculous I know, without getting overly personal!!!! It just feels a bit strange maybe as it's so clinical or "you have to do it now" etc.. I know my partner said he found the second time difficult.

    My mums a bit the same, I just thought as being as though her and my dad were told they would never be able to have children, hence they adopted my brother and me... I thought that she would be the best one to talk to.im not sure what type of help was around then if any but at 38.. My age now, they fell pregnant with my little brother.... Their little miracle as they call him. But so far it's almost like she doesn't want to discuss it. Maybe it brings up old emotions, maybe she doesn't want me going through the same upset .. Maybe it's our mothers ages, being a different generation who knows I've no idea. But I would as much as my partner is amazingly supportive love my mum to be part of this process..

    When I asked about the meds and side effects, that's what I was worried about them possibly giving me mood swings.. Like you I'm a bit of a tough cookie or as my dad says a tough nut, I just get on with it.. I've been through a lot in my life but to me you just have to suck it up and make the best you can out of your situation. For the most part my emotions are pretty much a straight line.. Don't tend to have down days (odd day since I started this process) and I'm not one to get angry or be over emotional. So suddenly being out of character worried me, especially after watching my friend going through the process.. She was went from emotional to angry within mins I felt so sorry for her partner, he had a tough few weeks... Maybe it depends on what protocol your on and what meds.. Fingers crossed I stay the same, a lil emotion I can handle, but irritated.. My partner has enough irritation for both of us!! ( he's mr zero tolerance)

    Oh bless, well you've done so well with your injections, so I'm sure no one will notice Saturday.. And to be fair you've been though so much already,And at least you managed it. So I wouldn't even bat an eye lid at Saturday...

    So hopefully anytime in the next couple hours you should get your call on when to take your trigger shot.. I'm excited for you.. Each day your getting closer.. I can imagine your nervous about them getting sperm, i think anyone would be given the situation.. That's what worries me.. I know we have some frozen but I worry it won't survive, etc,... But I think especially for you right now you need to remain as positive as you can...

    Are you going to be put under or just have a sedative, as I've watched online a woman who was fast asleep and a woman who watched as they collected the eggs? I think that's one of the things I shall be asking before I even start my meds. I think I'd like to watch.

    Right well back to my papers... Hope all goes well this afternoon.....

  • HI to both. this is just a quick message before work and im staying with mum tonight so wont be able to log on

    Wishing you lots of work for the EC tomorrow and will be thinking of you.. Also Lisa I hope you are not buried under all your paperwork and you are feeling ok..no carbs, no flavoured drinks.. you are doing so well, so impressed...

    anyway catch up soon and thoughts with you both (must by my shortest message)!!! ha ha

  • HI

    I have read a post by you on another conversation to say what happened with you EC... woow that is amazing that you did the icsi and what a result - even more to be found.. im so pleased. did you have it done yesterday or today? im sure sometimes this is behind somehow...How are you feeling? when do you get them transferred?

    Lisa how are you feeling this week?

    Ive had quite a mad week, got involved in a an accident outside work (I wasn't actually involved but helped a women who was hit) then when I went back into work I must have left my hazards on as then I couldn't start the car - so had to call the AA!! then wouldn't start again on the Tues - got a new battery now..

    Been out with dad tonight for this birthday and then tomorrow out with some old friends for a meal. this is all very well and pleasant but very tiring when I have worked late too... ready for going to read and relax now but wanted to check in with you both and say that I hope you are both ok etc...

  • Woooooow, I'm so pleased for you.. What a day, but I'm so glad that you managed to get your EG done and better still they found 8 sperm.. I'm so excited for you guys... Been thinking about you all day wondering how it was going. And I will continue to send positive thoughts your way.. Good to know your not in pain either.. So did you have a general anaesthetic or a strong sedative? Can't lie that bit freaks me out, Infact that's what's freaking me our if I have to have the laparoscopy and my tubes clipped/removed. Not had an op since I had a laparoscopy when I was 15 which I just remember being awful. I can imagine you are over the moon with your end result to today, here's hoping you get a positive call tomorrow. You've managed to get through today which I know you were nervous about..good for you..

    Nellynel, by the sounds of it you've had a busy week too... I'm ok.. Just tired as usual, decided today to go to hobby craft to go and see if I could find myself something to do to keep me occupied as my partner is really quite busy at the min and I'm spending a fair bit of time at home on my own. Plus it's a good way to try and keep my hand active.. The injection seems to be wearing off now and it's I wouldn't say it was painful as such but it's starting to go in that direction...my insurance company are saying that I should be able to go private to see a consultant so we shall have to wait and see.. Just feels like this has been going on such a long time.. I had the accident in august, thought it would have healed by now.

    Spent over an hour walking round then decided to go into town and do some window shopping, window shopping turned into inside shopping which turned into trying on clothes. I know I've lost weight as lots of my clothes look ridiculous and have donated them to charity ..however some I've tried to muddle through and wear, but today I realised that I really cannot carry on wearing the same clothes.. I have brought a few things since Christmas as when chasing my big muppet of a dog, my jeans thought they would embarrass me by falling down to my knees!!! Which is never a good look (how I didn't fall is still beyond me :) )!! but today I managed to fit into a size 14 jumpsuit type thing... I was jumping up and down in the changing room... I then spent a further 2 hours trying pretty much everything in the shop on... Just because I could!!!! 2weeks ago my partner got so fed up of looking at me in my size 22 coat he brought me a lovely new one' I refused to by a new one even if I could fit another person in there! But I've tried not to by too much stuff as I knew I have more to loose... But it's amazing, even my feet have gone a size smaller... I just know that I have to keep the weight off once I reach my target, as I know they weigh you every time.

    Well just got into bed now, I'm tired as usual, but fell like I've walked miles (up and down that shop floor probably) .. Hope both you ladies are good, and magic let us know what happens tomorrow, I will have everything crossed for you.. Xxx

    Night

  • Hey both just a quick one to say we got the call this morning that 5 have fertilised so keeping everything crossed we get to ET . Another call tomorrow to tell us how many survived this 24 hours. Hope you've both had a good day. Well done Lisajane on your weight loss very proud of you !! Bet you had a great day trying on all the fabulous new clothes hope you bought some too :-)

    Il update again tomorrow xx

  • Hia hope your having a great Saturday? I've spent most of it waiting for today's call and being anxious. I thought it was going to be bad news as the past 24 hours were to establish that now they've fertilised will they divide. As we are at low numbers I thought we would have 1 or 2 if we were very lucky ... But We still have 4 !!! Can't believe it !! They are now dividing into cells and grades so I have 2x 3 cells at grade 2. 1x4 cells at grade 2 and an amazing 1x5 cells at grade 1 !!! I'm over the moon. We are literally in shock given the less than 10% chance we were given. I have a whole new respect for science. So I am now definately confirmed for the ET either tomorrow at 11am or Tuesday if they are still going strong.

    Started to finally let myself think this is happening now - never in my wildest dreams did I think we would get to this stage.

    Xxxx

  • Hi sorry for the late reply. started to reply yesterday morning then had to take my cat to the vet (routine) and ended up being late when we finally got back form doing a few other bits etc...

    So still not done enough reading to full understand about all the grading etc but I am assuming that grade 1 is the best? I am so pleased for you.. when you have to wait after fertilisation - is that to see how they grow etc? when/how do they decide when you put them back? how are you feeling? I bet you are so excited that you may not feel tired etc with the joy..

    what will you do for the next 2 weeks? are you still working?

    Lisa you do make me laugh about your shopping trip and you adventures with trousers whilst dog walking... your adventures with the dogs have been amusing in the past.. however if you have gone from size 22 to 14 - you must have lots tons of weight?? have you lost about 5stone altogether? bet people who havnt seen you in ages wouldn't recognise you. how are you feeling now? I feel very tired today. got up this am for my swim and my eyes were really puffy.. just had a bath and a little lie down finishing my book and I could have quite happily stayed there.

    Anyway hope to hear from you soon

  • Hey nellynel, I'm very jealous of you having a swim. I'm normally really active but they tell you to stop all excercise when you start on stim injections so it's been hard not doing anything.

    So today's call confirmed we are down to 3 now. Yes grade 1 is best. I was due to have ET this morning but they've now gone into blastocyst which is the incubator which takes 1000 pics per 24 hours to help decide which is best one to put back in. They have progressed on cells now and one has compounded which apparently is great but not 100% sure what this means. Guess it's all the cells coming together. After all this positive news though we hit earth with a big bump today as they said they only expect 1 to make it to Tuesday when I'm now scheduled for ET. And there is a risk we could end up with none to transfer.... Trying not to think about that though and keeping as busy as possible as we now won't hear anything until tues morning which feels like forever away.

    The stages are: egg collection, then Ivf /icsi is performed, then you wait 24 hrs to see if fertilised, then another 24 hours to see if developed into cells, then it's a calculated waiting game as to when is best to put back in and how they progress.

    I am ok in mornings but tired in afternoon but that could just as easily be the lack of sleep and emotional toll. I do feel more sensative in my womb area though snd think I've overdone it to be honest as I walked into town yesterday and have been painting chairs and cleaning today. I'm not very good at sitting still especially when trying to pass the time. In the bath now though relaxing and have promised myself to relax tomorrow. I am working but from home so I expect to be back in friday.

    I agree with you , Lisa Jane you have achieved a great result with your weight loss ! I don't see why they want you to lose another stone if your already down to a size14?!

    Well have a great week both of you, il let you know if we get to do ET on tues xxx

  • Hey guys,

    Sorry for not getting back to you I've had a nightmare 3days... I'm totally exhausted.. As I think I mentioned before my partner hasn't been feeling well.. Then on Friday he didn't really eat anything like he usually eats.. Bare in mind he's about 17 stone and that's just muscle so you can imagine the amount of food he consumes in a day.. At that point I wasn't too worried just thought he was feeling a bit off.. Anyway Saturday we decided we would spend together watching tv and just chilling out so I made him breakfast and it just went down hill after that and by 8pm I had to call an ambulance, it was awful. He'd been having tummy pains all day and he's not one for tablets so I couldn't convince him to take any pain killers, although managed to get him to take an antacid just I case that's what the pains were. By 5 he was having chest pains, and was saying he felt a bit tight when he was breathing in. I did the NHS assessment thingie online and they called back and said ring for an ambulance, but mr hard man refused!..throughout the evening he was also being sick, very restless ect and agitated,it was horrible as I've been there with not being able to breath and I think he was starting to worry as it handnt stopped and I think that made him panic as it ended up with him crawling up the stairs not really sure of what he was doing saying he needed to be sick.. Trying to take off his clothes,?Not sure why he crawled all the way upstairs as we do have a downstairs bathroom? Guess by then he wasn't thinking straight, I had gone downstairs to get him some water to come back upstairs to find him collapsed on our bedroom floor. So I just called an ambulance.. They came so quickly and were amazing made him feel right at ease saying they needed a small blood cuff monitor a medium, a large and a cuff just for him...he had an ECG and usual stuff..His blood pressure was sky high and his temp was right up, so they decided to take him to casualty, he just looked grey it was awful.hes so fit and well all the time he rarely ever gets ill.On the ambulance they gave him an injection and paracetamol for his temp.. We were seen staright away for them to assess another ECG however were told there had been a party and there were a lot of drunk people and therefore we had to go and sit in reception..and not to worry as he wasn't in immediate danger!!!!!!!!.. I was absolutely fuming.. Over 4 hours we had to wait on the chairs while he was in agony for teenagers etc who had drunk too much then fighting and being sick.. Grrrr.. Anyway we got back at 4pm and I've been fussing over him since!! I've just tucked him up on the sofa and come to bed..,basically they think it's the start of some type of infection? he's been given painkillers antibiotics plus something to help with his tummy they have said he must see his GP in the morning.hes breathing a lot better but still getting the chest pains but nowhere near as bad.i will just keep checking on him throughout the night as he didn't want to sleep upstairs as the sofa was more comfy to sit up and sleep on.

    Gosh that was a bit long... I'm sure I could have made it shorted but oh well.... I'm to tired to go back and rewrite it...

    My fingers are still crossed for you magic..so pleased things are still going so,positively and hope it continues to do so. And should you only end up with one,as the saying goes it only takes one!!!! I'm absolutely useless at waiting, for anything I can't even sit still for more than an hour.. And I'm sure it so easy to over do it trying to keep occupied.

    Hope your cat is well nellynel I know you said it was routine, I had a cat years ago that used to be traumatised for days after we went to the vet. She'd hide in her box.

    Yes I've lost loads since last year july/August and only a little more to go.. I think size 22 was a lot to to with god over blessing me in the boob department when I put on the weight.. But I've lost just over 4 stone.. And whilst everything else has slimmed off my boobs have stayed, which I'm not all that happy about. As they are giving me back ache. I'm still top heavy.. The consultant wants my BMI at 28 but said will consider starting at 29 and a half. Maybe he wants it at 28 as maybe he feels I will put a bit back on.. But I absolutely have no intention of doing that. Before I got ill I was a size 10 and I'm happy with a 14/16 and besides my partner is 17 stone and not trying to give away any secrets here but I don't want to get any more squished than I'm getting now!!!!!! :) .. I'm sure had my boobs shrunk too I wouldn't be having to loose anymore... I've had a few people not recognise me, but the day my doctor doesn't blame my weight for anything will be the day I am happy..

    Anyway guys I hope your both well and not to tired,I'm going to check in on my patient and then get an hours sleep.. Hopefully it will be an uneventful night.. Xxx

  • Hia hun, wow what a worrying time that sounds like. I can't imagine how stressed and worried you have been especially when you saw him collapsed on floor. So glad he is doing bit better. Big love to you xxxxxx

  • Thanks, he's refusing to go back to the GP today, so I know he's feeling a bit better as he's getting his defiant streak back!!! Hopefully I will be able to get him to go in the week...

    How are you feeling, I know you said you felt like you over did it? Must be difficult as I know to keep my mind occupied I need to be doing something physical, cleaning,or just something that keeps me moving. Did they explain why you must stop all exercise? Again hard if that's part of your daily routine.

    Anyway I've got my partner at home this week so I can add that to everything else!! Going to stay with my parents over the weekend so at least I will have a couple of days to recoup !! As long as my partner recovers!!!

  • HI bloody hell, what a few days you have had. how awful for you both and scary - I do hope that he is starting to feel better and that you are ok too. . funny isn't it how some blokes are full of wow is me when they get a snuffle but then you got some like your man who try and fight it all. hope he is getting some rest now, in fact I hope you are both managing to rest a bit this week. you definantly sound like you need it.

    when I get really tired, which is often, sometimes I feel like everything is all too much, like "little" things are all too much, then at night when I try and sleep I can get what I describe as a "fluttery bird" which is like anxiety I guess.. its like all problems seem too much, I think its when I get over tired. I know you both said that you don't get easily stressed/phased so maybe this sounds like im a complete wherido!!

    How are you feeling today magic? is that usual that you can start with 8 then go to 1? suppose its all in how they devlop? like Lisa said though it only takes one.. plus so many people on here have fought against the odds. and look how far you have come... will be really thinking of you tomorrow and hoping so much for you..

    what did they say about excercise? I swim most mornings. started about 2 years ago when I lost the use of my arm/nerve damage. it was at first to build my muscles back up but now I love it and at weekends actually swim with a club so its pretty intense now. I use it as part of my pain management although I have to be careful as at times I can feel the pain getting worse in my back when I havnt had a day off in ages. I think doing crawl can pull between the shoulder blades. its hard to get a balance really as I wouldn't be as good as I am pain wise without the swimming but its hard getting up so early all the time and it adds to the general tiredness as I get real tired easily

    well I hope you are both ok and that tomorrow brings everything for you magic and that Lisa I just hope that your week gets better

    I have to say that as I am typing this my cat keeps pawing me (which she has never done before) and nuzzling into me - its very nice.....

  • Hiya,

    He's feeling a little better thanks,he's just exhausted and still can't breath properly. He's finally decided this morning he does need to see the GP!! So I know he really must still be feeling awful especially as he's taking all the pain killers religiously.

    You don't sound like a complete weirdo, I think everyone deals with things in different ways.. I know my partner would like me to have a softer side!! Sometimes I would like it too..Haha he's always telling me I'm not Rambo!! I do know though sometimes I can come across as though I don't care or am not emotional, both untrue. And things do worry me and get to me and I've had times where I've found things hard.but one thing I know is as much as I might come across as mrs Rambo this hole ivf process has been hard to come to terms with.. And it's been very emotional, and we have yet to start with the meds yet!!! I'm sure that those chest pains I was feeling a week or so before my appointment was possibly anxiety over my weight etc..as I've not had them since. As I have got older though I have realised when I get overly tired I can get very emotional, possible even irrational to be fair, especially when we have so much going on. But swimming has certainly helped me with relaxation, forgot how much I missed it.. Learnt how to swim by age 2 and was a bit of a water baby as dad and grandad went every day so got to go, then competed from 10 till 17 the. After that just swam for fun till I got ill. Then only swam a handful of times I'm 10 years as the chlorine made me breathless. But now I love it possibly even more than I did when I was young. But just swimming is just that for me, I don't think of anything else than enjoying what I'm doing.. And as may is getting closer is was saying to my partner I might go twice a day.. I'm just so scared I'm going to go back and my weight will be an issue again.... It's been hard this last stone as it goes and comes back, I've certainly noticed that different times of my cycle I can be up to 5lb heavier.. Which seams a lot..maybe it's the cysts.

    Magic, hope all is going well this morning and your transfer went ahead and your doing well... Sending positives vibes your way.

    I'm running 2 hours late this morning,partner was up so many times in the night with sweats... Which never is a good look-eewwwww!!! So I'm off to jump on the treadmill before he gets back from his physio.. Can't see how they will even ok it today as his breathing sounds awful.

    Anyway hope your both well and not to tired/stressed.. Catch up later x

  • HI what did the GP say when he went (or has he not been yet), what is the physio for? is this part of this?

    I swam when I was younger too but nothing serious.. I really do enjoy though now and its done me so much good... so how much exercise are you doing each day? I don't think I could go twice a day. I tend to go before work, I go for about 45 mins during the week and at weekends an hour or so. usually do between 72-86 lengths during the week. more at weekend but depends on the schedule we use (and if we finish it)!

    I did think about going tonight though as our local pool is doing somewhere where they will give you tips on technique etc. however I tend to work later on a tues and I couldn't face coming in at 6 then out again at 6.45 and not being back till 8.15 then tea/bath etc.. didn't really sleep last night so feel more tired tonight. my problem is find it hard to unwind and then with my partner changing shifts now for 4 weeks (on lates) I find that strange and unsettling at first. as I swim with members of a club at weekends I think I will ask one of them to stand over me at the pool side and see what they think of my technique.. I can always go to this thing another .

    Hope your day was ok today Magic, we have been thinking of you so hopefully hear form you soon

  • Hiya,

    He's still not been to the GP yet! Physio thought is for his back as just before our accident last year he hurt his back working. And ended up with a trapped nerve,which lead to investigations and found out that 2 discs in his back are rubbing so has been having physio weekly ever since. Being a fitness instructor and doing weights every day it pays for him to have constant physio.. I try to get him to swim but he's not too keen.

    This last week or so I've been a bit lazy and only gone on the treadmill but as of next week I will be doing the usual 4 miles per day and then back to swimming everyday. Plus walking the dogs. And the circuits every other day.Just trying push through as much weight as I can by may.. So then I can relax and not stress. But it's been hard recently as I feel so fed up of doing it, swimming is fine but I absolutely hate the treadmill, sometimes it's ok.. But it's just a drama as he makes me wear a belt.. Plus my sauna suit which is all a drama to get on and off. My neighbours have seen me through the window and call it my space suit!!!

    I get the whole struggling to unwind, I can get like that. I've got an apps on my phone and on my ipad one is relaxation the other is self hypnosis. I listen to them at bed time quite a bit..the do help, and I'm usually asleep within 10 mins!!!!

    What does your partner do? My partner is so busy right now we hardly get time to spend together, and being so tired I like to try and go to bed early, where as he needs time to unwind before sleeping so just recently I'm finding I'm going to bed on my own.. Which is not something I like.

    Does your swimming pool do the British gas swim fit?? Ours I think just started and you can sign up online and you can get a tailored programe for you.. I've joined but yet to work out what I want to do..

    Anyway I could quite swap your cat for my partners big silly puppy today.. He's been vomiting all evening.. I must of dropped something as I was cooking and he grabbed it before I could grab it and no sooner was it swallowed it came straight back up again.. So he's being sick and them i spend the next 10 mins retching!!!!! I'm so ready for this day to be over!!!!

  • I've decided I hate iPhones! I've just written you both a full essay on yesterday and it's just deleted the whole lot !!!!!!!!

    Anyway, hope your both ok, sounds like your both exercising a lot which is great - healthy body and mind as they say.

    So the transfer happened yesterday !! After zero sleep the night before we got the highly anticipated call to say we had one to transfer. I burst into tears as you can imagine. Sounds crazy but after all we've been through to get here against all the statistics telling us we had no

    chance, to have fallen towards the end would have been really hard to take. At least now it's over to nature and we can say we did all we could.

    It was such an insane yet beautiful moment watching the transfer happen on the scan screen with my husband holding my hand. They have even given us the most incredible picture of the embryo. I really really hope you both get to experience that as it's something us women having Ivf get to see that those conceiving naturally will never get.

    It was all over in 15 mins and the whole appointment is only just over an hour, then you get to go home. The procedure is a bit uncomfortable at first but painless and more fascinating watching it all. I just relaxed in the afternoon and working from home until Thursday, back to normal work on fri. We have a test date of 7th April so just going to keep occupied until then. So here we are..... Can't believe it !!!!!

    I hope your both doing ok, I can't imagine how frustrating the wait for you both must be. Hopefully another few weeks and things will start to get momentum. I know it took us ages to get here but as soon as it starts it happens so fast !

    Lisajane how's your husband today ? Sounds like he has a bad virus :-( hope he gets better soon.

    Lots of love to both xxxx

  • Hiya, I am the same my iphone is in need of repair, smashed the screen yet again.. So went to the dark side and brought a samsung till I got my screen repaired and can't use it to save my life!!!! Can't wait till they fix it but for now my ipad rules!!!!

    I'm so pleased you got to transfer, that's fantastic. And I'm so pleased it went well with no pain etc. I've watched a video on YouTube where the woman went through her ET which was amazing to watch...I can't even imagine how your feeling.. It's such an amazing time yet I'm sure it's also very scary too. So what is it that they call it PUPO... Pregnant till proven otherwise... Something like that..

    Amazing to think of all your worry to think you wouldn't get to this stage, yet here you are. The 7th of April really doesn't seem that far at all, you will just have to keep busy I guess.. I can't right now even imagine myself even reaching medication stage, let alone egg collection,or transfer.. And the 2 week wait, my goodness I'm not a very good waiter... I can't hardly wait for my nails to dry without getting frustrated. When we had the new kitchen that was the longest 2 weeks of my life by day 2 I was ready for the fitters to go away- and that was only a new kitchen, nowhere near like the importance of ivf!! Here's hoping you do very much better than me!!!

    I'm going to continue sending positive thoughts for you and the lil embryo....

    My partner has been involved but a bit distant about the whole process, I think because we are not in full swing yet, and he's also been worried about his results. I told him both about you and Nellynel,and over the last couple weeks about what you have been going though. Which has perked him up a little, I think he was worried about his sperm count /quality and also the whole process for me.. But being able to tell him exactly what you and your partner are going through has really helped him understand more. And he's also really happy that you reached ET.

    My partner is feeling much better and yesterday I went with him to his second physio of the week. He then surprised me with reservations at restaurant and then a shopping trip.which was lovely.. However since I've lost weight I'm now realising my whole style is changing,and am completely confused about what I like etc.. I'm 38 and whilst I know I'm not old and get told all the time I don't look my age.. My partner and I kept disagreeing on what clothes I should be wearing. I'm so lucky to have a man that actually likes coming clothes shopping, to be fair he's got more clothes than me.. His side of our clothes room is jam packed .. But yesterday I think I may have traumatised him,as at 8.45 he was sat on a chair in marks and Spencer's underwear section looking very deflated!!! But hey the shopping trip wasn't unsuccessful I got 1 sports bra haha..

    Nellynel, hope your doing ok, and not to tired. How has your week been going?

    Just to warn you guys I start my new training next week... I don't know if you've heard about it it's called "insanity" it's a body workout program.. You can see it on YouTube I think. But it's called insanity because it's just that!!! I've watched a class and I know I'm going to be physically exhausted for the next couple of weeks!!!! I shall be doing it daily so if you don't hear much from me you know why!!!!! Anyway I'm off to pack as I'm going to my parents till Tuesday to celebrate Mother's Day and my adoption day.. X

  • HI good to hear from you .. insantity eh.. I will have to look that one up.. is it something you do at home?

    Hope you have had a wonderful weekend with your parents. my mum is away at my brothers in Cheltenham at the moment but she came for a meal last weekend before she went

    so your shopping trip resulted in a bra... that made me chuckle. I actually went to the Trafford centre yesterday to meet some girls I used to work with. im not a big shopper but id actually stayed with a friends in Stockport the night before so ended up leaving early (she was taking her little boy somewhere) so I was there at 9.20... anyway I had wander round and my great purchase was also a bra and a pair of work shoes... felt pretty rotten yesterday. didn't sleep very well at my friends as I was on a blown up matteress thing which was soooo wobbly, then yesterday I couldn't stop sneezing walking round the Trafford Centre...

    magic how are you feeling?

  • Hiya,

    Yes they do classes at some gyms and also can get 13 dics to do at home there's a 60day training program and a 90 day one.. I hope I don't have to start tomorrow as I don't know how sensible It is to be doing press ups etc with my hand ...

    Yes had a lovely weekend spent with my parents.. Best thing being was my adoption day coincided with mothersday.. Had a lovely day.. Was dragged to church in the morning (felt like a teenager all over again) then lunch then mum and me went for a walk and a short ferry ride then a 5 mile trek through woodland and down to the beach then a ferry back.. I had to come home early as I've been waiting on the doctor getting back to me about another injection into my hand.. And typical he rang to say go in today at 6.. So I'm now tucked up in bed feeling sorry for myself as my hand is even more painful than before I got injected.. It doesn't help by the fact I feel he maybe didn't do it properly last time as this time he chose a different place an inch in a different direction. He said he will not offer another injection. That the next option is surgery.which I don't want. So praying this time the injection combined with the splint will work......

    Must be a week for bra buying!! I really need to buy more but my partner looked like he'd actually had enough, and considering he's the king of shopping it must have been bad!!!

    Oh tell me about those air beds!!! When I had my accident I wasn't able to sleep on my waterbed as it didn't support my ribs enough. So we thought as a temp measure we'd get one!!!! 2 months we had to sleep on it!! And went through 4 air beds!!! The noise they make are awful, they are too low ,slide about at one point we had 3 tied on top of each other just so I could get up unaided!! I think we went back to the waterbed for about a week before I decided I needed a normal bed!! But one thing I will give the air bed it did support my ribs excellently!!!! Haha Infact I'd perfer a air bed any day to the sofabed thing they have put in my room at my mum and dads house! I end up having to lay ontop of the 4 pillows ontop of the hard excuse for a mattress.. It feels more like a park bench with towel over it!!!! Mum asks every day " how did you sleep" I literally wince with hip pain!! She thinks it's a smile!! Apparently my auntie says it's mega comfy?????!!!! Which only beggars the question what does she actually sleep on at home???!!!!! Maybe she's sleeping in the stables with her horses... Mind you a bed of hay is probably more comfy!!!

    I'm typing with my left had and I'm sooooooo slow so I think I shall call it a night.. I think the pain killers I've just taken are kicking in so I'm going to say goodnight and will send a message tomorrow...

    And yes,magic hope your doing ok.

  • HI how are you feeling now? is it a cortisone type injection you had? How is your partner now?

    I have never slept on an air bed but with how things are I don't think I would feel very stable now. I have a temper mattress, expensive but worth it

    I haven't had a good day. went for my swim this morning and whilst I was showering I felt my upper back all spasm up. Was so painful but I kept calm and did some stretching and applied a heat pad when I got to work. I did plenty of stretching and I managed to ease it slightly but its still really sore, then to add to it found out when I got in that I had to go to a meeting after work 5-7pm so feel like ive only been in 5 mins and its bed time!! it really scary when things take a bad turn, it scares me and makes you really upset especially when I havnt actually done anything if you get me..

    I don't think I will go swimming tomorrow as although some times I know that it will help I don't think I could move my arms to do the stroke properly so I think sensibly I should rest it tomorrow, its hard thought isn't it and I think sometimes its easy to get obsessive then think you will feel bad if you don't go/do something.

    glad you had a nice time at your parents.. how far away do they live? im going to stay with my mum tomorrow night

    Hope you are feeling a little better

  • Hiya,

    Feeling a little better today hand it still sore, I will come back to that though..

    Sorry to hear about your back, I remember just how painful back spasms are. I needed up on hospital after a week of spasms and ended up on diazepam.. But luckily I don't get them any more just a dead bum check and leg. But it's probably best you rest tomorrow . I've not been swimming in a while but I will start back this week. Sounds like it's been a bit of a bad day for you today.. Here's hoping tomorrow is better for you...

    Yes it's a cortisone injection, he did it in a different place from last time... It just so annoying that I have it and end up in more pain for over a week after it's been done. However I finally went to see the physio through my insurance today it's my first appointment and I'm not sure I totally agree with what she's saying.. The lady doctor at my surgery told me to use a splint and then get the injection too.. The male doctor told me this is the last injection but keep it raised..both Dr's plus another have all agreed its carpal tunnel.. However this physio is saying today it's not my wrist it's my elbow ?.. I've never had pain there, and she's told me not to wear the splint in the day but only at night..She said why hasn't the doctor had me X-rayed..and why bother injecting me. I know where the pain is and I know that the injections after the initial 2weeks of agony work. But I have noticed that the pain is radiating up my arm. But I defo know it was my hand I hurt... So who do you listen to! But she said today my muscles are very tight I. My back and she won't be working on my neck just my back and massage to my arm. She told me to ice my elbow 4 times a day and lots of hot showers on my back!!!! So who knows. All I know is I had the accident in August and I'm sick of this pain and tingling in my hand and not being to do every day things properly. I just thank god for google speak and can talk and it translates it into text....

    And paise god for one hand typing!!

    Mum and da live in Hampshire and I'm by Birmingham so fairly far.. But it's only about 3 hours by train as it's a direct one. We did so much walking when I was down which was lovely as I spent most of it with mum as my dad has planta fasciitis in his foot ...possibly spelt that wrong!! But it was nice.. However I tried to talk to mum again... And I know now that talking to mum about it is not going to happen.. Seems like she feels that I've got a good life and why would I want to start at nearly 40!! I didn't bother trying to explain any further.. As I thought if all goes well potentially she could be a granny!! So I will cross that bridge if and when.

    Anyway I am going to try and get some sleep, I was up 8 times last night by 6 I had given up trying to sleep.. So I'm knackered..

    Hope you have a better day tomorrow x

  • Hiya,

    Well glad to know your ok. I totally understand. I think whatever can get you through your wait is what you have to do. I don't know how your coping I'm so impatient I'm already struggling now and I've yet to start.. Anyway I will be thinking about young wishing you all the best for a positive outcome x

  • Hi

    magic good to hear from you.. will be thinking of you on Monday. That seems to have come round quick but I doubt you will think it has

    Lisa.. how is your hand now? I know what you mean about different opinions. as my original condition started with a trapped ulna nerve which led to a decompension op and then this lead to CRPS.. then the back issues.. I found that my neurologist and pain consultant often said different things. I went on a pain management course about 18 months ago which was 2 days a week for 4 weeks. again they seemed to say different things and say that my private treatment - which is more hand on/deep massage type thing was no good.. again different things. I like to understand things and I question it till I understand. this lead to them saying at the end of the course that I was struggling to accept my diagnosis and this would/could lead to problems. That so annoyed me as all I was doing was trying to understand what was going on so I knew the best way of helping it..so annoying...

    taking of swimming though, I had thurs off but this morning I decided to go and test the water (Ha ha). as I swim with the club at weekends I didn't want to just try it tomorrow as its so intense. however I honestly didn't think I would be able to push my arms thru the water.. yet although I only did it slowly/gently I couldn't really feel it which was odd as out of the water its worse. yet due to the postion of the pain I thought it would be the other way. I feel comfortable enough with them tomorrow just to say though that I need to take it easy and maybe not do it all so will see..

    are you doing much over the weekend? my partners away at an away football match (although back late sat) so I am spending the day with mum

    have you actually told your mum what you are going through?

    I actually rang the hospital this morning as they said 12 weeks which I reckoned would be may.. as I work in a hospital I am now starting to book things into may so wanted to check if there was anything on their system. they actually said that they hadn't got my paperwork stuff yet and there were only booking appts from Dec/Jan (we had out blood tests etc beginning of Feb) so looks to me like may be even be May. Its so flrustrating as we had everything done locally in Nov so we knew then what we were facing so in effect we will have waited at least 6 months to discuss an actual plan with someone, never mind the wait for the SRR etc and then who knows...it really worries me with age too, not just the cut off but the fact that I am getting older by the minute ...

    anyway hope to hear from you soon

  • HI magic... I have just read your BFP post (I replied to our essays before actually reading anything else)

    CONGRATULATIONS......................... how amazing/brilliant/overwhelming.. pretty much every emotion you must feel.....

    I know a lot of people talk about testing to early but they seem to think that you should be ok.. do you go to your clinic on Monday and have an actual blood test?

    How are you feeling now? that maybe a stupid question but im so pleased for you and especially coming form the same almost hopelessness that you must have been feeling when you started out form the zero count news...

    now I must ask a question if you don't mind - you said originally that you started with about 6 fertilised eggs but only ended up with one. is that common? am I right in thinking from a blood test/ovulation point of view that you were fine? I had a lower AMH on my local blood test but there is someone else on the main posts who has still produced eggs with a lower female blood test so I guess its not the end of the world...

    reply soon and let us know how you are BRILLIANT NEWS

  • Hiya,

    It feels like ages since I've been online.. I've been absolutely exhausted, not yet started insanity however started back doing my partners circuits and I'm in absolute agony.. I know he's working me too hard but he won't listen!!!! I'm literally in bed by 9pm however I can't moan as he's now decided he's taking over all the house duties for the next month. Although the injection in my hand has helped , however the private physio is saying there's no point as it's my elbow!!!! Never felt pain there so not sure she knows what she's talking about.. She also told me to disregard what my GP has said????!!!!!

    Anyway nellynel hope your well and not to tired yourself. How's work going... Have you heard anything yet?

    I can't seem to find the last post of yours to reply to, I think this is it but not sure, so maybe have missed some questions.

  • Hiya yes nellynel we unbelievably have a BFP !!! I don't know how I feel if I'm honest I'm still in shock and don't believe it's real. I kind of knew myself from about day 5 but then you read so much into each symptom that you just don't know until that incredible word 'pregnant' comes up on the stick.

    I just want to have the official test tomorrow (Monday) and get my bloods done so I know it's a decent hcg and then I think il start to process. It's been such a long road that we are still in 'protective' mode of our emotions . I'm sure you know what I mean! Il update fully about everything tomorrow night with all stats and symptoms. There is hope ladies ! If we can get a BFP then everyone has a chance :-) xxxx

  • Congratulations.. Such amazing news...I can't even image how your feeling,probably a little bit of everything I would imagine.. But I certainly gives us all hope.

    So have you had your bloods done yet, if so how did you do? Anyway I am literally excited for you.. You said you knew from about day five.. Did you just feel different or did you feel symptoms?

    Anyway im off swimming.. Your news is making this weeks pain feel just a little bit more worth it!!!

    Congrats again x

  • Hi both, it's totally surreal to be honest and I am struggling to be feel any emotion about it as I'm so cautious that if I do and something goes wrong ... Well ... It's obviously as we've had so much devastation over the years and so many saying we have such little chance that it hardly feels real ! Care don't do blood tests so I don't know my hcg levels. I have to wait until scan which is booked for 1st may now. I think il relax a bit then but I don't think il relax until I'm 12 weeks.

    Symptom wise in the 2 weeks was everything from cramps to a

    funny turn ! I wrote it all in my diary so will write them out to you both for each day. I kind of knew though early on as I was craving boiled eggs and had a funny sex dream which is more common than you'd think ! The dead giveaway was when my Montgomery's came up and boobs went veiny! Not had any sickness just waves of mild nausea - let's hope that stays like that ! So now it's just waiting .. Again... And praying all stays ok.

    So any news with you guys? Any appointments coming up yet? Xxx

  • HI

    scan on the 1st may so not long...be really good to hear your experiences.. how is your husband feeling? I bet words cant describe it

    well with me, I feel its going to be ages until we get this initial appt. I rang up last week and they were still processing appts from people who had bloods/scans done in Dec/Jan which doesn't bode well.

    its all so flrustrating as we had all the tests etc done TWICE locally so we know the outcome we just need a plan and what bothers me if how long after we actually see anyone do we start a plan - ie have the SRR...

    whats also really bothering me is not knowing when the apt is coming to come.. I work in the hospital and im starting to book things in May and June now.. plus I usually go away with Mum in June and I almost darnt book it in case the apt comes up... the women said on Friday to ring in a few weeks but I may actually ring again this week... what the worse they can say - the changes on me getting the same women isn't a lot and I would think they have people ringing all the time..

    Lisa - how are you doing with the weight loss? how is your partner feeling now? is he over his virus? I swam this morning but can still feel things twinging so didn't push it. I had a really painful on it last night and cant honestly say I think it helped but it does usually

    hear from you soon

  • Hiya.....

    That's so frustrating nellynel.. Do I take it that there isn't another NHS ivf unit around as it just seems to still be processing from jan they must be extremely busy? At least we know why it's taking so long with me.... As it's me we are waiting for.. Which isn't helping me..

    I would keep ringing. They must have women who ring all the time..as I know I would be ringing.. See what they say next week... But maybe going away with your mum might do you good.. Right now I would love nothing better than to go away...

    I'm having a moany week this week.. My weight is just not moving and I realised that I've made a mistake and it's more weight I have to loose Infact a whole stone!!! Don't ask how I got that wrong.... How on earth I dunno.... My partner is not interested in BMI he says for some people they don't work... he believes if your eating right and exercising right and your giving it your all and 'then some' your on the right track..so left the BMI to me.. Obviously I messed up but I cannot go any harder.. So I don't think I will make May.. Honestly I'm sooooooo over loosing weight, or actually not loosing weight at the min.... I'm now into a 14 on the bottom and 16 on top thanks to my boobs which have never gone anywhere I'm sure they weigh a cool stone between them!!! I'm starting to feel overly top heavy. Along with back and shoulder pain ...im also feeling like a raggy doll. As I don't want to buy anymore clothes as I know I have weight still to loose. I've had to buy a few things.. Like a bras although my back size has gone down my cup size hasn't, grrrrrrrr. Also a coat and I had brought a couple of dresses and skirt in smaller sizes before I lost weight however now I've put them on they either don't sit right or are baggy in places they shouldn't be.. I got in such a strop last week as I couldn't find something to wear I chucked loads of stuff out... Only to realise now, that baggy was probably better than nothing!!!! I think I just feel like I'm working and although have lost I just don't feel like I'm getting places.... Or maybe just not quick enough... I think it's a lot of reasons why I'm feeling so grrrr. Recently I've been thinking a lot about if it doesn't work and I've lost all their weight for nothing. Then what if it works then I put on loads of weight again.. I know both reasons sound crazy but that's me right now.. Feeling crazy... Before I got ill I was a size 10 and thought I was big then!! and then obviously with the steroids etc I ballooned possibly not helped. By my love of chocolate..... Now there's a word that depresses me... Haha

    Anyway I'm just a bit fed up.. And annoyed at everything.. Hopefully my mood will pick up soon

  • hi

    sorry you are feeling down.. I don't blame you though.. are you sure you need a loose another stone? if you are down to a size 14 then surely you cant be over BMI30? how tall are you?

    Was your pre accident weight always a size 10? I don't think I will get my leg in a size 10!!

    its hard .. and don't feel like its all your fault that you are having to wait etc. is it st May your apt?

    that's a good point as if there are so busy then what on earth is the wait then you actually see someone and get a plan!!

    annoys me as I asked locally what the wait as and was it worth going private.. proably couldn't actually afford it but I asked regarding waiting times.the man we saw actually does private work and the contact he used is with St marys but he said "its not a long wait and he would stay with NHS" you would think he was right as otherwise he would have potentially got more money!!

    I will ring every week, don't think the apt will come quicker but im getting very worried about booking things in at work.

    need to let mum know over the weekend what I want to do re the holiday

  • Hiya,

    I've just got back from swimming, knackered today..been having really early nights this week as my partner feels like I'm getting over emotional as I'm over tired!!!! But then he comes to bed in the early hours and that wakes me up, then I have to endure snoring which keeps me up, then It scrubs out all the effort I made going to bed early in the first place. Grrr anyway

    Hope your well... Like you said ring each week. Even if it doesn't get you an appointment quicker at least you will then feel like you have actually tried to do something. ImThinking along the same lines as you..

    Re my weight boo boo... Basically what I did, and was stupid in thinking that when we first went my BMI was 39 and at our appointment in feb I had got it down to 34 so over half way.. So thinking I had to loose about the same again to be under 30 I thought I'd hit that... Until the other day I thought I would check what it was online.. And that's when I realized.. As the doctors didn't give me an actual target weight.. They just said at 29.5 he would consider getting the ball rolling.however if we wished to go private we could start straight away as the BMI didn't come into it as they do NHS and private. I was a size 10 about 7 years ago until I got heart failure, which then I ballooned.. I bet you were thinking how on earth did She manage to put on all that weight since August!! Haha.. :-)

    I did ask my partner if we could cancel the appointment in May as firstly it could go to someone else and secondly don't want to push myself any harder, apart from the fact I'm tired forever getting sore throats, my periods who run to military precision have now started to keep to some other routine...My knees are agony I guess from the running and circuits and I've yet to start my insanity program .. I was supposed to start on Monday but he's given me a weeks grace and has promised he will make time and do it with me.. Although to be fair I'd rather another gym partner.. God he's like Sargent major.. He insists I wear my sauna suit with a towel round my neck during running and circuits!!!!! I swear I feel like singing the rocky theme tune even though I more resemble a turkey covered in foil!!!! His family keep looking at me like someone died when he tells them he's training me..one family member couldn't contain his laughter.. Told me that people leave the gym when they see it's him coming as he is so ruthless ... And they would never allow him to train them not even for free.. pity none of them warned me beforehand. .. I'd never seen him really in action only his personal workouts should have really known as he works himself hard..... But I do know he thinks nothing of making me cry when I'm working out.. Haha thing is after he pats me on the back says well done and remember he gets results!!! Crazy man. Went on a little writing rampage there.. Oh well.... But he won't let me cancel the appointment and says we are still going.. But I don't think at this point I can hear come back in another 3 months.. As I will not only be a month off 39 I just will feel like I've failed again. Don't like this new emotional lisa I need the only one back!!! As if I'm like this now god only knows what will happen once I'm on meds!!!

    Oh well it's now 11.10pm and I've failed on my early night tonight.. But swimming is off tomorrow unless I want to use the rapid pool as I think they have some swimming gala.. So it's just circuits and running and as 3 of my 6 god kids would say "merrrrp" think it's like an expression on disgust?? So merrrrp!

    Right after my essay I'm off to let the 3 mutts out.. And go to bed..

  • Oh and like an idiot I forgot to ask magic how you are.l hope things are going well and your not feeling to sick.. Has it sunk in yet?

  • HI .. what a grrr indeed.. I must ask what is a sauna suit? I have in my mind some sort of rubber suit.. and a rapid pool?

    I am just waiting to go swimming now, I struggled a little bit yesterday to keep up but will see how I go today, part of me doesn't want to push it too much as my upper back still feel really stiff and tight and I get scared it will all spasm up again. plus I had just had 2 glasses of diet coke which isn't good before a training session...

    so with your appt.. how far off the target would you be if you apt was tomorrow? (as in to get your BMI below 30)? I agree with the thinking you cant use BMI in isolation.it gives a marker but it doesn't take into account muscle gain etc and if you are in a size 14 and have been all this activity then surely your weight is ok enough.. I know it depends on your height but even so...

    I understand that if you go to the apt and they end up saying another 3 months then I can understand how gutting that will be but if you think it maybe close then maybe worth going to see what they say. if I remember rightly did they say they were going to do another scan to see if you needed an operation? if they did that then at least that would be out of the way and you would know more about whether you needed an op otherwise you are adding time onto that?

    However I feel if you think waiting another month just takes the pressure off you and makes you feel better emotionally then I think that is what you should do as these times are hard enough and you need to keep your body and mind as strong as you can and that may just help a little bit. you wouldn't be putting it off for months, hopefully just buying that little extra time - maybe a month 6 weeks which wouldn't really change any thing.. although if you got your scan done then that would need to be done anyway wouldn't it even if you hadn't lost the weight? does that ramble make sense?

    with my holiday, mum really needed to know and I decided that there wasn't a right answer as to whether we would get an apt and when. its 8 weeks till we go so assuming that we will get at least 2 notice and gives them 3-5 weeks to sort it out from now (assuming they wouldn't next week as my paperwork wasn't there when I rang) so fingers crossed it I will get it before we go. I just thought if I leave it the flights will go. we both wanted to extra leg room and that had already gone on one flight. plus it was that week or nothing. with other peoples leave at work couldn't have another week till mid july then prices would be higher and it would be too warm.. so the upshot of this again ramble is mum booked it yesterday...

    so an early morning essay for you.. have you been up to much this weekend?

  • Hiya,

    Feeling a little better today., maybe as I've not done any exercise and I'm only in a lil bit of pain!!!

    My sauna suit.. Oh god I hate it.. It's literally a think plastic tracksuit and it makes you sweat like a ............. And apparently it helps you shed pounds and rids you of impurities in your system through sweat. Either way I'm on my 3rd sauna suit as I accidently cough cough split them.. It's awful I try and take it off after training and I'm so hot it's stuck to my skin...

    Ohhhhh diet coke... I don't even like it but It just sounds soooo goood!!! Haha I only drink water these days and I have a fruit smoothie with my dinner which it make in bulk and put in the freeze each week.

    I roughly need to loose a stone and a bit I think .. I'm trying not to think about it but it's becoming a bit of an obsession now.. Even the woman at the sports centre asked if I'm training for something specific,I think it's as I was there for the first swim and last swims of the day., but I know swimming is better than running., and he insists I run as he doesn't agree with the swimming thing!! Think it's cos I enjoy it so much!!!

    Yes they did say they would scan me, and decide if I still had the cysts if I'd stand a better chance if my tubes were either clipped or removed.. However I'm sure the nurse said they were on my ovaries too.. So how will that work.?? My partner is insisting we go to that appointment. Maybe to keep me focused or in the hope they say something else.. Or maybe like he keeps saying I will meet my target.. But we don't share the same faith..

    I've slowed right down but have just started taking the tablets the consultant gave me... So we shall see if they help. But for my height which is 5"3 my weight should be between 7and a half stone to 10 stone.. But that's not happening right now. But your ramble does make sense.. I'm glad at least you can see where I'm coming from with the extra time.. I reckon I could do it.. But I'm going to try stay off my weighing scales and not think about it..

    Well at least you have dates for your holiday.. And then hopefully soon you will have a date for your appointment.. I'm hoping the fact they made you do more tests means that when they see you you will not have to faff about and get started ASAP. Part of me wishes we could change places, just for the sake that you guys could start as I still need time., just seems unfair .i also get mad thinking had my partner and I gone 3 years ago we wouldn't be in this BMI situation. Oh well if you have space in your suitcase I might just climb in, I need a holiday... But it would have to be a big suitcase mind as I'm overweight!!! Haha..

    Oh well.. I'm off to bed in a min so I shall sign off.. Hope you have a good start to the week.. I start insanity tomorrow morning!!!! Scared.com x

  • Hia I can't believe it's taking so long nellynel to get your appointment how long have you been waiting now? I would consider going private with care in Manchester as at least you will get an appointment straight away and know they are brilliant ! We did ours on Nhs with them if you are able to change or if not then I've heard there's support with funding private Ivf treatment maybe look into it more?

    Lisajane sounds like your 'hitting the wall' with the weight loss as is usual when getting so far. Stick at it ! Maybe try a different diet so you can mix it up a bit - have you looked at slimming world? You can do this hun - eyes on the prize of one more step towards your babba :-)

    I'm doing ok, the shock has worn off and I went through a couple if days where all my symptoms went so I was convinced id lost it but no bleeding and another test confirms it had grown a week. Apparently it's quite common for symptoms to disappear then come back. But no one ever tells you this ! So now I'm just in a calm place of going with the flow and enjoying being able to say 'I'm pregnant' for as long as it lasts - hopefully all 9 months. I am testing myself weekly on a clear blue digital so I can watch the weeks increase and that's keeping my mind at rest whilst waiting for the scan. Definately helps !

    Off now to take my friend for afternoon tea for her birthday and got her tickets to see Miranda which we both find hilarious !! Have a great weekend xxx

  • Hiya,

    Yes I've hit a wall... A flipping big one too.. But I am keeping on.. Just feel over emotional, I think like my partner says I'm getting over tired and then get over emotional, plus all the uncertainty sometimes I just feel like will it all be worth it.

    So glad your doing ok..I'm still excited for ya.. I'm sure like all of us on here it gives us hope.. That's now 2 people who've got a BFP on the first round as my friend did 4 years ago.i can totally understand testing weekly I think if I make it that far I would totally be doing the same just till I knew with the scan. And if that helps you then why not..

    How was Miranda, I've got the audio book on my audible app and it's hilarious, I find myself laughing out loud in the most inappropriate places!!! Anyway hope you had a lovely time...

    Have they booked your scan yet did you say.. Will it be after that you go to meet the midwife? Sounds crazy saying that on thus site.. But it's a reality for you now bet that scan can't come quick enough. X

  • HI magic wondered if you would be able to shed some advice on this one. If you read my last posting on these essays - we found out on Monday that we will have to wait till end of July before we get our first apt at St marys which will mean its over 7 months since we saw the local consultant who referred us for the SSR... I was so gutted yesterday and upset. started having a look into private hopsitals locally and read that Care in Manchester offer NHS and private...

    Spoke to someone at Care today who said that I could transfer my funding over to them and the wait to be seen there is only 5-6 weeks with no wait for treatment. Im confused where the funding comes into it.. do you tend to see the consultant first and then apply for funding as in which case we wouldn't do that till July. What confused me is the lady at Care said they would see us if we already had funding and to liase with GP about it...

    how did you go about it - did you have funding before you went to care?

    don't know what to do... if you could chat to me that would be great. its a strange request but would you be able to reply at the end of these posts as I tend to just scroll to the end. I have added this in at this point so the reply would come to you.. I think....

    thank you

  • Hi Lisa, how has your week? Did you start your insanity?

    My week hasn't been too bad. getting frustrated with the lack of appointments now., rang up again yesterday and I think it has not gone to the triaging stage. However the person said it would be another 6-7 weeks.. and suggested that I call the admin team on Tues.; obviously I am concerned that it will fall when im on holiday but im getting very stressed about how long it has been. You see people around you, especially at the hospital where I work and you see people on their 6th kid and its just hits home how awful our situation is..

    Im off today so after my swim decided to go and do a bit of shopping. im not a big shopper so decided a quiet morning was the way to go. it was a successful visit to next but could I find any swim wear for hols??? could I heck. everything just didn't fit..was trying the tankini type things with just NO luck at all. even tried a couple of normal swim suits but nothing.. I have time to get something but I would have thought out of all the tankinis to choice from one would fit but NO especially on the top bits if you get me.. think I am just going to have to try and get a more "pretty" suitsuit.. all I have it speedo endurance custumes for the pool and no way would I wear a bikini..

    anyway..hope you have a nice easter break.. im off now till weds

  • Hiya, glad your week hadn't been to bad.. I can totally understand why you'd be stressed.. I think I would be to under the circumstances. Hopefully on Tuesday they might be able to give you a more of a time scale.. But I know what you mean I think I told you about my neighbour I'm not sure she's 38/39and on her 6th!! She's got a son on 2 she has two sons 24,22 then an awful still birth then twins 2 and a bit and then an almost 1 year old and she's almost 4 months pregnant.. I have to admit sometimes that does get to me. As it's just so easy for her. But I believe in things happen for a reason, Even if you don't realise it at the time... What our reasonings are for us being in this predicament only god knows.. But hopefully things will change for us both this year.. Fingers toes and everything else crossed uncrossed and crossed again!!

    Oh dear hope you have more success on your next swimsuit or tankini mission.. Funnily enough I brought a new speedo swimsuit this week.. Starting to gain quite a selection!! I too also struggle with my top bits!!!

    Yes I have started insanity... On Monday it was just the fit test- good god I nearly died!!! Haha.. And knew straight after I finished I would be in agony!! You'd think all the swimming running and circuits would have me at a decent level of fitness.. But now I was dripping with sweat.. The best part though was watching my partner struggle..... I'm just laughing thinking about it.. As much as he's a personal trainer, his a lot of his clients tend to be power lifters etc.. Anyway at 17.7stone you can imagine it's not easy to be jumping about.. welllll he was huffing and puffing and yesterday his muscles were aching that much he had to sit half of it out!!!! Which left me inwardly chucking after all he's put me though recently...however once he'd got his breath back he was back to shouting at me telling me I wasn't doing it right... So tomorrow will be day 5, and I'm actually quite enjoying it.. I might not be at the time, but that's as it's so damn hard.. But thing is I know it will get easier and I know I'm going to love the results after 60 days.. I already feel different..mr Sargent major has me running on the treadmill after.. Plus I'm also swimming. But like magic said my weight has hit a wall.. I got very excited as it looked like I was well on my way last week. And the scales were telling me I'd lost nearly 7lbs only for this week, we me not eating anything I'm not supposed to I've gone back up to the 7llbs? I'm absolutely devastated.. I don't know if my scales have had enough of me constantly weighing myself or it's just not going to shift.. Last week I was thinking I could hit my target, this week I'm thinking not... I hate the up down thing..

    I no longer eat potatoes' pasta bread Rices or the bad carbs, I don't eat after 6, my meals are very healthy I eat a min of 7 fruits and veg per day and I don't drink anything other than my fruit smoothie at dinner and then the rest of the day is water only no tea coffee or squash.. So you can imagine I'm getting frustrated. I'm even using the tablets the doctor gave me to cut out a 3rd of my fat in my food (although I can't see how much fat can be in salad and chicken..) So irritating as I step on the scales and then see they have gone up and I think moan to my partner who then starts going on that I must be eating when he's not here.. Hopefully it's muscles I'm gaining not fat.. As I'm started to feel deflated. But on the flip side im loving all this exercise, I'd love to hit the deadline but you know what if I don't right now I'm not bothered.. ( that's how I feel this week... Haha it does chop and change)

    Well I've just got into bed,I'm totally pooped.. Did insanity this morning followed by 2 miles on the treadmill followed by swimming this evening which adds another mile onto my walking today. The dogs are all fed and are all tucked up. So I'm going to catch up with the monkey program on iplayer I missed yesterday and go to sleep as I have insanity at 8am.. Grrr....

    Night.

  • HI Happy easter - I will have to look up your insanity thing on U tube... that's really odd about the up and down about the 7lbs - maybe it is muscle as you must be really toned now

    how can you do all that exercise with no carbs? would it not be better to have a balance of everything but smaller portions to match energy deflicit? how come you wont drink diet or low sugar drinks? poor you don't think I could have stuck to just limited intake and especially not having my pepsi max although I do think I need to cut down on it generally

    I hope you allowed yourself a chocolate treat over easter though?

    have you done anything nice? I actually went to Blackpool to the football match on Friday and what an experience that was with all the sites in blackpool. we went in this one pub at 2pm (before KO) and it was like going into a nightclub at 11pm it was that full on!! aiming to have a more chilled day I think today.although have got loads of things to do around the house if I can be bothered

  • Hiya,

    Hope your Easter went well, and you had some choccy for the both of us.. I wasn't allowed any!!! So it's upstairs on top of my wardrobe.. Being only 5ft 3 I cannot reach it...so cannot reach it easy in a moment of weakness.. Haha

    Well I'm on week 2 of insanity and my partner is missing in action!! It's just to much jumping about for him!! And he's done his back in again.. Have to admit it's hard and my knee and my bad hand are in agony but I am enjoying the hard work. There seems to be carbs in everything and my main carbs I guess come from fruit and the dressings I put on my salad.. I've gone a bit salad crazy recently.. Seem to eat it with everything!! I used to live on coke and or Pepsi max but even though Pepsi max doesn't involve sugar or caffeine.. My partner just doesn't agree with fizzy pop..?.. Although every now and again we have it.but not often now. Tell you when I do I literally saver every drop!!! Haha so sad but true!

    Not really done anything nice as such this weekend.partners not been here much he's been super busy. Yesterday though I went to go and get some underwear as jumping bout doing this insanity with knickers rolling down is never a good thing!! Ended up buying clothe and no underwear!! So will have to try again this week. Whitest also trying to spend some time with my partner we have. Couple of slow days this week and hopefully we will be able to have some time together. It's one thing I have noticed throughout the process so far,all this exercising and me just generally stressing out about loosing weight and the process we will have to go through, I feel it's put a bit of a strain on our relationship. And I think we need to have some time to get back on track a bit.. So hopefully this week, his back permitting we can maybe go out and have a few evenings just us and no phones..

    Football.. I haven't been to a Mach in years, my partner is football crazy.. And when it's on.. I can forget trying to communicate with him for 90 mins.. He gets so mad if his team start loosing it's unreal.. So going to a game with him is just never going to happen as he'd either forget I was there or tape my mouth shut!!! But I wouldn't have minded going to Blackpool thought haven't been in about 15 years...

    Anyway hope your week goes ok, but no doubt you will herd from me before the end of the week.

  • Hi good to hear from you.. I am actually really upset. got through to appointments this morning and found out our appointment is the end of July. Apparently its a consultant for male infertility and shes really busy.. I just cant believe its another 13 weeks when I was expecting to be seen in the next 4. its actually longer than we have waited so far this year. since we saw the local guy in Dec and he said we will need the SRR till that appointment its nearly 8 months... just feel like we have wasted so much time .. im really bothered about age as im 38 in feb... have been looking about private treatment but im reckoning it will be about 6/7K although not sure.. don't know if you can have the SRR then join back with NHS although don't know how you can really as potentially you would have sperm in one place and you in another!!!

    just feel s upset about it all and its just so far away...

    sorry to moan

    that's shame about the cholocate - liked the comment that you couldn't reach it..that made me smile x

  • Hi just checking in on you as I havnt heard from you all week- I hope you are ok..

    I havnt had a nice week at all. turns out that after that apt at the end of july its a further 8 months waiting list for the SSR.. so that is 15 months before we even know if IVF is possible.. its horrendous.. never mind the stress of waiting we cant afford to do that with age ticking on and every months reducing any chances.

    have been looking into alternatives - one would be to transfer funding to care in Manchester but apparently out health authority has a contract with st marys so not sure yet if that is actually possible.

    second option would be to pay to see that consultant we are waiting for and have the SSR done privately - this would mean doing this at anther hospital where she does her private work then having any sperm found shipped back to st marys where we would join back in with the IVF on the NHS but bypassing the wait for the SSR in the first place...

    its all so horrendous...

    I really hope you had you having a better week. last night is the first night that I slept better so now I feel worse than when I was getting about 3 hours sleep each night!!

    met some friends for lunch today but its hard to actually talk to them about it other than a quick update on the sitation. going to just chill tonight

    hope to hear from you soon x

  • Hiya,

    Sorry for talking so long getting back to you.. Had such a busy week and my email account has gone to pot.. Not receiving any emails. Only to be told that there is nothing wrong with it.. I will be rolling heads tomorrow I tell you.

    Anyways, will tell you about my week later. I'm absolutely appalled that you have to wait so long... Firstly I would defiantly try and transfer to care Manchester.. And if it's not possible why not try writing to your local MP I know when I have read on here people getting turned down for funding there's a letters you can download on the infertility network that you can send to your MP for help.

    I totally understand how your feeling about time ticking.. I feel totally the same.. I feel awful as it's just me we are waiting on.. I think it's puts a huge amount of pressure on everyone when you have to wait nod wait..

    Have you looked into clinics abroad? I was talking to my partner about this the other day, as far as I'm aware our clinic give us one go.. And to be fair I'm almost 39 and being realistic I'm not going to be at my target weight by May. So I reckon they will make me weight another 3 months as that's what seems to be the appointment times. So that will take me to mid August so a week or so off my 39th birthday. Then we can start as I know I would have hit my target by then. But say the first one failed you have to wait how long before you start again.. So that's why we were talking about it.. I heard that it's cheaper and in Europe their guidelines are strict like ours.. Plus it's cheaper and you can get packages where you can stay there too.That sounds awful I know.. But I think I know me personally I'm getting to that point I feel maybe it's never going to happen.

    My week has been busy.. I'm into my second week of insanity still loving it but have had to take a day off as my knee swelled up and it's been agony.. Oh gosh my partner is calling at me again.... I'm gonna have to get dressed.. Gotta go to the shops.. I will write again when I get back and give you a run down on my week...

  • hi

    how are you doing? sorry ive not replied all week. the last 2 weeks have been mad with work but also stressful with finding out the ridiculous wait for the consultant and then the further 8months after that if she offered the retrieval

    well we have now opted to see the same consultant privately (at a different hospital as st marys doesn't do private) - our apt is on the 15th May..if she offers we will pay for the procedure and then we can join back in with the NHS and get the sperm transferred back in.. we couldn't wait so long to see anyone as we need to know if there is anything that can be done, but neither really can we afford the whole lot private. I guess you can take out loans/onto mortgage but there is a chance that partner with get paid made redundant in oct so kind of don't really want to do that as this first bit will cost about 2.5K.. least will know where we are then (or a little more)..

    what about you? have you looked about doing it aboard?

    when is your apt this month?

    How far off your target are you? surely if you are in 14's you must be ok?

    we actually went out today for the day - just to a little Yorkshire town nearby but was nice to do something different and more importantly something actually together. in the past we have been out in the afternoon on bank hol sundays for drinks but in a way I struggle now with drinking and even with shandies I can feel rough (admittedly quite a few) and partner is worried that if he has the retrieval that any form of alcohol may affect it..

    have you managed to do anything this weekend?

    Hope this reaches you through all our messages

  • Hiya,

    I'm ok I think.. I never actually was able to get back to you after my last message as I became ill!!! Sure my body is giving up... Never been so ill in my life.. Will come back to that in a min.

    So glad you will get to see someone, it's just a shame you have to go private for this part.. I'm due also to see the consultant on the 15th also. But I know they will tell me I still have a way to go.

    I understand how your partner feels about drinking. I've not touched a drop since our first appointment, probably being over careful, but in truth I wasn't a big drinker anyway. Even going out I tended to have one drink and then on coke or lemonade for the rest of the night. My partner has drank twice since October also scared.

    I'm glad you had a nice day, sometimes it's good to go out and do things... Not last week but the week before my partner or as he's renamed himself "Gok without the gay cock" took me on a 4 day clothes shopping spree. He's such a sweetie when he's ready. I as you know have literally been wearing size 22/20 since last year and I was starting to look really ridiculous. And needed up on Tuesday getting so mad I threw out everything that didn't fit. And was left with a couple of dresses I brought at Christmas and leggings I have literally been living in them for months.. So on seeing my sad face he told me to get dressed and he was taking time to take me somewhere.. After being size 20/22 for a good many years now I'm now so confused on what to wear, my size pretty much anything.. With anyone else it's fine I could find them stuff ,but my clothes have been in mourning for years and black was pretty much my colour of choice. So basically you had my partner going into all these womens shops picking up clothes off racks at 100 miles an hour.. I spent most of my time saying "not sure that will suit me, I won't fit into that, then oh my god I can fit in it!!! Over those 4 days he relaxed my diet (still had to be healthyish) I did no training and we ate out for 4 days. I have a wardrobe full of new clothes loads of new trainers and shoes.. In all honesty I think he got carried away.whilest it was so lovely to get new clothes it was so much nicer spending quality time with him.. And I seriously love the fact this man does all the girly shopping things.. Most men hate taking their girlfriends shopping least of all picking out clothes.. But he loves it.. Not sure if I should be worried about that!!! Hahaha. And I can't even lie I ended up crying in the changing rooms on several occasions.. I just can't believe it's me!!

    Then to just ruin everything last week I woke up and was in absolute agony.. It was like low down pain, a bit like period pain but out of 10 the pain was a 9. It had me almost passing out, I was I. The bath out the bath, using the heat pad then over heating....in hindsight now we should have just gone to casualty,but I felt like I was being a baby.. So went to the walkin. We saw the same nurse from before the one whom had had Ivf twins who were 21.. She said I had a fever and another possible kidney infection and was told take antibiotics painkillers and rest. 3 days and I was no better so started thinking it's not a water infection so went to my GP, not the one I wanted to see but actually as it turns out. He tested my wee and said I didn't have an infection at all.. And said to take pain killers and over the bank holiday rest and if I felt worse forget the walkin and go straight to casualty and he thinks they pumped me full of antibiotics for no reason..if not I have to go tomorrow and I will get bloodtests and have to have a scan.. So I'm back tomorrow.. So now I've been well over a week without training. Although I started back today and have been paying all day since... But I shall go tomorrow and see what happens as I'm still in pain. If he says rest till I get scans I will..it's just so dam frustrating. I feel I'm missing out on training time.

    Anyway yes your right at size 14 you'd think I'd be ok... But no.. I still have weight to go and without swearing it's really starting to ....... Me off now if I'm honest.. But I know I still have weight around my belly left and my boobs are still like a G....but they have slimed off a bit.. With clothes on everything looks right but with cloths off well... Let's just say hopefully the elastic will come back soon.. But not long left to go.. I'm sure I keep calculating it wrong as every time it look I'm like nooooo I've got it wrong. And my partner won't check either as he's not a fan as according to the BMI his is 37 and his target zone should be between 8-st and 12st for a height of 5ft 9. Yet you never see a doctor telling him he's over weight... At 17stone

    Mine should be between 7 1/2 stone to 10 stone.. .. I dunno i have lost weight but am gaining it back in muscles I guess as my legs are hard as rock!!! I'm telling you by the time I'm finished .. Just hope it's all bloody worth it.. I was going to try and send you a photo of the before and now but I don't know if I can do it.. I will try after my bath..

    Anyway I think I have wrote a small book!!!!!

    Xxxx

  • oh no - poor you.. really pleased to hear your clothes story but gutted for you about the pain etc. you must have felt awful

    how are you now? did you go back today? what did they say?

    I agree with you about the BMI, its only one measure and in theory shouldn't be used in isolation yet they base their criteria on it, you think they should view each situation on its merit etc and being a size 14surely that should be enough, even a 16 should be reasonable enough,, its really not fair

    what time is your apt on the 15th? how odd we have them on the same day.. I think we almost had our orginal ones at the same time too - I think we have gone backwards though...

    would have no idea how to do pics.. I wonder if it would be secure to swap emails through the personal emailing you can do on here - im a little clueless with things of IT - do you think it woule be secure. I wouldn't do in on these posting but I guess on the personl email bit only us can read it?

  • Hiya,

    Still in a little pain today but haven't been able to get an appointment yet.. Which is typical of my doctors.will try again in the morning.. But like I said I'm back to the insanity and swimming.. But I'm wondering if we go back the doctor might see we have an apointment and say let them deal with it.. I'm not sure as I've still not lost the weight if they will scan me or not on the 15.. I'm hoping so, sounds silly but I'm sure it will give me some what of a boost to keep going regardless of the results.. (I say this now!!!!)

    will have to check the time tomorrow as I don't have the letter with me at the min. I'm not as worked up so far... As I have been previously about the appointment but maybe as I know what they will say. I've pretty much set my heart on starting nearing my birthday now so I can't get disapointed next week.

    Well the BMI thing wasn't going on when my friend had her ivf and that was about 4 years ago now.. And she was bigger than me and smoked.. I know they told her she had to loose weight and quit smoking but she never got below a size 20. So I assume this is a relitively new thing. I totally understand why they want you to have a healthy BMI however there are so many women whom are overweight who conceive naturally and have no problems getting or being pregnant. I'm so glad I'm loosing the weight I really am but it at times feels like I've working hard for something that just might never happen. And I do t think this just gots for me but staying positive at times like these are really hard as you know.

    But I do feel we have gone back.. And when I come on here sometimes I get frustrated at people moving forward and I'm still here.. Don't get me wrong I'm pleased for them but it's just hard.. Magic especially touched me as she got her BFP that is so fab and it's given me some hope. But I just wanna start . I was saying to my partner the other day if we get to the meds stage and then get pregnant I am going to enjoy every single thing, from sore boobs to feeling sick to feeling as my friend said a "beached whale"!! And I'm not going to complain....!

    Don't see why it wouldn't be secure through personal message on here.. My email is having issues at this min and I'm not getting emails.. So I. Waiting for Microsoft to get back to me but should be sorted by the end of the week.. So hopefully by the time you reply to this I will be able to email you. I'm sure it's ever since it went from hotmail to outlook.com and I know I'm not the only one.. But they need to hurry up as it's been 3 weeks of no emails.. Or one or two then nothing. It's a good job I don't pay for their service or they would get a earful just like talk talk did today... Yourll have to excuse me I'm due on tomorrow and I've been so irritable today.. Which is so unlike me. I swear since I've lost weight it's like I'm developing PMT plus I've never got so many little ailments in my life!!! Even the dogs are avoiding me today... It's not helped it's just been one of those days.. I thought I'd have a quiet day on my own... But nooooo the door has knocked with people trying to get me to vote for them, the fire service knocked for a free check then the double glazing people turned up today to repair my door without confirming with me....my talk talk box decided to play up so spent an hour and a bit complaining and threatening to leave till I forced them to give me a home visit!!then in my strop I managed my partner.. So all in all it's been a productive day!!!! :)

    So I shall sign off now and go straight to bed in the hope of offending no one else!!!

    Hope your week is going well and hopefully will give you some good news on my email situation next message x

  • Hi nellynel, you should absolutely transfer to care they have been excellent and I truly believe we wouldn't have got our BFP if it

    wasn't for them . We didn't have to do anything with the funding it all gets sorted for

    you. When we got referred to the hospital they just said choose where you want to go and so we went to the open nights at the two clinics in Nottingham and made our choice. We just had to call them up and confirm then a letter came out about 1-2 weeks later with an appointment within the month. Everything moved really quickly from then it was only us getting Xmas out the way delaying them ! I think you will be much happier with care which is so so important when going through this. Let me know if there's anything else. You can always pm me too xxxx

  • HI I tried to send you a personal message last night but not sure if it sent?

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