Feeling so low

[SufferingSilently9]

I'm pretty much done with everything now.

All I wanna do is sleep and take baths but my parents just say I'm being lazy. I have barely any appetite either so they get annoyed at me when I leave food or say I don't wanna eat cos it makes me feel sick.

My stomach is so burnt from constant hot bottle use, even when I'm in work, so I don't think the marks will ever fade.

My pain meds do nothing and I have to wait for my laparoscopy in 2 weeks to get new ones. The lap can't come soon enough, I feel like clawing out my organs with my bare hands.

I'm so tired even after 8 hours+ sleep at night which have recently been terrible anyways because I've started getting very hot and sweaty (even though I don't get sweaty normally even when I go to hot countries) so cant get comfortable to sleep for ages and then keep waking up through the night to sit by my open window to feel like I can actually get air.

My moods are going crazy and i just feel so fed up of everything and literally just wanna hibernate or something. I can be up on some days but then others everything is getting to me. I'm on the pill but I have been for months and I take it without breaks -vut still bleed for long periods at a time because of my messed up internal systems.

Work is stressing me out for no reason and I almost punched my computer today when it crashed and lost 4 pages of coursework I had spent all day writing (I'm not a violent person and almost cried at my desk because I'd had enough and couldn't work out why it had crashed and not saved the work I had already manually saved onto the cloud). Also in work, someone joked about me being the only one left in my team to take maternity leave and I'm scared that if they do find endo during my lap, I may not have children so that really gets in my head too.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

I'm entirely fed up.

Rant over.

[princessk09]

Hey babe, I can relate to so much of this and know how you’re feeling. It’s my time of the month rn and I feel so shit. Like sick, bloated and in pain.

If I want to sleep during the day or don’t go gym, my parents go mad at me and call me lazy. Painkillers do fuck all for my pain so I haven’t taken any.

Bio oil might help the marks on your stomach which could be worth a try.

When the doctor told me endo can affect fertility, I freaked out so much (I’m 18). My poor boyfriend was constantly reassuring me everything will be fine and we will get through anything together. The other night, I was drunk and told him I’m so scared of the lap and what they might find etc.

Sorry this isn’t much help or advice but you’re not alone in how you’re currently feeling and I’m always here if you want to talk or rant about anything ❤️ xxxxxx

[SufferingSilently9 in reply to princessk09]

Hey,

Thanks hun, might try and find some bio oil

My boyfriend is the same, I'm 20 but don't want kids for another 5 years or so but I do get scared what they'll find and what will happen if I can't have children myself.

Thanks hun, you can message me and rant to me too xxx

[ChloeL934]

Hi, I have days like this too, I don’t want to even get out of bed some days, it’s like my motivation has disappeared, and people don’t really understand properly unless they are going through it! Have you tried heat pads instead. You put them in the microwave for 1 minute, some have lavender scent etc. I find they help me. There’s not really much else I can say. Apart from you can always send me a message if you need to chat 😊 x

[SufferingSilently9 in reply to ChloeL934]

I bought heat packs but they don't last very long at all to me. They're good for when my neck and jaw pain gets bad but other than that I don't get much relief because I think my heat tolerance is now very high

Thanks hun, you can contact me too xx

[ChloeL934 in reply to SufferingSilently9]

Oh ok. I’m also the same. I have been a emotional wreck over the past few months, thinking the same as you; I’m never going to be able to have children, but I’m come to the conclusion there is no point stressing Over it until we know for 100% then take each step at a time xx