The last 6 months pt 2 Recovery

[Honorac]

hi

The recovery for my surgery was a bit odd, i took a week of work to rest and hopefully feel a bit better. Honestly the hardest part was walking and lifting i was very sore for a couple of weeks but i had to remember they had to cut through a lot of layers and that it takes time for them to heal.

to be honest the worst part of it all was coming to terms with the loss of something i didnt even know i cared for that much , an ovary! i wasn't going to get it back and because of this i began to question my fertility and my future, this put a massive strain on my relationship. I was dealing with coming to terms with the surgery , the violation i felt from all the internal examinations and then thinking about my future. My relationship wasn't my priority my health was, i could barely hug my mother and feel comfortable let alone let someone try and be intimate with me i felt dirty and i couldnt deal with it all. i was slowly becoming depressed and i knew being in a relationship wasn't helping so i ended it amicably it wasn't his fault, i just couldn't offer him a relationship and i had to fix myself. on top of all this i felt so isolated as i knew noone going through anything similar. I know my mam found it difficult to comprehend how i was feeling and we constantly got in arguments because she just didnt understand .

During this time i began my Roacutane journey (see older posts) this is when i started noticing i was having a few issues. i was having alternative periods , temperature issues , lack of sleep so i was permanently tired and i was still having a lot of lower abdomen pain. I went to see my doctor who offered me counselling to deal with the anxiety issues i had with doctors and a way to talk about what was going on and i declined i wasnt ready yet. In the space of two months he sent me for bloods tests to check for menopause , thyroid and a list of other things. i must of had about 9 blood tests in about the space of a few weeks it was mental. everything came back ok apart from i was anaemic and low in vitamin D so he prescribed folic acid and vitamin D tablets. He also organised another ultrasound to see what was going on.

a month later later i went for the ultrasound , turns out i had to have another internal one as well as a normal one (luckily my mam was there) i explained what had been going on for the last four months

and she was in shock that it had taken so long to sort it out. after the ultrasound she explained that i could have poly cystic ovaries as i had folicles on both ovaries and i had a dominant cyst on my 'normal' ovary that was a few cm large. I was so relieved that i finally had a diagnosis but again i was questioning my fertility and if this new large cyst would burst would i lose both of my ovaries?

My doctor then sent me for a male testosterone blood test this would determine if it was PCOS - if so it would explain the acne and weight gain. i went for the test and 3 weeks later i received a phone call from the doctor saying that i needed to go and see him asap, so i went with my mam that evening. Sat in the doctors room i was devastated to find out that the tests came back fine and it wasnt PCOS and he didnt know why i had temperature isses. That night my mam and i had our biggest argument to date , she just couldnt understand why i wasnt happy it wasnt PCOS and that i should be over the moon and apparently she didnt think i wanted kids and that i should travel and enjoy my life. I explained to her that PCOS was the easiest thing to diagnose anything else was more invasive and i was now back at square one , back in the unknown and it was so scary!

A few days later i had another phone call from the doctor and he appologised and said he had overlooked the male hormone blood test and i could have PCOS and he was referring me to a specialist at the hospital under a woman gynaecologist (due to the anxiey issues) and i would recieve a letter in the post with a time ect. finally i knew i was going to get answers!