I'm feeling very down today, I had an outburst last night, I came home from work late I'm a community care worker and yesterday was very stressful as one of my patients was diagnosed with terminal cancer, to find the house a mess, my partner who doesn't live with me was taking care of my children who are 9 & 15 and they ate dinner and left everything on the dining table, sat in the living and left the cushions everywhere, the kitchen was messy where they'd been cooking and it all got on top of me last night my partner mentioned something about his child and mine having a conversation that got out of order on the phone and I flipped, I let rip, I swore at him told him leave, told him he's taking me for granted, see it's been 6.5 yes we've been together and I struggle with my mental health from my past and my marriage breakdown, I feel very isolated living far from my family and unstable and insecure 2/3rds of the time I'm fine and stable and loving on my monthly cycle I let rip and he avoids me, which works for us, I'm deeply unhappy that he can't and won't commit to me he says Im impossible to please, I'd never be happy, he can't do everything by himself and provide a big family home etc, he owns his own Big 3 bedroom house and has everything he wants in life and has his children at home when he wants and practically lives a double life,I'm renting since I got divorced i feel like he's secure and leaves me feeling insecure with my life. He twists the conversations so I don't know where I am with them. I've told him it's not all on him I'm with him and will work to provide my share but it's driving me nuts and today when I told him I can't do this anymore, he told me I should start with being nice I'm not a horrible person, I love people and have so much compassion but he makes me feel like I'm a monster. What the hell is going on?
I'm feeling down already and I'm scared for my mental health