Chronic depression- is there hope?

Hi all

I have depression, but I feel like there has never been a time where I haven't been depressed. It stems right back to childhood, I was bullied and quiet as a mouse. Anyway...what followed was many many troubles including severe skin problems, joint problems, relationship, job and friendship problems. I have always been a people pleaser and put my needs last. I have a very strict dad and I did everything he wanted me to do

I have never had good self esteem . I was in an abusive relationship with someone(he emotionally abused me) and I feel like it made me feel even more depressed, despite the fact it is over and he now hates me.

I feel depression everyday and sometimes it completely overwhelms me. I make terrible decisions all the time. I rang my ex boyfriend Saturday night and made an awful fool of myself, his brother answered and I was crying down the phone talking rubbish. I was drunk and before the drink had no plans to ever contact him again.I feel I have let myself down badly.

I am struggling to find hope at this point. I have had counselling, but I am not any better. I am unemployed, but looking for a job. I have a degree but because of health issues and bad luck I don't have very good career prospects.

I feel I try very hard but I don't get much of a pay off for it. I am scared now. I am struggling to get through the day .

I have never had anti-depressants, but I don't know if they would help much is my depression is so chronic, I don't know. I just want a ' normal' life... to work and have my own family. But it feels so unachievable for me. It is a struggle and a battle for me to get up everyday, I feel utterly worthless.

Thanks for reading anyway

Kat

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3 Replies

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  • Hello Kittykat, yes there is almost always hope and certainly for you. remember many of the problems in the first part of your post are now in the past. Remember to forget them.

    For someone struggling with depression getting drunk is most unwise. Drink gives a very temporary relief and is then a depressant and associated guilt will make you feel less good about yourself long afterwards. I'm no saint and drinking a bit is hard to resist when in company and others are drinking but to drink to the point of drunkeness is never a good idea and a very bad idea if depressed, especially bad when it leads you to try and contact an emotional abuser.

    However you sound young, and for the young there is always hope.There usually is even for we oldies. I presume you have seen your GP to have been referred for counselling. If your depression is as bad as you describe it,and as persistent you almost certainly need medication to help , nearly all of us do. Now that you are older it should be easier to prescribe you something to help.

    You're young, you have a degree, and are trying hard,and try to please people.. I hope you're going to see your GP for some extra help.Compared with many who post here you have so much going for you. Some problems yes ,but also a lot of assets. Keep trying hard and eventually life will come good.

    Olderal

  • I hear what you say Kittykatxxxxx It appears that you have been surrounded in negativity for such a long time. Being in this environment is detrimental to our mental health .. As you are aware and I speak from experience. The way forward is to eliminate as many of these people as possible and surround yourself with positive and happy souls .. You will find your mental strength develops astronomically and your self confidence will soar as, too, your self esteem and the feel good factor will move into your psyche.

    Living with positvity aids our concept of pain .. When we are happy and joyful we feel less.

  • Hi, life has a habit of beating us down!! Then beating us some more!! When we are born we rely upon parents/carers to look out for us and teach us right from wrong. Sometimes those we rely on get it so wrong because often. They are broken or damaged themselves. That then has a knock on effect on us. It can make life exceptionally difficult because we become withdrawn and find it difficult to fit in. It's never too late to turn things around. Even when you feel your down as far as you can go there is always hope!! We spend more time thinking about the bad things out future may bring instead of thinking about the good things that may come into our lives. You're not worthless at all, you just need to decide where you want to go with you're future. Make a plan, and work towards it. Anything is possible and you can do it you know.As for having a drink and ringing your ex well you're not the first and you won't be the last to do that!! We've all done things we wish we hadn't!! Life isn't easy but there are lots of happy times too. Tommorow is another day and think about doing things to help you feel good about yourself. Meditation is magical 🙏🏻 for me at least. It's opened up another world for me and I'm in a much happier place because of it. We all need at least one hobbie, our time just for us.

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