Hi I hope someone can share their knowledge with me a little. I am agoraphobic with lots of panic issues. General and social anxiety. I can't leave the house alone (even then I can have a panic attack). I have been housebound for years and I have only gone away with or attended medical appointments with my husband. He told me last weekend after almost 15 years married he has filed for divorce and it's blindsided me. He is getting our home on the market so I have no idea how long there is going to be a roof over my head. I am also 100% financially dependant on him too. The only thing I get is some pip for my mental health. I need some help as I don't know what comes next. I am terrified. I am also diabetic and not feeling great but trying to eat a little bit. I keep shaking and I don't know if it's panic or blood sugar at this point. I have an appointment with citizens advice but completely panicking about being homeless soon and even more so about leaving the house in the first place. I think I need a person to help care for me and check in and get me to any medical appointment etc. I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and can give me a heads up. Also where can I get support now the person who cares for me is not there anymore. Do you know who to get in touch with please?
Panicked and lost: Hi I hope someone... - Mental Health Sup...
Panicked and lost
Have you tried
social worker or
Carer
Thank you I have called a crisis line and safegurading are referring me.
First of all check with your doctor as they can refer or suggest other places where you can access help.
Second look on the gov website
bing.com/search?pglt=43&q=g...
If you will be living on your own will you be able to afford to buy even a flat or something from the sale of the house? If not you will have to rent. You might qualify for a housing association place so ask your council about it. Many farm these out to private companies to deal with instead. As someone with medical issues you might get priority.
Third start practising going out on your own - even just as far as your front door or your garden. When you feel the fear stay with it and work through it. This will be far from easy at first but will get easier over time. Keep trying to push yourself a bit further and this will give your confidence and will help a great deal in your future. Only you can do this.
Don't forget if you need to rent then depending on your savings you might get housing benefit. And maybe income support. You will still keep your PIP as this is yours and is not means tested which will help a lot as benefits are low.
There is help out there. Good luck.
Thank you so much for your advice. I called the mental health crisis line, my GP and CAB last week. My brain is beyond fried so I need to re-write my fragmented notes. There won't be enough from the house sale to buy. Maybe a year or two to pay rent if I'm lucky, but I haven't rented on my own in 17 years. He financially coerced me to consolidate £62k of his personal debts last year and told me if I didn't allow him to add it to the mortgage he would lose his job and our house would be repossessed. He told me I had no choice. He tried including another 50k in business debts but the mortgage provider said he couldn't mix business and personal.
He filled out a sole divorce app last week. It hasn't even reached me yet and he already has a solicitor and he is already threatening me if I ask for any spousal maintenance he will go after me for the whole house. We are 50/50 on the mortgage. Last week he got angry and intimidating. He hadn't accounted for any financial loss beyond half the little out the house. He was livid about his pension being included and hit the roof when he read there may be support for men being completely dependant. He has never been violent before, but I have never been his enemy either. He has been controlling, neglectful and financially abusive but I never felt fear until this past week. So angry and gaslighty.
The GP flagged me for an adult safeguard assessment last Monday. That team is helping me too. My husband has pretty much encouraged me to stay at home since 2008! I worked for him until 2020. Since then I've had no income beyond his housekeeping. PIP was approved last October. He never wanted me out there in the real world so my agoraphobia hit new lows. He would tell me his tax earnings pay for the likes of me with my PIP (looking down on me). He tried to make sure I was spending it, so he still had full control. There won't be much equity in the house now. Thank you I will look at the gov website to find out more. Cab are arranging different departments to call me. One is a benefit walk through, one is about divorce etc. I have to speak with my PTSD therapist tomorrow but so far she hasn't helped. Just confirmed our appointment. I just haven't been able to click with her but will need her help. I also have a homeless number but need to wait until the house has sold which it's not on the market yet (he is decorating) and I have 56 days until I am homeless. Then they can help. I have been told by law I can stay in my house for now.
He came home on Friday, after speaking to his solicitor much calmer. He knows more about the situation. I feel safer now. I am staying civil but sticking to my bedroom. He said he will continue paying house keeping whilst we live here. He won't cut me off wifi or change passwords yet. Reiterated how this divorce will go down and told me what I won't do. I am dreading reaching that part. I need to find a solicitor but will speak to citizens advice first.
As for my mental health I hope I can get social support to physically chaperone when I need it. Even prompt self care as I fog out and lose time when i get stressed. He has cameras front and back of the house. I had to cancel a diabetic eye appointment because I can't get there now. I usually leave the house with my ex driving me to places(for the last 9 years at least he was my rock, and reassurance we could get straight home if I got sick or stressed). I could even manage UK trips away to the coast, but only with him there. I have been reaching out to old friends but nobody is close. My best friend I lost contact with made a one off 4 hour drive to check on me, and she got me to tescos for a new sim card (my phone contract is his). I got out but it didn't go well. I panicked a lot, lost control of my bodily functions. I was a mess. My stepdad and aunt who I had not seen in years got me to the nurse for a prescription but again toilet accidents and meltdowns. I am in no position to not need help. Hope fully I get that assessment soon. Thank you for your reply.
You are welcome. From what you have said he has always been a control freak even encouraging your agoraphobia to make you more dependent on him.
He has you totally isolated and even didn't like you working so he could control you better.
And to have cameras around your home to spy on you - well I have no words for how wrong and horrible this is.
I know it doesn't seem like it now but when the dust settles you will be able to find you again afterwards and this is worth everything.
Be your own person, and never give your power away again. Take care. x
Thank you so much. I really didn't see what he was doing over those year. Starting to now. I hope I can get strong again. Thank you for the support. xx
There is another site on here for depression and anxiety which is more active than this one.
It might be a good idea to join that one too.
healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...
Thank you so much xx
Lost and Angry
Lost and trapped
Angry and irritable
20yo suffering from depression and abuse trauma
Divorced and starting over
