Depression Support

Though this site I'm hoping to chat to other people going through similar issues to myself in the hope that sharing stories and experiences may help to develop a friendly support network.

My story:

I feel like my life has been on hold for about 3 years. I'm in my early twenties and I was just about to leave university. I suffered dreadful panic attacks over the final exam period. This was the first time I had ever had them. I'd had a difficult few years with family problems and have always felt under tremendous pressure to succeed - mostly from myself. I was pursuing a law career. It all became too much for me. Fortunately it did not prevent me from graduating. However, it left me feeling burnt out. Ever since I have suffered from chronic tension headaches and constant dizziness akin to postural hypotension.

Beside physically not feeling well, I have also suffered emotionally and mentally. While family problems worsened I also started it feel very helpless and somewhat worthless. I still do. Nothing ever seems good enough for me or that I never feel good enough for anything. Everything seems so impossible. I have not felt able to search for a job in 3 years, whilst I have many motivating factors for getting a job, it just is not enough for me to actually try. I'm terrified of not being good enough that I'm too scared to try. This sort of behaviour goes completely against the person I have always been. I now feel like a failure, an embarrassment, disappointment and a burden to my family who have had to support me financially. I just can't seem to get a grip.

I've seen several doctors and have a numerous hospital appointments regarding headaches and dizziness. I take amitriptyline for headaches, with some success but had to go onto lowest dosage as it made me faint, it has also made me gain weight which has further affected my confidence and self worth. Still no luck on the dizziness front. I cannot stand on my feet for more than an hour sometimes less because I start to feel faint. I cannot do any exercise either because of this. I have isolated myself from my friends so I feel lonely often. I have been unable to enter into a relationship because of this also. I have terrible sleep problems, often waking up hallucinating. I always feel very tired no matter how much sleep I have. I cannot remember the last time I felt happy or relaxed.

I feel like I have known for a long time that I have been suffering from depression, I seem to fit the mold but I have been in denial about it, shrugging it off and blaming my situation on my headaches and dizziness. I think it may be possible that these are caused by depression. A person closest to me has discussed depression with me, but doesn't seem to think I am. I feel like people don't seem to understand and maybe I'm to blame for that, I always feel like I am Acting or pretending to be okay when inside I feel like I am drowning. To a very small extent I still feel like I can beat it but I just do not know how to. I am a very closed book in person and just cannot express and weaknesses. I do not feel emotionally strong enough to see my doctor yet about it. I have tried some self help methods like mindfulness but nothing seems to stick.

But things need to change. I need to change. I just do not know how to. Yet.

[KNOW_OCD_MOR_THAN_ME]

Hi. Thank you for your story. I feel we suffer with some of the same stuff...or have at one time or another. May i ask what the family problems are/wer?...just trying to understand a little better...

[Hidden]

Hi congratulations on getting your degree, you must have worked very hard so be proud of yourself.

You might well have depression so the sooner you can get yourself to the doctors the better. Do you have a friend to take with you? Or perhaps you can write down how you feel and just hand it to the doctor? That might make it easier for you.

There are lots of depression tests online so why don't you google them which might give you an indication whether you are depressed or not.

Let us know how you get on. Bev x

[Maman2144]

Sorry you feel so bad, you need the help of your GP , I was reluctant to get help but it has helped, everyone was so kind. Keep in touch on this site, I have had a lot of useful advice and kindness. Regards Lorna.

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Hello Dackhorse

You really need to see your GP, regards dizziness and headaches. Yes Depression can possibly cause these problems although your Doctor will need to confirm a diagnosis.

Many of us here I suppose can be very insular and we can also suffer panic attacks in some situations we find ourselves in although again this may be something you will need to confirm.

When I was at college I suffered burn out due to pressure of study and examinations. It

was then I suffered the first of my many Depression caused by overwork and bullying.

My family at that time pushed to hard and I was, I suppose forced out of college because of stress

Personally I would strongly recommend you discuss all with your Surgery and get a diagnosis. If the condition you suffer is caused by study etc this can be treated in a short period of time. I understand you have now finished your studies so you are best to get seen now so you will be able to leave these problems behind and get employment associated with the Courses you have just passed. To leave this problem before work will help you in a successful career, see your GP

Good Luck

BOB

[secondhandrose2]

I agree with everything Bob has written - but would add that if you have seen several doctors and are feeling no better then asking to be referred to a counsellor may help you to talk through with someone the things that have led to your feeling so stressed and burnt out. Stress can and often does leave symptoms in its wake but meds aren't always the answer in shifting them. Your tendency to have isolated yourself and feel shame and exhaustion may suggestion that you set yourself very high expectations and demands and understanding what that is about and how to shift them may be a more helpful solution. Your GP can refer you for counselling.

Suex