Week 5 Trilogy - reboot

That was hard.

It had been seven hours and ten days, since... my previous run. Seven hours and ten days of slobbing around not bothering but today I went for Week 5 Run 1 and just about managed it. Wasn't sure I could jump back in where I left off. It was hard.

So I'm back from a little break. Confidence knocked somewhat thanks to the small matter of attending someone's wedding, no wait let me check the invitation, was it actually a cordial invite to the happy occasion of the celebration of all forms of photography - I had more photos taken of me in one day than has ever existed to date.

Even the walk down the aisle was led, not by bridesmaids but by reversing photographers flanked by an arch of outstretched cameras saluting the happy photographer. Everyone watching the photography proceedings via tiny lcd screens, everyone taking photos of everyone taking photos.

I've avoided having my photograph taken for... no, it's more than that... I have some kind of phobia, which means I've avoided, not just having my photograph taken but all social events for the last 15 years! And I class going out for milk a social event.

In addition, like some fat vampire, I don't look in mirrors. When forced, to check I still exist and to pick cornflakes off my chin, I have developed a method of least fatness by subconsciously training myself - when faced with a reflection - to simultaneously breath in, suck in my cheeks and face forward. My best angle, straight on, no depth can be measured from a 100% straight view. I don't know I'm doing it, I don't consciously pull a pose. It's been years in the making, years in the making to avoid the painful truth.

So you can imagine, being in a room with so much photography taking place, I inadvertently had every angle of my body photographed 1000s of times. Stitch them together, like a map of the red planet and almost as big, and we'd have a 3d NASA approved model of every hot red blobby facet of my person. What's worse... I looked at them.

I honestly didn't recognise myself. Neither did anyone else. Unseen by relatives for years, they gazed at me open mouthed. This was before I'd seen the photos myself and, fully loaded on Prozac, b3tablockers and Pimms, I'd camply wave back and say "You don't recognise me, do you?"

They slowly shook their heads, mouths still open. Only now, having seen what they saw, do I understand.

I am much wider than I thought. My face, is much, much wider than I thought.

It's depressing because, Week 5: the original trilogy, I was actually only a few pounds off my best weight since records began (aka Wii Fit purchase date, x years ago). A blow, there I was thinking "thin as rake/fit as fiddle" almost a personal best, when in reality... Jabba the hut. So why bother? Seven hours and ten days of slobbing around not bothering commenced.

5 Replies

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  • Welcome back Steve Cramp. Love your blogs - good luck and keep on running!

  • Wondered where you had gone. If I remember rightly you honestly thought you were having a heart attack and collapsed on the car seat after your first run yet 10 days ago you ran for 20 minutes none stop that is comparatively fit as a fiddle I'd say. You should be very proud of that, when I do my 20 minutes I will be (should have been today but tummy trouble, you know how it is)!

  • Ha!

    Glad you are back Stevecramp.

    Know what you mean about the photos though. There's a beach-based one of me in existence where you can't tell whether it's a human being or a giant lilo ...

  • Missed you, stevecramp! Welcome back; bet you were less wide at the wedding than you were three weeks ago - you, and the other guests just didn't know that, nor were they aware of your amazing 20 minute run, therefore athletic status. Also, we all know the camera adds pounds!

  • Missed you, Stevecramp, good to see you're back.

    Those photo opp weddings are a hideous nightmare. I have photos from years back I just daren't look at...and I know I've put on weight since then. I imagine I look OK and then I see myself in a shop mirror or window: total trauma. Completely agree with katrunkles' comment that those guests didn't know you can now run for 20 minutes (how many of them could, I wonder?)

    Keep on running....and blogging!

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