Two years later...

[JE65]

I joined this community in 2022 with high hopes and expectations - and then my life took a terrible downward turn due to my partner's spiralling down from ill health to disability and beyond. He died at the end of 2023 and I am desolate. I very much want to get out and start the Couch to 5K again but I am feeling completely lacking in energy (plus I have had a very bad cold). Can anyone who has suffered a bereavement and is in low spirits give me some encouragement, on any level? I am now 67 years old and feel life has come to a full stop. The rain reflects my mood.

[Sewandrunmore]

Life never turns out the way we plan, does it? I can't offer any advice regarding bereavement but I offer instead a couple of slightly clichéd recommendations. Be kind to yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other, these 2 suggestions have seen me through some dark times. Take care of yourself x

[SueAppleRun Graduate]

Oh bless you, you have my full sympathy, similar happened to me last spring so I do understand a little what you are going through.Sometimes you just have to get out there and take it a step at a time.

Life changes hugely when we lose someone we love....but even though the path is rocky and very different, we still need to follow it.

As to the cold! Please don't run if you are coughing or feeling tired, but you could always go for a short walk, anything to break the day up. 5 minutes out and 5 minutes back, and then a cup of tea, coffee or whatever you like to drink .

If you want to talk message me, messages are less public and a good place to write it all down and start to make sense of it all.

Sending a hug, because although you don't know me hugs 🤗 are good things to have xx

[Oldfloss Administrator Graduate in reply to SueAppleRun]

Thank you so much for your reply, I am sure that JE65 will find it so, so helpful x

[Beach_runner Graduate]

It is so difficult to loose a loved one and you had the added pain of watching them suffer. I lost my boyfriend in a road accident 10 years ago, so although totally different circumstances I have experienced grief following loss. I didn't run at the time but I did take up climbing. I found doing something that absorbed me, together with the exercise was very helpful, but also the people I met also helped and supported me. Could you face joining a running club? Or even volunteering at Parkrun? These both may be too big a step for you at present and I understand dealing with grief is a very personal thing. I only make these suggestions as similar actions helped me. It will get better. Sending big hugs.

[Wavy-chick28 Graduate]

Losing your partner is immense, be kind to yourself. When you have recovered from the cold you can start the C25k it will give you a plan which may give you some structure and purpose, being out in the fresh air will do you good too and surely this rain is stopping soon🤞🏻 wishing luck in your journey.

Ps this forum is a friendly place check in regularly there is always help and kindness

[Annieapple Administrator Graduate]

🍏🤗 Oh the pain of bereavement is so difficult to bear and all consuming. It weighs heavy upon you! However the fact that you want to start C25K again is the best news! Your body is awakening from the dark night of the soul. Running is good for us both mentally and physically. It’s time out to process what has happened and to gain a way forward!

Start by making sure you are well hydrated especially after a cold. Put your gear on and walk in the sunshine choosing your route. Take it from there. You are braver than you think or feel right now. Thank you for sharing! We will help you through each step of C25K Let us know how it goes!! 🤗

[Jonwil Graduate]

I lost my wife of 57 years recently & getting out for a run, away from the house for a bit of me time helped me tremendously. I am very lucky to have two lovely sons who helped me while they themselves were grieving. Our great VRB's on this forum also found time to leave me helpful comments. I am now running twice week, getting ready for todays Parkrun, it doe's get easier.

[Sisteract5 Graduate]

The grief and impact of losing your partner is so personal, I can’t put myself in your shoes but I’m sure the love you’ve shared is still holding you up and will be the thing that helps you with your aim of C25K.

I can only say what my Mum used to tell me, listen to your body and if you feel you can take on the outside world for a bit of time, then press start and let the lovely coaches on the C25K be your focus for the time that you can manage to do on that day. I’ve found Denise Lewis is one of the coaches who talks more than some, and that’s what I needed so that my mind didn’t wander to other troubles in my life.

I feel I’m rambling and may be nothing in here that you need, but am sending a hug and admiration that you’ve come on to the forum and shared your situation and hope the many thoughts/tips help. Take care

[Madwife60 Graduate]

I’m so sorry to hear how tough life has been for you. I cannot know your pain - it is so personal. However I do know that being out in fresh air, being with the birds and watching sunshine over water and through trees calms my mind. I would start with gentle short walks and notice the world around you. No idea if your locality but even 10 minutes in a park noticing the grass, trees, hearing the birds and smelling a bluebell can change your whole world even for a short time

Be kind to yourself and go slowly - be mindful and it is ok to feel some joy and happiness. Slowly your happy memories will overtake your pain xxx

[DiogoC Graduate]

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I’m not going through bereavement, but I’m also finding life stressful for other reasons. I find that getting out helps, especially when home is where your issues lie.

The first few weeks of couch to 5k are very easy, fitness wise and completing them, guided by Laura’s voice, may just be the boost of confidence you need in these trying times.

I hope you find the strength to carry on and get out there again.

[Cherie65 Graduate]

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Lots of good comments above, and I agree wholeheartedly with 'getting out helps'. The difficulty is making yourself get out though and there are two phrases that help me.

1. When I think "I don't want to go....", I follow it with ".....but I'm gonna do it anyway". It has become second nature to think that now and it helps me get out of the door.

2. If I still continue having an internal row with myself about going, I use the Nike phrase "Just Do It" and again, that helps me stop hesitating and makes me go.

The more your practice the above phrases, the more automatic they become and they work for me.

I'm always glad I've done a run and even if I didn't enjoy the actual run it makes me glad to get home!

Wishing you all the best.

[Jools2020 Graduate]

I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. I know about loss. My husband didn’t die but voluntarily left me after a long marriage. I thought my life had ended. It was the beginning of lockdown and I had nowhere to turn. I was 66. I had heard about Couch to 5K and decided to give it a go for something to do. I had never run before or ever wanted to!

To start with, it wasn’t the running that helped me, but it was the people on this forum! I couldn’t wait to post my runs on here. Time went on and I learned to love being outside in the summer in the cool of the early morning. Each improvement in running, or another week of C25K completed was a major victory that I could share with my virtual running buddies.

It wasn’t until I’d completed C25K and started doing longer runs that I fully appreciated the benefit to my mental health. During those longer runs I somehow managed to make some sense of everything and not feel like so much of a failure. I started to appreciate what I do have. I was able to come off my medication and see the world again.

No, I didn’t always feel like going out for a run! But I used to get up and put my running clothes on. I prepared for the run and would tell myself ‘just a short run if you don’t feel like it’. I still put my running clothes on as soon as I get up! It motivates me to want to get out there.

Grief affects people in different ways and it can be a long journey. For me, 4 years on, the pain is still there, but it passes more quickly now. I choose to sit with it a while and then find a distraction. Running is my therapy. I get that ‘runner’s high’ almost every time I run!

My heart goes out to you and I wish you well ♥️

[Rustyhoumous Graduate]

Dear JE65

I feel that we are very similar, your post rings true to me. I send you love and best wishes for you. Every one here has helpful words and advice. I’m not so good with that but it sounds like your cold and the rain are having an even more depressive effect. I find it helpful to think that some feelings are caused by an outside source, rather than always being our own.

I know that feeling of wanting to run, sometimes it feels urgent but the obvious and sensible thing to do is wait for a day or two until your cold is better, then try. I’m not often well enough and it’s frustrating but then, even the top athletes have to stop when injured.

Maybe just walk today? Try to notice changes in your mood and feelings, even if they are tiny and almost imperceptible. It means we are moving and not quite stuck fast. X x

[MissUnderstanding Administrator On a break Graduate]

I’m so for your loss, JE65 It’s so hard to lose someone dear to us. ❤️‍🩹

My best friend died last year and I found running helpful through grief. It was a way I could go out and think about her, or not think about her, or just not really think about anything except for the steps just in from of me. It was something positive in a hard time, I still miss her and that loss won’t go away. It has got easier to carry over time.

It might be worth chatting to your GP if your energy level don’t pick up, just to check there’s nothing they can do to help with that. Getting out for a walk could be a nice way to start while you’re recovering from your cold (if you’re up to it). Prioritising feeling better is the best plan for now. Thinking of you.

[Teaching]

Take it one step at a time. Don't push yourself too much. Grief is one of the hardest things to go through. Your body, soul and system will react but just know it will get better. I lost 5 persons almost at the same time. It was a lot but I'm better now. Accept my condolences.