THANKS
The warm responses from so many of you to my "I HAVE HUNG UP MY RUNNING SHOES” post healthunlocked.com/couchto5... was exactly what I have come to expect from the wonderful supportive membership of this forum, however the widespread praise of my wisdom and character are not quite how I see myself. My family would roll around in hysterics if they heard me being characterised as being wise.
I haven’t replied to any of the responses individually, (apart from a handful who asked specific questions), as they are all of equal value to me, from those who I have come to know over the years and all you new runners and I thank you all. So, I want to address some of the points you have raised and bring you up to date………….a lot has happened since I put up that post on Wednesday.
I describe myself as a principled pragmatist (I can imagine some might want to prefix that alliteration with pretentious). Life throws all sorts of crap at all of us and it is very easy to, legitimately, get weighed down by the emotions of a situation. My approach in life changing circumstances has been to take a deep breath, then appraise the new set of circumstances and formulate plans to move on from there, to whatever aims we still have. I believe realistic and achievable targets are crucial in life, as in running. I have felt the same frustration we all have when we get an injury or setback in our running, or life, but that new situation is where we have to move on from, not where we were previously. This, to me, is a statement of the obvious, but so many get angry with themselves, especially with a loss of performance metrics, which really are not a rounded measure of ourselves.
Let me give you a rundown of what has happened to me in the last couple of days, which may illustrate what I am attempting to communicate. On Thursday morning I rang the oncology helpline at my hospital to get advice as my pain relief was not keeping pace with my back pain. In less than an hour I was booked in for an emergency MRI the following day and in under an hour after the scan I was admitted for further investigation of suspected spinal cord compression caused by the cancer.
This is not taken lightly, as it can lead to loss of limb function and continence, so spinal surgeons looked into the possibility of major spinal surgery, contingent on the results of a further CT scan, from which it would take at least three months to recover. I was kept in overnight and pain relief was adjusted as I tried to process the new set of circumstances. The following morning I was informed by the oncology doctor that the spinal cord compression ruled out the proposed Radium 223 therapy, around which we had been planning what may well be my last summer. Slightly later the spinal surgeon came to inform me that my next best hope, the spinal surgery, was also a non starter due to the degradation of my spine. A lot snatched away in a short period of time.
I had time to process this and work out how to best communicate this to my wife and two children, who, because of the circumstances were permitted to visit altogether, rather than the one visitor protocol that normally prevails. This was an emotional visit but the big positive that we could all take away, was that it was a family occasion, where everybody parted as fully informed as possible and being able to have hugs all round. Full and frank discussion and communication is vital and cathartic in these situations.
A further radiotherapy pain relief treatment was given and further tweaking of meds took place as I stayed in another night. Yesterday, Sunday, they were happy enough with my mobility, strength and sensation to discharge me, with the longer term therapy, possibly further chemo to follow fairly soon.
I have had a weep, (emotions need to be acknowledged and expressed) and we have had to put aside all our plans for the summer, until we know my capabilities and limitations and have explored the likely progress of the disease. It is easy in these circumstances to fall into despondency and believe it is all over, but the sun is shining out there and I will soon be standing in it, basking in it’s warmth and hugging my family again.
Two months ago I had my last run and despite it only being fifteen minutes, it was, under the circumstances, a triumph to be celebrated, not some kind of performance failing. A couple of weeks ago we had a fabulous sunny five mile walk in our glorious sector of mid Devon with some old and valued friends. In the next couple of weeks I will find out what I can practically and safely achieve in future. I hope I am not housebound as being out in the green of nature beneath a blue sky is life affirming balm, even if I am only able to lie in the warm sun on a Devon hillside.
There is a huge difference between the atmosphere of this C25K forum and the HU prostate cancer forums. Here first time runners take empowering steps into an exciting life of new found physical confidence, discovering their true potential, along with all the fitness and mental health benefits that come for free. It is uplifting, exciting and truly life changing, which is why I am still here, vicariously sharing those journeys and offering what help and advice I can. It has been a wonderful distraction for me since I was so perceptively offered the role of mentor by Realfoodieclub , our then admin coordinator. It is a magical community and I have loved being part of it.
The cancer forums are addressing totally understandable worries and often trying to give positive responses, but the acceptance of diminishing opportunities in life have to be faced, so are far less upbeat, in total contrast to this forum.
In both instances I believe that good clear information is crucial to fully understand the implications of the two very different journeys. Some of you praise me for my knowledge, but it is just me spouting the assimilation over time of relevant facts that can make the processes easier, safer and more satisfactory. I would encourage anyone reading the FAQ Posts to do further research beyond them. I am no expert.
Knowledge is power and appropriate application of that knowledge to match the circumstances, might seem like wisdom to some. To me it is common sense. My family are still writhing on the floor in hysterical laughter………..
Being described as an inspiration, I will gratefully accept, in the context that I believe each and every one of us can and do inspire others, often unwittingly. Like most newcomers to C25k I did wonder whether at 57, with a history of dodgy knees, it might be asking too much. However, a graduation post from a chap only a few years younger than me, saying how he was still four stones overweight, but was now fitter and happier than ever, after a lifetime of being exercise phobic, convinced me that it was worth giving it a go……………Why did I wait so long?
All of you, when seen out running, are changing social norms. It is not just lithe athletic young gazelles who run, but ordinary people, like you and (once) me, of all ages, shapes, weights, abilities and disabilities who make others think, "If they can do that, maybe I can too."
You will not only change your life, you will inspire and influence others. We are all amazing……..so just believe it.
I started writing this in my hospital bed, (whereas being out on a nice long slow run used to be my creative thinking/drafting time) but now I am home, facing a new week and many unknown challenges, which will require learning and application of new knowledge to come to terms with. I will be physically a lot less active and have a lot of time on my hands, so, although I will pull back from a daily presence on the forum, I have tentatively suffixed this Ramble with Part 1.
Life is good. Live it.
Tonight, I felt like a 'proper' runner (Part 2) (and Laura confirmed it). W6r3
Reflection
Retro Runners - Famous Names Part 2 Release
Retirement
Completed week 1 - newbie runner
You really are an inspiration, despite everything you can remain cheerful and positive. In my last job I worked with occupational health nurses, and they often spoke of PMA, positive mental attitude, helping to achieve the unthinkable. Keep pushing forward Ian, easy for me to say I know!
I could not agree more........but I am heavily dosed up with Dexamethasone........the steroid that kept Donald Trump up through the night continuously tweeting in block capitals, stating how he felt INVINCIBLE.
Add in the morphine .............and I may not be in my normal state of mind.
I am making arrangements to meet up with good friends this week, so I still have lots to look forward to.
Live for the day.
Maybe you can in that state explain the deep meaning behind the word "covfefe"? 🤣
All I know is that he did not even have the humility to admit a typo..........