Suggestions on how to cope with Loss.

[Optimistic_22]

I lost my fiancé May 25th 2017. I’ve been trying to find ways to deal with. My biggest problem is overcoming feelings of missing him and knowing I’ll never see again. How do I feel better about this?How do I make that pain a little less deep? Please any and all suggestions appreciated. We were together for 15 years. Having somebody in your presence day in day out. To not have them anymore is very strange. It will be a week Friday but feels like yesterday. We grew up together we shared life in a child together. Now I still have a long life in my 30s. I just struggle with missing him a lot and I didn’t get to say goodbye. How do I deal with this? Missing him and not seeing him anymore?

[Natsteveo]

Hi Optimistic_22

My heart really goes out to you it really does to lose your partner at such a young age is devastating..

Everyone grieves differently im still grieving for my mum after 11years

The only advice i can give you is embrace your grief when it comes to you you must let it in...

This is gonna be a long process as its early days for you yet its still very raw for you. My favourate saying is"

A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved

Ill be thinking of you on your partners angel-versary

Nat xx

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Natsteveo]

Thank you yes been in school, work full time and son. Now no school knew summer would be difficult. Thank you again.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Optimistic_22

This is a really sad time for you and it's such early days, you haven't even had time to get to grips with the fullness of what has happened. I would definitely find a way to say goodbye, I know it isn't the same as being with him but you do need to do this for yourself. Go to the place where he was buried or cremated, spend a little time by yourself telling him all you would have, had you been there.

You were together for a long time so this isn't something that will heal quickly, you will need support in the coming week/months but take things one step at a time so that you can digest what has happened. I can't say you will come to terms with your loss easily, but you will find a way of accepting and much later go on to the next stage of your life but for now, start with goodbye.

Make a memory box, fill it with photos, cards, any little trinket that reminds you of him and take it out whenever you wish, think about him and all the memories you created and find ways to commemorate his memory.

Take care now {{{hugs}}} and please stay in touch.

Chloe

[Optimistic_22 in reply to chloe40]

Thank You very much for your comments. I will incorporate this into my life. I do think finding a way to say goodbye as hard as it may be and remember his memories will help.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi im sorry to hear of your loss and suffering.half your life spent with someone is a life time of happy memories.why not spend that day enjoying something you both did together.goodbye sounds more final so even when I'm paying my respect to loved ones I just say see you later.you might want to spend some of the day on your own but its nice to be able to talk to someone about how you feel.we never forget loss or the pain we suffer it just becomes easier in time to live with.god bless and take care.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to kenster1]

Thank You very much. Yes I Despise good bye when it comes to a loved one. See you later sounds so much better.

[2stroke]

I'M FOLLOWING YOUR POST in the hope that some-one will suggest something that resolves

that problem of missing somebody so close like so many of us have after bereavement of a much loved one. I have un- succesfully tried things myself but the pain does not ease.

So much care and love in life equates to so much misery and loneliness in death.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to 2stroke]

Maybe hope and Positivity. finding someway to remember them. My fiancé suffered for muscular dystrophy. So I want to give back to children that suffer from muscular dystrophy. To know that they wanted you to be happy. They suffered enough and want us to go on and do things they couldn’t.That you’re still here and to make them proud.To give back to the world in every way possible. in time find love. cherish your own life. Allow yourself to grieve and not hold the tears in. Feeling comfort and happiness in knowing they wanted you to be happy. So it’s OK to enjoy yourself and not be sad all the time.But maybe in some ways they will always be with you due to a character they instilled in you.It still is hard but with all these things might give us comfort. Hope this helps you also. You’re amazing to have gone through two strokes and still trying to help others. I Know you’re making your late loved ones proud by showing compassion. 🙂

[Sueby55]

This is what I am going through at the moment. It's the missing that's hard..not being able to tell them the little things. I can't fully comprehend that I'll never see him again. It will be 3 months tomorrow that he died. I never got to say goodbye too..we had unfinished conversations. We had a son too together.. which yes can be a comfort.. especially when talking about memories. I talk to my husband..if not aloud but in my head. Tell him what you're feeling and thinking. I believe they can hear us somehow. I can't imagine that missing feeling to ever go away..you just learn to adjust. But at the moment I can't ever imagine this hurt and devastated feeling going away. I am hoping with time it may ease a little. Take care and think back on your lovely memories.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Sueby55]

Thank You so much for your response. Your in the beginning Phases. It seems to be forever changing. I totally agree with your feelings on. Just know they do hear you and it is important to talk out loud or to tell them quietly to get feelings out. Therapy or group therapy for grief can help. It’s super hard but their is a light. Celebrating their life. Allowing yourself to feel happiness. Knowing that they would not want you to be sad forever. I constantly am reminded of that. You are not alone in this and if you ever need any help I’m here for you. I may not get easier like I said it’s forever changing. But support of others is most helpful. You’ll have your good and bad days but that’s OK. I still can’t believe it’s been a year and you may feel like it was just yesterday but they’ll always be with you no matter what. You are forever changed because of them. Appreciate the memories. Having a son cherish that. Thank you again for your response.