Do you ever grieve for yourself?

[chloe40]

I do!

I grieve for the loss of independence, my friends who disappeared when I was poorly, even my family relationships that are no longer the same.

It hurts doesn’t it?

Chloe

[Caza]

in a word yes I do

[Turnipgirl]

When things like being poorly happen you realise who are your true friends and who are a waste of your time like those who disappear when there's difficulties!

Last week I admit I had crying sessions on both Monday and Wednesday over the loss of the swims at the leisure centre and losses like the friendships made there and for the staff who lost their jobs there!

Even though when I received that e mail on the Friday evening saying the place had closed I wasn't surprised but still it was a shock!

I grieved when I lost the pharmacy job as I had high hopes for it only to have it snatched away even though part of me felt it was for the best it had felt like the world had ended when that happened!

The community centre down the road I have visited recently has stirred up all kinds of emotions in me as the people who go there are those who my father would order me to stay away from claiming I was too good for them being a bully and a snob!

Their pantry is excellent value for £5 and you get loads for that for the week!

Many years ago I said how I had been having crying fits over not having got married yet and got told how I wasn't being malicious I had only wanted the same things which was fair enough!

Nowadays when I feel angry over family things and others getting things when I don't what I do is tell myself it's not deliberate malice I feel like that and that I just wanted the same things!

Yesterday was a hectic day with an interview in Newport for 11am and then to restart for 3.30pm and I played them for a mug after they had been rude to me last Friday and wouldn't take no for an answer and I have made an official complaint over this as that's bullying so when I went in as it was no skin off my nose anyway as I was on the road and got my £6 travel cost reimbursed, stayed polite and saw the advisor and agreed to a session about jobs at EE on Wednesday morning at 10am as I'm due to go in anyway for the afternoon to the jobcentre for 1.45pm so again it's no skin off my nose and get the fares reimbursed!

I decided I will engage with restart but only when I really really have nothing better to do!

I did go speak to the engagement team there as it seemed silly to make a fuss about the opportunity that the argument was over and all it was was just a brief chat about the job I had applied for myself and could I do 7pm the following evening instead of 6 as booked and I said no I was doing 6pm as arranged as I wasn't changing for them!

I was left wondering when I left the offices what was all the fuss over and wondered had I overreacted but point is what's stupid to one isn't stupid to another!

I find it infuriating though when someone won't take no for an answer as it's extremely rude and disrespectful but at least I do say no to things a lot better than I did before which is excellent progress going away from things feeling I tried my best when I asserted myself even though I didn't quite get exactly what I wanted!

Coming back home I managed to navigate a crowded bus with ease like I have done it all my life which I feel is excellent progress!

Thursday I am in the city centre anyway so decided to go to see them at a jobs fair there and get my bus money back fulfilling my end of the bargain that yes I will engage with them but only when I really really have nothing better to do and I'm down that way anyway so it's no skin off my nose!

When I worked at the pharmacy a lady who started when I did said to me about making things convenient for me personally which was about right and that I have done and got loads better at since those days!

Now the leisure centre has gone I don't have to go near those areas again if I don't want to!

In regard to the leisure centre what really did upset me is the sudden way the place closed and how things were managed!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Keep on keeping on Turnipgirl

You’re doing well x

[Turnipgirl in reply to chloe40]

Good news as I did my 6pm interview and my 11.40am interview as well today and went away from them both feeling I had done my very best which is all I can do really!

I didn't get the job I went for yesterday but I wasn't heartbroken over it and feel not getting it is a blessing in disguise as it was only 30 hours a week!

I managed a nice lunchtime walk as well down to the meadows and round the neighbourhood which I enjoyed!

[Sandradsn]

I think I do,I grieve for how my life should of been.My dad dying when I was young completely changed the future of our whole family.I grieve that and things that were left unsaid then and through the years to come.If only we could turn the clock back..just for a day and put things right.

[Turnipgirl in reply to Sandradsn]

Heres another one!

When I was 11 we moved house and it was a move I didn't like and I have always felt angry over the fact we moved and the way it was handled!

Thankfully I managed to give my parents a piece of my mind back in 2019 when they ordered me to stay at a job and I told them in no uncertain terms how I felt about them and their actions and ordered them to stay away from me!

With me I'm glad I did that and it was long overdue and the only thing I do regret is not having done it sooner!

What I was angry about because we moved was having had a future I had hoped to have had snatched away from me!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Sandradsn]

I get that Sandradsn and the things left unsaid !

x

[Mrspjsmom]

I think we all do. It does hurt. Thanks for sharing.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Thank you Mrspjsmom

x