Still can't go anywhere

[Cpearl]

It has only been a year and a half for me. I'm really struggling with grief/ love/anger... My late husband was an addict and a narcissist. He used my very fragile confidence as a weapon againist me. He tore me down on any subject and made me feel that no one could ever love me. All we ever did was fight. But he was a charmer and had all the people who knew us believing I was a horrible person. I miss him everyday but at the same time I don't miss the being put down and the fighting. Oddly enough, I was much more attractive than he was and have a much higher IQ than he did. I guess that's why he felt threatened and the need to destroy me. And he did! I don't think I will ever have the courage or the confidence to go out into this world and do what I would like to. So I just sit here and wait

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Cpearl

Truly sorry that you're distressed, it's still early days for you. You've been through a pretty horrible time from what you say, but I would like to think your life will be better in the future.

I think you hit the nail on the head summing up what was behind his treatment towards you, you're confidence has taken a dive but you will move forward when you're ready of course, don't rush it.

One of the best ways to meet new people and gain confidence is by volunteering with a worthwhile cause, you can do this, really you can. You'll soon realise that there are decent people out there and you'll experience a boost in your confidence.

Your confidence will grow and you'll meet others who will treat you will respect, they'll value you for you!

Please keep in touch

Chloe x

[Cpearl in reply to chloe40]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm trying. But it's still so hard and sometimes I feel like no one will ever want to talk to me ever. Thanks though I will try to find a volunteer position and see where that might take me.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Cpearl]

They will talk with you honestly, just give it a chance, it's got to be worth that much x

Take care x

[Turnipgirl in reply to Cpearl]

A place where I have made some new friends is at the warm space and the pantry in the community centre a few doors down and today I got a load of vegetable bakes and vegan sausage rolls and oranges and pasta and sauce packets from there all free of charge and lots of cups of tea there!

I tried another one of those last week at the community centre at the next village and I thought that they were very rude and unwelcoming when I got huffed at and told how those places are for local people only when I said how I live where I do and took it as a lesson to stay away from that district in the future!

The part of the district near the district shopping centre is friendly and welcoming it's the bottom bit with the new builds near the park where they are rude and unfriendly and it's not very nice when you have done nothing wrong and the pub nearby as well I parted ways with back last year when I received one too many rude comments about how much I put on my plate at the Sunday carvery there!

The pubs in the old village can't do enough for you and are friendly and welcoming there!

I got told recently by a lady who lives in the flats how everyone in our district likes me which was nice to hear!

[Turnipgirl in reply to chloe40]

Another thing I have found that helps ease the pain of things is the passing of time myself!

[Caza]

why are you sitting & waiting? You are an attractive intelligent young woman what are you waiting for? I get that he’s destroyed your confidence & that will need work to rebuild but you only get one shot at this life. Get out there & enjoy it Cpearl. I wish you luck

[Turnipgirl in reply to Caza]

When I got evicted back in May 2023 I remember first coming here being scared of my own shadow and I decided in no way was I letting them win and started out with small outings and seeing them through and then moved on to where I am today which has been rewarding seeing my confidence get rebuilt but learned the lesson not to dismiss uneasy feelings like I did back in 2021 when that eviction thing started when they were on about selling the place and I reckoned we were all getting evicted in due course even back then so when the letter arrived in the July of 2022 asking everyone to get out by the middle of the September I wasn't surprised!

If I am proved that yes those uneasy feelings are irrational then nowadays I can dismiss them as silly and paranoid but it was nice to know that no those feelings back in 2021 weren't silly and paranoid!

I do feel now time has gone by it was a blessing in disguise when that leisure centre shut down at the end of January but I do feel the way that was handled was appalling as places don't go bankrupt overnight!

[rmros]

Oh Cpearl I wish I could do something to help you heal. Grief is hard enough without being complicated by these mixed feelings. You said it yourself, you're an intelligent and attractive woman and it's time to start valuing yourself.

The best advice I was ever given was to stop caring about what other people think of you, so that's the advice I'm passing on. You have one life, lady and it's no one else's to take from you. Go out and reclaim it.

[Cpearl in reply to rmros]

Thank you for responding. As I said I was attractive. But even then I questioned that. And now I am older and really don't think I even look good anymore. Hard being intelligent when no one really knows.... And most times I believe no one will ever know. Thank you though.

[Turnipgirl in reply to rmros]

A friend from swimming said to me it doesn't matter what other people think when I said how the people at the station would think myself and my friends sang a Welsh nursery rhyme hwyl fawr ffrindiau like they did at the end of parent and baby club in the water!

Sadly that leisure centre is no more as they went bankrupt at the end of January!