Approximately 10 years ago, I met a slightly older couple who I became friends with, particularly the husband. He is one of the kindest, most gentle people I have ever known. Over the last year, he has had serious health issues. On Saturday, I met the couple at a an event and the husband was delighted to tell me that his cardiologist had informed him, that he could now start doing regular activities again. He was just so excited. We all spent the day together and had a delightful time. The next morning, I was informed by a mutual friend that our friend had a heart issue overnight and was now in the hospital in intensive care. I knew that this was the best place for him and tried not to worry too much. Last night, I was informed that my friend was now on lifesupport and there is nothing that the doctors can do. His family had gathered to be with him this morning. I have received no new updates, but realize to the family this is all an incredible shock as it is to me. A few close friends have told me that my friend spent his last day, just having a wonderful day, talking with friends and enjoying their company, and that my friend wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I realize that this would be true, but the thought of missing him is devastating to me. I have lost people near and dear to me over the years, and am well acquainted with grief, but this has hit me very, very hard. Thank you for listening. Not sure how to handle this pain at the moment.
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Naturelover58
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My goodness this must have come as such a shock for you , I’m so sorry.
It’s hard for you as it is his family and personally I would write a note to his wife expressing your concern for her and your friend, and then wait. Hopefully she will keep you updated about your friend’s situation.
It’s a difficult situation for you as you don’t want to intrude at such a difficult time but it is equally difficult for you, especially as you shared a time together the day before.
I think it’s a waiting game sadly, hard as that is.
Thank you Chloe, The family has asked that they not be contacted at this time and I am respecting that. It is a complete shock that he went from being cleared by his cardiologist to being at death's door in a matter of hours. I keep thinking about one of the first things he said to me and that was that he was told that nothing more could be done and he would be on medications for the rest of his life. He was smiling and happy, so I thought that maybe I had misunderstood what he was saying, and yet maybe he knew that the doctor had meant that he might as well enjoy his time, because there were no guarantees. I will never know. I have been through grief several times before in my life, and somehow this has put me back right in that pocket, where I would like the world to stop while I process things, and yet the world keeps going on around me, and I still have to work etc.,. I remember having the most difficult time of my life when my mother passed away suddenly in 2004, and all around me, people just kept on living their lives and how hard it was with a young family and I don't know how I did it then, but I'm that much older now, and yet it still seems hard.
You could well be right in that he did know, but take huge comfort knowing you were a great friend and helped him enjoy those hours before he was taken into hospital.
Grief is horrible, there's no easy way to put that and you know it is a process we all go through, a long a painful one too. Right now you're in shock, so please take care extra care of yourself. If you can take a little time off to do that, then do so, you are important right now.
I'm not sure that he knew about how much time he had left. It was just that his wording of the doctor saying that there wasn't anything more that they could do for him, was unusual to me at the time, and still makes me ask what was meant by that. A friend said that it meant that he could have thought that the doctor meant that he might as well enjoy life, knowing that it could end at any time, or maybe he felt the doctor meant just in general to enjoy life. I will never know. Today, is a little better in that I have been able to carry on with normal activities. I still have no word from the family, but this is their time to be close to him and each other.
My friend has passed away. I struggle with the finality of this-not seeing him again in this lifetime. A couple of friends have said that he went out exactly as he would have wanted, after seeing good friends(including myself) on Saturday, having a wonderful day and then being admitted to hospital that night. I kept asking myself, if he had stayed home that day, would he still be with us? Not one person has said to me, that he should have stayed home. He had a glorious day. Another friend told me that he had just told her that day, that his biggest wish was to go out with his boots on, and that is exactly what happened. The finality of all of this is what I struggle with. I will not see him again in this lifetime, and he is one of the finest people I have ever met. The thought of this is terrifying. Having been through grief before, I want this to be done. I want to not feel so awful. Thankyou.
That's so sad, and really difficult for you to process right now.
His final day was wonderful for him and I know this is a real struggle for you right now but try to channel your immediate thoughts on friends and particularly your own self care. Looking into the future is only making the process more painful for you right now. Have you a mutual friend? You could confide and support each other, the more support you have the better.
Yes, I have some mutual friends. One of them called me yesterday and we had a good conversation. I think you are right that I need to focus on the now and not what lies ahead. I had forgotten about that part of grief. The hardest thing I have ever faced is the sudden loss of my mother almost 20 years ago. It was all about the baby steps then. I need to remember that.
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