Another Death

[Anella]

Several years ago, I lost 9 family members in one year. I had lost loved ones before but having so many die so close together really caused trauma. I was stunned and numb for a couple of years after that...couldn't even talk about with anyone. Since then, I think I'm enduring well enough but it feels like another weight is added to me every time someone else dies. I have a friend who has the same chronic illness that I do and had several surgeries. She did not recover from this last surgery and was sent to hospice and died a couple of days later last Tuesday. My husband's uncle died a few weeks ago and my sister-in-law (loved her like my sister) died a few months ago. I didn't cry for either death. My husband told me that my friend died in a offhand way because he thought that when he got the text about her death, I got it also...I did not get the text. See where this is going? I instantly got angry because I did not get the text and found out in such a horrible way. I then started crying uncontrollably and then screaming, more like howling until my lungs and chest hurt. I was so overcome with grief that I had to go to bed for the rest of that day. While I loved my friend, I really think that the intensity of my overall reaction was more of a total delayed reaction to all of the recent deaths. The grieving process is amazing because I know that it is a process and yet it still can be different for everyone. I was just thinking that just when I think that I know my personal grieving process, it changes.

[Natsteveo]

Hi there Anella first of all let me say a huge welcome to our friendly community..

Well I shall begin by saying I am so so sorry for your losses in such a short time so quickly so close together my dear I bet you feel like you don't know if your coming..going..been..or even went..you have lost so many loved ones its bound to take a toll on you wow losing one or 2 is bad enough but to lose such a massive part of your family like that is devastating by any means...i can honestly say I am not surprised you broke down and screamed when you lost your sis in law that would of been your final straw and to me it seems because you kept all your hurt and grief inside losing your sister was too much but like you say it's for all your other losses too grief does catch up with us eventually no matter how well we hide or run from it eventually we have to let grief in too release it..take as much time as you need there's no time limit to grieve if you do get worse over the days where u have no energy then please seek medical attention you might need a little pick me up and also it sounds to me you could have PTSD and depression because of all the trauma u have suffered I have it too although I haven't lost as much as you but I have suffered traumas and also please ask to see a bereavement councillor like cruse bereavement just try and see if it helps you they are wonderful therapists they do it all voluntary I hope I have given you some comfort at least and also this is normal you are grieving you will get past it eventually but it takes time to heal

Take care my friend

Love Nat xx

[Anella in reply to Natsteveo]

Thanks so much Nat. You are right about it taking time to heal. I really appreciate your response. I saw a psychiatrist some years ago. That's how I found out officially that I was suffering from depression. After that, I saw a therapist regularly. It really helped me to work out things about myself and helped me to learn how to be more reflective on my own, as well as, learning how to write my thoughts down. Sometimes the words were too painful and they stuck in my heart and I couldn't utter them out loud. I am finding that posting my thoughts here is really helpful as well. I get it out and I get feedback. I also read the brochure "When Someone You Love Dies" and it helped so much that I go back and read certain parts when I lose a loved one so I can successfully fight becoming completely overwhelmed with grief. It's been really helpful.

[Natsteveo in reply to Anella]

Hi Anella I am so glad you are finding comfort here as it helped me hugely because there's people on here who feel your pain and know exactly what your going through and also always have time for us when we are at our lowest..ive also done something different this year I brought a shining star in the sky you get the certificate in the post and they will name a star after your loved ones you can name that star what you want with you losing so many loved ones you could come up with a star name that means something to you you also receive a certificate in the post to prove you have a star in the sky forever and you own it for your loved ones its just a thought but it might help you a little

Love Nat xx

[Lperica10 in reply to Natsteveo]

Hi Nat I would love to hear more about this naming a star. Because when I googled the star naming a few different websites came up. Thanks!

[Natsteveo in reply to Lperica10]

Lperica10 hi you can Google star name registry or buy a star uk. And you can try any of them they all do the same thing

Love Nat xx

[Lperica10 in reply to Natsteveo]

Thank you.

[Hidden]

Hello Anella,

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. Losing a friend and family members so close together is almost too hard to comprehend, I am not surprised you became so overwhelmed with grief.

Take one day at a time Anella and try to be kind to yourself as you grieve. If you feel that you need further support for example counselling, then your GP can refer you for counselling. There is usually a wait for these services as they are in demand.

Take care Anella we are always here to support you in any way we can, take care,

Love Lottie x