Miscarriage

[Cs131193]

Hello all, hope you are all having a lovely day!

I’m struggling at the moment. I had a miscarriage on Wednesday at 8 weeks pregnant. My partner and I have been trying for so long to get pregnant and were overjoyed when I finally got that positive test. Now I feel completely broken inside. I’m ok most of the day and have a few tears every so often, but when the evening comes I can’t hold them back and cry myself to sleep every night. I find that night times are worse because inside I know that I am one day further away from when I last carried our child. People may think it’s silly to cry over something that we never met and something that was so small in size, but to us, it was our first child and we gained so much love for it in such a short space of time. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with a miscarriage and what to expect throughout the grieving process?

Thank you! x

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi I am sorry to hear of your loss.my partner lost a unborn child 7 weeks pregnant.it was hard to take as my first born died aged 6.she was in London and I was in Glasgow when she became unwell.i got down the next morning and we went to the hospital together and got the bad news.i think you should look at as any other grieving process and you done the right thing by accessing this page.why don't you contact a bereavement counsellor that will help also.god bless and take care.

[Cs131193 in reply to kenster1]

Thank you Kenster1, I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that 😔 no one should ever have to go through anything like it. Thank you for your advice, I think I may have to contact someone and get a bit of guidance. Take care x

[kenster1 Volunteer in reply to Cs131193]

no worries talking as you mentioned always helps through difficult times.would you consider a little memory plaque or a bench in the garden something you can sit by and find some peace.

[Cs131193 in reply to kenster1]

I’m thinking of getting a small memory candle to place in my living room so I know that our baby won’t be forgotten and also a peace lily, I might try and plant something in the garden in the baby’s memory too.

[kenster1 Volunteer in reply to Cs131193]

that sounds like a great idea.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Cs131193

So sorry that you've lost your longed for child {{{hugs}}} I really feel for you.

It will take time and there is no easy way around this, it's such a wrench for you both. You will find times as you've experienced, when your heart just aches and you need to cry, don't hold it back and please, do share with your partner, he too is hurting. Help each other whenever you can.

Please do keep in touch, we've some wonderful member who will support you too.

Here is a resource that you may find helpful.

miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Take good care of yourself.

Chloe xx

[Cs131193 in reply to chloe40]

Thank you Chloe40, we talk openly about it all the time and we’ve cried together, it helps but obviously nothing will ease the pain. I will make sure I keep in touch on here, and I will check that resource. Thank you! You take care too! xx

[Goldendoodle08]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband and I had been trying for 7 months, and finally got pregnant in August of last year. I miscarried at 10 weeks in October. I should be 7 months pregnant, and instead I sit with a still empty womb. It was our first child, too, and I have never loved someone so much.

I still break down randomly every once in a while, but it has become less frequent. You have every right to feel the way you do, and I will warn you that many people who haven't experienced this kind of loss won't understand. Your baby only ever knew love. My biggest hurdle has been getting over the anger. I'm a religious person, and I have been so angry with God. I finally started praying again, but it's been super hard. Give yourself time to grieve. Thinking of you. ❤

[Cs131193 in reply to Goldendoodle08]

Thank you Goldendoodle08! I’m so sorry that you had to go through it too! It’s strange how much we do love someone that we never got the chance to meet, from the day you find out you’re pregnant you just have this immense and unconditional love for your baby. It’s absolutely heartbreaking, the world can be so cruel sometimes and works in mysterious ways. I hope in time I can heal and I wish the same for you too. If you ever need to talk to anyone when you feel down about it then you can always send me a message and I’ll always listen to what you have to say 😊 look after yourself. Thank you! Sending love and hugs 🥰

[Goldendoodle08 in reply to Cs131193]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am certainly always here, too, if you ever need to talk or vent. Pregnancy and infant loss is a "community" no one wants to be a part of, but it is one of the most supportive group of women (and men) that I have ever met. We have to be there for one another. *hugs* to you, too. ❤😊

[Lperica10]

I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve struggled with infertility and have had 2 miscarriages (pregnant through ivf). One loss at 7 weeks (blighted ovum) and another at 8 weeks (heart beat stopped after it was detected a week before that). I am now currently pregnant (14 weeks)- naturally which we did not think could happen. As far as the miscarriages I know how hard it is. Mine were 1 year apart and we have tried to have a baby for 5 years. I know the pain. No matter how far along you were it is a loss. I know I was devastated. Nothing helped me but time. And even then it would come and go. I did see a therapist. That helped. Here if you want to talk!!

[Cs131193 in reply to Lperica10]

Sorry to hear that you’ve had to go through such pain yourself 😔 it’s amazing news that you are pregnant again! I wish you all the love, health and happiness throughout your pregnancy and after 🙂

It’s an awful thing to experience, I would never wish it on my worst enemy. Thank you! I appreciate your kind words, I hope with time my partner and I can heal properly and hopefully start trying again. Best wishes ❤️

[Lperica10 in reply to Cs131193]

Thank you. Please take care. My friend lost her baby yesterday at 6 mos pregnant. I guess you are never safe. It’s so scary.

[thedoulamom]

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm a bereavement doula as well as a mother of loss. Professionally and personally I will tell you the pain never really goes away, but it does lessen with time. There is a wonderful organization called Stillbirthday that has many many resources for you and your partner as you walk through this. And here's a list of resources I give my bereavement clients as well. list.ly/list/1xoS-when-preg...

You have every right to grieve your child. Never let anyone tell you that it's not. Your baby was and still is loved and wanted. My heart is with you as are my prayers.

[Cs131193 in reply to thedoulamom]

Thank you! I feel more like I’m accepting it now, I wouldn’t say I’m not sad or hurting, but I’m finding getting up in the morning easier now I’ve had the chance to speak openly about it and cry over it. It’s worse at night when everything is quiet and I mull it over but daytimes, mornings especially are getting easier to face. Thank you! Our baby is most definitely still loved and wanted, you’re absolutely right, but I have to get on with things and face my grief head on. ❤️

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss Cs131193 . Take time to grieve for your much wanted and loved baby. Keep talking and reaching out. Big hugs to you,

Lottie x

[Cs131193 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words! ❤️