Hello - new to this

i have just stumbled upon this site through searching depression/ post traumatic anxiety . I dont really know what to say. i experienced a traumatic event last december (sexual and mental abuse/blackmail from somebody i trusted-colleague/friend) and ever since i cant get my feelings or worries in order. i constantly remind myself of the event and i am frightened about what is going to happen in the future if we come in to contact. i initially went the police, but dropped the case as i was frightened. thankfully work sacked this individual.

At times i just want the ground to swallow me up. one thing i do know is that i feel so much more anxiety than ever before. theres days where i am fine, go to work and get on with life then theres days like today where i cant leave the house as i feel so stressed and low. and i just dont want to communicate with anybody. i drink more, seem to be more argumentative and im getting in to trouble with work due to my absences and lack of participation. i seem to experience shortness of breath and my chest hurts. i experience headaches, and feel paranoid. i just feel like im in a vicious cycle and i cant get out.

10 Replies

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  • Hi Nat

    That does seem like a lot to be dealing with on your own, and I'm sure your anxiety was generated by the real danger.

    Its when the event is over and your still getting the anxiety, maybe it would be best to seek out some help.

    I'd say go to the docs first, tell them, and see what therapies are available. EMDR is good for trauma. CBT for anxiety, if your lucky you might get both in on good therapist.

    Ease off the alchohol if you can it wont help, and makes you feel worse in the mornings.

    There are ways out of this, so be brave and get some help.

    Wishing you well

    B

    xxx

  • Hi Nat

    Welcome

    I agree seems a lot you have been going through & can understand how this would leave you feeling as you do

    It does sound like anxiety , & again I agree the first thing I would do is visit your GP

    If you find it hard to talk , print of what you have written on here as you explain yourself very well & pass that to them , lots of us on here that have struggled once in the GP'S have done this

    Maybe some counselling would be a big benefit to you & hopefully the GP could arrange that , if you felt it would help you

    No you are not alone & people will support you on here

    Let us no how you go on

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hi Baylien,

    Thankyou for your reply. your right. this is a lot for me to be dealing with alone. its helped to see a forum like this and realise i am not alone in the way i feel.

    it seems the event has changed my way of thinking for the worse. ive always been quite a laid back person but now i feel myself getting stressed and agitated by smaller things and its almost impossible for me to relax.sometimes i feel like my head is going to explode!!! i can feel my friends slipping away as i just havent got the drive in me to meet up or make contact anymore. it makes me feel nervous. not many know the reason why ive become so withdrawn.

    its been over four months now and although he was sacked..he appealed the decision...I am getting pulled in for interviews with hr and management to continuously go over the event. which just brings it all flooding back.

    maybe i should find a new job. but then it still doesnt rid me of the fear he will come and get me again :( and the thought of even looking or considering actual interviews brings on the headaches and worry.

    i guess the next step for me now is to go the docs and tell them everything. i just dont know where to begin!

    lots of love xxx

  • thank you so much whywhy for your comments too, and the support. i really appreciate it.

    im so glad i came across this forum. its providing me with a great deal of comfort already,

    will do my best to go the gp tomorrow, xxx

  • Please let us no how you go on

    xxx

  • Hi natalie85, I just wanted to reiterate what the brilliant why why and baylien have said. Please get yourself to your drs and get some help, therapy is hugely helping as well. Don't let this idiot colleague take away your stability and happiness, you deserve a happy anxiety free life. And you're never alone, this site is amazing and there's always support for you on here. Please let us know how you get on xxx

  • Hi Natalie,

    I too would agree with whywhy and baylien said. I suffered the same way in my last two years at work, nothing sexual but bullying and undermining me over a period of 18 months until they succeeded when I couldn't take any more and just couldn't go to work any more. Laughingly they rang me and invited me to go for job interviews within the Council - I thought this was hysterical!!! The thought of attending an interview, as you said, just makes you feel more panicky and sick to the stomach. There was no way I could have gone out of the door let alone for a job interview.

    All this was ten years ago and I'd been in the job for 12 years! I didn't tell anyone about it although my "friends" in the office were aware of what was going on but everyone these days is afraid of losing their jobs so they all just kept their heads down instead of standing up for me. The HR person even confided in me that what was going on was "constructive dismissal" but asked me not to tell anyone she'd said that as she was on the side of the employers and not the employees which I found strange. I agree it's a very very traumatic experience and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The persistent slow but steady malevolence is crucifying. I experienced my first panic attack in the dentist's chair last year and have had two more since then but now I recognise them for what they are I can cope with them by deep breathing but am constantly on edge. My heart beats nine to the dozen and I have a trembling throughout my body. I know this is the "flight or fight" syndrome but I have nothing to fight or run from. I don't have any problems now and a fairly easy life but can't get away from this awful awful feeling. I had been on a heavy dose of antidepressant for the last ten years due to this but my dose was reduced at Christmas and I've suffered this way ever since but I know it's all linked to the work episode because I can't talk about it even now without breaking down.

    I am expecting an appointment for CBT any day now so I[ll let you know how that goes. You said you were going to see your doctor Natalie? I do hope you've been now and I do hope you have a sympathetic doctor. Talking is great but, if like me, you haven't talked about it until now please think that over. Talking is good, booze isn't, booze as I'm sure you know is a depressant and only makes things better at the time of using it but makes things worse in the end. I'm thinking of you and as I say, I'll keep you up to date on the CBT thing.

    Bless you, hugs, Liz

  • hello,

    thankyou for taking the time to reply, i really appreciate it. unfortunately my docs is not open of a weekend (only just realised this!) and so i will be calling them first thing monday morning. ive spent too long mulling this over, its time to make a change, you are right psychgrad, why should i let him take away my stability and happiness. he is not worth my time..

    if only i could think thay way all the time, I just feel so up and down,as if i am just wallowing in self pity.. i have other issues (financial/relationship) which although not as devastating as the work event, still bring me down, they are issues id usually be able to battle head on. but i feel so weak and tired. id love just one day without worry.

    Liz i can relate to what you are saying and im sorry you had to go through that. No one should have to go through such a difficult time at work and feel so alone too, what the HR woman said was very strange indeed!.They seem to forget they are dealing with peoples lives. With regards to my own situation work have been monitoring my absences etc and put me on an improvement plan but i dont see how i can possibly improve when they are dragging their heels and not giving me answers. ive said i will do my best, but i need some kind of closure and they dont seem to be in a hurry to give me it. So how do they expect me to react?

    I do hope CBT goes well for you, yes do let me know how you get on, i think it would be beneficial and i really hope it works for you. Im just having a search now for counsellors that do CBT and EMDR, so hopefully i will find someone close and affordable :)

    With regards to the booze, you are right. I got drunk thursday which although fine for the first few hours, i took too far. picked an arguement with my OH which resulted in the silent treatment yesterday and generally just feel like crap for it it seems thursday has just triggered everything even more,.but then when i feel so anxious drink seems to be the only thing that calms me down. that needs changing obviously...Its something i definitely need to nip in the budh,

    Thanks for your kind words, and wishing you all a lovely saturday xxxxxxxxxxx

  • I guess you need to go more out and keep yourself busy. My experience tells me if you stay put thing goes worst because you kept thinking about it. You need a friend who u can trust, give you support and keep yourself busy but unfortunitly not many of us blessed with it.

  • Hi wabra, thanks. Yes I need to keep busy. Its difficult sometimes, and il sit there for hours dwelling on what happened and deciding on whether to pull myself in to work or to see friends. I feel like the friends I do count on are tired of me talking about the event. And if im honest sometimes I feel bitter towards the ones who seem to have such an anxiety and stress free existence. Im grateful to have found this forum xx

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