Update on my day/situation for those that want to know...

I've had quite a very low day today I told my mom that I weren't going to be in for tea and she didn't ask questions so I didn't tell her. If she asks where I was then I will be honest and tell her that Nathan wanted to cook for me. The meal was lovely, and he got me a bunch of flowers can't help feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness about everything today. Just want it all to get better now, keep feeling anxious that it will never get better. I have to tell you guys something that I haven't told anybody else, Nathan's cousin killed himself, I'm absolutely petrified that's where I'm going to go and that's what's going to happen to me, keep feeling really anxious and really low whenever I think about it. I'm petrified, I just want my life back on track now but I feel like I'm going backwards I don't know, maybe today's just a bad day, I've got to expect to feel like this after what's happened, haven't i?? Thanks to whoever replies your diamonds! Xx

[Mysteryreader]

i dont really know how to answer this but when someone takes their own life it is difficult for those that they leave behindT . Try and think of all the positives in your life such as your boyfriend and your loving parents. I dont want to belittle what your saying but please if your serious about taking your own life seek professional help. At the moment you are feeling down but there are still positives in your life and hopefully with time things will gradually start to feel more settled. Sorry this sounds a little prissy

Hugs

MR

[Hidden]

Hi Keyleigh.

Please don't even think like that, yes you are going through a bad patch and feel all is against you but here on this site we care and I mean really care about you. We all want our lives back but it is a slow process and we have to take the highs as well as the lows. Whenever you feel low or down you know there is always someone on here that will listen and support you.

Sending you {{{{{{{{{{HUGS }}}}}}}}}}}} Kenny xxxxx

[marcusvanbreugel]

Dear Keyleigh94,

Incase you need to talk to someone you could always call the samaritans.

Their number is 08457 909090.

hugs,

Marcus xxx

[wallflower_fairy]

Oh Keyleigh,

I'm so sorry you feel this way. But if you're scared of ending it all then you won't, that in itself should stop you. I know you're scared you won't be able to cope and feel like there's no other choice but taking your life.

(I have been having some pretty upsetting thoughts really that...if things gets worse, then I'll take my own life on my 20th birthday which is in six months time (it seemed the most thoughtful date because then my parents would only get upset one day because the anniversary would be the same day as my birthday). in my mind it seemed I would be taking control when there's little other way I can, but I hope it won't come to that. It really is only a fleeting thought I guess, and I wouldn't have even said anything if it wasn't for you mentioning it. I mean, hopefully I'll be happier by then but even if I'm still miserable hopefully it won't come to that. It would upset a lot of people. Sometimes my anxiety tells me that it wouldn't, that I'm a burden and they'd be better off without me, but I know it would - and I'd be letting down anyone who ever believed in me, including myself. Thanks for giving me the confidence to say it.).

But it doesn't have to end up like that. People who take their own lives, they don't fear death, they long for it...why? Because they're not thinking clearly. Nathan's cousin's situation isn't the same as yours, remember that. If you don't want to take your life, you won't - and of course you don't because otherwise you wouldn't have talked about your concerns on here. Furthermore, even people who find themselves so close to the edge can still get the help they need. Marcus makes a very good point about the calling the Samaritans, they are excellent for people in a crisis and have, quite literally, saved many lives. You're not alone. I read somewhere that 1 in 3 young women have contemplated suicide at some point - a bit of a shocking statistic although in some ways, not shocking at all. We're all here to support you too.

But please, do seek professional help if these thoughts or feelings persist. As it sounds like you need - and deserve, some extra support.

Gentle hugs and - sorry if this doesn't make sense.

wanderingwallflower xx

[hamble99b in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Keyleigh and Fay,

it is a huge shock when such a thought enters your mind, but you are right fay - if you are scared of it, you probably won't.

someone explained to e that our mind is very clever and that itsometimes it allows you to play with these thoughts in our minds, to ponder, to contemplate, whilst being totally aware that we are safe, that we are not in a place in our minds where it would seem our only solution.

The fact that it scares us allows us to realise we do want to live. it is not a threat to our lives.

it's similar to other fleeting thoughts impulses,we can have, like wondering what would happen if...?

maybe seeing someone in a party hat and wanting to knock it off;

wanting to tell a moaner or bore to "shut up!"

or even - if I could fly!

we have an inbuilt regulator switch that stops us doing these things.

another time we may be contemplating suicide as a future option is when we may not be able to see anything positive in our future.

Being able to decide "if it's still this bad by next Christmas, I can always top myself" [or another time several months away] we are safely taking back ultimate control, and strange as it seems, giving ourselves HOPE.

we are also giving ourselves a way out of our situation - "it might be absolutely cr*p at the moment but I can always... "

whilst allowing, and accepting that things can improve and that we have the option to change our minds right up to the last minute.

hope this helps,

sandra x

[Hidden]

Hi Keleigh

I just wanted to let you know that I have read your post & I am thinking about you

If you are feeling low & having these thoughts as well as phoning the Samaritans you can call your GP number or NHS telephone 111

Let us know how you are feeling soon

Please take care

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Keyleigh,

I know everything looks dismal at the moment, you are going through a bad time. To hear that someone has taken their life disturbs people with anxiety even more. Please take one day at a time, you are secure at your parents, and had a lovely meal with your boyfriend, they are positives.

You will get better, and please get help if you need it.

Hugs to you. xx

[Hidden]

Thankyou everyone for your kind replies. I just feel very down at the minute, but on the plus side I'm having quite a good day at work! I think I'm likely to be affected by what's gone on lately and I shouldn't give myself a hard time about it. I was getting better so I should just treat this as another set back!! You really are a bunch of stars, I've got a good book to read called the secret, my friend(who's a lot older than me) didn't even want to give it up to me because she keeps it by the side of her bed! Apparently it's all about the secret to life,love and health I will give it a read and let you all know! Plus I read my angel card yesterday it's like a ritual to do them very spiritual and you have to say a poem out loud, my card was 'a change in direction' could not believe it. It also said that the angels were protecting me. Felt really weird and secure! Everyone goes through bad stages and this is mine but I am determined to come out of this stronger and all of you lovely people are so supporting!! Don't be surprised if I have another panicky post soon though ha ha! Hope your all ok xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello Keyleigh

It is so good to see you in a more positive mood today, I hope it continues.

Take care kennyxxxxxx