Really sorry i have not been about guys either to help listen or anything really ..

As some of you may remember my partner is my life support ,

well just lately he has let me down big time i found out that he had lied to me a few years ago , dont get me wrong it was nothing bad but it was a lie all the same and i cant deal with it .

sadly this is not the first tme but you move on but i am not sure that i can any more i dont know what to and what not to believe ,

he went home last week to his place and i told him i needd to sort things out i suffer really bad aniexty when he is not here as it is now i doubt any thing he says and tells me ,

however he came rushing back as he thought i had taken my life or at least tried to ,

he says he is sorry and will do anything he can to sessure me i dont knwo what if anything he can do , i told him from the start of our relationship 5 yrs ago i could cope with any thing except lieing ,, now i just dont know where to go or what to do ,

i have started self harming again in quite a big way in order to summon up some feelings

gosh sorry i feel i am going on and dont feel i have a right to post as not been about


7 Replies

  • Hi hun i have just blogged under you and me too have been struggling but not in the same way i know its hard when you are lied too but is the lie serious enough to give up a good relationship as i say if its a small white lie it is harmless those who say they have never lied are lieing to start off yes lieing is not nice but sometimes is more of a embarrasing mistake than a intentional hurtful lie i am sure you OH is sincerely sorry and sometimes you have to accept it and move on its obvious theres love there and the love should be strong enough to brush it a side if not then the love isnt strong enough you must stop self harming love thats a def no no and you need some help with this as well as help with your relationship or you cant move on hun get help together and pull yourself tbrough it xxxxx

  • Don't be sorry , there is no need on here

    I no what you mean about lies , its the one thing I cant stand , but as I am not sure what he lied about , its hard to judge

    My hubby has told a few white lies , nothing bad , but when I have asked him why , it has always been to protect me , & it has , & I can cope with that as that is out of love , the other kind no I couldn't , I have also lied to him at times only again to protect him

    I don't no about self harming , someone will on here , but I used to drink , to escape & get away from my feelings , but its not the answer , well it wasn't for me

    Don't ever , ever , ever , ever , feel you have no right to post , it doesn't matter if you don't come on for years , you are a member of this brilliant site & you have the same right as everyone else on here to post , please always remember that

    I don't no if any of this is of any help at all , but you are not on your own , keep talking




  • Hi Bee,

    I'm sorry you have been so upset.

    One of the most unpleasant effects of this condition us our need to feel safe at all times. If anything shakes that we can react in a really extreme way that seems irrational to those around us but is the only thing that makes sense to us.

    Please try to calm down. I know this is counterintuitive to you at the moment as you want to lash out at yourself but instead do things to look after yourself. I'm a cutter too so I know exactly what I'm asking. It might be all you can manage at the mo is to treat yr injuries properly but even that is a start. Try wrapping yourself in a nice warm blanket, cuddling a hot water bottle ( not too hot), listening to yr favourite music - something that helps you get closer to feeling safe again. Please try to hold on - this will pass.

    Hope some of this helps.

    We are all here for you; please keep posting.

    Be safe


  • thank you all for your replies its good to share

    i have a bit of an issue withthe little white lie thing you are right we all do it he says he did it to protect me but by doing that he hurt me more ,, his ide was white lies are harmless but has realised they are not if effect athers badly .,

    the thing is after little white lies i no onger know what is fact and what is a cover up ,

    i dont know and i dont really see the pontin much any more

  • Hi Bee,

    Trust is a beautiful thing,

    We cant change things however we would like, so for me, I just do my best to trust, and not try to control another person however close they are.

    It is very difficult sometimes especially when we are feeling vunerable, but knowing we have no choice really, makes it a little easier.

    We are all free to do whatever we like, it might hurt others, but usually our need take priority, untill we can see the bigger picture. Your partner has made a very small slip.........

    Forgive him, and remember all the great help he has done for and with you, we're all human with weaknesses, but it does sound like generally he is doing very well.

    Wishing you well



  • i am trying really i am and on the whole working but every so often thise thoughts spring back ,

    thanks everyone for just being there

  • Hi bee

    Thoughts will spring back, its our ability to not react to whats being said that helps. To do that we need to understand, look at it from his point of view, he's probably feeling really bad, guilty, etc.

    He messed up, but you can take away his pain, by forgiving him, and in doing that you will feel alot better too.

    Wish you well



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