Any tips for how to help your partner through the journey with you, whilst you are suffering an anxiety disorder??

I have been going through my anxiety way before i met my partner, I was honest with him from the start as i felt we couldn't have a relationship without him knowing. He's the most supportive person i have ever met,he does my shopping for me,respects my avoidance behaviors,and when i cant socialize,he stays in with me :). However,it really does limit what we can do as a 'normal couple' i cant go for meals with him,or go shopping together,some days are so bad when he's at my house we just sit in front of the tv all day. I feel so guilty,i see other peoples active relationships and wish i could do the same. I'm struggling with this guilty feeling but know i cant do anything about it, i didnt ask for this disorder.

He has assured me he's not going anywhere,and i do believe him, but this disorder makes me extremely selfish (always in my own head/own world) i forget to think about anyone else because i am so focused on my own pain,im living in my head and this cant be fun for any 20 something boyfriend can it? Is anyone else trying to maintain a healthy relationship whilst battling their own anxiety??

thanks for reading :)

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  • All i would say is be honest with him. Its hard being the other half that hasnt got anxiety. If he had been more open with me it would have made things a lot easier. It can leave the non anxiety other half feel like a lot of this is there fault. Helpless, frustrated and extremely alone. I have just ruined everything by getting mad as my OH (easier than saying ex) ignores me and it gets to me. I have only seen him once this year. I have sent him a tx today letting rip. I dont expect him to get in touch now. First time i have said the things i have said. On your good days explain to your partner none of this his fault. If you can explain the silences. Get him on here to read things aswell. x

  • Hi

    I met my husband when I was 29 , I am now 50 & we are still together

    Like you I told him from the start & he loved me then & loves me now

    When we have anxiety we don't always like ourselves that much & can find it hard to accept we are worthy of been loved , this is something we have to learn to accept & can struggle with

    Don't see this as forever you will be like this as all our goals are to get better

    He must love you , he seems a really nice young man & you are lucky you have found one

    He knows he has a choice & he has chosen to be with you

    Try to accept this , it will be one less thing to add to your anxiety

    So yes I say relationships can work when we suffer with anxiety

    Like lou says if you feel you want to let him read on here about others who suffer , this may give him an even better understanding , even though he seems understanding as it is

    Love

    whywhy

    xxxx

  • I found this interesting as I'm currently single and wonder how someone would cope with my anxieties, reading your question i was thinking how lovely that your partner is so supportive of you, as he obviously is, it sounds to me that he is happy to be with you watching tv and genuinely so. Perhaps he's just happy to be with you and don't really care whether he goes anywhere or not as long as he's with you. I am sure that is the case. That is so nice try not to worry and make the most of your cosy tv times,

    I wish you well, don't worry enjoy the times you have together ....

    Sue x x x

  • I'm a newcomer to this community but can assure you that it can work. All relationships have problems and difficulties to overcome. Remember anxiety is just one of them and whilst maybe not to the same levels we all have times when we are anxious. Just some of us have it more than others. There are times when my partner (I am the anxious one btw) can seem worried about a situation that to me is simple and not a problem at all. It doesn't happen often but it does remind me that we all have things we suffer with. In short you are not alone and from experience just knowing that I think can help a lot. Helps me remember to step out of my head, my world and to see what else is going on around me.

  • I have been with my fiancé since I was 16, and I'm nearly 23 so nearly 7 years together. We hope to get married next August. I started getting anxiety during a stressful time (we were faced with homelessness) and that was April 2011. My fiancé is very supportive and encouraging, he knows exactly how to help me when I'm having an anxiety or panic attack and he knows just how hard life is for me. I can totally relate, as the past several months we haven't been able to do much together at all, maybe go for one meal. I do feel like a burden on him, and that I have 'too much baggage'.. I also have low self esteem. He's admitted that it has been a strain on the relationship (and it is, for everyone I'm sure) but he loves me, and he's here to help me get through this. I do often feel like I rely on him too much. But just remember, your boyfriend knows about your anxiety and must know how tough it is and he loves you. He's there to support you, otherwise he would of ran a mile by now! You will get through this, and I'm sure he has every bit of faith in you that you will. You're very lucky to have an understanding partner, as are the rest of us who have understanding partners. He's not going to judge you, only you can judge yourself. And I do it too, and my counsellor has even said about it, you are your biggest critic. Think positive! Us anxiety or depression sufferers are so wrapped in negative thinking, thinking negative things will happen, thinking negative of ourselves that we almost kind of forget about those little positives. Positive thinking goes a long, long way. There is not much hope of us getting better, if we don't think positive and stay strong. You know that saying.. 'Keep calm and carry on' that's exactly what we must do. It's not easy, I know, but we must have faith in ourselves. :) <3

  • 40 years of marriage, and 4 years relationship with my husband before marriage. I am a nightmare! I get episodes of severe anxiety/depression every few years and can be a pain in between. My husband and I have talked it all through so often and he understands. He loves me and waits patiently for me to improve. I am much, much better these days and manage to cope with my difficult life and past most of the time. If you have a man who sticks with you, he is worth his weight in gold, and you have to tell him how much you love him when you are able. No doubt he feels strongly for you or he wouldn't be there. Every time you feel selfish, tell him you love him. xxx

  • thank you to EVERYONE who answered. this has helped me to realize to at least let him know that i still love him on my darkest days and that i am lucky to have someone who isn't going to run a mile,i kind of knew that already but in this day and age,its a rare thing!! xx

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