anxiety disorder and employment

[Psychgrad]

Hi everyone. This is the first time I have reached out for support before but I am in a really bad place. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 19 and have since been in citalopram, in reality I have had this disorder since I was 12, it was triggered by a house move. Initially it manifested itself as anorexia, I had no desire to be thin though. I had awful experiences with both a doctor and counsellor which put me off seeking help for 7 years. I got myself through university which was a huge achievement for me. Since graduating I have been seeking employment, knowing this could trigger my anxiety I aimed at jobs as local as possible. This week I was employed by a local company on a full time basis and this has triggered a spectacular mental meltdown. I know this job isn't right for me. I am having panic and anxiety attacks throughout the day then at home I am throwing up and crying. My parents say I have to stay in the job for financial reasons. My mum was the only one who knew about my disorder but she doesn't acknowledge it and I have just text my Dad telling him. I am just about to send an email quitting and feel seriously low. If I can't deal with this how am I going to do anything in my life? And if I dont get support or understanding from my family this will make me feel horrifically worse.

[Hidden]

Hi

Welcome

Always something seems to trigger anxiety , sometimes we don't no where it came from , sometimes we do . sounds like you are like me & no where it started

Well done getting yourself through uni

Your Mum might possibly not be able to deal with the fact her daughter has anxiety , most likely & as a Mum it sometimes can be painful to accept something is wrong , , but I am sure she cares

Yes she is right , everyone needs the money , but if you havnt got your health , what use is money

I don't think I would be rash & quit my job just yet , if you quit I am not sure you will get any benefits to live of straight away

I would phone in sick , then I no you had a bad experience with GP etc years ago , but believe me things have changed & there is more awareness & help with anxiety

See a GP you feel you can talk to , tomorrow if possible , tell them how you are feeling , even tell them about your bad experience & that's the reason you have been reluctant to come & see them , let them give you a sick note & discuss meds or more counselling & take it from there

Hope you Dad will be a bit more supportive , sometimes Dads can be in these situations

You are not alone now you have found this site , there will be more good suggestions from other members

Let us no how you go on

Love

whywhy

xxxx

[Psychgrad in reply to Hidden]

Hi whywhy,

Thanks for replying so quickly, I've had a chat with my Mum and although she is being caring we are still at loggerheads! Her view is that I have to tough it out, my view is I don't fit this job, it's making me ill, i'd prefer to take a step back, visit the GP and look for a job less anxiety provoking. For example working from home. My Dads approach has been to not talk about my anxiety, we aren't a very emotionally open family. Part of me feels should I face work tomorrow and tough it out but the other part of me says nothing is worth this level of distress!

[Hidden in reply to Psychgrad]

It can be hard to get people to understand , sometimes they never do , but be reassured people do on here

You have to do what is best for you , people even on here can share their experiences & views to try & help & give you something to think about , but there is only you that knows deep down what you need to do

I always listen to that feeling in my gut , if you no what I mean

Its good you have enough to live of , that was my main worry reading your blog

Say , when I wake up I will decide what to do , set your alarm & see how you feel , you don't have to decide today , see what the morning brings

Whatever you do , people will support you on here , so you wont be alone

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden]

Personally I would take a step back and think do I need this job? Can I afford to not work and keep looking for something else. If you can't then you need to look at ways you can manage the job but keep looking for another at the same time.

Everyone feels nervous and anxious when they start a new job it's just we all have different levels that we can cope with.

Are you on medication now? It's worth going to the doctors and asking for help, also worth seeing if there are any support groups in your area. Medication isn't the complete answer but it can help with the feelings, so you can do the day to day things but remember that initially it could 2 weeks for them to start working.

I would advise against calling in sick as this is a avoidance technique and it's alot harder going back in but if you are ill of course call in sick.

Good luck and weel done for doing university thats a huge achievement!

[Psychgrad in reply to Hidden]

Hi goremarine,

Thanks for your reply. In terms of needing this job I have few outgoings as I'm living with my parents at the moment and would be able to live off savings for a short time. I've only just come off jobseekers allowance and I doubt I would be provided with financial support from them if I voluntarily leave employment. I am on citalopram and have been for 4 years, it helps but sometimes the level of anxiety is so overwhelming that it seems to cancel out any good the medication can do.

[Hidden in reply to Psychgrad]

I understand what your saying as I have been in that situation but only you will know if the feelings your feeling are anxiety based - meaning they will lessen the more you stick at it and/or the feelings are a illness that needs to be treated.

I'm not trying to come across harsh but I know myself having jacked in a few jobs due to anxiety and afterwards thinking.... you know what I could have done that for at least for one more day!

What do you think?

[Psychgrad in reply to Hidden]

I always try to face my fears and if something provokes anxiety I'll persevere and the anxiety lessens and goes. However, first thing Friday morning when I went into work I had a panic attack, I just wanted to run out the door. But I stayed the whole day but instead of the symptoms lessening they got worse throughout the day. To me thats a sign that this job isn't right for me, I suppose I feel it isn't worth me putting myself through all the anxiety and panic for something that I don't actually want.

[Hidden]

I would just be careful , you find out where you stand if you quit your job money wise , as Benefits have changed so much now , who & what you get them for can be very complicated & I cant imagine many people been lucky just to take time out with no income while looking for work , if you phone in sick at least you will have a few days to get your head together , sometimes we need this

When suffering with severe anxiety as you seem to be suffering with at the moment , personally I would call that not been well

See how you feel , don't do anything rash , please just make sure what you do , will not leave you with money worries , this would add to your anxiety no doubt , but a few days of , to get the right support you seem to need may be needed

Let us no how you go on

Love

whywhy

xxx

[bonkerswoman]

I agree with Whywhy (I usually do). You are poorly and need a few days to make a decision. is there anyone at work you could talk to about how you feel? If you really come to the conclusion that this isn't the job for you, then you need to find out what happens with benefits, but your doctor should support you with claiming sickness benefits rather than jobseekers. I wish you luck love. Will be thinking about you.xx