I'm hoping I may get a little comfort or relief by pouring out my, probably, uninteresting anxiety story.
I find it difficult to remember the person I was before the anxiety kicked in. Or maybe it has always been there, just not as irrationally as the last few years. I think maybe I am truly crazy.
But not at work, I'm fine at work, I wish I could stay there all the time.
At home I have severe noise anxiety: I have the misfortune to live in a terraced house and although I get on well with both neighbours now on the surface, when one of them first moved in 7 years ago, there was a little bother. Now if I even hear them talking or laughing through the wall it sends me into a blind panic of anxiety, accompanied with terrible rage, the rest of the time I'm in a constant state of anticipation and anxiety, waiting to hear them.
It used to be the son that bothered me more when he would play out with no respect for others property, but now it's the ghastly teenage daughter, who seems to have friends staying over every night. I can't bear for my son to sleep in his room as it's next to hers and the screaming and shouting stresses me too much.
I also keep harping back to an incident about 5 years ago, when her daughter was younger, the mother came out and told my two eldest off for talking in the garden and 8:30pm as her child was trying to sleep! Now her daughter is running round screaming at 4am [the mother often leaves the 15 year old over night]
However despite the above waffle, I know that they are not the problem and it's me. To be fair, unacceptable noise levels are not happening all that often, and it's rarely super noisy, but now I just can't bear to hear them make a single sound.
I hear the other side a lot too, as they Regularly have arguments and hoover late at night., but rarely do they bother me, and if they do it's in a totally rational, slightly irritated way.
I do also have general anxiety about leaving my children motherless or something happening to one of them.
My husband finds it very hard to understand. I just don't know what to do anymore, no one could possibly understand what this does to me, even though I know how irrational it is.