guilt anxiety

[freya-may]

I suffer with this, i am a worrit anyway but three years ago was consumed by guilt by something i'd done to another person. it completely overwhelmed me and i could not eat, sleep for days, it was torture. I went on antidepressants and the side effects made me worse initially but worked in the end. i was on them for 2year. Now, after a year clear with maybe a few occasions when it's tried to rear its ugly head, it's back with a vengance. I have to go on meds again as I can't live like this, I'm a wreck - am I stuck with this for rest of my life?

[Hidden]

Hi & welcome

I am not sure what you felt was so bad that you felt so full of guilt , but if the situation is in the past we have to try & leave it there , otherwise its hard to move on

Have you had some kind of counselling where you can talk this through , if you can get it out & work through it , you would then find it easier to move on , if you speak to your GP & tell them how you are feeling they could help you

You wont be stuck with this for the rest of your life , you had a year & some need to take meds longer

Look around at peoples blogs , you will see you are not alone in how you feel

whywhy

xxx

[freya-may]

thanks for your reply whywhy, yes I'm hoping that because my anxiety is due to an incident then i can get counselling to come to terms with it and ultimately, forgive myself. i am sick of replaying it over and over again in my mind to try to justify it (the reasons why i did it - maybe just a bad person). I know my thoughts are irrational to an extent But even when its not on my mind the symptoms are then in full force, waves of doom, can't eat, no sleep - i have violent, electric type body shocks that keep me awake. I never ever imagined the magnitude of something like this and I'm terrified tbh. It's helping (maybe aversion therapy) looking around the site and I've cried which has so far been hard to do and i feel its helped release some pent up tension, for the time being.

[Hidden]

Hi Freya

empathise with you cos I too have a lot of guilt..... I was in a terrible marriage and when I finally had the courage to get out.... my ex terrorised my family till I let him have our son,,,,, I have had to live with this ever since..... So my guilt cannot really be resolved, I always thought Id managed to have a good relationship with my son, be I didnt realise his dad was filling his head with crap and now my son is saying he doesnt want anything to do with me.... and I have to live with this.....

Anyway thats my crap.... but all im saying is I know how you feel...... I hope your situation can be resolved....... I guess really its about letting ourselfs 'off the hook' you can only do what you think is the right thing to do at the time..... and hope its the right thing.....

lots of love

kerry xsx

[freya-may in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply, yes mine like yours in unresolveable. I can apologise and have done but can never be sure I didn't contribute to what they're going through and been through and living with guilt of that is hard. All who know the situation say it won't have had any effect and, whilst it allays my anxiety for a while, there are triggers and i always manage to work myself up again, hating myself. I tell myself I'm only human and we all make mistakes, and it was a momentary lapse in judgement. I can even live with the guilt but when its partnered by the acute anxiety I feel like I can't take any more. I'm hoping some counselling may help me but i don't want to get addicted to talking to people or the need for constant reassurance because I can see people getting fed up with it. If others say it won't have affected or made her the way she is, then why can't I accept it ARGH!

[Hidden in reply to freya-may]

I wish you all the luck in the world....

Its a horrible feeling guilt...... but just remember, if we weren't nice people we wouldnt actually give a shit!!

Sending luv and hugs

xx

[freya-may in reply to Hidden]

Aw thanks for that anne64 - it really helps, and yes I suppose if i were a bad person i wouldn't feel any guilt at all........

((hugs)) back xx

[Hidden]

Is there anyway you could repay what you done to that person,ie writing and explaining,ask forgiveness .Maybe now they don't give it a second thought,or just got on with their lives.

Try to forgive yourself,you certainly are not a bad person or you would not be worrying about this.

[freya-may in reply to Hidden]

thank you for your advice Lindalou - I am taking your advice and hopefully it will help

xx

[jobrisley]

I did from early teens to mids twenties due a sibling and partner, extend but after ten years or more. sometime I get urge but think about things clear or talking someone.

[freya-may in reply to jobrisley]

thanks Jobrisley, I agree it certainly helps to talk about it, x

[Misty_le_Tyne]

I had the same thing. I drove my self insane with guilt for years. I would wake up sweating with a guilt. I'd feel guilty and down all the time. Basically, I nipped my little sis and gave a scar when we were little-I thought she'd hate me if she knew and would hate her scar and I'd ruined her life. I say when I was a young adult I blurted it out to her. She just laughed and said 'I thought I'd always had that.'

So it's probably never as bad as you imagine. Some great advice I was told in my counselling was 'people (without anxiety) don't dwell on stuff as much as you think they do'. Us guilty anxiety people always think worse case scenario too. When-if ever-does the very worst thing happen? Hardly ever. And I think I was told this but it's true anyway: if you can't change something, you have to just let it go and know not to do the same thing again. I find this help. Hope it helps you too!