I feel like someone I know has anger issues associated with anxiety. I think he needs to go talk to a counselor or something and I'm not sure how to address it. When he gets really angry, he will throw thing and kinda goes into a blind rage. He never hurts me on purpose, but this last time I was accidentally hit by something ricocheting off the floor and hitting my leg, leaving a 1 inch gash that bled alot. It's healing just fine, and it's not infected. I'm just not sure what to do.


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12 Replies

  • You need to get yourself out of what ever it is you are involved in. If the person doesnt see an issue you cannot expect them to change or get help unless they want it themselves.. this being said you should leave because from what i know with my anxiety is that anger isnt a role.. its more depressing and sad but we all are different but to me it sounds that you are in a danger zone and need to get out.

  • Get as far away from him as you can before he hurts you.

  • Well, I am with anxiety disorder with 5 years and have read a lot about, seen many doctors and therapists but I don't know (believe mostly) that the case you pictured is anxiety disorder. People with anxiety disorder do not harm others, or show anger. It is self-explanatory: anxiety about your self being and health. Good luck

  • What if I'm unable to leave, as in have no where to go, no money?

  • And everywhere I have look has said that fits of anger/rage can be associated with anxiety or depression.

  • Anxiety? So what??? You are in a dangerous situation. A lion could be causing it. Don't stand there and try to be a therapist. Please find your escape route out. You're not about to be able to calm down a lion before you are hurt. Please call someone, even if it's the crisis line or police to ask for information on where you can go. Line up a job, even if it's waiting tables or washing dishes. Please do this now before the lion roars again. I don't think you know how much danger you are dealing with. You are important, you are valuable, but you are not invincible. Please take care of yourself.

  • There is always somewhere to go even if you go with the police after you call them. There is ALWAYS somewhere to go, including you being in the hospital. Angry people will keep up their behavior until they think they have won, even if there is nothing to win.

    And there you will be, the "collateral damage" in the hosital. YOU are as important as he is, but you are not looking after yourself.

    No neighbor is going to turn down a police officer's request if he/she asks if you can stay with them over night on the sofa.....or after they arrest him and you change the keys while he's in jail.

    He may be able to finally overcome his fear, anxiety, bulliness, and anger. You are never going to over come your scars. You are not his mother nor his care keeper.

    You were given one body to care for as a gift - -yours.

    Find a place to stay before this happens again. Please.

  • I know you are worried. But figure it out while you are calm enough to write this, you could be calling a crisis number for information. Bless you.

  • You know your situation best. I've had two experiences of similarly situations to share in case they help below.

    First of all. If in your gut you sense the relationship is abusive, manipulating or controlling or especially if the violence is escalating then please seek help at a women's refuge even if it's just for advice and a long chat about the situation. If it did come to it, lots of brave women walk away with nothing and eventually go on to live safe, happy new lives. There is financial support to rebuild your life.

    My two experiences

    My Dad is bipolar and had alcohol issues and he used to behave like that to my mum. It never became life threatening but it has emotionally scarred me for life, I had to tiptoe around trying not to set his rage off, but invariably failed as he would behave horribly or I was clumsy. It was never ever my fault. It took me a long time to believe that and not feel guilty. It's the cause of my anxiety issues to this day I believe, growing up not having a environment that felt safe and loving. It's not a good environment to be in such negativity and will be affecting you emotionally. As a kid you don't have a choice, as an adult you do.

    My second husband has stress issues from physical and emotional abuse as a child and the early loss of his mum. He loses his temper, a lot. But I have to say he's never, ever thrown stuff at me (or even around) it's not a blind rage its shouty ranty, saying nasty things. He calms down very quickly. After a particularly bad incident, at a time when he was calm and contrite I told him he had to get an anger/stress management course or I would need to think seriously about staying in the relationship, because I wasn't able to cope emotionally with the difficult behaviour he was displaying. He did to my surprise accept he had an issue, actually sign up and go. He's still the same person and we do still have rows and shout at each other but he has got better at accepting what I say when I tell him he's stressed, listening and taking steps to address the issue earlier.

    If you genuinely 100% know you are not at risk and the behaviour is moderate you could try that approach. But if he refuses to acknowledge there is an issue, agrees but then does nothing, or indirectly blames you then any of that's the signal you need to go, and quickly. I think my husband was quite atypical in doing this but is quite emotionally intelligent.

    Hope this is food for thought in your thinking and decision making.

  • He does think that it is anxiety/stress related and has started trying to find ways to work on it because he wants to try to control it with out medications, he started going to the gym, and runs. It had actually been over a year since the last time he had gotten that mad, and he recently stopped working out/running. I don't blame him with not wanting the meds. I wish I could stop taking some of the meds I'm on. I believe with 100% that I am not at risk of being hurt. He feels horrible about it accidently happening. He apologizes every time he sees the scab on my leg and you can see the sadness and almost years forming in his eyes because he hurt me and he never ment to.

  • It sounds like he's trying hard. I do think after this incident he needs to seek professional help as welk though to learn in the moment techniques and address root causes. Whether that's a course or talking therapy.

    Good luck but always stay safe and keep an eye on your own emotional well-being first and foremost.


  • I will. I usually can get him to calm down before anything happens. This was one of the few times I didn't catch it early enough. "Once a nurse, always a nurse" the eyes in the back of the head my mom was always talking about grew in before I became a mom.

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