It's been a while...I hope I'm not jinxing things...

[Nic1194]

I don't usually write blog posts because I'm one of those people who feel like they're dumping everything on everyone and I don't want to do that. But recently has been pretty good, from the perspective of a person with quite severe anxiety issues.

So last time I did write something, it was about not knowing what to do since I'd left college, well I can be honest, I haven't moved forward too much- i still have no idea what I want to do, but I am out of the house a bit more.

Around 6 weeks ago, I was looking through my local newspaper and saw a small story about a new charity shop opening just up the road from me (20 minute walk, less than 5 minute drive). They were looking for volunteers. It was a split second decision to work on my CV, which I did. Anyway, long story short, and after talking myself in and out of the decision numerous times, I asked my mum to drive me one Sunday afternoon. Again, to cut out the boring bits, I got the volunteer work. On my first day, it was strange at how un-nervous I was (that's not a word but who cares), maybe it was because I was more bothered about getting up at half 7 after sleeping in until nearly 10 o clock for 6 months. Within half an hour I had connected with my boss and she was so helpful and nice, though she didn't know hardly anything about my issues.

Well, yesterday (tuesday) was my 7th day/4 week there. I do two full days a week and am absolutely loving it. I'm talking to co-workers, making conversation with customers, and of course learning new skills. Obviously, having anxiety issues like mine make small tasks a lot more difficult, such as asking certain customer question and especially til work. I'm getting much more used to it now, but I panic when the customer has more than 3 items.

Another small milestone was in my second week; my mum was at work early and would be unable to drive me, so I would have to walk there. I was dreading it, I actually think I dreaded walking it more than I dreaded my first day. Without going into too much detail, I was terrible that morning getting ready to walk. My stomach was doing flips, I could hardly eat anything, I was gagging brushing my teeth and all the usual symptoms were heightened tenfold. I psyched myself up, left my house and just got out of my housing estate before I though about turning around, but no, I pushed, plugged in my ipod (one headphone, I am a safe person) and put up my hood- despite it being a warmish day. I did it! The joy and relief I felt when I walked into the shop was so great, and bigger than anything I'd felt in weeks.

I've now walked 3 mornings and don't dread it as much anymore. There is also a 'Spar' shop on the same area as the charity shop and we regularly have to go for change or milk or tea for our many drinks. One morning, we were out of milk and so I offered to go - another big thing for anxiety sufferers - I did that too. Yes, it was small, and I knew where to go straight to the milk, but it was one more thing on my list.

So things are looking up a little. But, as with anything, I'm having thoughts run through my mind that bring me down. It's the same feeling as school (well less depressing than school), but basically i feel that, because I know I have to go, it's a routine and something I know. So, I've gotten used to it. But if someone asked me to do something else, I'm unsure if I could, or if I actually wanted to get a paid job, I'm worried that I wouldn't handle interviews or a new environment. Anyway, that's a problem for another day. I'm just glad I'm finally out of the house and getting even a slight bit better. Small steps, slow and steady, and all that jazz.

I just hope it carries on and I don't fall too hard along the way.

Hoping all my readers are ok. Stay positive. Peace. Xx

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi,

Really happy things are going well for you. I'm sure you're not jinxing anything, it's good to acknowledge the positives. You start off by taking baby steps which then turn into big leaps. Best of luck for the future.

xx

[Nic1194 in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Hello, Thank you.

You're exactly right about the small steps. Thank you again, and best of luck to you too. xx

[fadedlizard]

Hi Nic,

Lovely to hear from you and with such good news too You're doing so well.

I had over a year off work with anxiety and depression and getting a job in a local chariety shop was the best move I made. It got me out of the house, reinvigorated my cv and gave me the confidence and support I needed to start applying for paid jobs when I was ready. It was a fabulous stepping stone on my road to recovery and I'm sure it will be for you too.

Good luck and keep in touch,

Love,

Lizard.xx

[Nic1194 in reply to fadedlizard]

Hello Lizard,

It does make a change to my usual posts. Thank you so much. That's so good to hear, and like you say, it really does improve a lot of aspects, including CV's and personal skills, especially confidence. I'm glad it worked out for you.

Thanks, best wishes to you.

I shall, you too.

Love, Nic. xx

[Bigtonyd]

Getting out and about meeting new people will help with your confidnece it will take a while but as things go on with out problem you may feel more comfertable going for interviews.

Its good to get things out in the open and let people support you. I was getting in a bad way before i posted on here all my thoughts kept too my self going around my head was just making me worse.

Keep it up and stick too it the more you do the more you feel you can do.