I'm sorry if I seem like a downer...😕 I'm just scared about life right now.

[Pinky0]

I'm too old to be stuck here with my parents, they don't care that my anxiety and depression are getting worse. Talking to my family is a big joke. I know my parents are getting old (over 60s) and I don't mind helping them and looking after them. Even though they always turn around and say I don't do anything for them. The thing they do not realise is that that I am an adult, a human and I have literally made the biggest sacrifice for them by not going out to have a nice life or try to live on my own terms. I do get that they are concerned that I will do the bad things two of my older sisters have done in the past but I'm nothing like them. I feel sick and tired and alone. It's just so difficult.

[blackcat64013]

Hi PinkyO,

Why do you choose to stay living with your parents?

Let’s face it, no matter how old you are, lectures about one thing or the other from parents will never go away as long as you’re under their roof. The arrangement comes with sacrifices, mostly on your part.

Ask yourself, who am I? Whom do I want to be? Who are my friends? What are my priorities? Is this arrangement good for my mental health and wellbeing? How can I continue to help and look after them if I move away?

The positive is that if you move out to pursue your own ambitions and dreams, you may well be feeling so much better about life in general.

[Pinky0 in reply to blackcat64013]

I don't really choose to stay with them. I tried asking my sister once who I get along with to try convince my parents to help me move out and live and learn by myself and at first my sister thought it was a good idea, but my sister got brainwashed by my mum because she said I'm up to something bad and I'm influenced by someone etc etc. And my sister started agreeing with mum. My sister knows I would never do anything bad so it was really shocking when she threw it all back at me.

[Nicki1984 in reply to Pinky0]

It's a shame the people who should want the best for you are holding you back. Take that big step on your own don't wait for someone else's approval. If you need support and advice ask us. You may also find citizens advice helpful. What's the main thing that is stopping you from going to find your ow place? Please don't be afraid of what others will think your not here to please others even your parents x

[Pinky0 in reply to Nicki1984]

My older sister pretty much ruined my chances of these things, she had too much freedom from the early 00's and lived in about 4 or 5 different places around england and had good jobs in the media. Now she has messed up her life she is depressed, she pushes scares my family away because of her attitude. She's had so many chances from my parents and she's been bad to them. I absolutely believe she is the reason my mom doesn't trust me and thinks I will do the same things. I wouldn't say this to my mom because yes it will upset her but it will also set off her mind and she'll do something a bit crazy. She can't take it if I start telling her what I really think.

[Nicki1984 in reply to Pinky0]

That's a shame. But whatever the reason for the way your parents are with you it's now for you to take control of your life. I guess it's finding the confidence and motivation to do so. We can only blame others for so long but ultimately you have responsibility and choice to what happens next. What is actually stopping you from going to find your own place to live to get out there on your own. Make some appointments to view flats, save up a deposit. You don't have to continue living the way that you are. You choose x

[Pinky0 in reply to Nicki1984]

I would have the confidence and motivation if they ever said to me Ok we want to help you get on with your life by yourself and we will help you find a place for yourself! I definitely need my familys help and support if im going to do that. But unfortunately it's a big joke thinking that's ever going to happen. I tried to ask them but as usual there is a big argument and the next day they've forgotten about it.

[Nicki1984 in reply to Pinky0]

How old are you? Do you have a job and control over your own finances? You can do this on your own you just need to get the courage to do so. X

[Pinky0 in reply to Nicki1984]

I am financially independent and don't ask anyone for money but I don't have much, near enough to buy home etc, that's why I wish my so called family would help me. I also do voluntary work to get out there. Its easy to say I should just go out and leave and have the courage but its more difficult than that. If I just walked out and said bye they will all say rubbish like somebody is leading me on and Im being badly influenced by someone or I am talking to someone online...which is ridiculous because I know I'm an adult not an idiot. Oh and course my mum would have her attack or something and cry and all that and refuse to eat etc etc but at the same time say awful things about me and wouldn't once think about if she did something wrong...

My 2 sisters on different occasions f'ed up by running away a few times with people we don't know years back. I GET they don't want me to do that and I NEVER would because I'm not stupid. They don't care about my future and I'm just here to hang around my parents all day. I do have health problems with my heart and if they see that as a concern, fine, but it shouldn't stop me from having a life like every single person in the world who isn't me. That's how it feels like I am the only person to be going through this. I can't even talk to people properly anymore. Just dead inside.

[Pinky0 in reply to Pinky0]

Well okay I'm sure they do care about my future but I'm saying that nothing is being done about it and I can't do anything even though I desperately want to.

[Nicki1984 in reply to Pinky0]

Sounds hard. You have a lot of emotional ties it does not have to be black and white though. You should be able to leave home and live independently and still have a relationship with your family. Easier said than done I guess. Maybe counselling would help you figure things out? Good luck to you. We are always here for advice should you decide to take your next step x