Losing hope

[leehow79]

A visit 2 hospital 4 xray 4 suspected pnumonia then a visit 2 drs 4 meds 4 stomache ulcer, cnt eat, cnt sleep, cnt relax + am losing it, dr said that phyciatric ward rnt takin any1 in no room, live in burnley + wld hav 2 go ormskirk (bloody miles away) is the nhs that bad at the moment. dr said meds wont work 4 my anxiety as can still feel it through major tranquilisers + diazepam, said my anxiety is so bad that meds will only work if they give me enough 2 knock me out were i am unconcios + they wont prescribe that amount. only put my antideptessants up a very small amount, asked 4 them higher but said hav 2 do it gradualy bcause of my history wiv reactin 2 meds so the dose im on is minute, gonna take about 5mnths now 2 get me on the dose required. drs + crisis team dnt know wot 2 do wiv me so sighned me off after 3mnths not gettin anywere. my recently diagnosed 14yr old daughter is bein tested 2morrow by the early intervention phyciatric team 4 phycosis. im bein looked after by my mum who as a life time of metal hlth probs + this is the tip of the iceburg blieve me wen i say theres hell of a lot more + anxiety origanily started wen i found my baby wiv a ligament tied round her neck cause of school phobia but has now moved 2 a medical school. it killed me 2 go through this wiv my baby, never flt pain like it, jst want 2 b better 4 her as she has 2 live wiv her dad 4 now. am i cursed? is my family cursed?

[Hidden]

lee my love , you are not cursed & neither is your family , you are not very well hun & you have to be kind to yourself

I no & understand you are finding it hard to eat , but all the strong meds you are on , you need to try a little something or you will feel worse , even if its a biscuite , please try , how ever small , it will help , try something little & often

I dont like the sound that the team have signed you of because they dont no what to do with you ???there job is to help you , I would ask for another opinion on that , it sounds a disgrace & yes the NHS doesnt seem to do as much as they used to , its not just you hun they mess about

Try not to worry about your daughter , her Dad is there for her & she knows you love her & she is going to get some help now , so that is a good thing , you will get better , it will take time , but you will be there for your daughter when you are well again

You are a lovely person , where is that sense of humour we started to see , i look forward to it coming back

Love

whywhy

xxx

[leehow79]

Thanku so much whywhy. hav managed 2 eat 2day + now on a combination of meds 4 the ulcer so hopfully shld start feelin better soon. only 4 mnths ago i was only on 1 med a day (my antidepressants) + now im rattling like a gud 1, know i hav 2 take them 2 get better but hopfully if i do i can stop most of them + jst take the antidepressant. im also still smokin wiv suspected pnumonia but finding so difficult not 2 wiv the anxiety. whywhy u r definatly right about the nhs, i know were i live theyre stretched but its no exuce 2 leave mentaly ill people in such a desperate state, wen my mum was like me wen growing up they used 2 put her streight in hospital 4 like 12mnths once but they wnt even do it now 4 her. if i do hav 2 go in hospital it wld b 30-40 miles away. im not suprised at the suicide toll wen mentaly ill people r lft in such a state. sorry 4 thr rant lol. really hope u r not feelin 2 bad whywhy.x

[vickisim]

Hi Lee how,

Im so sorry to hear that your going through a rough time of it at the moment.

I realise that my reply is a bit long, but i hope it might help.. Ahem, are u sitting comfortably.......!

I have been through what your describing and I know how hard it can be to try and elevate yourself above all the panic and fearful imaginings that can escalate things in your mind.

I overcame extreme anxiety and depression, that I was experiencing on and off for ten years and I wanted to share some of the ideas and action I took to overcome this.

Here are some steps I found to elevate myself out of bad situations and feelings and anxiety, That I have found successful.

Try to remember that ultimately you can control your mind. Imagine that your mind is a computer or a horse. You programme in the instructions your brain follows. If you find your mind is running out of control, like a wild horse, that is fighting or flighting, then you can take control of the reigns, or if your more scientific minded you can reprogramme your mental pc with some fresh software downloads and reprogramme it mentally (and subsequently emotionally too) with positive affirmations.

Your mind cannot hold two conflicting thoughts at the same time. So if you find yourself panicking over negetive fearful thoughts, replace each negetive thought or worry with a positive opposite affirmation.

Eg. If your worried about going out or panicking, over a situation or someone you know, Replace each negetive with a positive.

Like..... " I cant cope and feel out of control " , replace with.... "I am safe I am calm and feel my body and mind becoming more relaxed with each breathe, ....... I trust in the universe, All will be well, I relax and let go and know all will be well.........."

"Fun, creative solutions, to my problems, come easily to mind, "or visualisations, come easily to me in dreams or meditation".....

Especially if you combine this with breathing meditations, Qi gong or Tai Chi or Yoga moving meditations. and some positive tranqile visualisations.

It is helpful to think that you are like a ship, if you are steering your self or your mind towards some rocky wavey seas, then you have to steer it towards a safer harbour and calmer tranquil seas.

Or visualising a sunny Summer golden meadow with flowers and smells and sensations like a warm breeze and blue azure skies. Visualising yourself laying in the warm sun and your body becoming warm and relaxed.

Whilst breathing in through the nose, to the count of four, holding it for two or four, and exhaling through the mouth for four .

Just focus on the breathe going in and out and let any transient thoughts flow just observing, and letting go. Feel yourself and your body relaxing more and more and feeling like warm fllowing sensations into the ground.

Imagine some clouds or colourful mists floating in the sky,

Any colours you feel drawn to visualise... The warmer colours of and yellow are more stimulating Blues and turqouises are calming and cooling.

Remember if your mind is panicking, just gently steer its awareness to something more positive, like a lovely scene or picture or some music, or going outside and being in nature.

Nature is very healing, well we all came from the life in nature and I believe the Earth is living planet, that does grow us and also does heal us. Feel your senses and body absorbing and being absorbed in nature, calmed and nurtured and safe and warm. Gazing at nature or becoming focused or absorbed in anything else , eg walking tai chi or yoga, or swimming, or painting, music etc, are all more positive, healing mental and emotional nourishing activities, than just letting your mind go in circles , re running old defunct fears and programmes. Its just like giving it a new sign post and path out of the old.

If there has been family patterns of anxiety or psychosis then there are often triggering traumas or escalating anger and panic that can spread and be absorbed and affected by others we are in close proximity or live with.

I personally dont feel it is just genetic. ,.......Everybody must have sat on a bus or a train next to someone agitated and fidgety or angery etc and it does affect us energetically I feel.

We are only human, we all go through everyone one of us, difficult times , crisis, grief trauma, that can knock us off our feed and leave us reeling and not our normal happy calm selves. Its ok to feel out of control and not perfect,

Society seems to pressure us so much these days to be, some regimented neurotic obsessive slave, to societies often dysfunctional notions, that we all have to be the same or highly functioning multi tasking career women, have an amazing job, money...... etc Well, we live in a society actually economically oppressive actually

It is a challenge to stay calm at the best of times, and there are people out there who have nannys and huge wages who dont cope, without an attendant, hair stylist in towe !,.so big yourself up woman, and dont be so hard on yourself.!

Do fun things for yourself, go walking with your daughter, do a cooking course, get some aromatherapy oils,/ or a massage, book up a yoga or Qi Gong class.

Set goals for your future, to give u something postivie to look foraward to. a new positive sign post in a new direction in your life s path.

Step back and praise yourself, say well things are stormy right now, but I am ok, I am doing the best i can, in each moment it will get easier ..... I have lots of options and can take any action I feel is good for me, to feel safe and calmer.

safe. and accept yourself as a caring sensitive woman who deserves to feel peaceful anc calm and loved and supported.

Love yourself and be kind to yourself. Imagine you were giving a good friend some positive words or encouragement, Do this and say the same to yourself

Try to remember that you can share your concerns and worries, mental health nhs peeps, and have a right to be listen to, understood, and also deserve to be respected and cared about. If you are isolated ask if there are any support groups you can join to be with locally,

So you dont feel too overwhelmed or alone, Its good to make friends and know your not alone in what you are going through.

If or feel on the edge and are suffering, or living with unresolved issues from childhood or a traumatic time. You need some support and have a right to ask for it.

If you are reacting or have always reacted badly to meds, then try looking at other options with your GP like other nutrional supplements or meditation. Do a bit of research on the options of meditation or NLP or hypnosis.

If your medication isnt working or is making you worse then you have a right to be given alternatives, not just left to suffer bad reactions on meds. GP if they are intelligent at all, will realise the vast array of helpful activities, (meditation etc) and supplements that can really help.

Its not enough, if ur still suffering, ......They cant just label you as this or that and ,just give u a pill, label u as this or that disorder, and not remember that they are there and its their responsibiity and job to help you. Its not good enough, if the medication doesnt work or makes u worse. .......... If it makes u worse or they know ur badlyreactive to medsThey need to take u off it and try somegthing else. Or else they are not looking out for ur safety or mental health at all and shouldnt be in a caring responsible job...........

SO many people experience periods of depression or break downs in life. We are all human and go through emotionally and mentally challenging and at times overwhelming experiences. We need more realistic successful, concrete help and guidance on the fine arts of healing mind, than just a pill or a psych report or assessment......

Some we often supress and re experience, when we go through something similar ..... later on. This doestn mean you are a nutter or psychotic, in my view these are slightly unhelpful presumptions and limiting at best. It simply means you havent as yet been given the coping tools or directions out of the tangled wood you are in towards the sunshine.

Tare an adult who has been through a lot and actually people who are emotionally empathic or sensitive often become overwhelmed So try to remember to be gentle on yourself and know that you can control an out of control mind with all the techniques and actions I have expressed above......

By giving your conciousness a shift to a new focus on some other view point, from the limiting one you are in currently, to a more positive one.. (Im thinking of that song atm ........."Always look on the bright side of life! in the Life of Brian lol)

.....You can let go of some heavey mental dross, stepping out of the dark of unkowing what to do or where you are, in order to step out into the light. Where you can see in reality not ur minds imaginings where you really actually are, and where you are going. And actually realise u can be safe and calm.

it a fresh focus on something positive ou distract your midn and give it a direction out of going in circles with ever increasing worries! Which we can all do. Its just like having an out of control horse, you just have to feel calm and know that its just panicking and gently reign it in and steer it to a calmer place.

Its also important You have to feed your mind the right nutrients and activities , aswell as your body, for it and your body to function and respond, well, neurologically and psychologically/ mentally and emotionally.

If you get stressed a lot you will probably benefit from eating the B vitamins, / marmite etc eggs, lentils, and foods with magnesium,calcium, Zinc fresh veggies , and nurtuing foods for the adrenal glands. and brain like oily fish, and evening primrose. tuna, natural foods booste serotonin or calm feelings like porridge oats chamomile tea, and putting drops of lavender , or frankinsense, and ylang ylang and neroli, essential oils in the bath or in a massage oil

If your feeding your body and brain with all the nutrients and water (maybe mineral water for a while as this carries nutrients better.) it needs then your mood and mental functioning is a lot better.

Try cutting down or out sugary glucose, or foods with artificial additives etc as these have been known and I have found had an adverse affect on my mood and caused me physical anxiety. .......

Also if you suffer from depression, try foods like bananas, dark chocolate, blue berries in fact all berries are great, Tuna cottage cheese and any other naturall serotonin boosters!

Well I really hope this helps you some, I know its very long! I got carried away and couldnt stop writing! . And I know how awful it can feel going through all of the crazy thoughts and fears and panic that I went through and how I would have been so grateful for some concstructive direction to help me out when I was going through it. So I really hope it helps

Try to remember ur only human and life can be challenging sometimes, its natural and its just how things can feel sometimes, but thoughts are as transient as clouds passing over the sun, The sun still shines on another day.. and there is always a more positive horizon than were u currently think u are to where u will and can be a few days weeks or months from now.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and life can and does get better and happier if u take a few simple steps and take good care of urself and be kind to urself. The universe has a way of shifting us out the old un helpful patterns into a more positive way of being.

I hope you feel better soon x

[leehow79]

Thnku paddy but dnt know wot PWP or IAPTS is

[leehow79]

Thanku so much vickisim, a lot of hlpfull advice im goin 2 definatly try bcause i need 2 do somthin + not gettin anywere wiv the professionals. im also on such a low dose of antidepressants, i asked GP yesyerday 2 up the dose more but he wldnt so now its gonna take mnths 2 build up 2 the rite dose, i know ive had bad reactions 2 a lot of meds but i havnt had a problem yet wiv these + dnt want 2 wait 4 about 4mnths 2 b on a suitable dose. Sorry 2 rant on but im the exact same that i get carried away writing but i reslly do apreciate the time u took 2 reply 2 my blog. kindest regards leeanne.x

[ilsonbunny in reply to leehow79]

Hi luv. you sound like you are at your lowest at the moment. The only way is up.

You may look into contacting PALS thats Patient Advice Liason Service for your area.I have used them many times in fighting corners for people not happy with the Health Care they are recieving. I really do hope you find the strengh which I know you have as a Mother to carry your lovely Daughter to ease her pain. The strengh IS in there inside you !! Your mind is such a powerful tool but it is fighting you all the time. The fact is You can change your thoughts and take back control. I know that as a Mother you would throw yourself in the path of a truck or take a Bullet to save your Daughter. You dont need to make such a sacrifice. Your fears and thoughts will not harm you they are merely pulling your strings.

I wish both you and your Daughter all the best and hope you soon have the relationship you deserve xx

[zenlag]

Oh God, how I understand you predicament! Having been in a similar place to you, it took me three whole years to work out how to cope with all the physical and psychological problems that presented themselves when I was at my weakest and lowest. At the end of the 3 years I was so weak physically and mentally, I simply gave up and just went "with it". If the worst happened so be it! That's how low I got! But the strangest thing happened. In giving in to the "worse that could happen" the opposite occured! Once I'd accepted heading for "mental oblivion", I found that it sort of released me from the terror and horror that I was fearing. My exerience is that to simply give up and give in actually releases the negativity in mind and body and one actually begins to get better. I do so hope this is the case for you as I know how devastating your life is at the moment.

Zenlag

[leehow79]

Thanku so much zenlag. glad 2 hear ur feelin better