Missed my first granddaughters birth

I honestly thought I had my anxiety under some sort of control until friday night, my daughter went into labour with my first grandchild, I sat with her until midnight as I was her birthing partner, I felt fine, came home as the midwife said it was gona b a long night, got a call to return as things moved quickly, suddenly a panic attack came over me from nowhere, cold sweats, dizzy and intense vomiting, I tried to soldier on as my daughter needed me, on the way I had to stop to vomit again at the side of the road, I cdnt go thru with it so her partners mum stepped in, I now hava feelin of intense guilt, sadness and feel I let my daughter dwn wen she needed me the most, iv cried everyday since, the feelings of bein useless is overwhelming, I cant shift the guilt 😢


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5 Replies

  • Im guessing your daughter knows you have this anxiety? Talk to her; im positive she will be understanding; its not your fault! Don't beat yourself up; you at least tried hard,and thankfully the partners mum was there; it shows the strength of having such an anxiety disorder; after all, i doubt your daughter would have wanted you throwing up over the baby! You really mustn't feel guilty; get as much help as you can re your anxiety, ; and try to move forward;there will be many times when you can support your daughter; but your health problems are hard to control, so don't worry any more. xx

  • She does understand but I was so embarrassed I said it was a bug.......we have a strong relationship and she keeps telkin me not to worry but I cant help feel I let her down wen she needed me the most, she was scared and I know she needed me but this debilitating illness prevented me from bein there, my husband said the fact she was scared but seen it thru without havin pain relief shows iv brought up a strong woman but I dont feel very strong atm, im just wrecked with guilt xx

  • I am in your shoes , so to speak. The dread of the physical feelings of anxiety prevent me from doing alot of things. Lets be honest about this one. It was NOT you having the baby. WHere does it say mum's have to " be there", and honestly, you were present for the birth of YOUR daughter, so you did YOUR job. Let your daughter do her job. Love yourself, we can do what we can do. I am struggling with this about another subject right now. I have had 10 days from hell ( IN MY MIND) about an event I HAVE to go to tomorrow morning.( COURT,for a druggie who stole something from my home) been sick at the stomach, shaking and don't understand the intense physical symptoms or why any of my thoughts about this get me so physically freaked out. I HAVE to go tomorrow, and how awful for me to have made myself as sick as I am over this. I am a cartoon of myself right now. My logical brain says, " its a ride in the car, to go to an office building where the court is, with people I don't know, in the legal system, for something I did not have anything to do with , and I am not in trouble. You would think I was going to the gallows..............anyone else know what I am going through?

  • Yes, Indigo,and Sillie, I am like that with anything I HAVE TO DO. When I have a doc. appointment it has to be the first one in the morning, or I won't be able to wait, I will have to get out of there. My FEAR makes my stomach go crazy. People say ... Breath, its the Fear and Anxiety, My mom had all this Fear and anxiety too, She belonged to a Therapy Class for many years, She would tell me its Distressing , but not Dangerous, very true, But when it goes straight to your stomach and you don't think you can make it to the bathroom, That would be pure embarrassing And unbearable, I absolutely get soooo sick with in a min. or two, that I have to run to the bathroom. And that doesn't take it away, cuz than I am so embarrassed, That works on my mind, what if, what if I have to run back again, what if ???? And then automatically you have to , keep running back !!! For at least 55 years I have been this way. Missed out on going many places. FEAR IS AS THEY SAY PARALYZING !!! And I still can't find a way to help it much. Soooo Though I'm not telling you what CAN help you, I am telling you, Your not alone, thousands of us have this kind of problem, in different ways, And not easily, but we change our lives around, and find a way to cope with it, just like people that have other illnesses, or disabilities. Pat yourself on the back when you accomplish some thing that is very hard for you, and forgive yourself, when you just can't do it :( YOU ARE HUMAN !! We TRY and WE do the BEST we can. Thats all we can do. People that truly care about us UNDERSTAND, and people that don't ???? Who cares how they feel about it ?? Hence the old saying , Don't judge me Til you walk a mile in my shoes :) Smile :) enjoy the good things in your life, and let the disappointing things go, YOU can't change them . Good Luck :)

  • Don't get your self down Hun you tried your best and the dreadful anxiety took over you that's not your fault honest it's a devil, big congratulations as well,xxx

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