Lost my job

Hi guys ...yes I lost my job.I am a victim.but primarily a surviver.

Oficially I v been sacked for bad references..but that s not the truth..it s a complicated story but I m not going to discuss it in details..I ve been sacked,I m not mentally stable.It was a miracle when last year I found a job near home as I was coming out a massive breakdown that left me agorophobic with Gad..and now it might be difficult to find another one cause I ll have to explain that I lost this one for bad references and it might be difficult to obtain house and benefit as well.I m screwed.no job,no health and I might be homeless soon..it s so hard and is difficult to hold back my tears..I need to find strength and be grounded I know..but why always me..why now..my head can t stop thinking..I worried I m going to loose my mind


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21 Replies

  • O hun , so sorry love , & Goverment sending unwell people back to work , are going to make this a regular story & then they are going to have to sort that mess out !!!!

    I no its easy for me to say , but try & stay in the day with this hun , make a plan to get support , GP , CAB , your local MP if you need to , debt line , look them all up , speak & see everyone & anyone , one at a time , make them listen , get on here & rant cry whatever you feel & let us support you , knowing that people care what happening & understand your anxiety

    Please dont sit back & take this , start tomorrow making those calls

    Let us no how you go on




  • Hi whywhy

    I m scared of all of those phone calls they will give headache and mounts of stress as you can imagine ..but I will let them hear my voice.Next to me I have a wonderful partner that supports me..but he will be at work during the week and so I will be bymyself do deal with those horrible people out there..I will try my best to stay grounded but I don t know if I can make it..You know?for some people will always be difficult and I m one of those..thank you for your support...please god help me to get through this..

  • Hun , i no , have to go to GP tomorrow ok different thing , but I struggle comunicating , to , but I no I have to push myself

    Remember they cant see you , its a voice , I prefer that to having to actually see someone ....they cant hurt you & wont judge , they will get phone calls like this every day , dont take every one on all at once , sit & think which is the first you need to speak to & deal with that , sometimes some things wont resolve without us getting help , its a stuggle it makes us ill doing it , but has to be done

    When you talk about difficult , i feel that way to , different thing again , but i have high cholesterol , loads of people do , I have ended up with cholesterol deposits on my eye lids that are starting to take over my every thought , I sit & think well has to be me , why not everyone else ...thing is there will be others , just not met them & as it is me , i have to do something , whats the alternative , living with something that will send me mad or speaking up ...hard as it is , i will have to speak up , as i am mad enough lol

    With you , if you sit you could loose everything , if you start to speak up , things could get resolved

    Take each day , just set a small task with this , to do , & before you no it , this black cloud will pass over

    I am pleased you have a partner there , ok he is gone in the day but there is support there & I am sure he will give you a hug at the end of each day

    Use the site during the day time , everyone will support you so you dont feel so alone

    You will get through this , no one is a loss cause on here , even though we feel like it at times

    Let me no how it goes




  • Thank you whywhy I will follow your suggestions to don t get overwhelmed...Thank you from my heart cxx

  • We are all here love , we will help & you will get through it , take Roses advice , she is very very wise when it comes to how to deal with things, especially things like this


  • Oh hun, I'm so so sorry!!!! But - I dont know the details, obviously, but I don't think you can be denied benefits because of "bad references" - whatever that means!!!! Do as Whywhy so wisely suggests, hun, go to see the CAB first, they are usually brilliant, they'll talk/support you through the whole process, but DO get onto the Jobcentre and claim unemployment ASAP - they only date your claim from the day you make it, so the sooner you claim, the more you'll get! :) I do understand a bit, hun, been there, done that, got the T shirt - but you WILL get through this, I did!

    Ring the Jobcentre on Monday, and make an appt at the CAB just to check your position.

    And rant on here as much as you like, we're all here for you, hun.

    good luck, and big hugs



  • Oh thank you Rose

    I m glad I can come here and be myself with all my fears and depression moments!!I know i can count on you guys and this is great,cause at the moment i don t have any other support.

    I booked CAB is for 21 march ouch! And I will contact job centre tomorrow..I will keep you updated ..I can t go through this bymyself.Thank you again and again and again.xxx

  • hi train, im sorry to hear of your troubles. i quit my job coz it was causing me so much stress. i went to my gp and he gave me a sick note as i cant leave the house or talk on the phone without feeling like im going to have a heart attack. my partner is so supportive and has gone to council and done the phone calls pretending to be me. im waiting to hear about benifit but am dreading the medical i already know im not going to attend but am still freaking out about, if that makes sense. i didnt think employers could give bad references but mine realy fucked me over, giving every job i applied for after giving my notice a bad impression of me. went to interviews thinking i done ok, silly me i should have realised what she was like. oh well what goes around comes around. i wish you all the luck in the world xxx

  • Sorry to interupt Trains post but cookie , how is the painting going on ;)



  • its going oh so slowly, it took michaelangelo 4 years to do the ceiling so im fine lol xxx

  • Made me laugh


  • Hi Cookie,

    Last year I left my job because it was causing me too much stress,but I found an excuse to my employer and i left with a regular one month notice.I was going bonkers and I had a sick note from the Gp cause I really Couldn t leave my house anymore,takng any form of transports,and I had panick attacks all the time even in my house when I was left on my own,I was obviously not fit for work My life was a total nightmare..triggered for too much stress tgat this job was giving me.

    The fact that u left your job and u gave a regular notice should not give a bad impression to your future employer.u might have your reason for that,like you didn t like it or for health reason but in this case it would be discrimination.and also if u think your previous employer gave a reference about you that is inappropriate and not true u can take them to tribunal for discrimination and ask damages cause since then u Couldn t find a job..

    Thank you for your post .i realize now that there are far too many bad people out there and yes bad references can ruin our life.



  • And also yes I made the same mistake I thought I was ok for those people but obviously they disagree with me..

  • Try not to worry too much Train, we are behind you all the way. If you are not fit for work then you are sick, simple as that. You have really struggled and maybe a break is what you need. Treat it as one anyway, a chance to catch up with yourself and claim what you are entitled to. I'm glad you have a partner too, someone to lean on and talk to. Go to doc's if you haven't already done so and ring the job centre . You may even be able to fill your forms in on-line! a lot do these days . If you really struggle ask for a home visit. You are entitled to one. That's a start for today love. You could check the job centre protocol out today and write a plan of action? Lots of love x Ella x

  • Hi Ella

    Hope u re ok hun.I was talking about last year.Do u remember few months ago I started to work again but now I ve been sacked cause the people that I was working for ,which made me sick,gave bad references about me to my new employer.So I ve lost my job for untrue bad references...liares!!!xxxx

  • hii again, your right about there being bad people out there. she was something else my employer, encouraging gossip between staff creating dramas. she never liked me so thought she would be glad i left but to deliberatley go out of her way to stop me getting another job is too much. i have never hated anyone until now and its not a nice feeling. i was bloody good at my job and its so unfair, i totally empathise with what you are going through. xxx

  • Hi Cookie

    I thought I was the only one in here going through this..I was very good in my job as well..



  • Oh dear! Isn't that illegal? surely they can't still just get rid of people on others refs if they have already set you on? No wonder you have to go to CAB! That should sort the nasty pasty out. I know you both have legal stuff on your mind but put your health at the top of the list and think before you speak about any of this in the big ,bad world. Lots of Love x Ella x

  • Hi Ella

    My health is much better then last year,not fully recovered yet.as I said it was a miracle I went to work again ,managing to get out of the house everyday i felt really blessed.and now I m back home bymyself with no work.I know my health comes first and that s what I m concerned about..I will take on board your suggestion Ella of being careful before I speak out in this world and this is the dilemma ..well I m scared..but at the same time I need to clear my employment past from this liares before I get out to look for a new job that not many people will be willing to give me..why u left your job?well I ve been dismissed for bad references but that s not the true!!who s going to give me job?in this stupid world???;-(

    This is the problem now hun..I have to stay calm or I m gona loose my mind..

  • Hi Train,

    What an absolute nightmare.

    I know all you want to do is hide under the duvet. I'm not surprised. I would too. You have done so well, getting yourself back to work, turning up everyday and doing the job (not easy when you're returning from such a long break) and then this comes along and knocks you clean off your feet.

    However you very badly need to get advice as I am not sure that you have been treated fairly or even legally. I am not an expert on employment law in any way but I do know there are rules and regulations about references and what you can say about people. Also as an employer I would expect to have seen the references during the interview process. I would not expect to put myself in the situation of dismissing someone who had already begun working for me on the basis of information I should have had before I employed them. Obviously I don't know your situation, Train but this seems very odd.

    There is a lot of fab advice above but I would ring the CAB and ask if they can bring your appointment forward. Also explain to the JobCentre exactly what has happened and see if they can guide you towards better advice.

    Do not give up, love.

    You will get through this and you will get back to work - with people who truely value you for who you are.

    Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.



  • Dear Train80,

    I am sorry to read that you are going through difficult times. I wish you well.

    Kindest regards,


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